"Caroline, I don't think you need to be alone right now," Tyler reminded her for the millionth time since they left the hospital.
"I'll be fine," she said quietly. It wasn't very convincing, but she wanted to be alone. The only person she should have been strong for was Stefan, and she hadn't been. There was no point in putting on a façade for Tyler. Caroline wanted to grieve freely, without Tyler breathing down her neck.
"Care, I really think-"
"Where were you?" she interrupted. He looked taken aback.
"What?"
"Where have you been?"
"I've been busy, Care. Look, I didn't know this was going to happen!"
"You might have if you'd been with us occasionally!" The two glared at each other as they reached her door. She inhaled deeply, and then shook her head.
"I don't want to fight right now." He had the decency to look ashamed.
"I'm sorry…for everything. I'll be around more often now, okay? We need to stick together through this."
"I know," she said, tearing up again as she went to give him a tight hug. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before finally pulling apart.
"I'll see you tomorrow. We're meeting Elena and Damon downstairs, right?"
"Yea. I'll see you then," she said quietly, waving to him before unlocking her door and going inside. She looked around, not sure how any of that night had been real. He was really gone. It was suddenly difficult to breathe.
Caroline ran over to her window, yanked it up, and stepped out onto the fire escape. The cold night air hit her face, making the tears running down her cheeks more noticeable. The city lights were bright, even from her level she could tell that. The sound of car horns and trains seemed to drown out her sobs as she took a seat, dangling her legs over the platform. She leaned her head against one of the posts, and let it out.
The tears flowed as she practically hugged herself. This was a nightmare. She absentmindedly grabbed her necklace, messing with the compass as she looked out at the city. There wasn't going to be a trip to the amusement park with all five of them. There wasn't going to be any more poetry readings from him. He was gone, and it was for good. She hadn't bothered reading his letter yet. How could she? There was no way she would be able to handle it right now.
"How could you leave me?" she wondered aloud, looking up to the sky, "You can't be gone. I want you with me, Stefan. I want you here."
"Will you settle for me instead?"
Caroline looked up in shock at the source of the voice. "Klaus? How long have you been there?"
The man was leaning against the stair railing, looking down at her with obvious sympathy. Is that what it looked like when she was looking at him?
"Long enough. I heard you crying from inside, thought I'd come out and check on you."
"I thought you didn't want to see me anymore," she pouted, furrowing her brows and turning away from him to look back out at the city. She could hear his footsteps come down the stairs. From the corner of her eye, she saw him sit down next to her, dangling his feet off the platform like she was doing. He wasn't touching her still, but he was close enough to let her know he was reaching out a little, compared to the distance he usually kept between himself and others.
"And I told you that decision had nothing to do with you."
"Whatever. Why are you out here then?"
"I told you I wanted to check on you. If you don't mind my asking, whose Stefan?"
"My friend," she said quietly, her voice cracking a little. Caroline wasn't looking at him, but she could feel his eyes on her.
"What happened?"
"He…he died," she said, fresh tears beginning to spill. She hadn't planned on spilling her guts to him, but he was easy to talk to for some reason. Maybe it was because she was attracted to him. Maybe it was because she didn't know him all that well yet. It was different than talking to Tyler or Elena though. It was refreshing.
"I'm so sorry. I know what you're going through."
"Klaus…I miss him. He was one of my best friends and I don't know what to do now. Is this what it felt like? Two years ago?"
"Who said it ever stopped? To this day, I'm still waiting for my old friend to come back."
"You guys were really close, weren't you?"
"Closer than you could possibly imagine."
"How do you do it then? All the nightmares, Elijah, the episodes…how do you get through it?"
"I don't always get through it. I've questioned myself many times before. Sometimes…I'm not so sure I can go on."
That was when Caroline realized she had never truly understood what Klaus went through on a daily basis. It was then that she wondered how many times this man had thought about putting a gun to his head, and being done with it. How many times he had wondered about his place on this planet, and asked himself why he was still suffering through it.
