Summary: When Axel is brought back to life to be with Roxas, they start searching for their other friends from the Organization. Through much difficulty they eventually achieve this goal, but what happens when the superior comes back mysteriously one day? How will Xemnas cope with having to live among normal people and being social? And will love find this man who seems to have a giant stick up his ass! lol. Yeah, better than it sounds. Eventual XemnasxSephiroth. Other pairings include akuroku, cleon,soriku,zemyx, and marluxiaxsaix.

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own kingdom hearts cuz if I did the organization would totally be a sex .i'm horrible. :D But I totally own Zack and Haydn and everything that comes with them.=)

Genre: Romance/humor/angst/ action

Rating: T (possibly M in much later chapters)

Warnings: language,shounen-ai,and yaoi.

Disclaimer: Guys! I'm soooo sorry I haven't updated! Junior year is totally kicking my ass! Anyway, I want to thank everyone that has supported this fic so far. It really means a lot to me and I hope that you all will continue to do so in the future. I haven't forgotten about this fic! I swear! I'm just incredibly busy! Anyway, I hope that you all will enjoy this chapter. I originally thought that this would only be one chapter, but this particular part of the story will probably wind up being three chapters….hehehe…


End of Chapter 14: Well Kept Secrets

Xemnas could only stare up at the big, old oak tree for some time. It was odd that no other trees were still standing, but this one was. Although Xemnas should have examined this more closely, another thought crossed his mind. In the next second, Xemnas found himself wildly digging through rubble in the spot he guessed had once been his living room. He paid no attention to the pain of the cuts he was getting from digging through glass and other sharp objects. He needed to find it. What he was looking for had to be there!

Xemnas soon hit soft, wet soil and started digging through it, making a mental note to himself that the cuts on his hands would probably get seriously infected later. Finally, he felt something that he knew wasn't soil. He brushed some of the surrounding soil away, finally finding the wooden trap door he had been looking for.

Xemnas slowly lifted the trap door in apprehension. When he opened it, he found that the contents inside were exactly the way they had been five years ago. They had been completely untouched by time. He saw several photo albums, and underneath them, many of Zack's journals. Maybe he would finally learn of the well kept secrets that had been hidden from him for so long.


Chapter 15: Zack's Diaries Part I

Xemnas began to pillage through the box underneath the trap door, first finding only written documents and photos. Most of the papers he found were useless. They were mostly old bills, grocery lists, and papers about payments on the house. Xemnas had no idea why Zack would have saved them, but then again, Zack didn't always have a method to his madness. He had probably only put them there because he was too lazy to organize them and put them somewhere that made sense. Very typical of Zack. What Xemnas really wanted to find was the records that proved that Zack and Haydn had actually lived in an orphanage. He knew that Zack had said that all of the files were destroyed, but there had to be something left of that orphanage if it truly existed at one time. Xemnas searched through all of the unorganized papers, finally coming up with something that caught his eye. It was simply half of a blank piece of paper. The only think that was peculiar about it was the fact that it looked as if it had been singed by a flame.

As Xemnas examined the odd piece of paper, he flipped it over to the other side and discovered that it wasn't blank at all. The reverse side of the paper depicted some sort of ad about adoptions. Xemnas couldn't read much because the ad was so charred, but he could make out the year it was printed. The ad showed that it was printed in 1998, the same year that Zack turned eighteen. (1) If he was able to make out the month and the day, he was sure that it would fall on Zack's birthday.

'It's just as he said. There was really a fire, but that doesn't mean that he actually grew up there.' Xemnas thought as he continued to search through random papers. When he found nothing important, be turned to the photographs instead. Xemnas's heart clenched when he found the picture that had been taken on their very first date. He looked so much younger than he did now. The pictures reminded him that he used to have the blessing of being naïve and innocent, but that was no more. He could never be the person he used to be.

As much as it hurt to see how much he had aged in five years, it hurt even more to see that his minds image of Zack hadn't changed at all. Zack was still the same twenty-three year old he had been the day he died in Xemnas's arms because his sudden death hadn't allowed his lover to grow with him.

'Zack…what kind of man would you be, if you were still alive today?' Xemnas asked himself as he shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of those thoughts. Xemnas put the picture aside and looked at some other ones.

The next ones Xemnas found were of he and Dr. Eiji. It was so odd, seeing himself even younger than he had been in the picture with Zack. He had been even more naïve back then, and to add to that, very confused. He had had no idea of who or what he was back in those days. Xemnas wished that it was still that simple. Life was easier for everyone before his memories returned, but now all of the Eiji's were dead, as well as his past. He now looked down at a picture of Misa regretfully.

