Summary: When Axel is brought back to life to be with Roxas, they start searching for their other friends from the Organization. Through much difficulty they eventually achieve this goal, but what happens when the superior comes back mysteriously one day? How will Xemnas cope with having to live among normal people and being social? And will love find this man who seems to have a giant stick up his ass! lol. Yeah, better than it sounds. Eventual XemnasxSephiroth. Other pairings include akuroku, cleon,soriku,zemyx, and marluxiaxsaix.
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own kingdom hearts cuz if I did the organization would totally be a sex club .i'm horrible. :D But I totally own Zack and Haydn and everything that comes with them.=)
Genre: Romance/humor/angst/ action
Rating: T (possibly M in much later chapters)
Warnings: language,shounen-ai,and yaoi.
Authors note: Well, it's been about three months again and I haven't updated. For that, I am very, very sorry. But, school is out so the updates should be more frequent. Anyway, enjoy!
End of Chapter 16: Zack's Diaries Part II
Dear Mom,
How can the power of darkness make someone immortal? Can such a thing happen? How is one led to believe that darkness makes them stronger? I just don't get it. I'm terrified of the idea of Father becoming immortal, but will that really happen? The only way we'll ever know is if we wait. Only time will be able to tell.
~Zack
Chapter 17: Zack's Diaries Part III
Dear Mom,
Today was my seventeenth birthday. It was…wow…just…WOW! It started off kind of bad because I had to train with father, but it got better afterwards. I hung out with Haydn for the majority of the day, and I was with Naoki for most of the evening. We talked for hours. It felt so intimate, just sitting there talking to him for so long. After a while things got…well…interesting, you could say. We…damn, I guess I'll just say it! Write it…whatever. We had sex. It's as simple as that. It was amazing. (It's ironic that I write this all down in a journal to my dead mother. Would I be sitting here talking to you about this if you were alive? Sometimes I wonder.) I didn't think sex would be as great as it was. It was kind of weird at first because neither of us really knew what we were doing. Then I freaked out because Naoki started crying. When he calmed down it got better though. I can't wait to tell Haydn about it tomorrow! He'll probably be grossed out because I'm his best friend and Naoki is his step-brother. Oh well, I guess he'll just have to live with it.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
My plans for telling Haydn about my night fell through because a certain somebody (Naoki) already told him. Damn him for ruining my fun! (Ah, well, I love him anyway.) Naoki just laughed and blushed as he apologized for telling his brother about our night before I could. I was expecting Haydn to laugh with us, but when I looked up at him, there wasn't a single trace of amusement in his eyes. I don't understand why he hates Naoki so much. I'm completely in love with him and he makes me happy, yet my own best friend can't stand the one person I adore. He's being so selfish. I want to confront him about it, but I really don't know how to go about doing it. It's times like these when I wish you were still here.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Father has been training me a lot more often. Is it possible that he suspects what's going on and is trying to keep me away from Haydn and Naoki, or does he want to use me in his grand scheme? I don't like the thought of either one, but I have a bad feeling that it might be a little of both. I think that that may be even worse. He hasn't said anything that would lead me to believe he knows what's going on, then again, he loves seeing people squirm. He's probably hoping I'll crack under pressure. Well, I just wont give him that kind of satisfaction. I'm a lot stronger than he thinks.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I've gotten to spend more time with Naoki since we started training more often with our source. It's amazing to be with him. I try to get Haydn to stay to talk with us, but he leaves right after training. I feel terrible. WE never talk anymore unless it's about training. Whenever I try to talk to him about anything else he either refuses to say anything or makes up some excuse for why he has to leave. It's starting to piss me off. I'm slowly losing my best friend and I feel like I have absolutely no control over it or any way to make it better.
Shit…I'm supposed to be meeting Naoki right now. We have…stuff to do. Hopefully I can sneak out without waking father up. I can't think of any proper excuses as to why I would be going out this late.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Training with our source has been especially rough lately. He's been making us learn and do things that I never imagined possible. Today, after we were through, I asked him if my father knew how to do all of the things we were learning. He said that he knew how to do all of it, plus much more. That scared me a little, considering that I've never seen my father do half of the things we do while we train. Apparently, according to our source, there are a lot of things my father has done that I've never heard about. The thought was unsettling, but I'm sure if you were alive you would know exactly what he's talking about.
I also asked him why my father has never taken the time to teach me these things if he knows how to do them all so well. Especially since he seems pretty set in his idea of having me help him rule the world. Our source told me that it was because father doesn't want me to become more powerful than him. He wants a son that will help him destroy everyone, but not a son that can overpower and defeat him someday. That's why our source want all of us to get stronger. If he teaches us the techniques the correct way, he's sure that we can defeat my father. I hope he's right, for the sake of all of us.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
My relationship with Naoki has been going great, but my friendship with Haydn continues to suffer. We've been talking less and less every day, and I don't know how to make it better. Life kind of sucks.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Our clan is in chaos. Father let the Heartless into our territory last week and they've been wreaking havoc since then. Some members of the clan, the more powerful ones in particular, have welcomed the Heartless quite graciously. Several others are dead because they were devoured by those strange creatures. Father claims that they were too weak to handle the power of the Heartless, but the real reason is that they were too overcome by darkness to remain in a world where Heartless are practically everywhere.
