"In My Room" – Utada Hikaru

It's okay if you cry, smile / And cause me pain / When I close my eyes / Dreams and reality are the same / That's Why / I'm always with you / I escape into dreams in my room


I woke up sweating due to the unusual heat. I suppose I forgot to turn on the air conditioner, which is actually pretty acceptable seeing as how I spend most of my time at Danni's house than here. I got out of the chair I slept in, scanning the bed for my Danni who was still out cold. The covers were managed to be kicked off, most likely because she got overheated as well. The knowledge that my imprint was uncomfortable prompted me to literally run downstairs to the thermostat and make it seventy degrees inside instead of ninety.

Panting, I peeled off the shirt I stole from Danni's step dad and ditched his sweatpants as well, leaving me in the buff. Now I seriously doubt my Danni would appreciate hanging out with a naked police man for the week, so I walked over to the laundry room and put on some shorts.

I looked out the window that was over the drier, seeing it already dark outside. Wow, I must've been really tired. I kind of was, considering I stayed up last night to howl at my Danni, who just escaped a fire. She has to be so exhausted.

Maybe I should do something nice for her, like make her dinner. Then when she sees how kind and thoughtful I am, she'll have no choice but to finally love me back. But what does she like to eat? I stood in my kitchen, staring at the opened fridge, trying to figure out what to make my imprint. She hates onions, but loves mushrooms (but considering what happened earlier, I'll keep her far away from mushrooms). I know she's a big fan of Thai food, but for the life of me, I can't think of a single Thai dish. I tangled my fingers in my hair, stressing over what to make her.

I could just order in, but that defeats the purpose of doing something nice for her. I want to make Danni a meal with my own two hands. I used to hear Sue Clearwater say the key to a man's heart is food, and Danni acts like a dude sometimes, so what the hell?

All that was in my fridge was three six packs of beer, something that I think used to be leftover spaghetti, some lunchmeat, and mayonnaise. What the fuck can I make with this? I sighed, realizing that all I could make my love is a lousy sandwich. I grabbed some bread out of the pantry -also finding some Doritos- and prepared Danni a sandwich and fixing myself four.

Once the lamest dinner I ever made was done, I tried to set the table in the kitchen. It was a small one that I used to only share with my dad, but when he moved out, I maintained sole custody of it. I guess now I'll share it with my Danni. I wish I had some nice placemats or even napkins to put out. Instead, beside the sandwich and Doritos on a paper plate, I set a folded up paper towel for her to use.

I then poured her a glass of water and got myself a beer. Damn! I don't even have some candles to light for us!

I grumbled and stalked up the stairs to get my angel and show her my sad attempt at wooing her.

"Danni," I cooed as I walked over to the bed. I gently shook her, watching as her gorgeous hazel eyes fluttered open and settled on me. She looked confused at first and then pissed off.

"Son of a bitch," she growled to herself. "Why the fuck am I here?"

I knew she'd be mad at me. There's just something about my face that gets her all riled up and angry. "Danni," I said, fighting the urge to call her Baby or Sweetheart, "I took you here from the hospital. They said you were in a fire and broke your leg." My hands began to tremble. Firemen had to save my imprint because I wasn't even aware she was in danger. I couldn't save her.

Danni rolled her eyes. "Whatever just take me home." She sat up and tried to get off the bed. When she stood and put weight on her broken leg, she let out a yelp and collapsed to the floor with a loud thud.

I rushed over to her and had her in my embrace, holding her tightly to my bare chest. "Are you okay?" I frantically asked. "Does it hurt anywhere? Do you need to go back to the hospital?"

Danni struggled in my grasp. "Dude! Lay off, I'm fine!"

I didn't release her from my hold. "Dinner's ready," I said, standing up with her still in my arms. I didn't want to risk her getting hurt going down the stairs. If she fell, then she could hit her head and be in a serious condition. Plus, I just wanted Danni in my embrace. I felt all warm inside holding her to my chest, my heart beat speeding up as her scent dominated my senses. Her smooth skin sent little sparks throughout my body and her heat relaxed me to the core, making me feel drunk and elated on her. "I love you," I whispered in her ear.

Danni just groaned, deciding it best to give me the silent treatment. Oh well, at least she wasn't struggling to get herself free anymore.

I carried her downstairs and into the kitchen. I carefully set her in a chair and then took the other one opposite side of the table from hers.

Danni cocked her eyebrow. "A bologna sandwich and chips? How romantic," she teased. She lifted up the bread to inspect the food I lovingly prepared for her. "And there's no cheese."

