A Promise to be Better 33

Author: Raven Dancer

disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling except for the Drs. Barnes, Beryl and Gibbons. I receive no monetary compensation for these works.

Summary: recovering

Snape slept deeply without potions or charms through the night. He was warmly wrapped and completely surrounded by Jeffrey and Dumbledore. James had moved the lounge into the bedroom. Even Dobby curled up on the end of the bed resting quietly.

With a slight start, Snape woke. He was confused, staring at the ceiling. Headmaster's room. Headmaster's snore. Hmmmm. Healer's breathing, too. He squirmed slightly, he was rather snugly wrapped in a flannel blanket except for his right arm which was still attached to a bottle partial%ly filled with clear liquid.

He'd promised Dr. James he wouldn't pull the line out again. He vaguely recalled pulling a different line out, but when? His mind was soo fuzzy. Why was he here? And who was that on the foot of the bed?

Nudging the bump caused it to move and then Dobby's smiling face appeared over Barnes' body.

"Professor Snape is awake! Professor Snape feels better?" Dobby whispered. The Potions Master didn't think that house elves could whisper; they seemed to speak quite loudly all the time.

"Professor Snape wants something? Dobby gets something

for Professor Snape?" the creature inquired tilting it's head.

"No, Dobby, I don't want anything. I'd just like to know why

I'm all wrapped up," Snape said quietly.

"oooh," intoned Dobby, "Professor Snape hurt himselCf

last night. Dr. Barnes and Dr. Barnes put medicine in

the bottle and put it in Professor Snape. Some medicine

was dark, some was cloudy. This medicine is clear. Dobby

can see right through it."

Dark? What would be dark? He idly reviewed his memory of IV potions and couldn't think of anything. Well, blood derivatives, blood plasma. BLOOD? Memory flooded into Snape and he remembered vaguely cutting himself, wanting to get rid of the pain. He tried to get his left arm out of the blankets, but could not.

"Severus? Are you waking up?" Dumbledore pushed up on his elbow and looked down at the concerned Potions Master.

"What's wrong, child?" he asked slightly alarmed.

"You'll never let me have a glass again, will you?" Snape finally said, as the gears shifted into place. Dumbledore chuckled warmly.

"`Oh, of course we will. We may hold them for you for a

little while, but only until you're stronger. How do you

feel?" the Headmaster pursued. He watched the younger man try to formulate an answer. When none was forthcoming he simply stroked his hair back.

"It's all right, Severus. You've had a very rough couple of

weeks and I did nothing to help you through them.

I'm very sorry I hurt you," Dumbledore murmured.

Snape was confused. Why was the Headmaster sorry? He had made the choice to cut his arm. He had made the choice to go to Voldemort. He had been the one who couldn't handle stupid, harmless pranks. Tears started to form around his eyes and he tried to turn away.

"I'm sorry, Headmaster. I haven't been making any good

decisions of late," he managed to get out without much trembling.

"Severus, look at me. Child?" Du~mbledore coaxed the face back to him, eyes haunted and wet.

"Severus, you did what you had to do. I made the bad

decisions. I trusted Black over your objections. I was so

blind by my desire to have things back, things that never

existed except in my faulty memory, that I hurt you. I hurt

you so much and I'm so sorry," now tears fell as the Headmaster started to cry. The raw emotion alarmed Snape and he pushed back into Barnes which pushed Dobby right off the bed.

Both the Healers woke with a start. Their patient was crying. The Headmaster was crying. Dobby jumped atop Jeffrey wringing his hands in despair.

"Oh, great," grumbled Jeffrey as he carefully untangled the IV line effectively dislodging the upset elf.

"They started the catharsis without me." His father chuckled and patted him on the back.

"When it's time, it's time," he said sympatheticallyö. Leaving for a moment, James returned with warm, damp cloths. He handed one to his son and then moved behind Dumbledore, sending in some soothing energy, helping to calm the wizard down. The towel was proffered and the Headmaster allowed the older Healer to comfort him.

Jeffrey worked with Snape, cleaning his face and carefully loosening the blanket that had him trapped. The Potions Master allowed the younger man to pull him up close.

"I'm dizzy," he complained as his breath shuddered in and out.

"That's to be expected; you've had some blood loss and

antibiotics put in you," Barnes explained.

"Dobby dizzy, too," complained the elf, unused to the strong emotions. Snape reached out a very shaky hand to touch the creature and soon had a lapful of House Elf clinging to him. Jeffrey tried unsuccessfully to remove him but gave up when the Potions Master held the elf tighter. Keeping his arm wrapp¥ed around Dobby's shoulders he leaned heavily against the Healer.

"So, when is Hagrid and Minerva going to join this little

exercise in communal crying?" Snape asked acerbically. The elder Barnes and Dumbledore laughed first, then Jeffrey joined in when he realized Snape was actually sporting a very small smile.

"Dobby can get Mr. Hagrid and Professor McGonagall for

Professor Snape!" Dobby's head shot up with a huge smile.

"No, no Dobby, that's not necessary. But Professor Snape

is hungry. Would Dobby and Beryl please bring up the

Headmaster's Breakfast Tea?" Snape asked with as serious a face as he could muster. The elf, delighted, flapped his ears mightily and his head bobbed up and down. With a sharp crack Dobby left.