You would think father would be angry about these creatures killing off members of our clan whom he once deemed "valuable assets", but now he claims that he's glad that the Heartless have gotten rid of the ones who were too weak to help him in his cause. It's disgusting. These monsters are taking lives and my father doesn't give a damn.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Training, both from father and from the source, has been indescribably brutal. Father is getting more powerful and so are his minions. It's really starting to terrify me. I don't know if I can take training on both sides much longer; it's exhausting. There are days when I just want to give up on everything, especially since I have no one to talk to about these sort of things. My best friend almost refuses to speak to me and I don't have time for Naoki right now. I wish you were here…
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Father is planning on doing things even more horrendous than I thought. Our source found out about his experiments and said that he can become even more powerful by eating someone that is turned into a Nobody. (Other than the normal way that a human is transformed into a Nobody, if you could even begin to classify that as ordinary.) If father's theory is correct, then the whole world could be in trouble. How would you go about turning someone into a Nobody? Is it possible? If it is I'm sure father has already found a way to do it, but our source isn't entirely sure. I'm hoping he'll find out soon.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I feel for Haydn, and Naoki's, little brother Kane. The clan is already trying to train him into being a horrible monster, and he's only seven years old. I guess I can't say I haven't been there, considering that Haydn and I started training (against our will of course) when we were even younger than that. Even though all of that is true, I still think that Kane's training is significantly more difficult than ours was. The clan is much more cruel to him when he's messes up during these sessions. It breaks my heart to see someone that young go through that much pain, especially when it reminds me of all the pain I went through when I was that age. It must hurt even more for Haydn; he's closer to Kane than anyone. He's also held responsible for dishing out a lot of these training sessions under the watchful eye of their merciless step-mother and father. Knowing Haydn, he probably makes it up to the poor kid later. That's just the amazing older brother he is. I'm actually comforted by the fact that Haydn is Kane's big brother. It gives me hope that there will be other generations in our clan that act decently to the rest of the world.
Oh! Also, Haydn's slowly starting to talk to me again. I don't know what possessed him to do so, but I'm glad he did. Who knows, maybe things were just really bad at home and he needed some space to cool off. Yet that still bothers me, considering he usually tells me everything…
I should try not to ponder on these things for too long. It makes one start to doubt everything they've ever known as true and sacred…
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Things have been really tense around here lately. The humans have become suspicious of us and are planning on attacking. Not just any humans, but the ones in the army. The ones who are trained for combat and have weapons. I'm afraid that those who are close to me are going to be seriously hurt, or worse, killed, because we're all being forced into this battle. I have a feeling that this is going to get out of hand, and it's all father's fault. If he would just stop with this search for power and leave the Heartless and Nobodies none of this would be a problem. I don't like the idea of going into battle. The stench of blood is already strong in my nose and the fighting hasn't even started yet.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Everything is all wrong. The battle has started, and I don't know what to think of it. They made us attack a human town right outside of our territory. I would be amazed if there are any survivors. I had to kill innocent people who had no idea why we were attacking. I don't even why we're fight or what we're fighting for. It's all kept secret, but no one seems to question it. Our clan fights mindlessly, but that's ultimately what father wants. He may be a vile bastard, but he knows how to talk his way out of anything and how to make people fight against others who have done them no harm. When something bad happens he blames it on the humans.
I think that one of the most ridiculous things he's ever blamed the humans for is the Heartless attacks. He's just thrilled that the Heartless are attacking those who he deems as "unworthy" in his clan, but he'd never admit that to anyone because those who don't know how to control the Heartless are afraid that they will be next on their list. Father was the one who let the Heartless into our territory in the first place, but he blames the humans for letting it happen. He claims that the humans couldn't keep them under control, so now they've moved to us and we've got the heavy burden of trying to control them now.
So you see, our clan has quite a bit of rage towards humans for no real reason because father is spewing a bunch of bullshit lies. It's sickening. I don't blame the humans for trying to kill us off; I would want us dead too if I were in their position. We've killed off their kind for far too long. I'm surprised that they didn't fight back sooner.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Every time we go to fight it gets more intense. The humans have gotten a lot stronger and smarter. I can tell that father is starting to sweat a little. I don't think he ever expected the humans would fight back to this degree. It makes me happy to see him receiving a taste of his own medicine. The humans have actually managed to kill quite a few of our clan members. It's pretty bizarre. Even I, who have always believed that humans were much more capable than us in so many ways, would've never guessed that they would become this powerful. I want all of this to end soon. I'm so sick of fighting.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
This mindless fighting has led to less training with our source. I feel like I wont have the strength to fight off father and his supporters if I don't train more. I think we'll have a training session soon. We really need it.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Well, we had a training session today…but it wasn't what it usually is. We didn't train in the way we're used to. Instead of using our physical and mental abilities, we made these weird potions…or tried to at least. They were complicated to make because there were so many ingredients to remember and if you got one step even slightly wrong it messed up the entire thing. So now we have to take the time to create these potions as part of our training.