My heart sank. I failed my Danni. I can't even make dinner for her without screwing up! No wonder she hates me, I always have to fuck everything up! Panicking that she'd get up and leave, I thought of the many things I could do to get her on my side.

"Wanna beer?" I sheepishly asked.

"Dude, you of all people should know not to give alcohol to a minor."

"C'mon, it'll help you relax." Plus, it may also give her some much needed beer-goggles. I got up and grabbed another beer from the fridge, screwing off the cap for her. I placed the bottle in front of Danni and reclaimed my seat. I raised my bottle. "To…uh, fewer commercials on TV."

Danni looked conflicted for a while, staring at the beer. She then shrugged and grabbed it. "I'll drink to that." She chugged half the bottle in one swig, making me realize that she may have a taste for alcohol or she really wants to numb herself to better put up with me. Please be the first one.

Danni and I ate in silence for a while. Every now and then, I'd glance up from my plate to look at her. She settled for my crappy dinner, eating the sandwich first and then moving onto the Doritos. She already finished her beer, so I got up and gave her another one. Okay, so maybe giving her beer isn't the best decision, but it'll allow her to put her guard down and then we'll finally get to just hang out with one another without any drama.

I felt a little guilty about making my imprint drunk so that it'd be easier to spend time with her, but I was so frickin' lonely! I just wanted her to talk to me about her life and dreams without lashing out the second I say something.

"So," I began, trying to stir up a conversation. "Anything new at school, besides the fire I mean."

Danni scoffed. "I wasn't in the fire."

I nearly choked on my sandwich. I coughed up some chewed up bologna, but swallowed it so not to gross out Danni. "What do you mean?" I demanded.

Danni gulped down this beer already and waved the bottle in front of my face. "I'll tell ya if you get me 'nother beer!" she sang out, already tipsy. Her eyes were a little glazed over and her cheeks turned a little pink.

I obeyed, taking the cap off again so that she wouldn't hurt her hand trying to. I handed her the beer and waited for her to explain the whole fire incident.

Danni took two loud gulps and let out a satisfied belch. "I think I'm a little buzzed."

"Danni," I said sternly, "tell me what you meant by saying that you weren't in the fire."

"Oh yea!" Danni perked up and a smile grew on her face. Even if the smile was from her slight intoxication, it still warmed my heart and I found myself gushing in its presence. "I wasn't paying attention to roll call and the teachers thought I was in the fire so they put me on the ambulance. The only reason I broke my leg is because I jumped off the gurney."

Wow, that is so typical Danni. She likes to feel so independent that she was willing to try to escape treatment at a hospital. She needs to just set her pride aside already.

"I guess you learned a big lesson today then," I joked, still on my first beer.

"Nope," Danni said, popping her lips on the "p". She finished her beer, again, and shot me a look to get her another one.

When I stayed in my seat, she darted her eyes towards the fridge over and over. At first, I tried to ignore the signal, but then Danni narrowed her eyes at me and sped up the movement.

"Fine," I sighed, getting up under the surveillance of the smirking Danni. "But this is the last one."

"Whatever," Danni responded as she eagerly chugged the new beer.

"Why are you drinking so much?" I asked as I took my seat.

"It's hot."

I shook my head. "That can't be it. I mean, Danni, why have you drunken four beers already within, like, five minutes?"

Danni looked up at me confused. She pulled her eyebrows together and made a grimace before shrugging her thin shoulders. "I guess I just like it."

"But why? Danni, why do you like feeling drunk?"

Danni's eyes narrowed. "Fuck you Paul!" she yelled as she slammed her hands on the table. The beer bottle fell over and leaked all over the table and onto the floor. "I'm not the first person in the world to get drunk! How many times have you gotten drunk, huh? Like ten thousand?"

I stood up to grab some paper towels to clean up the mess. Great, all because of my protective instincts sensing something must be wrong if Danni was so eager to be drunk; she has to be all pissed off again. Will I ever catch a break? I began to clean up the spilled beer, soaking it up into the paper towels.

"Sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have pried. If you don't want to tell me, then that's your right."

"There's nothing to tell!"

I tossed the paper towels into the trash and held my hands up in a sign of innocence. "Okay, my bad."

Danni just stared at me, her eyes now blood shot from all the alcohol in her system. Yep, she is officially drunk. Hopefully those beer-goggles kick in soon.

"Here, let's get you upstairs," I said. I walked over to my imprint and lifted her out of the seat and carried her up the stairs.

"I hafta pee," she slurred, her head hanging back and wobbling with each step I took.

