"Non! Arthur- I. Arthur. I do not believe him. I never said I did."

"So you just ran out crying like a little girl for no reason?" Old emotions rising in his eyes he snapped at me.

"You don`t have to yell at-"

"Obviously I do! You cannot get it into your head that he doesn`t love you, he will never love you nor tell you the truth. The only reason he kept you that long is because you let him have his way with you. "

"I didn`t I just-"

"How many times did you have sex?"

"How many did we what?"

"You heard me!"

"None I never-"

"Don`t. you. dare. lie."

"I`m not-" He cast me a glare so strong I fell silent for a moment for the first time since the beginning of the first year at this fucking high school. "Onc-" He cocked an eyebrow. "Really!" My voice cracked. Was this really the man I had been convinced totally and completely that I loved just a few hours ago? He was being so rude, so mean.

"I don`t believe you."

"And why`s that?" I could tell the fact that I was getting pissed was showing in my voice.

"Because you`re fucking blind. You believe exactly what you want to. Well the world isn`t the fucking land of cotton candy you seem to live in! He could tell you to jump off a cliff and you would bloody do it because it came from his lips! However I tell you nothing but the truth, no matter how much it hurts. It may bring you into reality but you take every bloody word out of my mouth with a grain of salt!"

And so it reveals itself. This was about him being bitter about his relationship with Francis, this was about him being jealous that I listened to Francis and not him, perhaps this was all because he still had feelings for Francis. It would make much more sense than him having feelings for me. Is that the point Francis was trying to make? "So this isn`t about me, this is about you! This is about you still having feelings for Francis!" I said, not thinking about what his reaction to those words would be.

"What. the…bloody….hell are you thinking? Of course I have no feelings for that frog! This has everything to do with you and how if he crushes your heart I will have to deal with it! "

"So in the end it`s for your own happiness. You own comfort." I snapped, not even able to look at him.

"That`s how you…you…you`re impossible." He said.

"I`m impossible? Oh that is rich. That is a very nice one! You`re the one who is a complete and total ass to me, then goes off and defends me, claiming it`s for yourself, then saying it`s because you don`t want me to get hurt, you`re the one who sat with me at lunch then lied and said it`s because you got told off. You`re the one who fucking kissed me last night. Now you claim I`m the impossible one!" By this time I feel tears behind my eyes but they don`t pool for once. I just stare at him.

"You can`t possibly think this is about me! It`s always about you! Always about what you want to do! I give you paperwork you leave it until the last possible second. Face it you always do what you please when you please. I tell you to go left you go right just because you feel like it! I tell you to stay away from the frog, you date his old colony, I tell you to focus you run off to lala land just to blood piss me off!"

"You think I do what I please? Honestly what are you looking at? All I do is run around trying to please you! You want tea I rush to prepare it on a silver platter! You-"

"Don`t be ridiculous!"

"No! You don`t be ridiculous! You listen to me for once! I do everything for you in hopes that you may be a bit gentler but all you do is tighten the reins. What`s wrong with me dating? I`m done with you pushing me around! Completely sick of it."

"Oh are you n- don`t you walk away from me." He ordered as I spun on my heel.

"Watch me." I managed to take two steps before he was in front of me blocking the door. "Move damn it!" I slapped him. Even I was shocked. I had yelled at him but I had never had the guts to raise a hand to him. Ever.

I saw a flash in his eye that told me I was dead. I took an impulsive step back.

"You slimy little bitchy slut." He hissed, each word cutting deeper and deeper. He grabbed my collar and I froze. "You think it`s all about me? You think the whole damn world wouldn`t push you around if I didn`t defend you from it? Trust me, you haven`t seen anything. Nearly everyone in this school would be pushing you around if I didn`t keep you away. Because your defenses are weak and pathetic. You are simply territory."

"You claim to not want me to get hurt. So to prevent it, you do it yourself. Like I said. I`m done." Somehow I managed to keep my voice steady as I unlatched the collar and threw it at his feet. Walking around him I opened the door and went to slam it closed bit it was one of those doors that slows down hella before it shuts which made me even more frustrated. I ran off. I knew I was still English territory, I couldn`t change that so easily but taking off that collar… it felt like such a betrayal.


Even when I got to my dorm I did not cry. I just felt hollow like an important part of me died. I was done with both of them. Both of them and their, "I love you."/"I hate you." Bull shit. D.O.N.E. Done. I tore the ribbons out of my hair and went to the bathroom where I threw up, I then laid down and proceeded to shake until Elizaveta came in after school. She saw me and my condition. Somehow she already knew.

"How did you know?" I asked, voice weak and quivering.