One of the potions is called Rikkido, while the other is called Rokkudo. Rikkido is used to hide scents. Our source was able to make it perfectly, but all we managed to do was make ourselves smell really bad. Hopefully we'll be able to get it with a little more practice.
I've never seen either of the potions we made, but our source said that that many of our superiors know how to make them. They learn so they can hide their scents from enemy clans of demons during battle. We don't use it in the fight we're in now because humans obviously don't have strong enough noses to track us down through their sense of smell.
I asked why no one bothered to teach us about these potions before. Our source said that it's usually only taught to higher ups because it's believed that lower leveled clan members can't handle it. It's just stupid. I think we're just as capable. Our source wants us to know how to use them just in case we have to hide from our clan. If they can't smell us, there's less of a chance that they'll find us.
The second potion we made, Rokkudo, is a strange one. It's used to change the properties of blood. Whether it be to thicken, thin, or completely drain someone of blood, this potion can do it. Today we tried an easier, less deadly version that simply changes the color of blood. It seemed simple enough at first, but all we managed to do was change our blood the color pink when we were supposed to turn it blue. I'm still not sure how it happened. Although our source said it was a pretty good start. Apparently it's a miracle that we managed to make our blood change any color on the first try. Easy for him to say. He got his blood to alter into this really cool shade of blue!
Our source also said that it's important to know how to make Rokkudo in case one of us loses a lot of blood during battle. I think these potions could actually come in handy some day. The strangest thing about them is that they don't have any odor, taste, or color to them. You could give them to someone and they would have no idea. It's kind of remarkable, but potentially deceiving and lethal at the same time.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
We're starting to get a lot better at making potions, and we've gotten so much stronger than I thought we ever could be. I'm glad. I have a growing suspicion that our battles are about to get worse. The humans are threatening to declare an all out war on us. My father is all for it. He thinks that it will get him even closer to destroying their race. Has he even stopped to think that maybe the humans could easily overpower us in large numbers?
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The whole clan is terrified of father now. I think he has nearly become immortal. After what I saw today, the possibility of him living forever is immense.
He held a meeting this morning in which all of our clan was required to attend. It was basically a meeting to talk about upcoming battle strategies and how everyone is playing a role in this (probable) war. In the middle of his speech, some poor fool tried to rebel against his plans and successfully stabbed him…but father wasn't hurt at all. He was stabbed right through the torso and he didn't even flinch. He just pulled the sword out of himself and stabbed the man who had tried to kill him. The poor guy was dead within one flick of father's wrist. When I looked down at my fathers wound I noticed that it had nearly healed itself completely. Pretty soon the rest of the clan noticed too and a wave of horrified gasps and whispers were heard around the whole room. I looked across the room at our source and found that he wore the exact same expression. How the hell are we supposed to take out someone who can do that?! Being able to heal that quickly isn't normal for any breed of demon. How are the Nobodies making him that powerful? It just isn't adding up.
After everyone had calmed down my father gave everyone a grave warning. He said that if anyone dared to betray him, then we would suffer even more than the hopeless man before us had. He's lost his patience with traitors. The scariest thing was that as he was saying all of this, his eyes kept shifting between me, Haydn, Naoki, and our source. Just how much does he know? Thankfully we all managed to keep straight faces. I'm scared Mom. I've never felt so helpless in my entire life.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
War has been declared. Judging by the strong scent of rapidly approaching humans, they'll be in our territory by tomorrow morning. I better get some sleep. Who knows what time I'm going to have to get up to start one of many battles.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
We barely won our first battle today. I was right when I said that the humans could overpower us if there were enough of them, and they almost did due to father's cocky, careless planning. I can tell that he's uneasy. It'll be interesting to see what he does about it.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Father has called on the help of ally clans both near and far. They consist of clans that have both helped us in the past and those who we have come to the aid of before. Our territory is extremely overcrowded now and reeks of new, unfamiliar demons. We outnumber the humans now. This is absurd. I can't take it anymore. I want this to be over, but it's not going to end any time soon.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
It feels like we're killing off hundreds of humans by the minute. I've got so much blood on my hands that I can't seem to wash it off no matter how hard I try. The scent seems to have permanently seeped into my skin. Everywhere I go I can see, taste, smell, and feel their blood as their shrill screams ring in my ears. I wake up crying and screaming at night because of the nightmares that ensue after each battle. The few hours of sleep I get are shortened because of this. I don't know if I can hold up much longer, but I've got to be strong for Haydn and Naoki, even if I'm only pretending.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I've now realized how father is becoming so much stronger. He has taken his revolting, power hungry craze to a whole new extreme. He's creating his own Nobodies that are derived from demon clans, killing them and devouring them like he has all the others. He claims that it's his way of wiping out anyone that he deems unfit for war, but have enough power to supply him with additional energy in the form of a Nobody. Our source doesn't know how he's doing any of this. Honestly, I'm not sure I care to know.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I've really done it now. I think I just ruined nearly ten years of friendship with Haydn. I'm not even sure how it happened. He told me that Naoki was on my father's side and that he was going to betray our cause the first chance he got. We started arguing and it steadily got worse and worse. Eventually we were both saying things that we didn't really mean. I took it too far. I told him that the only reason he didn't like Naoki was because he was jealous that Naoki and I had something together that he could never have. Then…he let his mind block down…something he hasn't done since we met. It was just for a moment, but it was long enough to let me see the emotional heartbreak he was going through. There's all these feelings that he's kept hidden all his life, even from me, his best friend. His emotions gave me the impression that he has been in love with someone for a very long time, but has never been able to express this love. It was like all of these emotions were directed toward me…but that's impossible. There's no way Haydn could ever be in love with me. He's never given off any signals. We can't be more than friends because we're practically brothers. We're nothing more and we never will be. I mean, I used to think about what it would be like if Haydn and I were in a relationship…but then Naoki came along.
