A Promise to be Better 22

Author: Raven Dancer

disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling except for the Drs. Barnes and Beryl. I receive no monetary compensation for these works.

Summary: Unpleasant thoughts.

Finding Snape was not easy. He had not returned to his dungeons. Barnes did not know the castle well enough to go searching for the wizard. He'd taken his wizard's training abroad, then continued at a muggles' medical university and finished up at a magical healing institute Throwing himself in a chair he consigned himself to a long wait.

A half-hour passed. The door opened and the Healer launched out of the chair.

"Severus! Where have," Barnes slowed as he saw Dumbledore walk in. "Oh, it's you," the younger man pivoted on his heel and returned angrily to the chair.

"Not very friendly, Jeffrey," the Headmaster noted. Barnes only glanced at the wizard, then turned his attention back to the door.

Dumbledore walked over to the empty hearth and conjured a fire before he secured the other chair.

"I made a mistake, Jeffrey," the Headmaster tried again.

"Oh, did you?" Barnes did not feel like making everything 'nice'. He was worried about his patient and more than angry at Dumbledore.

"I wanted to talk to Black about his attitude, Jeffrey. He was well out of bounds the way he spoke to Severus," Dumbledore offered. Barnes sized him up shrewdly.

"Oh, Black had an attitude problem, Albus? What about you? What happened to the 'you can stay in my rooms no matter what, Severus'? What happened to 'I will be there for him Jeffrey'? What happened to putting Severus first for a change instead of those wondrous Gryffindors of yours?" Barnes spat out in heat. Dumbledore's mouth dropped.

"Oh, the great, all-knowing Headmaster of Hogwarts still doesn't recognize his own prejudices, does he? You may love Severus but you relegate him to second place when you find him inconvenient. I told you this was going to take months, even years, to help straighten him out. He needs unconditional acceptance, he just needs to know he counts for something somewhere in his life," the Healer was in rare form, his protective instincts on full. Dumbledore was floored. He'd never considered this, feeling it had been completely reasonable to send Snape out while he dealt with Black.

"By sending Severus away, besides breaking the promises you made to him, you showed him you don't consider him important enough for you. That he embarrasses you. That Black's feelings and opinions mean more to you," nearly expended Barnes folded his arms, leaned back and just glared.

"I only wanted to speak to Sirius alone. I didn't think it would matter if Severus came down here to wait," Dumbledore said weakly.

"He was wearing a bathrobe and socks for gods sake, Albus. He should have been asked to go to your bedroom, at least that was what I expected you to do. No. You sent him out because HÏE EMBARRASSED YOU in front of BLACK!" the Healer positively roared in his anger.

"I, I didn't mean that, I only wanted to speak to Sirius alone," Dumbledore stumbled. "He was quite sorry once you two left and promised he'd try harder to get along with Snape."

The slip of the tongue caused Barnes to raise an eyebrow, but he said nothing as the Headmaster covered his eyes.

"I'm doing it, aren't I? I'm reverting back 20 years to the old times," the older man whispered.

"Very good," Barnes snapped. Dumbledore looked at him.

"You know, you really have a nasty streak in you Jeffrey," the Headmaster observed wryly. Barnes glared a full moment, then smiled very slightly.

"Only when I'm protecting my patient. I will advocate fiercely for Severus," Barnes said. A click at the door caused both men to look up. But no one came in.

"Did you hear the door close?" Barnes asked.

"Yes, I thought I did," Dumbledore concurred. Both wizards stood up and went to the door. After a second Barnes opened the door wide. No one was there. Stepping out into the hall they looked to the left and right. No one and nothing. They stood looking in opposite directions.

"I certainly heard that door close," Barnes said firmly. Dumbledore was about to answer when they heard a voice but couldn't make out the words. Then the one voice they both wanted to hear burst out.

"For gods sake, just show yourself and get it over with! At least let me see who the hell you are before you do me in!" Snape spat out angrily. Barnes and Dumbledore looked at each other than sprang forward as a unit. They found Snape sitting on the stairs arms around his knees eyes closed.

"Severus! Are you all right?" Dumbledore was at his side first, Barnes moved up the stairs to crouch above him.

"No, I'm not. I'm hearing voices again. I should just be locked up and forgotten about," he muttered, not opening his eyes. He jerked sharply when the Healer touched him.

"No. Don't. I'm fine. Nothing ˜is wrong, I lied," and he stood, moving down the stairs towards his room. Dumbledore blocked him.

"Severus, we need to talk," the Headmaster put both hands on his friend's shoulders.

"We did. You have a school to run, Headmaster. I have to prepare for, for. gods, I have nothing left to prepare for. I know exactly what I have to do," and Snape jerked away, once more trying to go to his rooms.

But Dumbledore blocked his way again and Barnes managed to move behind him, hands resting on his back. The turmoil was nearly overwhelming.

"Severus, stop. I thought you were suppose to come back up and sleep with us. You are exhausted! Come back with me, child," Dumbledore was not above pleading. Snape had pulled himself upright, tight and unmoving until the Healer got hands on him. Then the trembling set in.

"You're cold, Severus. Come upstairs and we'll get you warm," the Headmaster continued, briefly wondering if he should bind the wizard and levitate him. Unable to control his weakening body, Snape shoulders fell, his head ducked enough that hair covered his face.

"I'm just going to bed, Headmaster. Let me go to bed," the voice was holding a tenuous grasp on sounding normal; Barnes upped is energy flow and felt the cold seeping from under the robes.

"Where have you been, Severus?" the Healer asked softly.

"Astronomy tower. It's cloudy; I couldn't see any s-stars," Snape's voice nearly broke. He sniffed once and tossed the hair out of his eyes.

