Disclaimer: Don't own it, just get a kick out of writing about it. Thanks Stephenie!
A heartfelt thank you goes out to my beta, Emilie Fauve!
My will completely defected from my instincts as I eagerly kissed Rosalie.
After pushing her across the room, I pressed the palms of my hands flat upon the crumbling wall, effectively pinning her against it. I leaned in, my lips seeking hers, kissing her more forcefully than before. She responded instantly, her hands snaking up between us to cup my face as she kissed me back with equal intensity. The room began spinning, and as my eyes fluttered in pleasure for a fraction of a second, I swore we were suddenly outside amongst the stars. The falling bits of dust were refracting the moonlight coming in through the window, causing them to glitter as they descended to the floor.
One of Rosalie's hands slipped behind my neck, her touch igniting a trail of fire that nearly caused my knees to buckle. I felt like my entire body was turning itself inside out as wave after wave of electricity jolted through my bones. I had never felt anything like it, either as a human, or vampire. A bout of vertigo nearly toppled me backwards again when her mouth opened slightly and I felt her hot breath creep along my lips. Was she urging me to open my mouth?
Gasping, I broke away from her embrace, searching her eyes for the answer to a question I could barely form in my head. What was happening to me?
That was…
Her thought melded exactly with my own.
I shook my head violently, taking a step backwards. Her grip around my neck began to tighten, so I quickly reached around, yanking her hand away. I needed to think, to sort out everything that had just happened, but my mind was muddled and overburdened, trying to grapple with these new, intense feelings racing through every nerve of my body.
Don't go.
My jaw reflexively opened and shut several times, my mouth forming the words I wanted to say, but my voice failed me entirely. I took another step in reverse as Rosalie took one forward, her hand hesitantly reaching out for me.
Please, Edward. We need to talk…
"No," I growled deeply. My eyes widened in reaction to the foreign tone of my voice. Even consumed with anger, I had never sounded like this. What was happening to me?
"Please, Edward…please, don't leave." She took another tentative step towards me, the gap between us diminishing once again. Something flickered in her eyes, and I suddenly recognized it. Lust. I had seen it before on Esme's face when she looked at Carlisle.
I looked away. "Rose, I don't want to talk. I just need time to…think." I cautiously glanced back at her and noticed her lower lip trembling slightly, causing a wave of remorse to flood over the other emotions that plagued me - finally, something I could recognize and deal with.
"I'm not upset; I just need to sort things out. Alone." Please understand, I silently begged. "Just…"
I'm sorry if I scared you or pushed too far - but I don't regret it.
Never had I wished more for my volatile temper to explode than at that moment. But the fury never came, even as I replayed her last five words over and over again in my mind. Why wasn't I angry at her lack of repentance? Because you don't regret it either.
"I have to go." Before my body betrayed my will, I fled out the door and into the night, running to put as many miles between us as I could. I knew that if I didn't, I would eventually have found my way back to her.
Two days later, I approached the house. I had been hunting to the far east of the Great Smoky Mountain range, almost near Asheville, North Carolina. I considered wandering into town the evening before, hoping to distract myself with sightseeing and the superficial thoughts of the town commoners. But something told me that nothing would successfully divert my wayward attention from that notorious evening at the cabin.
As I neared our home, I sought out my family's thoughts. Carlisle and Esme were inside, but Rosalie was not. I told myself that I should be elated at her convenient absence – it would be much easier to act normal without her presence, though deep down, I longed to see her again, to trace her chiseled jaw line with my finger.
Shaking my head to clear my mind of such outlandish thoughts, I stepped noisily up the porch to announce my arrival. Esme was immediately at the door.
"Edward! Where have you been? I've missed you!" She reached out to envelop me in a warm hug. I smiled over her at Carlisle, who stood stoically near the stairs.
Everything all right?
"Yes, Carlisle. My apologies – I decided to expand my exploration of the area, and lost track of time."
Esme released her hold on me and stepped back to appraise my expression. "Well, we all need time to ourselves, but I wish you'd tell one of us before you disappear for so long."
I nodded compliantly.
You and Rosalie seem to have quite a knack for avoiding one another. She left just an hour ago.
I glanced back over at Carlisle, my face purposely blank.
You can't ignore her forever, son.
"I understand, Carlisle."
His mental line of questioning switched flawlessly to words. "Have you spoken with her at all?"
