A/N - Hi everyone! Sorry this chapter has taken a bit longer to get out to you.....Bella was not being cooperative in telling her part of the story!! But here it is finally! I have to admit that I have fallen behind a bit in answering reviews but I have read each and every one and really appreciate your feedback!
Lolarose and changedbyEdward - you two are the greatest - not sure what I would do without ya! Thanks for the fast beta turnaround bb......you rock hard!
Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight......I am just messing with it!!
(Carlisle's POV)
I watched Bella carefully as she wandered the library. Her love for literature had definitely followed her into her new existence – a blessing I was truly thankful for. Our eternal life definitely held some drawbacks, boredom being one of the largest issues, but having a strong love for the written word was certainly an aid in that factor. She ran her hands along the shelf, completely engrossed, pulling out a book here and there to give it closer study.
I glanced over towards my desk, waiting. She had almost rounded the room and I was interested to see her reaction once she stood behind my desk. I had considered removing the picture that sat there, but then thought better of it. She still had made no mention of Edward and I had to know if he had been wiped from her memory during the change. I hoped that once she saw the photo of the two of them together, it would cause some kind of reaction, but did not want to force it on her.
She turned to glance at me, shyly smiling as she realized I had been studying her. I smiled back and picked up the newspaper in front of me, not wanting to distract her. She had been very quiet and thoughtful after we had returned from the hunt, taking in all the discussions around her, but mostly staying silent except for a few moments of play with Emmett. She seemed very much at ease, her composure as a newborn, truly mystifying to me. There had been no strong intoxication of bloodlust, no mood swings, no destroyed furniture or clothing – it was truly mind-boggling how in control she appeared to be.
The only rationale I could think explained it was the fact that Bella knew what her existence would be after the change. Although I had not given her any time to consider things before changing her, I was positive that it had been something she had thought about for a long time. She had spent an entire summer with us before Edward made the decision to leave, and in truth, we had been quite comfortable having her with us and had really let our guard down. Perhaps all that time had given her something to grasp onto during the long three days she had suffered through the burn.
"Carlisle?"
I raised my head and looked over the newspaper. "Yes, Bella?" She stood near the desk, but not close enough to see the photo.
"Can you tell me about Charlie again?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper and I noticed a slight shake to her hand as she placed a book back on the shelf.
"What do you remember, Bella? Do you recall anything of what we discussed before?"
She moved to the couch and sat across from me, wringing her hands in a very human way. "I know that he died. I remember you telling me that. But I don't remember how or when. I don't even remember the funeral. How can I not remember my own father's funeral?" Her voice raised a little and I noticed agitation for the first time since her re-birth.
I leaned across, taking her hands in my own. "Bella, I will tell you everything you have asked, but you must remember to remain calm. Your newborn instincts are most likely going to try to take over because this will be upsetting to you. You have to remember that you are in control. Alright?"
Her scarlet eyes glittered as she looked into my face and nodded. "I will," she whispered.
I held her hands and again told her the details of her father's passing. I reminded her of Victoria and how she had gotten away from us the previous summer. I told her as much as I could without bringing Edward's name into the discussion, and she did not mention him either. Her hands tightened around mine as I explained how the Quileute wolves had found Charlie and that there had been no service as they were concerned for her safety. Bella hung her head for a few minutes, processing everything I had told her. "Jacob found him?" She looked into my eyes once again, and then putting my words together in her mind, she looked at me questioningly. "You said wolves. I don't understand. Carlisle, are you telling me that Jacob Black is a werewolf?"
I nodded hesitantly, not sure how this would affect her, but she remained calm, the melancholy of our discussion floating around the room like storm clouds waiting to combust. Moments passed and I waited for the questions that I was sure would follow, but they never came. Instead, she stood quietly and moved back towards the bookshelf. I watched for a few moments, unsure of how she was processing everything I had told her. When she continued her tour of the bookshelf, I returned my thoughts to the newspaper, remaining alert for some reaction.
I didn't have to wait long as she turned quickly to face me. "So I suppose you're going to tell me that witches, ghosts and Big Foot all exist, too!" Her tone was sarcastic and I could not help but laugh aloud as she stood staring me down with her hands on her hips, waiting for me to answer.
"Well, I am not sure about Big Foot…." I wheezed out as she tossed a book in my direction, gasping the moment it made contact with my forehead.
Instantly her demeanour changed. "Oh my God, Carlisle!! I'm so sorry – I don't know what I was thinking!" She looked at me, terrified.