Misa's face was smiling back at him, in much the same way her father used to smile at him. He smiled as he remembered how close they had gotten. They had been like siblings since their first encounter. He had always treated Misa like a younger sister, although he was the one that was younger. She had always seemed much more youthful in his eyes, with a naivety and shyness that outmatched Xemnas's at the time. They had been close, but Xemnas regretted all of that now. He hadn't had a heart in those days, so he therefore only felt the illusion of emotional closeness. He shuddered as he remembered the image of Misa's gouged eyes and shred face.

Xemnas turned a few pages in the photo album to see a picture of not only himself, but of all of the friends he had made through Misa. He fondly remembered that had been the last time they had all gotten together before most of them moved to different towns. Little did any of them know that it would be the last time that they ever saw each other. All of his friends from his teenage years had been killed during the war. As far as Xemnas knew, Haydn and himself were the only living proof of what happened in Rokugo and Kinosaki. (Except, maybe, the enemy soldier that was responsible for killing Zack.) Xemnas was completely distracted by the photo in front of him, until he felt something fall into his lap. He looked down to discover that what had fallen into his lap was a rectangular picture frame that had obviously fallen out of the back of the photo album. Xemnas's eyes began to water when he looked at the photograph inside.

It was a picture of himself, Zack, Haydn, and Misa. If he remembered correctly, the picture had been taken during their first outing together. They had already formed their own little family. Zack had insisted on putting the picture in the frame. He thought that it held a special significance, and maybe he was right.

Xemnas put the photo album aside, deciding that he could look at it later when the items underneath the album caught his attention.

'Zack's journals.' Xemnas thought. It looked as though the journals were the only thing in the box that had been properly organized. They seemed to be in chronological order, the oldest looking one was on top and the least worn journal was on the bottom. Xemnas picked up the first journal and nervously opened it to the first page.

Xemnas wasn't surprised to find that the handwriting was very messy and that the journal dated back to years before he had even met Zack. Xemnas noted that the date marked in the journal was 1987, meaning Zack was only seven years old when he had written his first entry. Xemnas was surprised to find that although the penmanship looked like that of a seven year old, the quality of the writing sounded older. Xemnas was intrigued by the fact that Zack has been able to spell and put sentences together so well at such a young age. Xemnas read:

Dear journal/diary,

I found you today, hidden away with mommy's things. I asked daddy why you were there and he tried to take you away. I cried and begged him to let me keep you. He hit me and told me to never cry because that's not was our kind do. I wanted to ask why, but he would have hit me again. I don't like daddy sometimes…he scares me. I wish mommy were here. Daddy wont tell me where she is. I hope she comes home soon. I think I'm going to keep writing in you diary. I think mommy would like that. Daddy said he'd let me keep you if I stopped feeling emotions. I agreed, but I can't turn my emotions off that easily…but I can pretend. I'll just have to get good at hiding things, especially you, diary. Don't worry, it can be our little secret.

~Zack

Xemnas was puzzled when he came to the end of the first entry in Zack's first journal. So Zack hadn't grown up in an orphanage; that was for sure. If that were the case, why had Zack and Haydn lied about the way they had grown up? What had Zack's father meant when he said that his son had to stop feeling emotions? Xemnas had a feeling that he would only find out by reading more. Xemnas flipped to the next entry.

Dear diary/journal,

I really miss my mommy. I want her to come home really bad. I keep asking daddy where she is, but he yells at me or hits me every time I ask. I hope mommy is okay. If something bad happened to her, I don't know what I would do. I love my mommy, and my mommy loves me. I know daddy doesn't love me. He doesn't love anyone. Neither do any others of our kind. Why is it so bad to feel emotion? Mommy shows her feelings to me all the time. But she always tells me to never show how I feel around anyone else. She says it's dangerous, but why? Why is it so dangerous? No one else's mommy's are as nice as my mommy. They treat their kids like daddy treats me. Are they all scared of feeling too? I'm confused diary.

~Zack

Xemnas found this entry to be even more confusing than the last. Zack's father was obviously abusive, yet the child acted as if it were an every day occurrence where he was from. What kind of society would openly treat their children like that and show no emotion and feeling toward them? Was it even possible to not love the own children that you created? At least Nobodies acknowledged that they could feel the phantom of emotions. These people, on the other hand, seemed to believe that emotion didn't exist in them. Who were these people? Another thing that bothered Xemnas was the fact that Zack was so smart for his age. It wasn't so much that it was unusual for a child to be intelligent, but Zack seemed to be in his own realm. Xemnas could sense that Zack was different from the rest of his kind, whatever that kind that may be, at a very young age and was painfully aware of it. Xemnas skipped some of the entries that seemed to repeat what he already knew until one of them caught his eye.