Speaking of which, there's no way Naoki could possibly be a traitor. He would never do something like that. He's been our friend for so long…there's no way he could hide something like that. But why would Haydn say anything like that if it wasn't true? I don't know what to believe anymore. I love both of them and I'm torn between which one to believe, since I certainly can't believe both of them.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Haydn and Naoki wont speak to each other. It has gotten to the point where they avoid even taking the smallest glances at each other. Haydn wont look at me either. I can't stand it. Naoki will still talk to me, but I can tell that he's really hurt by Haydn's accusations. He keeps looking at me as if he's expecting me to choose between the two of them. I can tell Haydn wont consider talking to me until I choose "which side I'm on." I'm not only at war with humans that I don't even want to fight, but with the two people I care about more than anything. I don't know if I can do this for much longer.
~Zack
Xemnas didn't know what to think of the last two entries he had read. Had Haydn really been in love with Zack? If he had been, was he still when they were together and about to be married? What about now? The idea was strange and foreign in his mind. Xemnas looked at the next entry and squinted. The handwriting was so shaky looking that he could only guess that it had been written in a very quick and hasty manner. He read slowly, trying to decipher the messy scrawl on the old worn paper that was supposed to be writing.
Dear Mom,
I have to write this quickly. I'm supposed to be out fighting right now. The sound of gunfire is getting closer and the smell of blood, sweat, and dirt are getting stronger. This will probably be the last time I write for a while. This war is getting worse and it's getting to a point where it's dangerous for me to write, even as I'm doing it now. I need to go. I'm not sure when I'll be able to write next. It may be goodbye forever. This journal could easily be destroyed, along with everything else in this war.
~Zack
Xemnas noticed that this journal entry was certainly not the last, and that the next one was dated several months later. It was the day before Zack's eighteenth birthday.
Dear Mom,
We're so close to battling against the clan that I can almost taste it. We're attacking tomorrow as we fight the humans. We're hoping that it will be easier if the humans are distracting them. None of the other clans will be joining us in the battle. Father divided them amongst other worlds. He's sure that our clan's forces can handle everything here. Hopefully the lack of other clans will be an advantage to us, or at least put us on the same level.
You know, now that this battle is so close, it's made me think about the future. I haven't even began to think about life outside of the clan. It's kind of ironic, considering that I've centered my entire life around getting out of here. What will life on the other side be like? How odd will it be to live amongst the humans with the fear of the clan far behind us? Is any of this even attainable, or is it all an unreachable dream? It's my dream to live in complete peace with Naoki and Haydn. Where would we live? Somewhere out in the country maybe? I think they would like that, to live somewhere beautiful and quiet.
But who am I kidding? Haydn and Naoki still won't speak to each other, and they barely speak to me. I've gone over tomorrow's plans with them in detail, but who knows if they'll actually show up. I hope our friendship is strong enough to make that happen.
~Zack
The next entry was dated to the next day. The writing looked as if it had been written in a struggle. Xemnas soon found out why.
Dear Mom,
I feel as though I'm dead. I survived, but I still feel as though my blood is no longer running through my veins. I've gone completely cold. Today's events have made me feel as though there will never be any hope in life again. I've lost nearly everything I have.
This morning we got up and started walking towards our war grounds…or at least that's where we thought we were going. Father found out and lead us into a trap. Or at least I thought there was an us at first. It was just me and Naoki…but Naoki was the one who told my father about our plans in the first place. Naoki has been a spy for my father all these years. Haydn was right…he only pretended to love me so that he could get more information out of me….so I would trust him. He's been helping father with plans to exterminate me the whole time…or was, anyway. He's dead now. Gone forever. Haydn killed him after I gave him permission to do so.
I'm so lost. He was lying to me the whole time. He never really loved me, and the worst part is that Haydn tried to tell me not to trust him all along, but I wouldn't listen to him. I wouldn't listen to my own best friend when I needed to the most. What the hell is wrong with me? How could I not have seen this coming? It seems so obvious now that its happened…
So many people are gone. It wasn't just our own that we had to kill…but so many human children. We were led to a clearing that was very close to an orphanage. The son of one of my father's closest advisors burned it to the ground. He has an uncanny ability with fire. I feel like I killed those children, and I can never forgive myself for that…
Then there's our source. Father turned him into a Nobody. He fought against us like he had never seen us before. Father turned him into a vicious beast, but I'm not sure how. We tried to snap him out of it, but it was no use. He didn't recognize us no matter what we did. He almost killed Haydn, but he sliced him across the face twice before he got the chance. He ran off howling in pain. We don't know what happened to him after that. I just hope that father didn't devour him. I hope he got away…
We barely got away ourselves. I thought we were going to die. We were severely outnumbered and we were getting tired really fast. We were lucky enough to slip away unnoticed when members of the human army ambushed our clan. Haydn and I have been taking Rikkido to hide our scent. We shouldn't be able to be sensed by smell. The only problem is that I cant even smell Haydn and he's only a foot away. His scent has always comforted me, and now I can't have it. I should try to get some sleep now. Haydn will get worried if he wakes up and finds out I'm still awake.
~Zack
Xemnas reread the entry before setting the journal down and sighing heavily. He looked at the next unread journal and found that he was almost afraid of picking it up and reading it. Almost. So the orphanage really had existed and really had burned down, even though the association he had thought the two had with the place was a complete lie. Who had burned down the orphanage? What had become of the boy's source? What would become of Zack's father and the rest of the clan? How would Zack and Haydn live among humans now that they were technically free? Xemnas opened to next journal and read:
Dear Mom,
It's impossible to focus on anything. I don't even know what's real or what's important anymore. Haydn and I have our freedom, but at what cost? Everyone is dead…
No one is free. Not really. We've escaped the clan, but we still live in fear of them returning to kill us. We're constantly hiding from everyone for fear of being caught. We've been hiding our scents with Rikkido and flowers, so we should be fine…unless we're seen…
At the mention of flowers, Xemnas had to wonder if the boys had been occupying the same area that they had been in only a day before. Haydn had claimed that the flowers would hide their scents, and it would explain why Haydn knew the area so well. It was strange to think that they may have been in the same are that the boys had been in years before, struggling to survive and find their place in society.
Haydn and I still haven't figured out what we're going to do. We don't know where to go. We can't simply get up and move to a human town. Where would we get the money to live among humans? What would we tell them if they asked where we were from? We still have a lot to discuss. I'm sure we'll figure something out soon.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The clan is still fighting strong. Apparently our leaving hasn't effected the way they battle. It's not much of a surprise. None of them have ever really cared about us, yet I know that we aren't going to get off that easily. I'm sure that they're planning some sort of revenge for our betrayal. That's all right. We'll find some way around it. Haydn an I are still trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. Our wounds from our battle have healed up well, so we're probably going to start investigating human towns soon. We need to find the safest place to live. I think we'd both prefer to be far away from the clan's territory.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
We started looking around human towns today. It's so fascinating to see them in their natural environment. I tried to have fun with it, but Haydn was so on guard and cautious about everything that it was difficult to enjoy anything. I know what he's trying to do. He's worried that the clan will be around. I don't blame him for being alert, but he should tone it down a bit. His skittish behavior is making us look suspicious. We still don't know where we're going to live yet, but we're talking about getting an apartment, even though I have no idea how we're going to get the money for that.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
We finally got our apartment, but neither of us is too proud of how we did it…
We had to steal all of the money we used to pay for the apartment, clothes, food, and furniture we've bought so far, and we'll have to keep stealing until we can find proper jobs. The townspeople are friendly, so I'm sure they'll have no problem showing us around and pointing us in the right direction for work.
I know you'd be disappointed if you were alive to see me stealing all of this money, and I'm disappointed in myself, but we don't have any other choice right now. I feel especially horrible because it's so easy to steal from them. We're so much faster than they are. I guess I should go to bed. We have to wake up early tomorrow.
~Zack
The next journal entry was written a few months later.
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but if I continued to write on a regular basis with the way things are going now I would have filled pages upon pages of the exact same thing. Haydn and I found jobs, so we're not stealing anymore, but life has become so repetitive. We've gotten into the habit of doing the same thing every day, and it's making us both restless. We need a change of scene, even though we got here not too long ago.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The perfect opportunity has opened its doors to us. The human army is looking for new recruits and we're thinking of joining. It would be the perfect way for us to get out this monotony that we've gotten ourselves trapped in and it would be a big step towards destroying our clan. We just need to be very careful about the way we go about joining. They're likely to ask for several forms of I.D. and will want to know where we're from. We have to meet with some army generals tomorrow. Pray that all goes well.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The generals didn't suspect a thing. We used our fake id's that we've been using since we started living in human territory. When they asked us about our origins we told them that we grew up in that orphanage that our own clan burned to the ground We decided to tell them that we were from there because the records were all destroyed in the fire. We explained that we left after we both turned eighteen, shortly before the unexplainable fire. After a careful choice of words and some confirmations on certain dates, they told us that we start training in a week.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The humans were certainly surprised with our abilities today. Their training courses are so much easier than what we had to go through as small children. It was especially amusing to watch their jaws drop as Haydn finished the first obstacle course. They were all expecting him to do bad based on his small body frame, but he naturally did better than everyone else because of what he is. Hopefully we wont have to wait much longer to get into battle since we've progressed so much faster than the others.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
We're moving to a different region tomorrow. The higher ups in the army have embraced us with open arms due to our ability and strength. They've told us that we're likely to move forward quickly. I honestly don't know whether to be happy about that or not. Even though we've broken away from the clan, I still feel that we are no better than them. We're still killing people for idiotic reasons. Some would argue that we're fighting for freedom, but I can't see it that way. I find that all killing is meaningless, even if it involves killing the bastards in our clan. I find no point in killing them most days, even though they are the most evil beings that have ever lived. Yet, on the same account, I'm willing to kill them and my father to see them recieve the karma that has been coming to them for years.
I don't know what Haydn and I will do if we run into them during this war. Will they give us away for what we really are? Would anyone even notice their statement in the midst of a battle?
~Zack
Dear Mom,
So far the battles with the other clans haven't been all that bad, at least physically. Mentally and emotionally it has been one of the most difficult displays of violence I've ever had to watch. Haydn and I have made so many friends, but we seem to be losing them just as quickly. I see so many people die on a daily basis that it feels unreal. They're vicious killers, but I've found that humans are just as capable of being monsters. It's sad, this struggle to find a better race, when none of them are really better than anyone. If anything, while on this quest, they make themselves worse than they really are.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
More Heartless and Nobodies have been showing up in our battles lately. Although we haven't seen any Nobodies in human form, I have a feeling that they're there. I wish I knew where they were all coming from. As much as I want to blame my clan for the sudden increase in enemies, I know that I cant. Something else is going on; I just don't know what yet.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
Haydn and I have been separated. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. He's the only person I can count on in this world and now he could be anywhere, amongst any of the worlds out there. I should have known that we'd be separated eventually. It's nearly impossible to stay close to anyone in this war. People are getting shipped off to other units every day. I can no longer remember anyone's faces because they're always changing, always different. Haydn said he would get in touch with me as soon as he can. I'm just afraid that something will happen to him before he's able to.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I just heard from Haydn a couple of hours ago. He's okay, but apparently things are pretty bad over there. I'm glad that he's as powerful as he is, but I cant help but worry. I wish he was closer so I could keep a better eye on him.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The number of Heartless and Nobodies in the area is disturbing. No one knows why this is happening, but I've recently discovered from confidential sources that there may be some connection to this recent increase with a place called Radiant Garden. It's not too far from where I am now. Some higher ups have been looking into it. I just don't understand how a place like that could be linked to this kind of destruction.
~Zack
Xemnas let a bitter smile cross his face for a brief moment before flipping to the next entry. How could such a place cause such a terrible mess? Oh, it was simple really. One deranged teenager usually did the trick. He knew that Zack was writing about him. He was the one responsible for much of the pain during that war. Ironic that he was also a great healer of that war after the Eiji's took him in and provided him with a job at their hospital.
Dear Mom,
Well, I'm nineteen, if that's anything to be proud of. I don't feel as if I've really accomplished anything in my nineteen years of living. We've broken away from our clan, but they're not out of our lives; not by a long shot. I have a horrible feeling that they never will be. I feel that they will be around after Haydn and I were gone. It's a scary thought--the inhabitants of the worlds fending for themselves in the face of my father and his minions. The only way I'll ever find peace is knowing that my father is dead. Ridding the world of Nobodies, Heartless, and my clan is the only true way to keep the worlds safe.
~Zack
Xemnas reread the last sentence over and over again.
'Ridding the world of Nobodies…' Xemnas thought as his heart constricted in his sturdy chest. Zack had wanted to rid the world of nonexistent beings. The same breed of nonexistent being that he had once been. Surely Zack must not have known that he was one of these Nobodies? He prayed that he hadn't, although it was far too early to know for sure.
