A/N - As always thanks to my wonderful beta and friend, changedbyEdward - you rock bb!

The continued support of this story warms my heart....thanks to all who have reviewed, favourited, etc!! I know I suck at responding...but I do read every single one!!!

Stephenie Meyer - owns all things Twilight and I continue to happily borrow!

Chapter 23


(Jasper's POV)

At first, Bella didn't speak as we made our way back towards the house, but she was by no means quiet. The emotional waves that travelled off of her were astounding and I fought to keep myself in check as she battled with the disgust in herself for what she had done, as well as the desire to taste human blood again, even though the thought of the trapper's death caused her such grief. I had offered to calm her but she refused, stating she needed to feel the emotions, the pain. I agreed in a sense, but considered her very brave for doing so and told her that. She smiled at me sadly and we continued the journey. I only had to stop her from turning on her heel and running twice, not because of a human, but because she hated the thought of facing the family, especially Carlisle and Esme.

As we got closer to home, I organized the thoughts in my mind and spoke silently to

Edward, asking him to let me bring her in on my own terms and to explain to the family what had happened. I pictured the details of the events in my mind so that he would understand. I knew that Alice had most likely seen this happening, but knew that he would value hearing it from me as well.

I felt Bella's hand on my arm as she stopped suddenly, the house now distantly in sight. "Jasper, thank you again for everything you did today. And I want to tell you how sorry I am." The feelings of guilt and remorse that radiated from her were overpowering.

"Bella, darlin', I told you that you don't need to apologize, I.."

"No, Jasper, not for that. I mean I do, but…I understand now what I put you all through, especially you, on a daily basis. I had no idea."

"No, darlin'. I know you didn't and I know that you probably don't believe me right now, but it does get easier. You have to realize that we weren't newborns suffering from bloodlust and most of the time it wasn't that difficult to be near you…"

"Except when I cut myself," she whispered.

"Well, no, that didn't help, but it was my fault as well. I should have taken the time to hunt before your party and I didn't. That was poor judgement on my part, but as you have learned, we all make mistakes." I stared into her scarlet eyes, and for the first time since she had changed, wished they were chocolate brown. I had selfishly welcomed her to our family, but knowing that she would live with this now for all eternity was not what I wanted for my newest sister.

"I have a hard time believing I will ever be able to resist it enough. I can't imagine being able to be near a human ever again without wanting…" Her eyes took on a look of terror. Sensing her fear, I knew she was fighting the urge to run again. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, kissing her lightly on the top of her head.

"Listen to me, Bella. You are only two days old to this life and already you have shown a tremendous amount of restraint." She stared at me in disbelief. "I know what you are thinking, but you were upset and scared. We should have been better prepared. We are partially to blame in this. But I know you, Bella. I know what you are made of and I know that you made a mistake that you will not let happen again. Please, darlin', trust me on this."

"Thank you for believing in me, Jasper. I won't forget it."

"Anytime." We continued on in silence for a few moments, each lost in our own thoughts.

"Jasper?"

"Hmm?"

She hesitated. I waited.

"Is there anything that even tastes close?" Her question was barely a whisper and once again I wished for her chocolate brown eyes. The desire for human blood was haunting her and in turn, haunting me. I closed my eyes and fought back the venom in my throat, stifling the monster within.

"I wish there was, darlin', but unfortunately nothing comes remotely close." We made the rest of the trip in silence.

When the garden came into view I stood back as Carlisle came out to greet us, his arms open in welcome to Bella. She paused for a moment and I heard a small gasp escape her lips as she moved quickly to him, burying her face in his chest. His arms encased her and he murmured words of understanding and love into her hair as her body shook with the tearless sobs she had held back so bravely during our return.

I felt Alice's loving arms wrap around me from behind as she pulled me close and snuggled into my arms. Taking her hand, we silently made our way to the house, leaving Bella with our father.

"Where is Edward?" I asked softly as soon as I knew we were out of their earshot.

"Emmett took him hunting. They left just after he read your thoughts. Once he filled Carlisle in on the details of what happened, it was decided it would be best if only Carlisle and Esme were here when you returned. I was very surprised he went, but he blames himself for what happened."

"Typical Edward," I mumbled as I pressed my lips to my pixie's hair. "She will come back to him Alice, but he has a lot of changes to make. And I can guarantee you that if he tries to take the blame for what she did, he won't score any brownie points."

"I know. He and Carlisle argued about it just before he left, but there are some things he will just have to figure out on his own. I would like to say they have all the time in the world to resolve their issues, but unfortunately we still have the problem of Victoria on our hands."

"Have you seen something?" I tilted her face up to look at me.

"No, the visions are still flashes. But there are more faces now, Jazz. If anything, she's been killing more rapidly than before."

"Have you seen Newton?"

"No. At first I assumed that she ended up killing him and that his body just had not been discovered, but…"

"But what, Alice? What did you see?" I didn't mean to press her, but I was as confused by her emotions as I was by her hesitancy to tell me.

