Hello guys! So, I've finally gotten off my ass and updated! I'm happy. :) There are two more chapters left, I think. Don't quote me on it. I hope you're all well! :D Your reviews have made my life every time I read them, so thankyou very much! Here's chapter 17. I hope you like it. :) Leave a review, please! Love you allll xxxx
Songs in this chapter (in order):
How To Save A Life - The Fray
Terrible Things - Mayday Parade
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Paradise - Coldplay
Jace didn't know why he was there. It was no use, just standing there, wishing he'd have done something differently, but there he was. Clary's room hadn't changed a bit since the last time he was there, except the maid had cleaned it and it looked less like Clary, who was messy and fun and his. This room looked like a fucked up version of her old room, and he decided he liked her old room much, much more. He knew where he wanted to go. She wasn't dead, and he knew it. But he wanted to have her close―hold her in his arms, spend more time together, act like they were just two teenagers who were in love―so he went to her room and opened her closet, the place where he knew Clary's music was.
Clary's music was what made her who she was. Jace was surprised to find out, on his own, that he didn't really know much about her music taste. He knew that music made her who she was. When he first met her, she didn't seem too . . . hardcore. She dressed like most people, only most people at the event probably didn't swear nearly as much as she did, and he bet they didn't have a nose ring. He smiled at her ring. It was obvious that her mother, near as always, hated it. But Clary loved it, and so did Jace. It was the only thing―along with her attitude―that told him she wasn't a girl he could mess with.
He took ten random albums out of her collection and exited her room without a second thought, because if he allowed himself to be there for a moment longer, he knew he'd break. Jace knew he'd start crying, and he couldn't cry. He had to find her. He had to.
He knocked on Simon's door. The other boy opened the door, looking sleepy, and it occurred to Jace that he woke Simon up. Too bad. "Simon, do you have a CD player I could borrow?"
Simon glared at Jace. "Clary has one, you know." Still, Jace knew the other boy was fully aware of why he was asking him instead of going to Clary's room, so he opened a drawer and pulled out a player with headphones.
"I have my own," Jace said, handing back the headphones. "Thanks."
"Whatever, lover boy," Simon snapped. "Get out of my room. I'm tired."
"I kind of noticed," he said, chuckling as Simon flipped him off. He exited the room and, finally, he was able to leave Clary's house. It felt so empty without her. The kitchen reminded them of their flour fight, her room reminded them of their time together, and, well . . . beds reminded him of their first time together, which he cursed himself for.
Their first time had been great. Jace had no complaints about it, but now that it was done, he wanted more, and she wasn't here, and he hated thinking about sex instead of other things, like how his girlfriend could be dead right this second. Angrily, he took a CD out of the grocery back he'd ended up putting them in―courtesy of Simon. It was a CD by The Fray. Jace didn't care about the name, he just pushed the CD inside and listened to the first song that came on, the one she last listened to.
Step one, you say we need to talk,
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk,
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right,
As he goes left and you stay right,
Between the lines of fear and blame,
And you begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life
The song reminded him of Clary, as any of these did. She'd told him the story of how she met Maia, about how she tried to help her out, and eventually she did, because Maia stayed alive and stopped self-harming. But what if Clary hadn't been there?
Let him know that you know best,
Cause after all you do know best,
Try to slip past his defense,
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong,
The things you've told him all along,
And pray to God, he hears you,
And pray to God, he hears you.
He had to stop thinking about her, about this. He kept thinking about how good Clary was, how she didn't deserve a guy like him. He played with women! He didn't know how he could ever think Clary―sweet, rebellious, kind-hearted, sarcastic, amazing Clary―would think he was good enough. He wasn't, and he hated that he wasn't, but there was nothing to be done about it.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice,
Drive until you lose the road,
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things,
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same,
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life,
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
In the end, Jace decided that the song was a lot like Clary. She regretted the things she couldn't do, the things she could've helped but didn't. That was why Jace loved her. Because, in that way, they were alike. They beat themselves up, time and time again, no matter how stupid the matter was, because in the end, any one thing―no matter how small―can change your life.
He placed another album inside. A slower song came on. It was a piano one, and Jace immediately thought he could play. It went the same way for a bit, and then a male voice started singing.
By the time I was your age I'd give anything,
To fall in love truly was all I could think,
That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams,
The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen.
She said, "Boy, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I can't help but notice you staring at me,
I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,
I can tell by your eyes, that you're in love with me."
Now son, I'm only telling you this,
Because life can do terrible things.
He knew, from the moment he saw her, that Clary wasn't the kind of girl to fall in love. Honestly, it was one of the reasons why going after her was so much fun. He got to see her fall, but he never expected himself to fall, too. He never thought he'd fall for this, for anything, because he was the kind of guy that held his head up high and never looked down.
But he looked down. One second, he looked down at a wonderful redhead and that was all it took.
And he didn't know if it was a good thing or not. Up until the night before last, it seemed like a damn good thing. Love didn't seem too hard, and life seemed to be going well. Life could do terrible things. Life took Clary away and left Jace with no one to hold, to love. And he left him without a friend. She was his friend, no matter what. And that came first, before the making out and the sex.
Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink,
And we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything,
Too young to notice and too dumb to care,
Love was a story that couldn't compare.
I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?
I've made you a present with paper and string,
Open with care, now I'm asking you please,
You know that I love you, will you marry me?
Now son, I'm only telling you this,
Because life can do terrible things.
You'll learn one day, I'll hope and I'll pray,
That God shows you differently.
She said, "Boy, can I tell you a terrible thing?
It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks,
Please don't be sad now, I really believe,
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."
Slow, so slow,
I fell to the ground on my knees.
So don't fall in love,
There's just too much to lose,
If you're given the choice, then I'm begging you choose,
To walk away, walk away, don't let it get you,
I can't bear to see the same happen to you.
Now son, I'm only telling you this,
Because life can do terrible things.
Jace could just hope that his story had a happy ending, unlike this one. He hoped that this music was wrong and he wasn't going to lose Clary forever, because he couldn't. He would die. He would . . . he couldn't think about it, no. Clary had to live. Even though this was what she thought her story would end like―or so he thought, anyway―Jace would never let it end this way. He couldn't. He owed it to himself and to her.
The next song was one he recognized immediately. It was one of his favorites, one that Alec liked as well. Who didn't like this song? The steady strum of the guitar began, and then another male's voice started to fill Jace's ears.
Hey there Delilah,
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away,
But girl, tonight you look so pretty,
Yes you do.
Times Square can't shine as bright as you,
I swear it's true.
Hey there Delilah,
Don't you worry about the distance,
I'm right there if you get lonely,
Give this song another listen,
Close your eyes.
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise,
I'm by your side.
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
What you do to me.
Hey there Delilah,
I know times are getting hard,
But just believe me, girl,
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar,
We'll have it good.
We'll have the life we knew we would,
My word is good.
Hey there Delilah,
I've got so much left to say,
If every simple song I wrote to you,
Would take your breath away,
I'd write it all.
Even more in love with me you'd fall,
We'd have it all.
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me.
He was mouthing the words, and he didn't even know it. It reminded him of how much it hurt to miss Clary. But he didn't know how many miles there were, how many ways of transportations, or where she was. All he knew was that he couldn't leave her alone, especially not now.
A thousand miles seems pretty far,
But they've got planes and trains and cars,
I'd walk to you if I had no other way.
Our friends would all make fun of us,
And we'll just laugh along because we know,
That none of them have felt this way.
Delilah I can promise you,
That by the time we get through,
The world will never ever be the same,
And you're to blame.
Hey there Delilah,
You be good and don't you miss me,
Two more years and you'll be done with school,
And I'll be making history like I do.
You'll know it's all because of you.
We can do whatever we want to.
Hey there Delilah here's to you,
This one's for you.
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
Oh it's what you do to me,
What you do to me.
The song was everything he felt in one melodic tune. He needed her, what he made her feel, and this song? It could be their song.
###
"Simon!" Isabelle yelled in his ear, pushing the blinds open. The blinding light even bothered her for a bit, but not as much as him. A pillow came in contact with her stomach as soon as she started to walk over to Simon.
"Lewis," she said, her voice dangerous, "get the fuck up right now, because we need to find your missing best friend!"
"I'm up!" he said, annoyed. Why couldn't she just let him be? Now he was grumpy, and he hated being grumpy when he just wanted to sleep. He didn't want to be mad at her.
"It's three in the afternoon, Si," she said, her voice a bit softer. His eyes widened and he jumped out of bed in a comical manner. Sure enough, it was three in the afternoon.
"Shit," he said, eyes still wide. He was wearing a t-shirt and some sweatpants.
"You're okay with that. We're in Clary's room. Come on," she said, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him close to her, only to drag him to the room that was his best friend's. Only she wasn't there. Her mother was sitting on a chair, Luke was sitting on another chair, and Jace was sitting on her bed. Isabelle and Simon sat next to him.
"We have a few places down," Jocelyn said as soon as their bodies came in contact with the bed. "Some of them in California, some of them in New York. The thing with him is, we don't know. We ran from him and couldn't risk any contact."
"Hire somebody," Simon blurted out. Everyone was staring at him, and his cheeks turned bright red. "I mean, um . . . you know, like a private investigator."
Jocelyn shook her head. "He owns a company of investigators. Trust me, it isn't going to work out that way. We just need to go directly to the source."
"Which means?"
"It means," she said, staring long and hard at the children, "that while you stay here, with Maryse, Luke and I will go find Clary and everything will be solved."
"I'm going," Jace said, standing up. His fists were clenched, his mouth set in a thin line. Oh, hell. That couldn't be good.
"Jace," Luke said sternly, shaking his head.
"No, Luke, I'm going." Jace's words sounded final. "You went through a lot to get the girl you loved into a safe place. You'd do the same thing for her if our roles were switched. You have no right to tell me that I can't go to save Clary."
"You'll get yourself killed, Jace." Luke sighed, but he knew it was no use. They all did. Simon tried not to bite his nails, an old nervous habit of his, as the two stared at each other.
"I'm going. Maryse won't care," he said.
"If he goes," Isabelle said, standing up, "I go."
"Absolutely not!" said Jocelyn, outraged.
"I know how to shoot, and I've taken martial arts." She smiled slightly. Simon wanted to protest, to say no, that how dare she, that she couldn't leave him, but he couldn't say that. They were useful, and he wasn't.
"We'll talk to your mother," Jocelyn said finally. "Of course, we'll try to leave the unspeakable details out, but yes. We'll let you know."
They decided to count it as a small victory. It was step forward, and more than they asked for.
###
"Can I at least have some paper?" Clary asked her father.
He sighed. "Why on earth would you want paper?"
"Because, Valentine," she said, his name sounding like venom, "I get bored in this hellhole and, in case you haven't noticed―which of course you haven't―I like to draw. So can I just have some damn paper?"
He raked a hand through his hair. "Fine." He took out his phone and dialed a number. "Jon? Yes, bring your sister some paper and two pencils. No sharpener. Yes. Hurry."
"So?" Clary asked expectantly. She needed something to do or else she'd explode. She gave up asking him to let her go, so instead, she decided to draw. If she was going to die, she wanted to leave a message.
"He'll be here in a few minutes. Goodbye, Clarissa." The door shut behind her father, leaving her and the darkness for only a few minutes more until her brother showed up. He didn't greet her, just left the utensils on the floor and stalked off, probably to tell his friends how disgusted and ashamed he was of Clary. Like she gave a fuck.
Once her brother was out of the room, she picked the items up from the floor and sketched. It felt so familiar, grabbing a pencil and draw twirling lines and curves of all lengths. They never ended. That was how her drawings used to be, anyway. When this one ended, it was a girl. There was a cliff. Her hair was loose, her curls allowing her face to show lightly. She was facing the sun. Underneath, Clary wrote:
When she was just a girl,
She expected the world,
But it flew away from her reach,
So she ran away in her sleep,
And dreamed of paradise.
-Coldplay
Satisfied, she tucked it inside her pillowcase. She was tired and sure several hours had gone by. There had been no food today so far. She shrugged and, bored, went back to bed. She started thinking about Jace. Was he thinking about her? Would he come?
Please hurry, she thought, and then she allowed sleep to consume her.
She dreamed of nothing.
