hey readers! im so sorry about how long it's been! almost three months! and whata heck of a three months they were. i know these are excuses but they are legit. i went on a trip to virginia beach, then with school ending i had to keep my grades up, and even hada little relationship for the end of the year (which didn't end pretty) and after that ended i was bitter and mad and if i would have written after that time i would have had nessie continue to live the life she hated and had her grow up and marry nahuel, and end up like her mother while jacob would grow old and miserable and die. alone. so with that being said, i had to put it off for a while. and im sorry i did put it off but im SO over it now and im all better(: so i picked up my pen and worked on this in my free time all week. don't be too harsh im a little rusty here from being out of it for three months but hey! i tried my best and i hope i don't disapoint(:
this chapter isn't very exciting if we're being honest here, but it is important because it gives you a look into renesmee's life. it helps you understand her more. so this chapter was important. anyways, you know what to do.
oh before i forget! i changed some things around when i was re-reading my story! first of all, the songs i picked for the chapters were good but did NOT really have anything to do with them so i went back and changed those and hopefully they fit along those lines better(: so check those out!
let it be known that: I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT CHARACTERS OR PERFECT CHEMISTRY BY SIMONE ELKELES! I merely change the words around a bit and add the Twilight characters in but I'M NOT STEALING, CLAIMING, OR COPYING THIS WITHOUT GIVING CREDIT TO WHO WROTE IT (which was simone elkeles)!
Perfectly Un-Perfect
Chapter 3
Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson
Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real
What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive?
Goodbye, old you, when love, is true
Misguided heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you wanna use that line, you better not start, no
-&-
Renesmee POV
After school as I'm grabbing my homework and practice gear Bree slides up beside me.
"What?" I ask her, suddenly self conscience by her stare.
"What did I tell you about getting involved with Jake? The whole school is talking about how supposedly Nahuel almost pounded Jake's face in over you!" Bree exclaims with wide blue eyes, her short black hair bobbing around with her body.
"And you're mad about that because…?" I question.
"I was the last to know! Shit, Ness, this is crazy. You're really lucky to have Nahuel. Lauren showed me pictures and the way Jake was staring at you…" She trailed off with a shudder.
"It was no big deal. Just Jake being his usual cocky-ass self, no surprise there."
"You guys better not be late for practice!" Jane yells from the end of the hallway and disappears by a flick of her blonde hair.
"I really hate the way Jane kisses Ms. Heidi's ass," Victoria, a girl from the squad, huffs flicking her own fiery red hair over her shoulder and stomping down the hall after Jane.
Bree and I chuckle but Bree nods her head in agreement to Victoria's statement.
"She's probably just trying to focus on dance instead of Alec, he is going to college, it's gotta be stressful on her." As much as Jane's kissing up annoys me too, I don't ant to start ragging on her and stirring up gossip. Being mature and not gossiping is what got me to the top and I'll be damned if a few words about Jane takes that away from me.
"Whatever," Victoria rolls her amber eyes. "She gets zero pity from me. James is going to college too, and am I acting like that?"
"Not at all. And besides, when doesn't she ever have a boyfriend?" Bree reasons.
When we reach the gym, I'm relieved to see the rest of the squad spread out on the pull-out bleachers waiting for Ms. Heidi to show up.
"I still can not believe you got stuck with Jake Black," Jane sympathizes as she takes the open space beside me after I set my bags down and start stretching.
"Switch me partners?" I joke, though my tone is too dry for sarcasm.
Jane sticks her tongue out and shakes her scrunched up face at me. "No way! I am perfectly content with my partner." She laughs. I don't.
Ms. Heidi walks in with her CD player, complaining about someone moving it from her usual spot and that's why she's late.
Slyly, Bree nudges past Jane and into her spot so she can talk to me.
"Giiiiirrrrrl, you are in troubbbllllle," Bree whisper-sings.
"Why?"
Bree, not only being the most trustworthy and best friend a girl could have, is the eyes and ears of this school. Need to know anything about what's in the new? Bree is your go-to girl.
"Word has it, Leah Clearwater is looking for you."
Oh, no. Leah is Jake's girlfriend. I'm trying to play it off like it doesn't bother me, but it does because Leah is one tough-ass girl. She speaks her mind to anyone at anytime and doesn't give a crap what they think about it. And if they have a problem with it, Leah makes sure they get over it. Usually by using her long, fire engine red nails and big knuckles.
But why would she be looking for me? So I, maybe, almost hit her this morning… big deal! She's alive! And she pretty much got it all out in the parking lot.
Is it because I'm Jake's chem partner and she's jealous? Or is it because she thinks I reported her boyfriend to Dr. Varner today?