"You`ve got some lungs. I was heading to the nurses office to drop something off and heard yelling. I paused to see pretty much the whole scene."

"But when I left-"

"You shoved past me in a blind rage."

"Oh I`m sorry…" I honestly didn`t know what to say I wasn`t too interested in talking to anybody. I knew there was someone I wanted to talk to but I didn`t know who. I just wanted to talk to that one person and lie here doing nothing.

As my best friend it was like she could sense that. "Whenever you need to talk I`m here `kay?"

"M`kay." I murmured. I then rolled over and drifted in and out of sleep to a point where I couldn`t tell when I woke up and when I was asleep.


Throughout the week I was completely uninterested in everything. Francis passed me notes that I didn`t read, Arthur called me up to his office I didn`t go. It just felt like there was nothing to live for anymore. Francis just wanted sexual favors, Arthur didn`t care at all. The two people I gave my hole heart two tore it to pieces in a span of 24 hours.


On the way back to my dorm on Friday Matthew caught me by the elbow, taking me aside.

"Are you okay? You seem a little down, eh?"

"I`m fine." Even my tone sounded as if all the life were sucked out of me.

"You don`t sound like it. What`s wrong?" His eyes showed pure concern. That`s when I realized that exactly who I wanted to talk to.

"Everything." Were my first words.

"Want to discuss it over some food? I noticed you haven`t been really eating lately."

"How did you noti-"

"I sit with you everyday…"

"I never see you…"

"I`m sure you don`t. Would you like to?"

"I guess, but can we get somewhere empty? I don`t want to people to know my issues…"


We arrived at this café which would have been absolutely darling any other time. But now everything seemed so…dead. It was as if seeing everything in black, white, and grey.

"So what`s wrong Sey?"

"I had feelings for both Francis and Arthur for a long time then Arthur said I couldn`t be around Francis and I went out with you after you did that nice thing for me then I got feelings for you that were forgotten in this entire mess. A week ago I was going to go to the dance with Francis but Arthur refused to let me so he went with me where he told me he liked me and kissed me, then Francis told me Arthur was lying just to keep us apart so when Arthur asked why I ran out of the dance we ended up in this huge fight where Arthur reveled that Francis didn`t care about me and that he thought I only did what I wanted and that he doesn`t honestly care about me and now I just…I just don`t know what to feel now. I don`t feel anything anymore, it`s just this sort of emptiness." I stumbled my way to the end and was surprised when he seemed to understand every word I said.

"Arthur is right. Francis wants nothing but sex from anyone. But he is also wrong, you bend over backwards for those you care about. You do whatever possible to keep him happy. Same goes for Francis, Elizaveta and I think even me. I`ll give you a hint. Sure I hate to see you go to someone else I`ll admit that. But I hate more to see you hurting like this. He is telling you that to chase you off. He knows you have been hurting, your emotions are very close to the surface Sey. He can tell Francis was hurting you and he can tell he was. He wanted you to leave so you wouldn`t get hurt anymore. You haven`t heard him talk about you when you aren`t there. I have. Trust me. Just stay with him." His voice and eyes were sincere.

"Matthew I just don`t think I can do that!"

"Yes. Yes you can. You`re scared to. For once it`s time to not give him what he wants. Because what he really wants is for you to be happy. Sey, I think he loves you, I really do. All we both want is for you to be happy, and I will do anything to help you even if it means forcing that collar back around your neck myself."

I was awestruck. Here was a man who appeared to be head over heels for me practically forcing me to be with someone else because it would make me happy in the long run. Yet I was having a pity party because I got hurt. How long has he been hurting? "Mattie, I-I`m sorry, if I y`know hurt you…on accident…"

"Non! Sey, listen to me. As long as I see you happy, as long as I see your ever smiling face, I can`t be hurt. I`m happy." I couldn`t help it. I kissed him.

"Thank you, Matthew." Only then did tears come into my eyes. God I cried at the least appropriate times. "For everything." I knew he didn`t entirely mean it when he said he was always happy. I could see in his eyes that it hurt him to see me with others. But my joy really did create joy in him. So I stood preparing to go talk to Arthur. Please let this all work out on its own for once.


A/N: this is a doubly long chapter for an appology for not uploading for so long b4 the last chapter XD I`m sad it looks like this is coming to an end. But perhaps i can put in one more twist. I`m hoping to make it to twenty chapters! PM me if you have any ideas for a twist to make this just a little bit longer, milk it for all its worth! who knows they might end up in annother story (of course i`ll give u credit unless u dont want me to) or i might put more than one twist in here. ;) PLZ REVIEW!