"Have you ever…" she trailed off, not sure if she was able to finish that line of thought. Klaus seemed to understand where she was going with it though.
"Considered ending it?"
"Yea. I promised him I would keep going…but I can't help thinking about it. Why does anyone want to keep going when all we're met with is pain and sorrow?" she whispered. Caroline knew she had her mom, and Elena, and Tyler, and maybe even Damon, but the thought was still there. She had made a promise to Stefan, a promise to keep fighting. It was proving difficult to remember as very poisonous thoughts crossed her mind. They had crossed her mind before, oftentimes at night, when she felt most alone. It wasn't fair, when she had her family and friends to consider, but they were still there. Klaus seemed to realize what she was getting at. He turned to face her.
"I thought about it myself, once or twice over the years, truth be told. But…I'll let you in on a little secret," he whispered, moving his head a bit closer to hers. She watched him carefully, unable to tear her gaze away from his.
"There's a whole world…out there waiting for you," he spoke just above a whisper, never once looking away from her, "great cities, and art, and music. Genuine beauty. And you can have all of it. All you have to do is stay alive. Your life is one of the most precious things this world has to offer. I've fought for mine enough times to know that. Just remember you have so much to live for, Caroline. Remember that, and never forget it."
"What do you live for? What keeps you going?" she asked as she crossed her arms on the rail, resting her head against them. He mirrored her actions.
"Rebekah."
"What about your parents?"
"Story for another time," he reminded her.
"Well, apparently, we may not have another time." Caroline gave him a knowing look. Last time he had said that, they hadn't talked for a month.
"This time, I mean it. It'll be a story for another time."
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Caroline asked hopefully.
"I'm saying that after what you've no doubt gone through tonight…I realize I'm wasting my time trying to stay away from you."
"So you don't think you're too high maintenance anymore?"
"Oh I know I am. I have a feeling you are too, but…life is short. That's something you and I both know."
"Well, good. Wanting to not speak to me was ridiculous."
"How many times do I have to keep reminding you?" he said, sounding exasperated, "I never wanted to stay away from you."
Caroline soaked this new knowledge in. Well, not new per se…just something she was finally willing to listen to and acknowledge. She had been so hurt and mad at him for wanting to stop speaking, that she hadn't cared if his intentions were good or bad.
She turned to him then, yet still not quite able to look him in the eye.
"I never wanted you to stay away either. That's why I got upset when you didn't want to see me anymore. I…I like you," she told him. He looked at her with that expression that said he was studying her. She didn't quite know what to think. Had she said the wrong thing? Had she said too much?
"I fancy you," he said quietly. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged, "is that so hard to believe?"
"Yes. We've barely spoken to each other besides Christmas and the day after. You hardly know me. I'm just the girl who won't shut up."
"I don't know about that. You're beautiful, you're strong, you're full of light…I enjoy you…and your incessant rambling," he said playfully. She smiled, but for some reason, he still wouldn't. Klaus was being utterly serious. How did he do that? He was able to joke and not even crack a grin.
Wait…he had said beautiful. Klaus thought she was beautiful?
"Are you just saying all that because I lost my best friend? Or do you actually mean that?"
"I mean every word."
"Have you ever had a girlfriend before?"
"I've had many bed mates if that's what you're asking."
"I mean girlfriend…you know, an actual relationship." He was silent for a while as he thought of an answer. It's like she could see the gears turning in his head. Maybe she had been right. How would any girl stay with his episodes? Then again…she was still there.
"I had maybe a couple before going into the marines. Only one after, but she was as crazy as me, if not more so. Her name was Charlotte. Sweet girl. I really thought she cared about me…but she got to be kind of a stalker."
"How stalker like are we talking?"
"Non stop calling. Pestering poor Rebekah beyond belief, asking where I was every two minutes. Becca told me if I didn't break up with the girl, she'd have to stick her stilettos in very uncomfortable places."