The truth is, I didn't report him. I got called down into Dr. Varner's office because someone who'd seen the parking lot incident and witnessed our confrontation in front of the school reported it. Which was unnecessary because nothing happened.
Varner didn't believe me though. He thought I was too scared to tell him the truth. I wasn't scared then.
But I am now.
Leah could really do some physical damage to me. She was at least five inches taller than me and was bigger-boned then I was. I had toned arms and legs from stunting in cheerleading but that's about it. She knew how to use weapons and I knew how to use, well, my pom-poms. And I doubt my poms would scare off a girl like Leah.
Maybe in a verbal war I would be the last one standing (most people didn't know I was a smart mouth with good comebacks because I kept my mouth to avoid conflict) but definitely not in a fist fight.
Maybe she wants to prove something but what? I couldn't possibly know. I was no threat to her. Nothing and I mean, nothing, was going on between me and Jake. We hated each other. End of story.
I smoothed my face out and released my bottom lip from my teeth, barely noticing I'd been gnawing on it while I contemplated this.
Most people think nothing bothers me. And I'm not going to let them know when something does. I've worked too long and hard to keep this façade up and I'm not about to lose it all because some gang member and his girlfriend are testing me.
"I'm not worried about it," I lie.
My best friend shakes her head with a grimace. "I know you, Ness. You're stressing."
Now that statement worries me more than the idea of Leah looking for me. I try really hard to keep everyone at a distance so they don't know what it's truly like to be me or live at my house. But I've let Bree know more about me than everyone else. I wonder if I should back off from our friendship sometimes and keep her at an arm's length.
Logically, I know I'm paranoid. Bree is a true friend; she was even there when I cried about my mom's nervous breakdown but never revealed the reason. She let me cry on her shoulder even when I refused to give her details, and if that's not a true friend, then I don't know what is.
I refuse to end up like my mom someday. That's my biggest fear in life.
Ms. Heidi plays the custom made music for our squad. A mix of hip hop and rap music, specially blended for our routine, which we learned and practiced all summer. The music starts and my body hums to the beat. That's what I love about being part of the squad. It's the music that pulls me in and makes me forget my problems everywhere. Music is my drug, the one thing that keeps me numb.
I break the routine into formations and Ms. Heidi stands off to the side smiling in approval at all my suggestions, clearly pleased.
When she hits play again, the beat, the lyrics, the instruments… they all seep into my veins and numb my thoughts and feelings. I feel nothing but the beat and my body moving in sync with it and I forget all about Leah and Jake and my mom and everything else.
The song is over too quickly and I still want to move to the beat and lyrics when Ms. Heidi turns off her CD player. The second time around is better but our formation needs work and some of the new girls are having trouble with the steps.
"Renesmee, you take the new girls aside and teach them the basic steps. Jane, you review the steps with the rest then we'll try it as a group again," Ms. Heidi instructs us as she hands me the CD player.
Claire is in my group. She leans down to take a drink from her water bottle and says, "Don't worry about Leah. Naturally, her bark is worse than her bite."
"Thanks," I say. Claire looks tough too, with her black Pack bandanna, hard set features and arms always folded across her chest when she's not doing routines. But she has kind, startlingly pretty green eyes. And a bright smile. Her smile softens her harsh appearance, although I'm sure if she wore a pink bow in her silky, long, dark brown hair instead of her Pack bandanna I bet she'd actually look girly. "You're in my chem. class, aren't you?" I ask.
She nods.
"And you know Jake?" I don't tack on his last name; it's obvious who I'm asking about.
She nods again, although slower this time.
"Are the things that people say about him…true?" I ask carefully, not sure how she's going to react to my nosy question. If I'm not careful, I could end up with a long list of people who are out to get me.
"Depends on which things you're referring too," Claire says, crossing her copper-colored arms.
When I'm about to tally off the list of rumors about Jake's drug use and police arrests, Claire speaks up. "Listen, Renesmee, you and me? We'll never be friends. But I will tell you; no matter how much of a jerk Jake was to you today, he's not as bad as the rumors. He's not even as hard as he'd like to think he is."
Before I can ask another question, Claire is back in formation.
An hour and a half later, when we're all exhausted and grouchy and even I've had enough, we're dismissed from practice. I make a point of going over to a sweating Claire and telling her what a good job she did on the routine today.
"Really?" she asks, looking shocked.
"You're a quick leaner," I tell her. And it's true. For someone who never tried out for cheerleading the first three years of high school she's caught on to the routine really fast. "That's why we put you in the front line."