"Alright, well let's get you to the bathroom." I walked into the bathroom and set Danni on the toilet. She swayed back and forth, a dim smile on her face and her eyes blank with numbness that intoxication gives someone. I turned my head and slowly pulled her shorts and panties down to her ankles.

I heard the stream of urine hit the water and Danni let out a moan of relief. "I've been holdin' that for hours," she giggled. When she was done, I pulled her panties and shorts back up and then carried her back into my bedroom where I set her on my bed.

I felt like shit now. I tried to get my imprint to open up and let down her walls with me by getting her drunk. Now, she's barely conscious and intoxicated off her ass, barely able to comprehend what I'm doing for her.

"I'm sorry I got you drunk Danni," I whispered in her ear as I pulled the covers over her. The air conditioner was now working and it was getting a little cold inside. I sat on the foot of the bed after I turned off the bedroom light, letting the moonlight through the window be the only source of light.

"It's okay Paul," Danni slurred. "If I could go back in time, I don' think I woulda drank so much."

That was weird. Did Danni just forgive me right then? I decided to test it out again. "I'm sorry Danni," I said, leaning closer to her.

"It's okay Paul," she said, sounding sort of ditzy.

Who would have thought that Danni would be a nice drunk? That's great! I crawled over to her and rested my head on the same pillow, looking into her glazed eyes. "Tell me you love me," I whispered.

I heard a little chuckle. "I'm not that drunk hombre."

I rolled my eyes. Of course Danni wasn't numb enough to remotely like me. Why the fuck is she so against my love? "Can I ask you something?" I breathed, almost too quiet for her to hear.

"That depends. What do you wanna ask me?"

I was going to ask Danni why she hated me so much, but that would only get her mad and cause us to have another fight. "What do you look for in a guy?"

Danni jerked back and stared at me in confusion. Her breath stank of alcohol and Doritos, which is actually a pleasant aroma…mainly because it's from my imprint. I watched her forehead wrinkle and her eyes bore into me.

"Why?" she questioned.

I shrugged. "I just want to know." That way, I could change myself to fit her description.

"Well, I guess I go for the bad boy, like most girls," she began. "He's gotta be tough and he has to have a nice body. I really love mohawks for some reason, I'm sure how come. He can't be a pussy but he shouldn't be all alpha male either. I guess he should know when to take charge, but I like to be dominant as well. And most importantly, he must love me unconditionally."

She just described me! Well, except the mohawk and the letting her take charge; but those can be fixed with a haircut and some time. Other than that, I'm tough, I have a nice body, I'm no wimp, and I'm in love with Danni so much that I even considered kidnapping her. "Do you think I'd look good with a mohawk?" I asked, mainly as a joke, but also because I wanted to mirror her dream man.

"Let's find out," Danni said as she sat up. "Do you have hair gel?"

I got up and rushed to the bathroom, grabbing the bottle of gel and a comb. I dashed back into the room, where my Danni was waiting for me on the bed. She may have just been waiting to do my hair, but she's waiting for me! Before going to her, I turned on the little lamp on the side table next to the bed, filling the room with a dull golden light. I then handed my Danni the supplies and sat in front of her on the bed.

Danni shook her head. "Sit on the floor. You're too tall."

I complied, leaning my back on the bed, and seeing Danni position her legs on either side of my torso. Her right foot (the one without the cast) relaxed on my chest and every now and then, it'd fidget a little, making me moan at the feel of her skin on mine.

Danni grabbed both sides of my head and I wished that she was in front of me, pulling me towards her. Instead, she positioned my head in a certain angle. I felt her remove one hand to get the comb, her remaining hand still steadying me. Since I never brush my hair, the comb hit tangle after tangle, pulling at my scalp. Every now and then I'd hear Danni mutter an insincere apology if one of my hairs got ripped out. She leaned forward to get the front part of my hair, resting her body on my back. I tensed up and held perfectly still, desperate to not move so as to knock her over.

"Your hair's kind of short, but I think we can manage a little fauxhawk," Danni said she set the comb down on the bed and grabbed for the gel.

I was ecstasy. She referred to us as "we"! It may be a small word, but it carries such great meaning. My body felt hot now as my angel continued to lean on it.

I heard the gel squirt into her hand. Our silhouettes were on the wall in front of me, permitting me to watch our shadows combine into one massive shape, like we were one organism. Like we belong together.

Danni put the gel into my hair and I felt her hands pull the strands upward. She started at the sides, rubbing her hands along my head, leaving tingling sensations all over my body. I fought the urge to grab my Danni and show her how much I love her because knowing the way she doesn't like me, that'd only piss her off.