"Bella, it's fine. You didn't hurt me, although I really thought you held Shakespeare in higher regard." I smiled as I tossed the book back at her. She reached out and grabbed it in mid-air, staring in shock as the book made perfect contact with her hand. She turned it in wonder, studying the cover and then dropping into the chair behind her, a look of confusion instantly spreading over her face.
"Romeo and Juliet," she whispered quietly.
I waited, silently, unsure how to proceed. Her face was a canvas of emotion, her eyes reflecting each feeling to me….loss, anger, despair and mostly confusion. I wondered exactly how to handle her, suddenly wishing that Jasper and Alice had not decided to leave so soon.
The sound of the book hitting the floor echoed simultaneously with a hiss. I knew my earlier wish had come true as my eyes met Bella's, now turned from scarlet to jet black as she clutched the picture frame against her chest. Her hiss turned to a growl as she stalked towards me, her movements reminding me of a deadly panther on the prowl.
"Where. Is. He?!"
(Bella's POV)
I wandered the library quietly, not wanting to disturb Carlisle from his reading. I was thankful for the peace and quiet that had enveloped the house, relishing the opportunity to process everything that had happened since I had awakened. I ran my hands along the shelves, taking in the titles quickly as I scanned along. I was quite confident that I had already compiled a 'must read' list over a mile long, but the feel of the books beneath my fingers offered a sense of calm.
The afternoon spent with my new family had been wonderful, yet overwhelming. They had all accepted me so readily into their lives and it was astounding how comfortable I felt with my new being in such a short amount of time. I had been so intimidated about my first hunt, yet Rosalie had made it seem so effortless. I still couldn't believe that I hadn't spilled a drop.
Having Alice and Jasper here when we returned had been a true gift. They were so warm and comfortable with each other that you couldn't help but have some of that feeling rub off on you. The love in this family was unending and it was an honour to now be considered one of them, yet, something was still missing. I had spent the afternoon listening to them banter back and forth, hoping something would trigger the answer to the nagging feeling I had, but I was still at a loss.
Rosalie and Emmett had been quick to fill Alice and Jasper in on my first hunting excursion, both of them so excited I had barely been able to get a word in edgewise. I let them tell their story and once they finished, I turned to Alice and asked her if she knew anything about Emmett's first hunting experience. Jasper had been quick to respond, chuckling madly and a moment later Emmett had him pinned to the floor in a wrestler's hold. Unable to resist, Rosalie turned to me, her eyes dancing with laughter. Even now I fought back a chuckle as I remembered the tale while I continued to peruse the massive library.
"Emmett woke up hungry, ready to search out the bear that had attacked him. There was no stopping him as he tore out of the Alaskan house, ready to tangle with whatever beast he met. Carlisle and I ran after him, not overly worried as there wasn't a human within five hundred miles of where we were staying.
"We watched him tear ahead over a hill and through a ravine, his laughter a treat to hear after three days of screaming while he suffered through the change. A loud crash followed by a splash and yelling caught both of us by surprise, so we picked up the chase and found him quickly.
At this point in the story, Emmett had grabbed Rose by the waist, smothering her with a sloppy kiss and whispering suggestive innuendos in her ear to try and lure her away, but Rose was on a roll and slapped at his arms, laughing, until he let her up and sat back on the couch, arms folded and pouting like a school boy. The story then continued….
"By the time Carlisle and I reached the crest of the hill, the shouts and splashing had become much louder and more colourful. And there we found him, submerged in the water, chasing after an otter! There must have been a half dozen of them and they all seemed convinced that Emmett was a giant dog, swimming in and out between his flailing arms and legs, tripping him so that he couldn't make his way out of the waterhole. He hadn't yet found his grace or coordination. Carlisle and I were on the riverbank rolling with laughter while this giant could not hold onto an otter to save his soul. Every time he would grab one, it would slither out of his hands and then almost taunt him with the fact that it had escaped. Needless to say, Emmett's first hunting attempt was hardly a success and to this day he has yet to try capturing the elusive otter!
At this point Emmett mumbled something about them being slippery, slimy creatures, which made everyone laugh all the harder. Gripping my sides to control the laughter, I had made my way over to the couch to sit by my "brother."
"Emmett?" I asked sweetly.
"What do you want, Bell?" He eyed me suspiciously and his voice was laced with irritation.
"Aww Em, don't be like that. It was all in good fun and it was just the laugh I needed."