While Claire's mouth it still open in shock, I wonder if she believes the rumors she's heard about me. She's right. We'll never be friends. But I can tell we'll never be enemies either.
After practice, I walk to my car with Bree, whose busy texting her boyfriend Riley, on her cellphone.
A blue slip of paper is tucked under one of my windshield wipers. I pull it off. Jake's detention slip. Crumpling it up into a tight ball, I shove it into my practice bag.
"What was that?" Bree asks.
"Nothing important," I reply, hoping she gets the hint I don't want to talk about it.
"Ness, wait up!" Jane yells, jogging up to us. "I saw Nahuel on the field. He said to wait for him."
I look at my watch. Its 5:45 and I want to get home to help Sherice make Bella's dinner. "I can't."
Jane starts prattling off about Alec to Bree while I tune her out. Basically, I can tell she's talking about sex or his penis or something because Bree gives her that look she always does when Jane talks about penises.
Ugh.
I dig into my purse for my keys. When Jane gets talking about penises and sex, stand back, because the girl never stops. And since I'm not one to publicly discuss my sexual experiences (or therefore lack of), I'm out of here.
As I dangle my keys on my fingers, Bree tells me she's getting a ride home with Riley so I'm alone on the drive home. I never minded being alone. Nobody to put on an act for. I make sure to blare the music.
I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket though and my joy ride is over.
Two missed calls and one new text.
All from Nahuel.
I suppress a sigh and call him.
"Ness, where are you?"
"On my way home."
"Why didn't you wait for me?"
"My sister has a new caretaker and I have to help her out, Nahuel," I explain as calmly as possible so he doesn't get mad.
"You're still pissed because I threatened your gang banger chem partner, huh?"
I'm unable to contain my sigh. "I'm not pissed. I'm annoyed. I told you I could handle it myself and you totally ignored me. Not only that but you caused a huge scene in the hallway that was definitely unnecessary. You know I didn't choose to be partners with him."
"I know, Ness. I just hate that guy. Don't be upset."
"I'm not; I just hate seeing you get all riled up for no reason."
"And I hated seeing that mongrel whispering in your ear," Nahuel mutters darkly and I can almost hear his scowl.
I feel a migraine coming on. Full force. I don't need Nahuel to make a scene every time a guy so much as talks to me. He's never acted this way before and his actions are leaving me open for more scrutiny and gossip, something I never want to happen. I can only keep my façade up for so long under pressure. "Let's just forget it ever happened. Please?"
"Fine by me. Call me tonight."
When I get home, Sherice is in Bella's room on the first floor. She is attempting to change her special leak proof undergarments but she is doing just that, attempting. She has Bella in the wrong position, her body is sideways, and there are legs and arms dangling off the bed in the most uncomfortable looking ways. It's a disaster and Sherice is huffing and puffing like it's the most difficult thing she's ever done- well attempted.
Did my mom even check her credentials?
"Here, let me," I tell Sherice, pushing her aside and taking over. I've been changing my sister's underwear since we were kids. It's not easy changing the undergarments of a person who weighs more than you but if you do it right, it doesn't take long and doesn't become a big drawn-out process.
My sister smiles wide when she sees me. "Nesmee!"
Bella can't enunciate words but she uses verbal approximations, "Nesmee" means "Renesmee", and I grin back while positioning her better on her bed. "Hey pretty girl. You hungry for some dinner?" I ask as I pull wipes from the container and try not to think about what I'm doing.
As I slip new leak proof underwear on her and slide her legs into a fresh pair of sweats, Sherice watches from the sidelines. I try breaking it all down for her but one look at Sherice and I can tell she's not listening.
"You're mother said I could leave when you got home," Sherice says.
"That's fine," I say politely as I wash my hands when I really want to say is 'sorry my mother can't even bother to read a resume when you're obviously not fit for this job.' Then I feel harsh for even thinking such things and turn around to sympathize with her on her first day without having any instruction but Sherice has Houdini'd on me.
I wheel Bella into the kitchen. Our usually spotless, pristine kitchen is a disaster. Sherice hasn't cleaned up the dishes, which are now piled in the sink and she didn't do such a hot job of wiping up the floor after Bella's mess earlier.
I prepare Bella's dinner and wipe up the mess.
"School," Bella drawls out the word which really sounds like "cool" but I know what she means. It's usually when she tries to speak that I even realize she's handicapped.
"Yeah, today was my first day," I tell her as I blend her food and set it on the table. I pick up the spoon and feed her, her soupy dinner while I keep talking. "And my new chem teacher, Ms. Cope, should be a drill sergeant. The woman can't go a week without scheduling a quiz or a test. It's not going to be an easy year."