Dear Mom,
Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. This war has been so hectic and tragic that I hardly find the time to think properly anymore. Haydn turned nineteen today. This is the first birthday we've spent apart since we were nine. That's ten years. Being with him on my birthday is something I never considered I'd miss, but it's lonely. I'm sure it's lonely for him too. He doesn't really know anyone where he is. At least I got to speak with him today, if only briefly. He's in another world right now. I can't remember the name though. It was a world I'm completely unfamiliar with. I feel kind of guilty for not remembering a detail like that. I should know these things! (I can just imagine Haydn shaking his head at me right now for my nonsense.) He said he's try to call back soon, but who knows if that'll actually happen. Things are worse where he is.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
The higher ups have found out that the increase in Heartless and Nobodies is indeed coming from Radiant Garden. They've found out that all of the negative energy is coming from the castle in that town, usually known as Hollow Bastion. They've narrowed it down to six individuals, the leader being a teen named Xehanort. They're the apprentices of a man named Ansem. Apparently this Xehanort is a bit of a rogue. He started doing experiments that Ansem didn't approve of. He was conducting experiments involving the darkness, testing its effects an human hearts, especially the hearts of young children. His findings are intriguing, but fatal. Ansem told him to stop, but Xehanort decided not to follow his orders. He started conducting his experiments with his colleagues in secret. Ansem soon became suspicious when the number of Heartless started to increase and the castle began to feel much darker. A week later, Ansem confronted Xehanort, promising him that he'd pay if he didn't stop his foolishness. A heated argument ensued. A few weeks later, Ansem went missing. No one has seen him since that dispute. Not a trace of him has been left behind. Investigators believe that Xehanort had something to do with his mysterious disappearance.
I have no idea how this information was found, but I don't understand how investigators can stay so calm with the information they have. The idea of being so close to the very person who has cause so much grief and not being able to do anything about it is infuriating. If I ever come face to face with this Xehanort, I'll kill him. He would deserve every single blow.
~Zack
A wave of sickness rose in Xemnas's very core, so intense that he thought he would vomit. An acrimonious laughter bubbled inside of him and left his lips vehemently. The irony of it all. How many times has Zack loved and kissed and gone to bed with an alternative form of Xehanort?
'Too many to count.' Xemnas thought as he flipped the thin worn pages of the old journal. Zack had wished for his death in a way. His hate for Xehanort must have mingled with his love for Xemnas at some point. Had this, on some subconscious level, hurt his nonexistent heart all those years ago as well as the heart that beat fiercely in his chest right now? The number of possibilities seemed to thicken around him like impenetrable walls as he found out more about Zack's dark past. Xemnas soaked up the next journal entry, hoping to find out more answers, and (almost) praying that he wouldn't run into any more questions.
Dear Mom,
Haydn has been moved to the same post I'm at. My captain said something about needing more people for an upcoming battle. It isn't likely to last. One of us will probably be switched to another base within the next few weeks. Maybe the next few days. Who knows.
~Zack
The next entry was written several months after the previous one.
Dear Mom,
Sorry it's been so long. The battles have been getting more drawn out lately. I was moved to a different post a couple of months back where the enemies are more severe. (Lucky me, right?)
Something strange has happened in Radiant Garden. The officials tried to arrest Xehanort and his followers a few days ago. The strange this is, when they broke into the place, they found it completely empty. At first they thought they had found out and had run away, but there were no clear signs of anything like that. No clothes or other personal items seemed to be missing. It looked as though the castle's occupants had been moving about naturally, concerned with nothing, and just vanished into thin air. The whole incident is puzzling. How do people who have run away from the law make it look as though they never left? They couldn't have vanished. It's impossible. The officials stayed in Hollow Bastion for hours, blocking every possible entry and exit so their suspects wouldn't be able to sneak in or out, but nothing happened. They never returned. They've started using dogs to track their scents, but so far they've found nothing. The dogs can't find a trace of them in Radiant Garden or any surrounding towns. It's all so strange. Will they ever be captured?
~Zack
Xemnas smirked. Vanished? Yes, they had vanished so suddenly, without any warning. So quickly, in fact, that he himself had had no recognition of who he was when he awoke in the Eiji's home. The only thing he could recall was his Nobody name. He still had no idea how the name Xemnas floated into his head.
Of course the stupid officials would be confused by the disappearance. Their minds couldn't wrap around the idea of what happened to them that day, when their hearts were taken, only left with their bodies and souls. No one could have tracked them down. Not even the powerful nose of a mere canine. A Nobodies scent was, after all, completely altered when they transformed. They, in mind, were quite similar to their human forms, but changed drastically biologically. Therefore, the aid of an animal's strong sense of smell couldn't help because their human scent no longer existed. It only lingered in the final places the human form had occupied. At this, Xemnas wondered how long his human scent had stayed behind in Hollow Bastion. A few days? A month? A year, perhaps? Did he smell similar to the human form that he had back then as he did now? Xemnas banished these thoughts as he looked through the journal. Many of the entries were about Zack's hopes and doubts, his thoughts about the future. The next entry he read was written on Zack's twentieth birthday.
Dear Mom,
Another year has gone by. I'm twenty years old and I feel like I'm completely worthless. Haydn and I broke away from the clan two years ago, yet they still follow us around like the plague. I haven't seen Haydn in months, and it scares me to think that I may never see him again. What if one of us was killed in battle tomorrow? How would the other ever know? It's such a scary thought and I know shouldn't think that way, but Haydn and I haven't been able to contact each other in the past six months. That's how bad things have gotten. A lot of the men and women here cant even contact their families for fear of their letters and phone calls being tracked. This war is turning the strong into the paranoid.
