"It was an accident, Quil. There was nothing we could have done."
"You know that that's not what I mean, Embry."
o o o
"And?" Emily asked anxiously the moment Bella stepped out of her bathroom, fingers clutching to a small, white object - eyes empty and numb.
Without any words Emily understood but nevertheless carefully took the stick out of Bella's pale fingers, the tiny pink plus sign causing her heart to twitch in her chest.
Emily tried to stay strong that day. When Bella collapsed into her arms, tears streaming down her face, breathless sobs and screams filling the normally so comfortable silence in this house, Emily held her friend, soothed her.
Deep down she saw what this could have meant, could almost have been like.
Jacob would have been thrilled, nervous, anxious, happy, over the moon, enthusiastic and scared to death about discovering that he would be a Daddy soon.
But now, he did not even know about it, had no chance to feel anything about it at all.
So, Emily let Bella cry, cry until the last tear had escaped her eyes, cry until Bella fell asleep in her arms, exhausted and empty.
When Sam came home that day he found Emily crying silently, Bella in her arms, sitting on the couch with an expression of agony and helpless despair in her eyes.
o o o
"Hey, guys!"
Quil and Embry turn around in unison, Seth Clearwater standing a few feet away from them, looking oddly mature in his suit, his hands buried in his pockets, looking at his friends with a nervous expression, chewing his lower lip.
"Emily sent me. She was worried."
"We're fine," Embry says calmly and Seth seems relieved.
"You're not coming, are you?"
Both Quil and Embry shake their heads, sadness creeping back into their every move.
"I was thinking about that, too," Seth sighs and the two boys understand why Seth does not want to attend the dinner. Seeing his mother these days is torture for him.
Silence falls back in and for a few minutes they just are, trying to banish every thought from their minds.
Finally, Quil breaks the silence.
"Heard anything of Leah?"
Seth's eyes drop to the rocky ground, his left foot kicking a rather large pebble.
"No, not since…"
o o o
With the time passing slowly, they all realized the truth at some point.
Billy felt it first, his eyes darkening more and more with every day his son was missing without any sign that he was still alive.
They had a bonfire on First Beach; the pack, the elders, Bella and Emily who was patting Bella's roundish belly, every now and then a kick brightening up her worried face.
Bella never reacted to those kicks. She just stared ahead, blankly.
"He won't come back," Billy murmured into the cracking of fire and wood, waves crushing at the beach.
And they all understood.
The pack knew because if Jacob was still out there, if he still phased, he must be a world apart from them since they could not hear him.
But they were sure that there was no russet-coloured wolf out there in the woods these days.
They did not feel his presence anymore.
He was gone.
Billy knew because he was his son, because whenever he thought about him it felt like thinking about his beloved Sarah. It felt as if Jacob knew about him thinking, watching over him from somewhere.
And Bella – Bella just felt it.
o o o
All of a sudden, Quil jumps up, dangerously close to falling of the cliff's edge.
"Are you alright?"
All Quil answers is merely a murmur and he crosses the small rocky platform they are on, walking down the dusty path leading to the road.
"Where are you going?" Embry and Seth call after him, facing each other with the same worried expression before running after their friend.
"Quil?"
"I have an idea!" he yells over his shoulder, a rare glow in his eyes as the three of them make their way to the roadside where two trucks are parked.
"Embry, I'll drive with you. Seth – we'll meet at Billy's house."
For a second, Quil looks at them with a kind of fury and insanity in his eyes before jumping into Embry's old truck.
o o o
Hanna was born on a sunny Thursday morning and Emily remembered that the moment the nurse rested the tiny bundle in Bella's exhausted arms, a chaste smile had lit Bella's face for the first time in a long time.
From the very first day, Hanna conquered every heart in La Push, resembling Jacob in so many ways. Her black, silky hair, her temper, the brightness of her smile, her laughter, the soft touch of her skin - a harmonic mixture of Jacob's russet and Bella's pale white colour - her eyes a touch lighter brown than Jacob's had been.
Bella lived only for her daughter, becoming a mother she never dreamed of ever being.
Embry often looked after his goddaughter, babysitting, playing the male-part in Hanna's life. He never tried to replace Jacob, but he felt some kind of duty towards his best friend and his child.
Hanna turned into a talker – never ceasing to speak and blabber, incomprehensible words and phrases, becoming more and more clear with every day of practise.
The day she started walking, Embry felt some kind of pride and he liked the thought of it being Jacob's memory inside of him who watched his tiny daughter making clumsy steps towards Bella who was kneeling on her kitchen floor with happy tears in her eyes.
o o o
"Do you think he's really dead?"
Quil's voice is nervous when he asks the question, a question that had lingered on his tongue for quite a while.
Embry's eyes remain focused on the road ahead, twilight in it's full blossom in the world outside.
"I hope he is," he finally answers and Quil's eyes widen in shock at his friend's determined words.
"Let me explain, Quil. It's… better for both of them if he's dead. Just think about it. Think about how in vain everything would have been for Bella if Jacob is still alive out there – what kind of a nightmare her life would have been. She does not deserve that. And think about Jake. What if he shows up here in twenty years, five years, tomorrow? What if he comes back to realize that he ran off thinking Bella chose that leech when, in fact, she returned soon after he left, choosing him. Having his baby and living all alone. Inside. She was lonely. You know that. Would you like for him to feel that guilt? It's better for both of them if he died somewhere out there. Long ago. And maybe…"
Embry hesitates for a while, letting his words sink into Quil's brain before continuing.
"Maybe they are together now. Finally."
ooo
Life went on for all of them.
Emily and Sam got married soon after Hanna's birth, Emily already showing a slight bump beneath her white dress.
Sam decided that day to stop phasing, to start aging again and since Jacob was gone and nobody else wanted to take over the part of Alpha and the threat of vampires in the area was diminished, they all stopped phasing, leaving that part of their past and being behind.
Quil and Embry graduated and brought their and Jacob's old dream of a proper garage to life, opening it in La Push, turning their hobby into their occupation.
Paul moved away from La Push soon after Sam's wedding, however returned a couple of months later, shortly before Sam and Emily's son was born. He never told anyone where he had been during those months.
Jared married Kim after graduation and he joined in Quil and Embry´s garage, feeling better, knowing he could help them that way.
Leah moved away from La Push overnight the day Emily gave birth, leaving a letter for her mother and Seth. She never returned home, however kept contact to her family, writing that she found a nice guy named Ben with whom she lived now.
Seth imprinted the day after he graduated, a girl named Fiona whom he met at the local store that day. He also joined the garage, running it together with Quil, Embry and Jared.
Charlie and Sue Clearwater made their long-rumoured relationship official at Sam and Emily's wedding, Sue moving in with Charlie soon after.
Billy was left with lies he had to tell Rachel and Rebecca about their brother's fate, telling them he ran off after a fight and is believed to have died.
Hanna's birth cheered him up again, being a grandfather giving him some kind of reassurance that he did not fail in raising his children.
Bella worked at Newton's Outfitters, thanks to her friends able to continue that work after Hanna's birth. Money was rare, the house she lived in at La Push small – but overall she was alive. That was what she told herself every morning when she woke up. It was what made her think that getting up actually made sense.
After all, her being alive had always been Jacob's most desperate wish.
Sometimes they all thought how differently their life might have been if Jacob was still there, if he had only had had the strength to wait a few more weeks for Bella to realize she had made the wrong decision.
The fact that they almost made it, torturing all of them.
o o o