My sister looks at me absorbing what I've told her. Her intense expression says she's giving me support and complete understanding without having to say the words. Because every word that comes out of her mouth is a struggle. Sometimes I want to say the words for her because I feel her frustration as if it were my own.
"And you don't like Sherice, do you?" I ask quietly.
Bella shakes her head. And she doesn't want to talk about it; I can tell by the way she tenses her mouth.
"Be patient with her, it's never easy coming into a new house and not knowing what to do." Especially when the mother can't take one day off to even show how to change her…
When Bella finishes her dinner, I bring her over a magazine. I watch as her ivory skin widens with each smile, the way her long, chestnut brown hair curls at the ends of her French braid and the way her warm, chocolate brown eyes sparkle when she looks at the shiny pages. She really is beautiful. Perfect. Why doesn't anybody else see that too?
While she's preoccupied, I stick some bologna and cheese between two slices of bread for my own dinner then sit at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and start my homework.
I hear the whir of the garage door opening just as I pull out the notebook paper Ms. Cope gave me to write my respect paper on.
"Renesmee, where are you?" my mom, yells from the front door.
"In the kitchen," I call back.
Renee saunters into the room with a Guess bag hanging off her arm. "For you."
I reach into the bag and pull out a light blue top. "Thanks," I say, not making a big show about it in front of Bella, who didn't get anything from Renee. (I always call my parents by their first name except when speaking to them or family.) Not that she cares. She's too busy admiring the best- and worst- dressed pictures of celebrities and all their sparkly jewelry.
"It'll go perfectly with those dark denims I bought you last week," Renee babbles as she starts to make dinner. "So how was everything with Bella and Sherice when you got in?"
"Not very good," I grumble, my previous irritation bubbling to the surface. "You really need to train her."
I'm not surprised when she doesn't respond.
And I'm not surprised when I just keep on working and don't put up a fight. Even when I desperately want too.
My dad, Charlie, walks in the door a minute later grumbling about work. Being the Chief of Police in Forks doesn't exactly entitle us to being rich, money is tight actually but my mom still goes out and buys stuff and my dad still got me a Mercedes for my birthday (although I know it was my mom's doing.)
It still amazes me how much control my mom has over my dad when it comes to those things. He's a practical guy who doesn't care about money or status and yet he puts up with mom when she does care about money and status.
Now don't get me wrong, I do love Renee. But I don't like her. At least, eighty percent of the time.
"What's for dinner?" My dad asks as he loosens his gun belt. He looks tired and worn which still makes me giggle a bit because, yeah, a lot of crime happens in Forks.
Then I stop giggling. 'Cause I guess they do get a lot of crime in La Push…
"Steak," Renee replies enthusiastically.
My dad grunts in approval as he walks out of the kitchen rubbing my shoulder in a "hello" and kissing Bella's forehead as he passes her. Even when he's physically here, his mind is still on the job.
And it's times like these that I feel sorry for my mom. No matter how much she tries, she doesn't get that much attention from my dad. Even when it comes to those trivial things, and I think he goes along with it just to get her to shut up about it. And don't get me wrong. Charlie is a great, loving father; he just doesn't have a good way with expressing his feelings. He never has.
And neither have I. I didn't get it anywhere strange.
"I'll make the salad," I offer as I pull lettuce out of the fridge.
She smiles a small smile and seems thankful for the help and attention of at least one person. We work side-by-side in silence, me chopping the lettuce and tomato while Renee brings the steak and potatoes to the table. She mumbles complaints about not being appreciated but I do what I do best, and listen but don't say anything. Bella is still busy flipping through her magazine, in her own world, oblivious to the tension in the house.
"Don't forget we have the Newton's wedding this weekend, so don't schedule work," Renee tells Charlie after he sits down at his usual spot at the head of the table.
Charlie drops his fork and looks at mom, "Yeah, I'm sure the Newton's kid's wedding is more important than keeping my job and earning money."
Wow, Charlie must not be in the mood for this. He rarely ever fights back. And he has never put an emphasis on the word "money" before like he did just now. Renee looks just as shocked before she gets angry.
"Charlie, I'm not saying your job is less important," she says, not mentioning a word about the money but blushing, dropping her own fork on her plate. It's a wonder our plates don't have permanent chips in them. "It's just rude to cancel on people at the last minute."
"And you can't go by yourself?"
"And have rumors start because you're not accompanying me? No thank you."
This is a typical Swan dinner conversation. Charlie saying how hard work is, Renee trying to keep up the façade that we're a happy-go-lucky family, and me and Bella quiet on the sidelines.