"No, not in quite some time." Surprisingly, the lie rolled off my tongue without the least bit of shame or hesitation. For a fleeting moment, I considered the possibility of Rosalie telling either one of them that we had been together a few days prior, but the worry was gone as soon as it had arrived. Somehow, I knew she hadn't shared our secret. Because she'd know that you'd never allow that to happen again if she did.
I swallowed thickly, pushing that realization aside so I could continue to uphold my façade.
Esme walked past me to Carlisle's side, placing her arm around his waist before addressing me. "What can we do to help you two get along?"
Shrugging, I glanced longingly over at my Steinway before answering. "Nothing, it's purely my issue." I smiled reassuringly before turning back to both of them. "Please, let me work through it at my own pace."
They watched me apprehensively, neither of them speaking. Finally, Carlisle replied.
Of course. I respect your honesty about the situation. But for Esme's sake, please try to be at the very least amicable with Rosalie. It's been nearly a month since all four of us have been in this house together.
Inwardly, I flinched at his thought. Why did I feel it so necessary to lie to him? There were no secrets between us – why was I compelled to keep my little tryst private?
I nodded once in acknowledgement before strolling over to the piano, where I lost myself in the music for hours. It was the only way I could start to process everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours.
Early the next morning, I headed back to the rock, where my truce with Rosalie had been declared only days prior. I liked the little plateau – it was a blessed sanctuary on which I could sort through my feelings for Rosalie without the interruption of my family.
I leapt onto the flat rock and settled myself in much the same position as before, lying on my back with my arms behind my head, only this time facing east, so I could watch the sun rise. Immediately, my mind replayed the last instance I had rested here – when she had appeared, shoving me over to make room for herself. She was incredibly strong, as all newborns were, and I suddenly felt a twinge of excitement when I realized that she could easily overpower me if she wanted to. Why would the thought of that seem so thrilling? I sighed loudly in frustration for thinking such strange things.
But then, my mind recalled how she had looked in the cabin - her hair and outfit littered with debris, her eyes bright and entrancing. Despite the dirt and grime that covered her flawless skin, she had been utterly breathtaking. But why? I deducted that it had to be a result of the strange mixture of emotions from our first kiss. No, second kiss, I reminded myself. Even if it was just her kissing you the first time.
Unconsciously, I conjured up the memory from earlier that day as she stepped out into the late afternoon sun and approached my stony refuge. I hadn't noticed at the time how her blonde hair shimmered in the sunlight, glowing like the halo of an angel, or how her short-sleeved blouse and long skirt flawlessly fit, accentuating her statuesque form. Rosalie was not a typical woman – she wasn't petite, submissive, or soft. Everything about her shouted for attention, gratification. No wonder she had been so popular in Rochester – based on beauty alone, she was more than merely striking. She was absolutely magnificent, her features the culmination of everything humans considered pleasing to the eye. Her transformation into immortality had taken that physical perfection and amplified it a hundredfold. I couldn't imagine another woman or vampire more beautiful than she. And I had tasted her lips.
I groaned at my latest thought, the recollection of our kiss in the cabin actually becoming painful. What was happening to me?
Edward -
I startled instantly, whipping my head around to search for her. She was here again. Something deep inside me rejoiced at that realization, but had she been watching me this entire time? I wondered if I had accidentally vocalized my licentious thoughts – what would she think if she knew what I was thinking?
I knew you'd be up here.
Glancing east into the blinding sun, I saw her silhouette as she stepped into the light, walking slowly towards me. I thought back to my earlier comparison of Rosalie to an angel, realizing I had greatly underplayed her exquisiteness. At that moment, surrounded by the early morning rays, she was the incarnation of a seraph, descending from heaven.
I lay frozen in place on my rock, unable to move as she approached.
Mind if I join you?
Shaking my head in noticeable bewilderment, I haphazardly scurried over a few inches to make room for her. The internal battle within resumed instantaneously - part of me begged to give into my primordial desires, the other relentlessly reminded me that this was wrong. Yet I was unable to react one way or the other.
She bounded up next to me without a sound, yet kept a fair amount of space between us. Together, we lay on our backs, side by side, silently watching the sun begin its slow ascent upwards. It was nearly an hour before she spoke.
"So…" The vacillation was clear in her tone as she breathed in deeply. I remained motionless, waiting for her to continue, but she never did. Curiosity finally got the best of me.
"So what?" The words came out entirely too malicious, but there was regrettably no way to recall them.