"I am not hungry," Snape confessed, leaning against Jeffrey trembling. He wondered if he'd upset Dumbledore with that request. The ill wizard wanted to make Dobby happy for some reason that escaped him. In doing so he figured he had upset the Headmaster once again.

"You should be hungry, Severus," replied the young healer.

"I'm dizzy," he replied, shivering. Jeffrey carefully resettled himself around the Potions Master.

"Let me have a look and I'll warm you," he said. Mostly blood loss. Two pints had just been enough. Emotional distress was high. Barnes pulsed energy through his patient warming him. With a small whimper Snape curled into the healer's body.

"warm," he whispered. There was a shift within Snape and Barnes could feel the emotions change. There was fear building once again. He wondered if the Potions Master had slipped into another bad memory.

"Jeffy, let's get him to the washroom, he's had a lot of

fluids put into him and I'm sure that's going to trigger some

negative reactions," the elder Healer suggested. The IV line was detached, although the heplock was left for the moment.

Soon Snape was washed and dry and» wrapped in blankets at the table.

"Tired," he muttered, looking at all the food coming up.

"Eat a little bit. I'll help you," said James placing a dish of warm oatmeal in front of Snape. He topped it liberally with brown sugar and fresh milk. The Healer proceeded to feed the ill man. He was very adept at getting the Potions Master to eat and soon was slipping in bites of tinned peaches.

Dumbledore eyed the breakfast set out before them. It was a very restrained Headmaster's Special, to be sure. In point of fact, it was simply a large breakfast without any of the insanity that had in the past punctuated the event. He selected some toast and eggs while Jeffrey dove into the bacon.

As James fed his patient he reached for the potions he'd set out and laced Snape's juice liberally with both sleeping draught and relaxants. He had not missed the twitching that had set into the muscles.

"I need to go, first," the Potions Master whispered asπ he watched the potion being prepared. With a nod James helped him up and brought him to the loo. Once he'd taken care of his initial business the Healer simply gathered his patient up into his arms. The spasms had intensified and James wanted to see what was going on.

"Sorry," Snape said sadly. He was sorry about even existing at this point and James read this as easily as a head cold.

"Severus, why are you sorry?" the elder Healer prompted. They were behind closed doors, separated from the other two wizards.

"Because I can't control myself. I just, just disappoint

everyone. I'm worthless," Snape rattled off despondently.

"Severus," James began warmly, infusing him with his energy.

"You were hurt very badly. You can't control your body,

it's too damaged right now. No one is disappointed in

you at all." He allowed Snape to digest this as the energy spun through his twitching nerves.

"I, I don't know what to think a–nymore. Everyone sent

me away: Albus, Voldemort. Black is here. Then Albus

tells me he's sorry. Why should he be sorry? Why is

Jeffrey mad at him? He's the Headmaster. He hasn't

done anything wrong. I've been bad," Snape blurted out quickly before he lost his nerve.

So much to cover! James simply pulled Snape tighter against him and slid down the wall. It would take a little time to go through this and Barnes wanted to be somewhat comfortable.

"Severus, so much has happened to you in just a few

short days. You are lost and we all want to help you

come back to us. We love you. We want you," James stopped to rock and soothe his patient, letting his words sink in. He felt Snape curl a little closer to him.

"Albus is sorry, Severus, because he trusted Black over

you. He feels worse because he sent you away. He

wants to believe the best in people and Black lied to

him. He really loves you," Barnes was now rocking a little more, smooth⁄ing hair back as the trembling increased. This was one of the core problems, accepting that Dumbledore did love him, did want him. That he had made several mistakes. James knew that just telling Snape would not solve all the problems being abandoned and abused caused, but it would plant the seeds and that was what he was striving for.

"I know, it's all too hard to think about. And you keep

remembering your parents and how they hurt you over

and over again. Why don't you let me help you sleep

some more. Sleep and heal. We'll keep you safe and

warm and near to us. We won't send you away. Would

you like to sleep, Severus?" James asked.

A very small nod, although Snape had wrapped himself tightly into the elder Healer. James simply called the potion to him, the door popped open slightly to let the goblet of juice and potion in. Gently he coaxed his patient to pull his head out and drink deeply. After several long sips the potion and juice were tucked ins⁄ide and sleepiness began to creep up.

"Sleep, Severus. I'll be right here. Albus and Jeffrey

are here, too," Barnes soothed Snape into a very relaxed state, his eyes barely open watching him carefully. Levitating his patient he moved out into the living area where Dumbledore and his son were pacing. They'd been gone a little too long.

Snape continued to observe the older Healer until he was lowered onto the lounge. Blankets floated over and suddenly a smiling Albus was tucking him in. He wanted to smile back, but he was very sleepy and could barely keep his eyes open.

"Sleep, child. I'll be right here when you wake up," Dumbledore promised. Snape felt the Headmaster's warm hands on him, smoothing his hair out of his face, gently making sure he was comfortable. Eyes nearly closed he felt a kiss pressed to his forehead and he looked up with wonder at the intense blue eyes, warm and comforting.

*He loves me* was Snape's last thought slipping into sleep.