"How was your first day?" Renee finally asks me, breaking the silence.
"Um, alright," I say, not bothering to mention that I got stuck with Jake as a chem partner. "I got a real tough chemistry teacher."
"Maybe you shouldn't have taken chemistry," Charlie chimes in. "If you don't get an A, your GPA'll go down. Peninsula College isn't a school you can just get your way into."
"I got it, Dad," I say, ultimately depressed now. If Jake isn't serious about our project, how am I going to get an A on it?
"Bella got a new caretaker today, didn't she?" Charlie asks after a few moments.
Renee just nods her head, and doesn't offer anything else, and I remember the last time when the old caretaker quit, Renee insisted Bella should live in some facility instead of home. I never remember screaming as much as I did then when I overheard her say that because I'm never letting them send Bella to a place where they'll neglect her and never bother to understand her. I have to keep an eye on her. That's why it's so important to for me to get into Peninsula College. If I'm so close to home, then I can live here and make sure my parents don't send her away.
At nine, Victoria calls me to complain about Jane. She thinks Jane changed over the summer and thinks she's "the shit" now because she's dating a college guy. At nine thirty, Jane calls to say she suspects Victoria is talking about her behind her back because she's jealous because Alec is cuter then James. At nine forty-five Bree calls to tell me she talked to both Victoria and Jane tonight and she doesn't want to get in the middle of it. I agree, although I have a feeling we already are.
Its ten forty-five before I finally finish the respect paper for Ms. Cope and help my mom put Bella to bed. I'm so tired; I'm dead on my feet.
Sliding into bed after I've changed into my p.j.'s, I call Nahuel.
"Hey babe," he says. "Whatcha doing?"
"Not much, just got into bed. Have fun at Riley's?"
"Him and Bree made out basically the whole time so believe me when I say it would have been better if you were there," Nahuel mutters and I laugh.
"But I'm so glad you called," he continues.
"Oh, really?" I say, knowing I'm fishing for compliments but unable to help it. "Why?" I ask in my best flirty voice as I snuggle deeper into my bed.
Nahuel hasn't told me he loves me in a long time. I know he's not the most affectionate person in the world, hell; no one I know is, except for Bella maybe.
But I need to hear it from him. I want to hear that he loves me. That he missed me. That I'm the girl of his dreams.
Nahuel clears his throat. "We've never had phone sex."
Okay, so those weren't the words I expected. I shouldn't be disappointed or surprised. He's a teenage guy and I know guys are focused on sex and fooling around. This afternoon I pushed away the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read Jake's words about having sex. Little does he know… I'm still a virgin.
Nahuel and I have never had sex. Period. Phone sex or real sex. We got close in May this year, when we went to the beach but I backed out. I wasn't ready.
"Phone sex?"
"Yeah. Touch yourself, Ness. And then tell me what you're doing. It'll totally turn me on."
My face flushes the moment he says "touch yourself." And I feel like a little girl because I can't even think about that without blushing. "And while I'm touching myself, what will you be doing?" I ask, trying to hide my discomfort.
"Choking the gopher. What do you think I'd be doing? My homework?"
I laugh. Mostly, it's a hysterical laugh because I can't believe he just said that in that way and we haven't seen each other in a couple, we've barely talked, and haven't hung out and he wants to go from "hi, nice to see you after a summer apart" to "touch yourself while I choke the gopher" in one day.
"Just try it, Ness," Nahuel encourages. "Think of it as practice before we do the real thing. Take your clothes off and touch yourself."
"Nahuel…,"
"What?"
"Sorry but I'm not into it. Not now, at least." Probably not ever… but I don't say that out loud.
"Oh. You sure?" He sounds disappointed and I immediately feel guilty. But I really am not comfortable with touching myself… while he, again, "chokes the gopher." I hold in another hysterical giggle.
God, I am being so immature right now.
"Yeah. You mad?"
"No," he says. "I just thought it'd be fun to spice up our relationship."
"I didn't know that our relationship was boring." I'm a little offended by that but of course, I don't say anything.
"School…football practice…hanging out. I guess after a summer away I'm sick of the same old routine. The whole summer I was out waterskiing, wakeboarding, and off-roading. Things that get your heart racing and blood pumping. Ya know? Pure adrenaline rush."
"Sounds awesome."
"It was. Ness?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm ready for that adrenaline rush… with you."
so what'd you guys think? I thought the ending was definitely the best part(:
reviews are better than "choking the gopher"… okay maybe not(: but I love it when people review!
and if I get enough reviews I might even be able to update this Wednesday and Friday as well….(:
