A Promise to be Better 8

Author: Raven Dancer

disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling except for the Drs. Barnes and Beryl. I receive no monetary compensation for these works.

As Snape pushed off from the door jamb he decided he'd do much better closer to the ground. In his present location, standing, there was a bigger probability of falling flat on his face. He sank rather ungracefully down and crawled the last couple feet to the bed, electing to sit on the floor. Although he was sure McGonagall was not going to come in and check on him, he did not want to lie on the Headmaster's bed just on the off-chance she did.

Movement at the door caught his attention and he looked up as Barnes came into the room closing the door firmly behind him. He quickly crossed the room and sat near the dizzy wizard.

"All right?" the Healer asked.

"Been better. Still spinning," Snape allowed.

"I think some food will help that. You're going to have to eat a little more. Your body would have a hard time functioning on the starvation diet you're on even without the stress," Barnes folded his legs comfortably. A clatter of pottery announced the arrival of Beryl. Weighted down the house elf no longer bounced, but his ears flapped happily as he bore the large tray towards them.

"Doctor Barnes wants his tea on the floor?" the elf asked curiously. Barnes nodded and waved him over helping the tray lower to the ground.

"Earl Gray tea, sliced fruit and cheese, crackers, breads, jam, sugar, honey, sliced lemon and cream," the elf recited, pouring out two large mugs of hot tea. Barnes added sugar to Snape's mug and passed it over to him. Some sugar and cream splashed into his own mug.

"Thank you, Beryl, it looks very tasty," Barnes said d£elighting the elf. He bounced away leaving the two wizards to themselves. Continuing to be the host, Barnes put cheese and sliced apple on a small plate and balanced it on Snape's lap.

"I suppose this is a hint?" he asked, lip slightly curled.

"No, it's rather a blatant command," Barnes replied, taking a bite of pear. His companion sighed, then stacked cheese on apple and brought it to his mouth, biting delicately through the layers. The tartness of the fruit mellowed by the cheese. Crackers floated over and arranged themselves on the plate.

Again the doctor coaxed food into Snape, a few bites at a time. Between the tea and snack the wizard began to feel better, the dizziness diminishing.

"I'm sorry the potion didn't set too well with you, Severus," Barnes began, "It affects people differently."

"Oh, it probably gave you some good note-taking," the Potions Master said, sipping the tea.

"Hmm, 'subject asleep; subject still sleeping; subject asleep.' Yes, very exciting notes to be sure!" Barnes teased.

"Subject wakes confused and dizzy. Subject curls up in Headmaster's lap. Subject pitches face first on carpet," Snape muttered.

"You know, I didn't get that all down. Do you mind if we try it again?" the Healer continued to tease gently. Snape looked at him with a small, tired smile. At least he trusted Barnes and didn't worry about offending him. Snape still worried he was encroaching on the Headmaster's domain as well as causing problems with the staff. That gossip wasn't only about the Potions Master; somehow he knew they'd be speculating about what he was doing in the bedroom with both the Healer and the Headmaster. Barnes was easy to figure; exactly what Dumbledore was doing was wide open. Snape didn't want the older wizard's reputation stained in the least and twisted uncomfortably on the rug nearly spilling his plate.

"Severus?" Barnes prompted as he moved the plate to the floor.

"Just thinking," Snape managed evenly.

"About what?" Barnes followed.

"Mostly about Albus," Snape said. Again he dropped into silence.

"What about Albus?" Barnes was good at prying.

"It just that I shouldn't be here. In his rooms. I'm use to

people gossiping about me after all, they've been doing

it for years. I don't have to worry about a reputation. But

Albus...," he trailed off ashamed. Barnes knew Snape really wasn't used to the gossip, that it cut him deeply.

"But Albus shouldn't have to suffer?" he supplied helpfully.

"He shouldn't have his name dragged about. I can just

imagine what they'd say, about him and me. He doesn't

deserve that, not after all he's done for this world," tea was set down, the bit of a snack forgotten as the Potions Master pulled his knees up.

"So, you think they're going to ruin his reputation?" Barnes pursued carefully, moving his own things aside so he could get closer to the depressed wizard.

"I don't think they can ruin it. I just don't want to disappoint

him," arms slowly encircled the knees, head lowering to rest thereon. The implication of his own unworthiness.

"You don't disappoint him, Severus. He's very proud of you, trust me. Trust Albus!" the Healer now was next to Snape and put a hand on his shoulder, pouring a little energy into him.

"Albus has told me that; I can't seem to believe him," he said very quietly. "I fell apart. I couldn't control myself. I hurt some of the students. He should just sack me." If he could pull into himself anymore he'd wink out of existence. The Healer leaned close, speaking firmly.

"You had come back from a series of progressively worse meetings with Lucius Malfoy, Wormtail and finally Voldemort himself. Yoru were beaten and cursed repeatedly. You debased yourself getting at the least a conditional acceptance by Malfoy. You still don't know if Voldemort believes you or at the very least finds you useful for his purposes. And you wonder why you lost control?"

Barnes gently moved his hand over Snape's back comforting the tense muscles. Actually, the doctor was rather surprised the wizard had not snapped totally. The cruciatus curse had been used in excess and it had taken days to soothe the fried nerve endings. It bespoke a very strong mind being able to withstand the torture.

All because Dumbledore asked him. Dumbledore needed him to at least try. Snape would sacrifice himself to get Voldemort or at least get information back to Dumbledore to help destroy Voldemort. In fact, the degree to which Snape loved the Headmaster and the Headmaster loved Snape made Barnes pause and wonder briefly why they hadn't gone that last step.

He shook the thought off quickly. Love did not automatically equate with sex no matter what the gossipers wanted to think. Both men would die for one another, go through hell for one another, hold each other when the pain became too great to bear alone. Given the magnitude of the threat, the very real pain, their relationship would have to be greater.

"Albus knows what you've suffered through, Severus. Knows and loves you. He knows you are a good man placed in an unfathomable situation. Don't worry about disappointing him, you can't." Barnes carefully pushed on Snape getting him to turn away from him.

"Let me work on that back of yours, Severus. You'll feel better," and he began kneading on over-stretched, rigid muscles with strong fin0gers and a judicious application of warmth. Snape moaned as each muscle gave up and went limp.

Calmed, Barnes pulled the Potions Master back against him. He picked up a piece of pear and offered it to him.

"I really can feed myself, Barnes," Snape weakly protested.

"Humor me, I need to work on my bedside manner," the Healer pressed and his patient accepted the fruit. Slowly, so as not to startle or jar Snape, Barnes moved food close to hand as he recline the wizard a little more. It was dim in the room, the slight breeze hinted of rain. Snape seemed to accept the closeness and allow the Healer to take over. After a few more minutes the Potions Master was snugged against his shoulder whispering about Longbottom and Eckels and how he was trying to let them be children. He was about to sink into why he never could be a child when the door opened spilling warm, friendly light across the room.

"Severus? Jeffrey?" the Headmaster called quietly. Snape immediately sat up thinking McGonagall would follow. Barnes sighed and patted his knee before answering.

"Tea, party of two, on the floor next to the bed," he answered. Some lights were waved on and the atmosphere of intimate trust lessened considerably. Snape watched the door warily.

"Just me, gentlemen. Professor McGonagall has gone down to her office and eventually dinner," Dumbledore reported. He did not really feel like sitting on the floor and opted for a chair, moving it near the two men.

"Feeling better, Severus?" he asked, watching the wizard's face relax after the announcement about the witch.

"Yes, I'm notk dizzy anymore. Although I've been informed there are other potions to test out," he grumbled. Barnes smiled

"Others, but no more tonight. I'll give you some of the same medicine you had last night. You slept quite well," he said. Snape tacitly agreed, nodding.

"It's nearly dinner, Jeffrey. I was thinking of going down to eat, more to make an appearance than anything else," Dumbledore began, trying to determine what else would be happening.

"That's a good idea, Headmaster. While you're to dinner maybe Severus and I will go down to his rooms to secure some fresh clothing," Barnes watched Snape carefully for any reactions. "We just snacked, so I think we'll eat dinner up here in an hour or two," he finished. Snape nodded in agreement.

"I need to go to my rooms if only to pick up the major debris," the Potions Master said quietly.

"Actually, the major debris was removed," Barnes said. He wanted Snape to feel good about Lupin's help, but he was a bit unsure how the wizard was going to feel about the DADA Professor seeing his destruction.

"You two didn't need to do that," Snape managed.

"We didn't, Severus. Remus saw to it. He left a note on your table. You'll see it when you go down," Dumbledore said as carefully as one would talk to a skittery colt. A mix of emotions passed over the ill wizard's face. None, at least, was anger, but a lot of shame and despair.

"He hasn't told anyone else, if that's your worry, Severus," Dumbledore added. "I spoke with him at lunch and he was very specific about that. He even told Filch he was paying you back for making his wolfsbane potion when he went searching for new chairs."

"New chairs?" Snape nearly squeaked.

"Well, new used chairs for your table, nothing fancy," the Headmaster soothed. The Potions Master was very quiet, trying to digest the information. Lupin had cleaned his wreckage up but didn't tell anyone but Albus. He wanted to be able to trust the DADA professor but he couldn't get his mind to fully grasp the concept. He felt Barnes' hand on his back once more running gentle circles. His concentration slipped and he leaned against the Healer.

"Ok?" the doctor asked quietly.

"I'm just tired," Snape said not looking at either man. He had no pride left as he hid his face against the Healer's shoulder. Barnes allowed him to rest there, gathering his scattered resolve while the Headmaster cleaned up for dinner. After a few minutes Snape carefully sat up again.

"I think I'm ready to go now," he said, looking at Barnes. The Healer was happy to gain eye contact and smiled encouragingly.

"Let's get on a robe and we'll be off," the Healer said.