Dear diary/journal,

Mommy still hasn't come home. Where is she? Why won't daddy tell me? I miss her. She's so warm, but everything around her is so cold. I'm starting to freeze diary. But it's okay, because all I have to do is remember what it was like to be inside of mommy's tummy. It was always so warm and dark, and I could always hear mommy's voice. I wish I could hear her right now. I wish I could feel her warmth. I feel lousy right now.

~Zack

Xemnas couldn't help but feel awful for the child version of Zack. It was horrible that his mother, the only person who showed him love, wasn't with him when Zack really needed her. Even though Zack's first journal was very depressing and heartbreakingly mature for a seven year old, it did reveal two things to Xemnas. One, Zack had definitely lied to him, and two, there were people in his society that felt emotions. As much as Xemnas wanted to feel betrayed for being lied to, which, he most certainly did, he was even more curious about the questions that still plagued him. What happened to Zack's mother? How did Haydn fit in with all of this? Were the children just as malicious as the adults in this society? He found the answer to his last question a few entries later.

Dear diary/journal,

None of the other kids here understand. Most of them are just as bad as their parents, especially the ones who have started to develop their abilities. I'm glad mine haven't come in yet. I don't think I want to be able to see the thoughts and emotions of others. I don't want to see the fears of humans, even though I haven't even seen one of them yet. I'd love to meet one. It's amazing to me that they're allowed to feel all of their emotions so openly, yet most of them aren't all that strong. Why is it like that, diary? Why do the weaker race get to feel without hiding while I have to hide every last thing I feel in my heart? I just don't understand.

I wish I had some friends that had emotions like I do. (What I really wish is that I had some friends to begin with, regardless of whether they have emotions or not.) All of them can sense that I'm different, which makes them hate me even more. Don't get me wrong diary, you're great and all, but I need friends that aren't inanimate objects. Maybe even a human friend! But I'm sure even they wouldn't except me. I'm very sleepy right now. I need to take a nap before I have to go train with daddy.

~Zack

Xemnas almost wanted to give up on reading Zack's journals. Every time one question was answered, ten more took its place. As much as Xemnas was tempted to put the journal down and pry answers out of Haydn, he had a feeling that the other male wasn't going to crack very easily. Xemnas sighed and continued to read the next important entry he found.

Dear diary/journal,

I hate how advanced my writing is! Most human children my age don't have half of the writing skills that the children of my kind have. I still remember the day that daddy put a human's knowledge into me. It was scary. It was like a rush of energy hit me in the head, and all of the sudden there was all of this information in my head. In a couple of years, daddy will shove even more information into my brain, just like all of the other parents. I think I'm the only child of my kind that wishes they learned human knowledge on their own.

~Zack

A chill ran down Xemnas's spine. The process that the young Zack had described sounded a lot like the same thing that the enemy soldier that had killed his lover had done to him. Xemnas tried to shake off that possibility by reading an entry that had been written on the same day as the previous one.

Dear diary/journal,

I just thought of something that I forgot to mention earlier. Everyone at school laughed when they read some of the writing our teacher showed us from human children our own age. They thought it was stupid. The spell lots of words wrong and don't know much about grammar. Through all of this, I realized something, diary. They can't be stupid, because our writing skills are taken from the ones that the humans obtain by learning on their own and working really hard. In a way, we're only as smart as them, so the kids at school are just insulting themselves. I think that our people are lazy, diary. Most of what they learn is taken from humans who worked hard to become smarter, only to have it taken away by the demons that feed on them. I think it's really sad to have something as precious as knowledge taken away from you. I wish I could meet a human and talk to them, even if it were just for a couple of minutes.

~Zack

Xemnas was surprised to see how mature Zack was in this entry. Zack had written that they were demons, but was he only saying that figuratively? Was it even possible for a seven year old to do that? Not that he would be surprised if the were demons. Those things seemed like monsters. Yet, if they really were demons, it made the likelihood of Zack being related to the very beasts that had haunted him for years very probable. Xemnas hated the idea of this possibility, but continued to read anyway. He noticed that the year skipped to 1988. Zack was a year older.

Dear diary/journal,

I hate being the son of our clans leader. Everyone expects you to rise and be just as powerful as your father. I'm not him, and I don't want to be him. They sneer at me because I'm so weak and full of emotion. I'm really trying to hide my emotions diary, but sometimes things just get hard and I break down. Thankfully that hasn't happened in front of everyone. They'd kill me for sure if they saw, even if I am my father's son. He'd probably be the one to give off the order to have me killed. Daddy thinks I'm a disgrace, but at the same time he thinks I have a lot of power in me. This is the only reason he keeps me. He wants a powerful son that can take over…or maybe when he's satisfied he'll kill me and absorb me like he's done with a lot of others. I have to go to bed now diary. Mommy still isn't home.

~Zack

Xemnas had once again been reminded of the red eyed man who was still pursuing him after five years. It scared him, but the note Zack made about his father absorbing people struck him as odd. If this man could really do that, what were his reasons? Xemnas was surprised to find that he was on the last entry in Zack's first journal. Every word tugged at his heart strings.

Dear diary/journal,

I hate daddy. He took mommy away and killed her. Why would he do that to someone as nice as mommy? She never did anything wrong. It's my fault. I let mommy love me, so she died because of it. I found a note written on the back of this journal by you, mommy.

'Zack, my beautiful little boy, if you're reading this, I'm already gone. Your father has probably told you that I've left on business or something of that degree. Do not believe what he tells you Zack. Never trust him little one, for a man that lies to his son about his mother's death will lie to him about everything else. You're father has killed me for having these emotions for you. Don't blame yourself Zack, because having you in my life has been one of the few things that has brought me happiness. Never let go of your emotions Zack; they are a blessing in disguise in a land like this. I want you to be strong and hide this blessing from those who will not understand. I know you feel that you are alone, but there are others like you in our clan. I know you will rise above what you have been raised in and make something great of yourself. I know you will without me having to tell you to do so. Remember that I will always love you, and will always watch over you and those who are important to you. Don't cry for me, for I am always right next to you. Be strong son, and never forget all that I have taught you.'

Love,

Mommy

I love you too, mommy. I could never forget you, but I will never stop crying for you. I know you don't think it's my fault, but it is. I should have known what daddy was going to do, and I should have pushed you away so this wouldn't happen. I'll never forget you mommy, and I will get away from daddy one day. I won't let him get away with this.

~Zack

Xemnas was on the verge of tears. The thought that Zack's father would kill his own wife was awful, and the fact that an eight year old boy would blame himself for what happened was too heartbreaking for words. Xemnas checked the back of the journal to see if the note from Zack's mother was really there, and found that it was. Xemnas closed the journal, wondering if he should actually read the next one. He had been so eager to find out about Zack's enigmatic past that he hadn't considered the feelings that would come from knowing the truth. Xemnas picked up the next journal in the pile and looked down at it hesitantly, reminded on his injured hands again. The deep cuts he had obtained from digging through the rubble were caked in dirt and were starting to swell. Against his better judgment, Xemnas opened the next journal, deciding that he should gain something more from being in this place than hands that looked as though they were about to get seriously infected.

The next journal contained entries that were so depressing and mature that Xemnas would have never believed and eight-year-old boy had written them if he had not read the first journal.

Dear diary/journal,

I'm sorry I didn't continue you sooner, but things have been really tough since mom died. It's been two months since I found out, and it gets harder every day. I still can't come to terms with the fact that she's gone. It hurts more each day, and I grow lonelier as time passes. All of the kids at school can sense my grief, and it only makes them more disgusted with me. I can't stand this! I don't have any friends and the only family I have despises me…but, I don't understand why. I'm not all that strong, and my mind reading abilities aren't all that advanced. I just don't know how to feel about anything anymore.

~Zack

It truly amazed Xemnas to see how much Zack had matured in a matter of months. He was only a small child when he wrote the entries, yet he sounded like he was already in his teens. He couldn't even begin to imagine the loneliness and pain the child felt. Xemnas read the next entry.

Dear diary/journal,

The loneliness is about to consume me. I wish I was dead. I long to be a being without emotion, lying dead and cold in the ground. If there were just one person in my life that actually gave a damn about me, I think I'd be blessed. If there was just one person I could see that made it worth living, I think I would be able to make it through the day. So mom, if you're up in heaven right now watching over me, would you please send me at least one friend to fill the void you left behind? I hope that's not asking for too much.

~Zack

Xemnas thought about Zack's journal entry and wondered if this was where Haydn would come into the picture. He realized that he would never know unless he kept reading.

Dear diary/journal,

What I sad earlier about heaven…I constantly wonder if it really exists. In our clan heaven is a mere myth; there is no faith here. That's what fascinates me about humans. They have the ability to feel that there is a god without a doubt in their minds. I know it's not that perfect among humans, but why can't we be more like them? Why can't we believe in whatever we choose, instead of having the idea that there is no god. I think that humans are luckier than they realize.

Well, one thing is for certain. Everyone in my clan thinks that there is no god above us, that we are the supreme gods destined to take over the world, but I know that there is a god that is more powerful than we ever will be. There just has to be. I know because I can feel mom watching over me right now.

~Zack

Xemnas read the entry again and wondered what the hell these people, or demons, did believe in. Xemnas shook his head, realizing that this question was probably not all that relevant as he flipped a few pages. His eyes fell to another entry that made him curious.

Dear diary/journal,

I hate how our people think humans are so stupid. If they are so unintelligent, then we must be too. All of our common knowledge is taken from them, so how can we be stupid? Even though I've never met a human, I feel that they are so much braver and stronger and smarter than we are. My kind hide behind their power and inability to feel emotions; they don't learn anything for themselves, only take what others worked to learn. How does that make us any better, diary? Dad says that it's because we harness their abilities quickly, but that's not really true. Their memories and thought processes are only shoved into our heads, and suddenly it's like we've known whatever ideas have been pushed into our heads our whole lives. The knowledge becomes innate. I'm glad that we can't take the ideas from those in our own clan member's heads and force them onto other people. If dad could do that, I'd be in a lot of trouble.

~Zack

Xemnas once again flipped a few pages until he found an entry that caught his eye.

Dear diary/journal,

Mommy, I'm so lonely here. It hurts because I can still feel you here. You're everywhere I go, but even though it hurts, I'm glad you're still here. If you weren't, I think I'd die of loneliness. I wish that I could hug you, just once! The fact that you're here, but I can't see or touch you hurts so bad! It makes me miss you more every day. I'm sorry for being so repetitive, diary, but I really really miss her. I wish I had a friend. At least then there would be someone to distract me.

~Zack

Xemnas flipped through the journal and found that many of the entries after the one he had just read were depressing poetry entries that sounded near suicidal. Xemnas couldn't believe that a mere eight year old boy would feel this way. Xemnas came to another entry that seemed to hold significance and read:

Dear diary/journal,

I had another dream about mom last night. It wasn't like the other ones though. In most of my dreams, mom's standing far away from me, and I'm trying to catch up to her. But it's like no matter how fast I run or how many times I scream her name, she can't hear me and I can't get to her. It's like the more I try to catch up to her, the farther away she gets.

This is what my dreams are usually like, but like I said; this was different. Mom actually talked to me. She kept telling me to be patient, that something good is just around the corner. I tried to ask her what she meant, but every time I tried to speak nothing came out. Then she just left, and I couldn't do anything about it. Dreams really are a cruel thing diary.

~Zack

Xemnas thought that Haydn must be coming into Zack's life soon. The dream had to be a sign! Xemnas damned his impatience as he flipped a few pages and read another entry.

Dear diary/journal,

I've been having the same dream for a week now. What is my mom trying to tell me? I know she's trying to tell me something, but I just don't know what! It can't be a meaningless dream. She keeps telling me to be patient, but what am I waiting for? I can't take it much longer.

~Zack

Several entries later, Xemnas found the entry he had been anticipating.

Dear diary/journal,

I met someone today while I was out by the stream. I know dad doesn't like it when I go out that far, but I just couldn't help it. It's so nice and quiet there, and I needed a place to think. I didn't even notice him. He was sitting on the other side of the stream, but somehow I missed him. He eventually came up to me and said that I was like him. I had no idea what he was talking about. I had never seen him before…but I had a feeling that he was right. I didn't get a chance to ask him about it though. He said he had to go because his dad would be mad if he stayed any longer, but he told me to meet him at the same place, same time, next week. I wish I had gotten a chance to ask him what his name was before he ran off. I hope he wasn't just messing with me like all of the other kids do. I guess I'll find out next week.

~Zack

Xemnas eagerly turned the pages until he came upon the entry written for the day Zack met with the boy that he presumed was Haydn.

Dear diary/journal,

I actually went back to meet that boy today. I didn't think he would show up at first, because he wasn't around when I got there. He showed up after a while, and he did something that's forbidden in our clan. He let his mental block down. He actually let it go and let me see everything in his mind. It kind of scared me at first, but then I was kind of relieved when I realized that there was someone like me in my clan. I could tell that he faces the same struggles that I do, and that he was looking for a way out of the life we live. His mom is a lot like mine way. I can tell that she is one of those who made the mistake of showing her child affection and emotions. Her name is Kana. It's ironic; my mom's name was Hana. They rhyme…coincidences are so weird.

The boy's name is Haydn. We never said a single word to each other, but I could tell that he wanted to see me again in the same place. I don't know when I'll be able to see him, but I'll be able to know now that he's opened his mind to me. I'm glad that I've met Haydn. I hope we can become friends.

~Zack

Xemnas thought the entry over in his mind. It seemed like Zack had some sort of power that Xemnas had never been aware of and couldn't explain. Xemnas flipped past several pages, finally coming across one about the friendship Haydn and Zack had formed. He noticed that the entries were now addressed to Zack's mother, as if she could read them.

Mom,

I think that you meant for me to meet Haydn, and I'm glad. He's the best friend anyone could ask for. He's the only comfort I have in this awful place, and I'm thankful for him. I'm glad that I finally have a friend. Haydn keeps insisting that there are others like us…but I don't know. The whole idea seems far fetched. The only person I've ever met that's anything like me is Haydn, and he was the one that found me. I asked him how we're supposed to find these "others", but he said that they will only come if we are patient and wait. That's another thing I like about Haydn; he's much more patient than me. If he wasn't around, I wouldn't be able to stand all of this waiting.

~Zack

Xemnas laughed to himself as he remembered that Zack always had been a bit impatient, and Haydn had always been the calmer one in stressful situations. (Although Haydn was usually the one with the crazier antics.) Xemnas flipped through more pages until he came across a new entry that caught his eye.

Dear Mom,

I'm so excited! I finally got to meet a human today! Haydn and I wandered off a little farther than we should have and found ourselves lost. As we were trying to find our way back, we met a human girl that lived in a small town nearby. We were so cautious around her at first, but she wasn't scared of us at all. It was so weird to see someone that wasn't careful around us. From what I've heard from dad, humans are really scared of our clan. Maybe this girl is just different from other humans, just like Haydn and I are different from the rest of our kind. She was so curious about us, but not in the interrogating way I thought a human would be. Her name is Lily. We got to play with her for a few hours, but then all three of us realized how late it was getting and knew we couldn't stay any longer. We had to leave really fast because Haydn and I both knew what would happen if our fathers found out where we were. I hope we get to see Lily again. She was really nice, and the exact opposite of everything my father has ever told me about humans.

~Zack

Xemnas contemplated Zack's encounter with the human child named Lily. He wondered if the little girl would ever find out about Zack's identity--whatever that identity may be--as he flipped to the next entry that involved Lily.

Dear Mom,

Haydn and I got to see Lily again today! I hope she doesn't find out about what Haydn and I are. I've only talked to her twice and I already think that she's a great friend…and I would be really sad if she found out about us and got scared and never wanted to talk to Haydn and I again. I mean, it's great to have Haydn as my best friend, but at the same time, I think we both want something more than that. I know that sounds selfish….but that doesn't mean I don't feel the way I do. Hopefully we'll get to play with Lily again soon. It gets kind of boring sometimes when Haydn and I are closer to home.

~Zack

Xemnas smiled after he finished reading the journal entry. Although Xemnas knew that everything in the journal had been written long ago, it was still nice to read about Zack and Haydn acting a little more like eight year old boys. Many entries after the one above talked about childish pranks and games that the three played together, and certain stories or things that Haydn or Lily told Zack. Xemnas then came upon an entry concerning the secrets of his clan.

Dear Mom,

I think I should tell Lily about what Haydn and I are. She's so nice that I can't ever see her being scared of us. I'm sure she'd understand and still want to be friends with us. I better ask Haydn first. He'd get really mad if I did something like this without telling him about it first. I hope he agrees with me. I really would like for someone to know about our kind.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn doesn't like my idea. He says it's too risky. I'm not surprised. He's always so much more cautious than I am. I hope I can get him to change his mind. I don't like keeping secrets from my friends.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Lily took us to her town today! It was so much fun! Lily's parents are so nice, and so are the rest of the townspeople. They had no idea what Haydn and I are. They assumed that we were human children. I guess our clan hasn't raided their town before. I hope it stays that way. They don't deserve the punishment our clan would inflict on them…just like the rest of the towns that have been attacked by our clan.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn has been really uneasy lately. He thinks that something bad is going to happen soon. He think we never should have gone to Lily's town. I hope he's wrong. It scares me to think that something could happen…especially since Haydn had such good senses. He's usually right about things like this….

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn was right. Something bad is happening. We went with Lily to her town again…but they weren't nice to us like they were last time. Lily's dad started yelling and throwing things at us. He told us to get out or he'd kill us. Lily tried to stop him…but it didn't help. Haydn and I had no choice but to run…I just don't understand what's going on. I hope we get to see Lily again…even if we can't go back to her town.

~Zack

Xemnas was a bit puzzled by the last entry. Why was the town so hostile toward the two young boys all of the sudden? He knew that the townspeople had most likely found out about what Zack and Haydn were, which, frankly, he was still unsure of himself. Yet, the real question was, how had they found out.

Dear Mom,

Something weird is going on. Lily hasn't been around all week. She usually gets to our clearing before Haydn and I do, but so far we haven't seen a trace of her. Haydn and I can barely smell her. We think she's been staying in her town this whole time, but we're too afraid to go and see. I really wish we could see her again. Hopefully she'll come back soon…

~Zack

Dear Mom,

We saw Lily again…but…she wasn't the same. When we got to the clearing, Haydn and I could smell her not too far away. We followed our noses and found her picking berries. When she saw us, I saw true fear in her eyes. The stench of it was overwhelming. She wouldn't come near us. Every time me or Haydn took a step towards her, she stepped back. She said she couldn't see us anymore, and before Haydn and I could ask why, she ran away. I don't understand what's going on. Why would she be so scared all of the sudden? What did the others in the town tell her? Lily's open minded personality seemed to be completely gone…I'm so confused…and worried…

~Zack

Xemnas shared the young Zack's confusion and worry. What had happened in such a short period of time? Xemnas found out in the next entry.

Dear Mom,

I can't believe all that has happened. Now I know what happened to Lily and the rest of her town. They figured out what Haydn and I are. My father found out that Haydn and I are friends with Lily and told Haydn's father as well. My father took Haydn's father and his other most loyal followers to Lily's town and tricked them into believing that we were all horrible monsters. That's why they don't want Haydn and I anywhere near them or Lily.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Dad hit me…a lot. He's really angry about me being friends with Lily. It hurts so much. I'm covered in gashes and huge blue and purple bruises. I hope Haydn's dad wasn't as cruel to him as my father was to me. Things really are a mess right now.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

I'm horrified. They killed her. They killed Lily and everyone in her town. They raided the town and slaughtered them mercilessly. My father was behind the whole thing. He ordered and led both the raid and the kill. He brought their bodies back and forced Haydn and I to eat their flesh, just like all of the others in our clan do on a regular basis. I know that members of our clan normally feast on human flesh after a certain age…but I thought it was the most repulsive thing I've ever had to do. The fresh, bloody scent of decaying human flesh doesn't appeal to me at all, and I don't understand why it would appeal to anyone else either. Maybe I wouldn't have found it to be as bad if my father hadn't forced me to eat Lily's flesh…it was awful…I never want to do that again.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

I talked to Haydn for the first time in what feels like forever, even though it's only been a few weeks since I've seen him…when the incident happened. He still has very visible bruises from when his father beat him for befriending a human, as do I. Even though Haydn's visible scars look bad, I know his mental scars are much worse. He was just as, if not more, repulsed by eating human flesh than I was. I didn't get to talk to him much more than that. We both had to go because there's no telling what our fathers would do if they found out we were still talking to each other.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn and I have both decided that we aren't going to follow our clans trend of eating human flesh. Neither one of us want to eat any type of meat ever again. How could we, with what we both had to endure?

~Zack

Xemnas realized that he had reached the end of the second journal. The growing connections between Zack and the giant dog who had eaten the little girl just as Zack had eaten human flesh grew more and more unsettling. Xemnas tried to shake the feeling already buried deep in his gut as he opened the next journal in the pile and read.

Dear Mom,

Today is my ninth birthday, but it doesn't feel like a happy one. Things have just gotten worse here. Dad's position as the leader of our clan has only made him stronger. It scares me. The stronger he grows, the more power hungry he becomes. I'm afraid of him. There have been more killing sprees. I've seen so many humans die. It breaks my heart every time I see one of them brought back to be devoured. Luckily my father has been too busy with other affairs to notice that I haven't been eating the meat. At least I still have Haydn. I would be so lost if he wasn't around.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's ninth birthday is only a couple of weeks away. I completely forgot that his birthday is only a month after mine. I want to get something for him, but he refuses to let me. I was going to get him something anyway, but then I realized that I probably wouldn't be able to. I can't sneak off into another town to buy him something because dad has been watching me very closely lately. There's also the issue of money. My father has a lot of it…but he'd never give me any…and if I took some, he'd definitely notice. There's no way I'd ever steal money from humans like he does. I don't even understand why he takes it. He really doesn't need it, considering he takes everything when he raids human towns.

It's all just a game to him. Sometimes he pretends to be one of them, just so he can mess with their minds. He says he goes to buy food and clothes, which doesn't make any sense since he steals all of those things. He always comes back with the things he said he was going out to buy…but he comes back hours later. I just don't understand what's going on, and I have a feeling that I don't want to know.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's birthday is tomorrow! I'm excited! Thankfully I'll be able to actually see him because we managed to find a time where we could both meet. I still feel bad about not being able to get him a present, but I know he won't mind. Hopefully tomorrow will go well.=)

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's birthday must have been the worst day in all of history. I waited in the spot we agreed to meet, and he wasn't there. In fact, he didn't' show up for several hours. I stayed to see if he would show up, and after a while I started to worry and thought that something bad must have happened. When it started to get dark, I turned around to leave and he showed up in tears.