Caroline about doubled over laughing. In fact, she did. She clutched her stomach and fell back on the platform, laughing so hard that happy tears began to form. Of course Klaus's luck would be so bad, he would get the psychotic girl as one of his few long-term relationships. Poor thing. Once she was able to control her giggling, she turned to face Klaus again. Before she had completely faced him though, she could have sworn she saw a smirk on his face. However, it was gone almost as fast as it had appeared. She was left dumbstruck for a minute before clearing her head, and getting back to what she had wanted to say next.
"Thank you."
"What for?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"For distracting me. It's been one of the worst nights of my life, and you've made it just a tiny bit more bearable."
"What was I supposed to do? Leave you out here bawling your eyes out?"
"I'm just saying I'm glad you didn't."
It got quiet again, and a thought popped into Caroline's head. She hesitated for only a couple seconds before asking though.
"Would you…want to have a sleepover again? Like we did Christmas night? Except maybe at my apartment this time?" she asked timidly. She had thought that being alone was what she needed, but that had obviously been proven wrong. That was probably the last thing Caroline needed. Klaus seemed to have an inner battle with himself for a bit, contemplating whether to take her up on her offer or not. Eventually, he nodded toward her window.
"Not like I have anything better to do," he scoffed before giving a small shrug, "Lead the way," he said, getting up then and leaning against the rails as he waited for her. Caroline gave a small smile before getting up and walking over to her window. After both her and Klaus had stepped inside, she made sure to close and lock it. Caroline shooed Klaus to the living area.
"I need to change into my pajamas. Just stay over there."
"Fine by me," he said seriously. She shook her head as she walked into the bathroom, quickly changing into her gray cotton bottoms and light blue t-shirt. When she came back out, Klaus was sitting on the couch, playing with his hands like he usually did.
"I'm sorry to tell you, but you won't be getting any alcohol from me. I refuse to aid your bad habit."
"I don't believe I asked for any. Besides, my stuffs better."
"You don't even know what I have."
"Don't need to," he said with a wink. She smiled. Caroline liked the more relaxed Klaus. The brooding was sexy, but he was much easier to talk to when he wasn't so…so stand offish. Caroline walked into the kitchen to pour a couple glasses of milk, and start popping some popcorn.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly, and she knew what he was inquiring about.
"Do you really want to listen?"
"He was obviously important to you. I'm not much of a talker, but I know for a fact you are, and talking does actually help some people. So I'm all ears," he said, reaching for the glass as she handed it to him. She wanted so badly for their hands to touch, but she knew that was just wishful thinking. Klaus managed to take it without even getting near her fingers. The list of things she would never understand just continued growing, his no touching policy now being added to that.
"Stefan was my best friend," she began, setting her glass down before walking back into the kitchen for the popcorn, "I don't understand why it's always the good ones that have to die young. He was a good man, one any person could be proud of." Caroline poured the popcorn into a large bowl, and then walked back into the living room. She set the bowl on the coffee table, then sat on the couch and brought her feet to sit on the cushions so she could curl up.
"I talked about everything with him. He was funny, and sweet, and caring…and words can't describe how much I'm going to miss him. Stefan was going to be a famous writer, and tell our stories to the world like only he could do. I gave him a journal for Christmas, and instead of writing the stories like he should have been, he was writing letters to my friends and me. I mean, how long did he know this was coming? Damon said he was always sick as a child, but did he expect this when he got sick? How could he have known?"
"Maybe he was just taking precautions."
"Maybe…but that's so morbid to think about. To know you're going to die, and not being able to do a thing about it. All you can do is write out your goodbyes? That's horrible. I just know he shouldn't have died. We were supposed to grow old together. Watch my children play with his children and everything. And he was just starting to get along with his brother again! They were doing better, and now he won't get to be an uncle. He won't get to show his dad that he was able to make it as a writer instead of an athlete."