~Zack
Dear Mom,
I finally got a letter from Haydn today. It was passed down from one of his former captains. The information it contained was pretty disturbing. Apparently Haydn's been passed out in a hospital for the past two weeks in a town called Rokugo. When he woke up he met a man that goes by Doctor Eiji. He recognized what Haydn was immediately due to his scent. Turns out this man has our clan's blood running through him. So little that he's considered human, but enough to give him the powerful nose of a demon. He didn't realize Haydn's scent initially because the months worth of Rikkido he had used hadn't worn off yet. However, the potion wore off a couple of days later and it became all too clear. Dr. Eiji thought that there was a mistake at first. Needless to say, the doctor had a lot of questions for Haydn when he woke up. Haydn had no choice but to tell him everything. Apparently one of Eiji's relatives on his father's side did the same thing years ago. This relative broke away from the clan and married a human, who also married a human. From there it continued and the human side of the family's genes took over.
The strangest thing was that this man had the scent of a Nobody on him. It wasn't strong, but it was there, faintly. It was like a Nobody had briefly brushed past him, causing its scent to linger there. When Haydn questioned him about it, he suddenly got very tense. It's like he's hiding something. Who would want to hide a Nobody? Why would anyone hide something that's causing this war? Is he secretly supporting the other side? I'm not sure…but it's strange. Haydn wasn't able to figure it out while he was there.
Haydn also found out that this man conducted experiments. Since he's a doctor, he was able to obtain hearts that have been stored. When he wasn't using those he was often using the Heartless or Nobodies (usually Dusks) to conduct his experiments. His findings were going smoothly, in complete secret, until one day something went terribly wrong. He lost control of the darkness that he was using. Yet, instead of taking him, it took control of his baby daughter's heart. No one knew what was wrong with her, except him. He had to cover up what happened, hiding the truth from everyone, even his own wife. The little girl developed severe heart problems because of the darkness that had resided there. As the months went by, her condition worsened. Desperate to heal his daughter, the doctor began doing research, but found no answers. So, with that in mind, he cautiously began to conduct more experiments, looking for a way to fix what he had done. However, his findings only made his daughter worse. It got to the point where she almost never slept or ate; she was constantly crying. She finally died one early morning. Silently. She fell into a deep sleep and eventually just stopped breathing. There was nothing anyone could do. Her body couldn't take the darkness. She was just a baby. A baby had to die because of this god damn war. Not from a battle, but from the fucking darkness. I hope Haydn hit that man. He deserves to be smacked around for what he's done to his family.
~Zack
Xemnas's blood ran cold. That's why Dr. Eiji's child had died? Because of careless experimentation? In his mind he remembered the conversation that he had overheard between Haydn and Zack. How odd that conversation had seemed then. Yet, now, he thought he understood it a little bit better. Anger and pity swelled in his heart as his memories floated back to the days of when he had been a mere teenager, rocking that same sick, crying baby in his arms. How dare he. All these years he had seen Dr. Eiji as a kind man who loved to help and to heal people, but this was a man who had also killed his infant daughter. Through a complete accident, but still, she had died because of his work.
'I shouldn't be this infuriated with Eiji.' Xemnas thought. 'At least he didn't experiment on young children, like I did all those years before.' Yes, it was true that he had experimented on children in the past, but they all came out mostly unharmed in the end. Yet now he had to wonder if those same children had grown up to develop similar health problems to the ones that Eiji's daughter had. It was a scary thought. He had conducted experiments on many children. Had he ruined any of their lives through his morbid curiosities? Xemnas shuddered at the thought.
Xemnas froze as he looked at the next, and last, journal in the once large stack. It was the same journal Xemnas had found stashed away in Zack's bloody clothes when he was brought to the hospital that day. Xemnas set the journal on his lap, his hands placed on top of it to steady himself. He took a deep breath, opened it, and eagerly flipped through the pages. At first he only saw mere sketches of battle plans, but soon his eyes fell to a journal entry that he knew he would see eventually if he continued to read, yet he was still unprepared. The top of the entry read:
Dear Mom,
I woke up in a hospital today. You wouldn't believe how cute my nurse is. He's got beautifully tanned skin and the prettiest silver hair. But I think it's his eyes that capture me the most. They're amber. I've never seen eyes like that. Yet I think I may know why they're so strangely colored. You see, I could tell right away that he was a Nobody…
Xemnas knew then that this journal was where the real answers were. He eagerly continued to read, wondering what Zack's final journal had in store for him.
Author's Note: DON DON DON!!! My dreaded cliffhangers have returned. Hehehe. I'm such a bitch. =) But you guys love me anyway right?? RIGHT!!! You better, or else you wont be seeing anymore chapters for a LONG time. Lol. Okay, I'm kidding about that. I'm not that mean. But seriously, PLLEEEEEEAAASSSSEEE REVIEW!!! I spent quite a bit of time on this chapter, especially towards the end. The next chapter is going to be a tough one, since it has to correspond with Xemmy's past with Zack perfectly. Anyway, enough of my rambling…GO REVIEW!!! (I give digital cookies.=)