Appeased a little, he patted my hand. "Glad I could help then."
"Em, will you do me a favour, though?"
"Sure, Bells, whaddya want?" He beamed at me, pleased to have the attention of the story away from him.
"Will you take me otter hunting tomorrow?" I dashed from the couch as he chased me around the room and out into the hall. He was stronger, but I was faster, and I laughed all the harder as he cursed and ran after me. Out the front door I went, past the first line of trees until I couldn't see him. I heard Jasper yell in the distance that I was as slippery as an otter and I waited for Emmett's retort but there was none. Stunned that I had beaten him so easily, I emerged from my hiding place, only to find myself flying through the air in a wrestler's embrace, Emmett's huge arms tucking me into a stranglehold as he roared with laughter.
"You may be faster, Baby Bells, but I still got years of experience on ya!"
Chuckling, I shook myself free of the memory of the afternoon past to continue my exploration of the bookshelf. I felt Carlisle's eyes on me and I suddenly felt badly that I was once again a nuisance, someone constantly having to stay with me and babysit.
It reminded me of when Alice and Jasper looked after me when everything happened with James. One memory suddenly triggered another. Victoria. I turned to Carlisle and even though he was trying very hard to appear buried in his newspaper, I asked him to tell me again about Charlie.
It was amazing how some memories were so vivid, yet others were clouded with cobwebs, hazy reflections of the past. I remembered Carlisle telling me of my father's death, but it seemed such a distant memory, even though I knew it had only just happened. I didn't even remember a funeral. How is it that I don't remember my own father's funeral?
I listened closely as he told me everything again. I sat, shell-shocked, as he told me about the Quileute wolves and how Jacob had found Charlie. Did that mean Jacob was a wolf?
My mind started to work overtime as I considered all the possibilities that I had once considered fairytales.
I didn't mean for my question to come out so sarcastically when I asked if there were witches, ghosts and Big Foot as well, but in reality I was just totally confused.
How do people live their lives so oblivious to all that is around them? We are raised to believe that all of these characters are fictitious, yet I am now 'living proof' that at least some of these characters really do exist.
I didn't even realize I had thrown the book at Carlisle until I saw it in his hands, a look of surprise emblazoned on his face. Anxiety raced through my body and I fought the urge to run, begging his forgiveness.
The look of fatherly affection that greeted this comment rocked me to the core, but in turn tore me to pieces. I felt guilty for throwing the book, guilty for him having to stay with me and guilty for feeling more love for the vampire that stood in front of me than I had ever felt for the father I had lost. What kind of monster am I? He tossed the book back to me and the title, Romeo and Juliet, loomed out at me – a giant question mark in my mind. Anxiety pulsed through me, locked away memories tugging at my mind, begging to be freed. I pressed my hands against my head, begging for them to retreat.
Not wanting Carlisle to see my distress, my eyes wandered the room, looking for anything to clear the dark thoughts that were flooding into my mind. A picture frame on his desk caught my attention instantly, pulling me to it as if it were a magnet and a missing puzzle piece slipped into place.
I felt the frame in my hands, not even realizing I had grabbed it from the desk. Venom coursed into the back of my throat and I hissed in reaction. I stared at the vision before me, the bronze-haired boy that had haunted my nightmares for so long. Edward.
How is it possible that he has eluded my thoughts since the change took place? Does he even know that I have chosen eternity? Will he ever forgive me? Can I ever forgive him?
A whirlwind of emotions swam around me as I stared at the photograph in my hands. It took everything in me not to crush the pewter frame that held the memory of the two of us together. So long ago. A world of sorrow had occurred since that photo was taken – most of it caused simply by him not loving me enough to stay.
If he had stayed, would Charlie still be alive? If he had stayed, would I be a vampire? If he had stayed, would my world still be a place of light?
Darkness crept into my thoughts as I remembered his final words to me. "You aren't good for me, Bella. I don't want you."
How dare he! How dare he take my heart and then shatter it! How dare he say he wouldn't take my soul and then steal it away in the blink of an eye! I may have been a confused little girl that he could toss away like a used toy before, but not anymore. He owes me answers. He owes me a soul.
I could not fight the darkness taking hold of me and I saw the concern in Carlisle's eyes as I moved towards him, my eyes never leaving his. He would answer my question – I was owed that much.
"Where. Is. He?!"
End of Chapter - Please review or I will send those pesky little otters after ya! Of course that might make Emmett follow.... :o)