"Sounds like I would have gotten along with this guy," he mused.
"You know…I bet you would have. Except for the whole you not liking people thing, I think you two could have been friends. He was too sweet for anyone not to like him."
"I'll take your word for it."
Caroline began to tear up at the thought of Stefan. "I miss him so much already. How am I supposed to go on with my daily routines without him?"
"He would have wanted you to move on. All you can do is mourn, and continue on with your life."
"Maybe you should be taking some of your own advice," Caroline retorted. Klaus seemed to go in deep thought then, and she realized she might have gone too far.
"Klaus, I'm-"
"Don't apologize. I want to take my own advice, I do…it's just easier said than done."
"You're circumstances were so much more different than mine though. You went through something really traumatic. Doubled with everything in your past, I can kind of see why it would be hard to get past. It's not like I've ever handled a gun."
"Could have fooled me," he joked. She chuckled and grabbed a piece of popcorn to chuck at him. His eyebrows shot up into his hair and she couldn't help but laugh. The little piece of popcorn had hit him right on the nose.
"Well now, how old are you again?" he asked.
"What? It's funny."
"Maybe on your side of the bowl."
"Klaus, why don't you ever just smile? Joke around more often?"
"I suddenly remember the words of a blonde girl saying she didn't want to change me," he said, recalling words she had spoken a month ago.
"Well…that was then, this is now."
"So demanding."
"I want you to smile," she said, smiling to demonstrate what she meant, "see?"
"I'm saving that for someone special, sweetheart."
"Who is more special than the girl you fancy?" she teased.
"Oh, I can see now you're going to make me regret telling you that," he said, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth.
"Am I wrong in thinking I could get a smile?"
"When I say special, I mean a girl who I fall in love with. I may fancy you, but I don't fall in love so easily."
"Yea…we'll see about that."
"That wasn't a challenge."
"Well too bad because it's been accepted," she said, nodding her head, "We'll see how not falling in love with me goes. I'm a catch," she said smugly.
"How modest of you."
"Just saying it like it is," she said, reaching for the television remote, "now what movie are we watching?"
"You mean I have a choice in the matter?" he asked sarcastically, leaning back on the arm of her sofa.
"No, I was just being polite," she smiled, scrolling through the titles on Netflix.
"What's this?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean this thing with all the movies and television shows."
"Netflix?"
"Ah, yes. I should have known from the title at the top left. My bad."
"You don't know what Netflix is?" she asked appalled.
"I don't exactly have a television if you haven't noticed."
"I've been meaning to talk to you about that…"
After she picked some action movie that would keep him complacent, they began discussing why he should get not only a T.V., but a Netflix account as well. It was like that for the rest of the night, talking about meaningless topics and seeing who could come up with the best quip. It was like that until the end of the third movie they hadn't been watching, when Caroline heard a snore erupt from Klaus. She giggled as she draped one of the blankets on the couch over him. Caroline took the other blanket that wasn't in use, and snuggled up under it.
She was so tired, that she didn't have time to let her thoughts wander to Stefan. No, worrying about funeral plans and preparations could be held off until tomorrow, once she had gotten a lot of rest and could begin to wrap her head around the nightmare again.
For now, she would fall asleep to the sounds of Klaus's snores, something strangely welcoming after her lousy night.
A/N: Hope this made up a little for last chapter. Through suffering, comes growth, and that is what I want for our Caroline, and for our Klaus. Even if he didn't know Stefan. (Which, I realize they had a small interaction at the coffee shop in chapter 3, but when I mean know, I mean like talk and become friends. Almost forgot to mention this in case anyone got confused!)
3x11 probably has my favorite klaroline scene, so I had to get those lines in there. It's not going to be easy going from here though. Our poor couple still have obstacles to overcome before they can be together. What are those obstacles? Only more chapters will tell...
Until next time! P.S. I love reading all of the guesses everyone comes up with! It's hard to get anything past you guys sometimes =P