"Come to bed, Severus," Dumbledore managed to get hold of one stiff hand, then gently tugged the Potions Master towards him into a hug. Snape was stiff for a moment then grabbed the Headmaster as though he would leave him again.

"I'm so tired, Albus. I'm so tired. I can't sleep anymore because the dreams just keep coming," Snape buried his face in Dumbledore's robes against his shoulder, buried himself into the warmth and safety. He fought against the tears. He shouldn't cry. Really should not cry.

One sob broke free before he quelled his emotions. One time, not so bad. Mother wouldn't hear that, would she? He wasn't really alone here in the dark. Father would be in his study. He had to be there, right?

Barnes felt all the internal doors slam shut as emotions were completely turned off. He'd never felt anyone control emotions as tightly as Snape was, he increased the energy flow trying to pry into the locked rooms. This was not good.

The three wizards were absolutely still for a long minute. Dumbledore heard another sound in the hall but did not release Snape. The sound quietly receded up the stairs.

Then suddenly the Healer was successful and Snape opened up, struggling briefly not to cry again and finally failing. The Headmaster turned all his attention back to his friend.

"It's ok, Severus. We're here," the older man soothed. Barnes stepped closer to them, sandwiching the broken wizard between them.

"Let's go upstairs. We can help you sleep. You'll be just fine with us," Barnes spoke quietly. Together he and Dumbledore gathered Snape and walked him up the stairs to the Headmaster's tower.

Somehow they managed to get the Potions Master to drink a glass of warm milk laced with one of Barnes' medicines. Then robes were stripped off and the thin, cold body was lowered into bed under soft blankets. Finally both the Healer and the Headmaster crawled in, snugging Snape between them.

The wizard was very reluctant, very stiff, but Barnes kept kneading his back sending his energy in while Dumbledore whispered and sang old childhood songs. Slowly, slowly, the body relaxed, turned and curled into the warmth of his mentor while the Healer nestled close warming the trembling back.

He didn't cry anymore. He held on to his emotions with an iron grip even with the Healer's flow. *Damn, I'm going to lose him* Barnes thought to himself. He redoubled his efforts and sent his patient into a deep sleep.

The Potions Master woke once in the dead of night, squeezed out of the bed and went to the loo. After several minutes the Healer followed, quietly listening at the door as the sound of water running shut off and Snape came out. Barnes used the loo next but when he came out he found his patient sitting against the wall.

"Severus, come back to bed," he murmured, holding out his hand. Snape just shook his head 'no'.

"It's cold on that floor, Severus. Come back to bed," he tried again.

"No. I'm 37 years old for the gods sake! I should be able to handle myself better. My parents would be disappointed in me. I've let the Headmaster down," he said quietly, hugging knees close to his chest.

"I can't even sleep in my own bed. I'm a waste," Snape concluded.

"Who was talking to you on the stairs?" Barnes suddenly asked, ignoring all the self-pity for the moment.

"On the stairs? I don't know. Just a voice I've heard before." Snape replied.

"Well, then, what did the voice say?" the Healer asked.

"Usually something about me being a filthy death eater, that I tarnish the school by being here," Snape reported in a detached manner.

"Usually? You've heard the voice before?" Barnes pressed on.

"Yes. I'm totally nutters. I've heard that voice on and off all week!" Snape began to rock. The Healer finally reached down and latched onto the wizard's hands, tugging him upwards.

"You are definitely not nuts, Severus. You are exhausted, worn down, and nearly being crushed by someone who wants to harm you. There's someone loose with an invisibility cloak or charm pestering you. My bet is Black," the Healer said a little more vehemently than he intended. Snape froze momentarily, then allowed Barnes to pull him close.

"It's not Black, Jeffrey. He promised Albus he'd not harass me. He wouldn't lie," Snape parroted what he was told to accept.

"Oh, no, he would never lie. He's a Gryffindor. We know all Gryffindors are trustworthy and fair,"" Barnes was having a great time with sarcasm.

"Albus said he believes Black. I have to believe," Snape said with a dead voice. He had to, his entire existence depended on the total acceptance of Dumbledore. Barnes sighed, pulling Snape into his arms.

"For now I'll agree with you. We're going to explore all the possibilities later, once you've gotten enough sleep! Please come back to bed with me," the Healer tugged him over to the bed. With some difficulty the wizard was placed between the sheets, lying stiff on his back, arms wrapped completely around his torso. Sighing, Barnes slipped in beside him and curled against him feeding warmth into the cold body.

Dumbledore rolled over having heard the entire conversation. He was upset with Barnes for suggesting Black was behind Snape's problems. He was frightened by Snape's reaction. The absolute need shook him. What had he gotten himself into? He cared for Snape; he loved Snape. But now Black was back and needed him, too. He wondered briefly who'd set Black up like this. So few people knew he was even at the school! A glimmer of doubt rose up and the Headmaster squashed it. NO! Black would not lie! Gryffindors were honest.

As he pulled Snape closer, felt the tense body shiver as it rolled over and curled onto his shoulder he wondered why Barnes was so dead certain Black was behind the pranks. Maybe Snape had mentioned Black? Maybe he'd talked about his school days? The tripping was definitely a silly prank meant to make him look clumsy. If it were tripping. What if Snape had gotten some motor locution damage from all the curses he'd suffered that year? Then it would only be the matter of the topsy-turvy classroom.

That prank was more like Peeves. Dumbledore hadn't found the poltergeist yet but he was keeping an eye out for him. He supposed he could ask for the Bloody Baron, but that was senseless. It must be Peeves.

Having convinced himself however tenuously that Black was innocent the Headmaster settled back into an uneasy sleep.