"There!" Danni cheered. "Turn around and look at me."

I obeyed eager to see if my hair was to her liking. Danni ran her eyes over me, pursing her lips as she thought it over.

"Well," she said, "you can pull off the fauxhawk, but if you tried to get a real mohawk, with the shaved sides and everything, I don't think it'd look good. You're too buff."

I frowned. I can never look like the man of Danni's dreams.

"Do you think I look good now?" I whimpered.

"Yeah. You're a sexy man." Danni's eyes widened and she covered her mouth. "I didn't mean to say it like that!"

My frown flipped and I was wearing a full-blown smile. "You think I'm sexy?"

"No!"

"But you just said a little while back that you did. Admit it Danni, you like me way deep down."

"No! No I don't!"

I just smirked at my imprint who was red with embarrassment. She likes my body! Now soon she'll like me and then that'll turn into love and we can be together! "Danni. Just say it. Say you like me."

"Dude, I like Henry, who has a real mohawk," Danni snapped.

I leaned closer to her. "You can call me Henry if you want. Just pretend I'm him."

Danni rolled her eyes and scooted away from me, towards the pillows on the bed. "Whatever Paul."

I crawled over to her. "I'm serious," I teased. Maybe if Danni pretended I was bitch-face Henry, then she'd do stuff with me, realizing how great I can make her feel.

Danni whipped her face to stare at me. "Do you really want to know what I'd do to Henry if given the chance?" she asked. I could still smell the large amount of alcohol in her, meaning that she was still kind of drunk.

I nodded.

"Fine," Danni said. She leaned forward and wrapped her arm around me, resting her hand on my shoulder blade. She pulled me towards her and smashed her lips on mine. She shoved her tongue into my mouth, claiming dominance.

At first, I was beyond shocked. My body didn't respond, still trying to process what was going on. Then my eyes widened as I saw my Danni's face so close to mine and felt her hands on my back. A surge of pleasure rippled throughout my body, making me start to sweat a little bit. I trapped Danni in my arms and pulled her closer to my chest. With a growl of lust, my tongue easily won dominance and I explored the contours of her mouth, memorizing everything.

I leaned forward, making my Danni lean back. Eventually she was on her back and I was on top of her, using my weight to keep her with me. I brought my arm to her head, holding it close to mine as I deepened the love I was demonstrating, moaning at the feel of Danni under me.

I felt her hands rub up and down my back, stopping on my shoulders, pulling me closer to her, if that was even possible.

I tasted the beer in her saliva and even tasted some Doritos that was stuck in her teeth. I pulled away for some air and then quickly went back to my angel. I kissed along her neck, sucking on her shoulder before I gave it a little bite to show her that she's mine.

Danni pulled her shorts down and threw them to the floor. She leaned her head forward as she began to kiss along my collarbone and down towards my chest. I was hard as a rock now, ready to claim her in a sexual way.

I kicked off my shorts, exposing my erect penis to her. Danni smiled (she thought I was big!) and lifted her shirt over her head, throwing that to the floor as well. She didn't wear a bra, exposing her gorgeous tits to me. I grabbed one and felt its softness, hearing her moan at my touch.

I stared into my angel's eyes, seeing…them glazed over and red.

"Aw shit," I growled. I rolled over, freeing Danni from my hold. I got off the bed and pulled on my shorts. God knows I'd do anything to make love to my imprint, but I can't in all good consciousness do it when she's drunk.

Danni scoffed. "Paul!" she whined. "I fucking throw myself at you and you don't want me now?"

"Danni, you're drunk," I said, "it wouldn't be right."

"I'm not drunk!" Danni yelled, but then she let out a loud burp that backstabbed her.

"I love you Danni, but I can't make love to you when you're drunk."

Danni looked torn for a moment, which I found odd. Why was she so upset that I denied her?

"You know what Paul?" she asked, spitting when she said my name. "The only reason why I numb myself with alcohol is because I'm so fucking lonely! That's what's wrong with me!"

My heart dropped and I stepped towards my Danni and put my hand on her cheek, taking up most of her head with my beefy hand. "You have me," I whimpered.

She rolled her eyes and hit my hand away. "Just get the fuck away from me," she growled, laying down and pulling the covers over her.

My shoulders slumped and I whimpered, depressed that my imprint was sad and there was nothing I could do about it. I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me and stalked downstairs to the couch, where I spent a majority of the night crying over my Danni.