"Victoria has changed. I can still sense her vengeance, but there is almost a new darkness to her – a new thrill of the kill that I can't pinpoint. Ugh!!!" She pressed her hands against her head and dropped into the closest chair. "I've never been as frustrated with my gift as I have been these past few weeks! Between Edward changing his mind so frequently, Bella's change, the wolves and now this! It's so frustrating!"

I pulled her close and kissed the top of her head as she buried her face into my neck and I sent all the love I could to ease her mind. "Don't worry, darlin', we'll figure it out. It will all work out."

I could only hope that I was right.


(Edward's POV)

I'm not sure how long Alice and I sat in the garden in silence before I felt her stiffen beside me as a vision took hold. Her gasp of despair was echoed by me immediately as I saw the living nightmare she had just envisioned.

"Noooo!" I screamed and moved for the trees but Alice held me tightly in her grasp, begging me to let Jasper handle it. I stood still as a stone, replaying the vision of Bella taking a human life in my mind, over and over again. It was my fault. If I hadn't pushed her, hadn't come back, this would not have happened. Yet again, my mistakes, my errors in judgement were causing my beloved pain.

I collapsed against the stone wall encircling the garden and held my head in my hands, cursing myself once again for all the wrong choices I had made since Bella came into my life. If only I had stayed in Alaska with the Denalis, she would have eventually moved on and never had to face all this pain.

I looked up to find my father approaching me slowly, having heard from Alice what had most likely already happened. As Carlisle made his way towards me, I heard Jasper's thoughts clearly speaking to me. I closed my eyes and listened as he voiced his request and let me know in detail what had transpired. Carlisle watched me silently for a moment, understanding without a word what was happening.

I stood and he placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it affectionately. "This was not your fault, Edward."

I stared at him in disbelief, wondering how he could believe that to be true. "Carlisle, everything that has happened in Bella's life since her move to Forks is my fault and mine alone. I should never have come back from Alaska – if I hadn't she would…"

"Edward! Enough!" I stared in shock at Carlisle as he grasped my shoulders tightly, his words louder and laced with more frustration than I had ever heard in the time I had known him. "I will not allow this to go on any longer! Do you know where Bella would be if you hadn't come back? The Forks cemetery! You saved her life that day in the parking lot – and I am quite positive that if that situation had not happened – another one would have."

"She was in the parking lot because of me…" I began to argue, but stopped as Carlisle's eyes blackened in anger.

"Edward. We can not change what has happened. I would not change what has happened! For almost a century I watched you suffer in silence. I know what it did to you to be the only one of us who did not have a mate and it tortured me to see you alone!"

"It doesn't matter, Carlisle, it wasn't worth taking her life! Her soul!" I regretted the words the moment I spit them out. Turning away, I moved towards a stone bench and slumped onto it, dropping my head in my hands. He didn't speak, he didn't have to. His thoughts spoke clearly enough as Bella's face flashed in my eyes over and over again. This time however it wasn't images of the pain I had inflicted, but flashes of the happy times we had enjoyed together. I wasn't sure which hurt more.

"Edward." Carlisle's tone had resumed its natural calm. "I hope in time you will find it in your heart to forgive me for what I did and understand why I made the choice. But you won't be able to forgive anyone or regain Bella's trust until you've forgiven yourself and let go of the past."

"Carlisle, blood is now on her hands because of me! I caused this! How can I ever ask her forgiveness for that? For Charlie? For leaving her?"

"Time, Edward. Please just give it some time and be patient." Carlisle turned as Emmett approached. "I want you to go hunting with Emmett. Bella will be upset when she returns and I think it would be best if Esme and I spent some time with her before she has to face everyone."

The last thing I wanted was to hunt. I needed to see Bella and make sure she was alright. I needed to apologize and try to make things right. "Carlisle, I want…"

"Edward! This is not about what you want! This is about what Bella needs!" Once again his hands were on my shoulders and I felt the impatience in his grip, a feeling I had never known from Carlisle before. "Just listen to me for once! You need to give her time to process everything. Has she not been through enough today?"

I lowered my head in shame. Part of me wanted to ask when he became the authority on what Bella needed, but I knew it was only fuelled by jealousy on my part. Carlisle was right – had always been right. "We'll be back in a few days" I responded quietly.

Everything will work out, Edward. Trust me. I nodded without looking back at him and followed Emmett as he headed in the opposite direction of where Bella and Jasper were sure to approach from at any moment. I longed to wait, to hide in the bushes just to see her once to make sure she was alright, but I knew it was impossible. Emmett had a firm grip on my shoulders, a brotherly headlock, and I knew it was to guarantee that we were far away before they made it back.

"C'mon, bro. The sooner we get going – the sooner we can come back." Emmett hugged a little tighter for only a moment and then let me go. He took off running only to look behind to see me following slowly. "Whaddya doin'? You're runnin' like an old man! By the time we get where we're going the grizzlies will be hibernating again! Move your ass, Eddie!"

Knowing the use of that name would tick me off, he took off running again and I picked up the pace. There was no sense trying to fight it and he was right…the sooner we were gone, the sooner we would return.


End of Chapter - I know, I know....but I promise he won't be gone for long!!! Reviews might bring him back faster!!