His mom was killed…on his birthday. I can't imaging anything as horrible as losing someone that you care about on such a special day as your birthday. I was completely speechless when he told me. All I could do was comfort him while he cried in my lap. I hope he's okay right now. I know that his father would beat him for showing emotions, especially the sad ones. I'm sure he'll make it through; he has you, his mom, and me to watch over him, after all.

~Zack

Xemnas stopped reading, not believing that such young boys could have such a childhood and come out as sane adults. Wondering what else could possibly be in store, Xemnas read on.

Dear Mom,

Haydn really is a mess right now. I don't know how he manages to hide his emotions at home…all he does is cry when he sees me. I don't mind though; I'm happy to be there for him. I really hope your watching over him Mom, just in case his mommy isn't. I'm sure that's not the case though, because it sounds like she was a really great woman

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's father makes me so angry. His wife only died a month ago and he's already taken on a new mate. I know that's perfectly normal in our culture, but I think it's disgusting. He never mourned over the loss of Haydn's mom…not once. Haydn thinks that he never really cared for her, and certainly never loved her, considering the word "love" is nonexistent in our society. I haven't met his new mate, but she sounds awful. She's got a reputation for being the most harsh and violent towards others. She's already proved that this reputation of hers is real; Haydn already has bruises all over him that didn't come from his father and couldn't have possibly been caused by clumsiness. I already hate her.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

I talked to Haydn today, and he seemed oddly thoughtful. When I got to the clearing we decided to meet in, he just sat there and thought forever. Then, after a while, he said thank you. When I asked him what he was thanking me for…he said his birthday present. I don't understand mom; I didn't give him a birthday present. Did I miss something? I'm confused. (2)

~Zack

Xemnas couldn't help but smile at the last entry. Even back then, Zack seemed to have his stupidly cute moments while Haydn had his deep, thoughtful instances. Xemnas turned a few pages until he found something that told him a little more about Zack and Haydn's lives.

Dear Mom,

I met Haydn's new step mother today, and she's even scarier than how Haydn described her. I hate that he's forced to live with her. My father had to meet with Haydn's father for some business, and I was forced to come along. I caught a glimpse of Haydn's face. There was a huge black bruise around one of his eyes. I can only guess which parent gave him that.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's very upset. His step mother is pregnant. His mother hasn't been dead for very long, yet his father has moved on like nothing ever happened. Our clan is the worst place anyone could possibly live, and I can't imagine how it is for a baby to come into a world like ours.

~Zack

Xemnas skimmed the rest of the diary, not finding anything that would be of much use to him. He then turned to the next journal, going straight to the first page and reading.

Dear Mom,

Haydn and I have both turned ten already, and Haydn's little brother will be born very soon. He doesn't seem very excited, but the advantage is that his parents aren't paying as much attention to him because their too busy worrying about their next victim. (The baby.) Haydn said that they're hoping for a better son than the one they already have. I think that's stupid. No one could ask for a better son than Haydn. I just wish they could see that.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's little brother was born today. He's so small…and so horribly innocent that I'm not sure that he'll even make it in our clan. Haydn doesn't seem to be too worried. He thinks that at one time we were just like him too, and that if we're doing okay, he'll be okay too. If "okay" is barely living…then I guess we are okay. They named him Kane. It almost seems like too strong of a name for such a little baby, but at the same time, it suits him perfectly.

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn has really gotten attached to Kane. I told him how dangerous that could be for the both of them, but he doesn't care. He said that Kane needs to feel loved like any other child does, and he surely won't get that from his parents. I hope Haydn knows what he's doing. If he doesn't…I may never see either one of them again…

~Zack

Dear Mom,

Haydn's gotten so big! He's starting to look a lot like Haydn, despite the blonde hair. He must have gotten that from his father, because everyone else in his family has dark hair. I think he'll wind up looking less like Haydn when he gets older, except for his eyes. They're exactly like Haydn's. The same shape and dark green color as his brother's.

~Zack


Authors Note: Well, that's the end. I think I've gotten most of part two of Zack's diaries written, but none of the third part. Anyway, please please please please please leave reviews!!! I know I haven't updated in a while, but I hope you haven't forgotten about me!!!!

(1) The present time of this fic takes place in 2008, despite the fact that it's now 2009. XD

(2) I hope you guys got that. Haydn meant that having Zack as a friend was the best present he had ever gotten. Yeah…sorry…had to throw this in as a side note.=D