Rosalie turned towards me, her eyes smoldering in the morning light. "What's your problem?"
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, but refused to move from my position to face her. "I have no problem, Rosalie."
"I beg to differ."
Rolling my eyes, I lifted my hand up, shielding the bright sunlight from my eyes, before turning my head to her. "What did you want, again?" As instinctual as it was to crave her attention earlier, the contemptible words now seeped from my mouth at an alarming rate, with no cognitive direction whatsoever. And I was reacting faster than my mind could keep up.
Rosalie huffed in response, simultaneously opening her mind to me.
Wouldn't be the first time I misinterpreted a man's true intentions.
I snarled in outright defiance of her wicked thoughts, willing myself not to bound up and flee this mental assault.
And here I thought you were actually noble, especially after you rescued me at the King residence. Tell me Edward, was that all an elaborate act, merely a part of Carlisle and Esme's crazy plot to push us together? Enlighten me, please…what are you really thinking right now?
"Just leave." I regretted the outburst immediately, and I quickly spun to face her, prepared to grab her arm if she obeyed my request.
She sucked in a deep breath and held it for several seconds. I swore I felt the rock tremble beneath us as her body began to quiver. Roguishly, my hand reached over towards her, but stopped just shy of her distressed face. Her mouth opened slightly, but she never spoke a word.
Tell me you didn't mean what you just said.
My hand started to shake, yet it inevitably crept closer and closer to her glowing cheek. I tried to stop myself, but my self-control was failing at an alarming rate.
Show me.
She reached up, grabbing my extended hand and guiding it around to the back of her head. At once, my fragile willpower snapped again as the tepid wind blew her scent directly at me. So sweet – like orchids. Once she had successfully moved my hand, she reached over, snaking her own hand under my arm and firmly clasping my back, closing the gap between us. Her mouth found mine immediately, and my senses were overloaded with the sweet flavor of honey and the soft caress of her lips against my own. Intuitively, my hand that she had placed behind her head began to fist in her gloriously soft hair, pulling her closer still. I found myself completely lost to every form of rational thought as she ardently kissed me, her fingers trailing a tantalizing pattern along my spine.
Even though I had been through this same, insanely feral act just days prior, it was like kissing her for the first time all over again. Instantly, I was dizzy; my head swimming in shameful, libidinous thoughts, spurred on by her velvet touch and incredible taste and smell. My photographic memory served me well this time, guiding my movements in a more experienced manner, the fear from before dissipating much more rapidly, allowing me to savor every sensation rather than fight them. Once again, I felt that unfamiliar emotion tickle my insides, threatening to grow if I relinquished control and succumbed to its enticing euphoria. For a moment, I caught a glimpse of what that ecstasy would truly feel like as I tentatively let down my guard - it produced a reaction I was completely unprepared for. Strangely, I found myself praying that we could stay like this forever…lying together, upon our rock, the sun rising and setting while we lost ourselves to one another.
Time stood still, yet it seemed much too soon when she finally pulled away from our embrace, her silky lips sucking lightly on my lower one before breaking contact.
"I need to go."
"Where?" I murmured, reaching back up for her face, but she batted my hand away.
Home.
I sat back, appraising her carefully. There was absolutely no emotion in her eyes – her face remained completely blank, like her mind. But then, she shot me one straightforward question.
What are you thinking?
A smirk found its way onto my face before I could stop it. "You don't want to know." I glanced down for a second, composing myself and scanning her mind again for a reaction to my words. Strangely, I sensed she had put the wall up once more. "What are you thinking?"
All of a sudden, the wall came down.
I think we need to stop doing this.
My brow furrowed, confused by the contradiction between her words and body language. Hadn't she been the one to initiate our recent…activity?
I glanced back up at her, trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind her words…thoughts. It was all beginning to blur together as I struggled desperately to make sense of it. But then again, did I really care?
"Wait…" I meant to ask her if I had done something wrong, but my voice utterly failed me as we locked eyes.
Her eyebrows arched, and for a moment I feared she had somehow seen my last thought. Then I realized she was reacting to my latter, incomplete utterance. "Yes?"
"I…okay." Was I agreeing to her last thought? Suddenly, it no longer mattered.
Goodbye, Edward. See you around.
Rosalie gracefully hopped off our rock and sauntered down the slope while I remained frozen, jaw agape.
More wonderfully angsty music has been added to the play list….check it out.
And reviews are appreciated - I love hearing everyone's take on E&R's little "tryst"...
