New chapter! As usual there is smut warning, this one including suggestive blood play. I've had censored bits of it and for those of you who are off age, you can find the full chapter on adultfanfiction. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 18
At Christmas Day, Hermione woke up with a terrible headache and her stomach in a knot. She didn't really understand why, but it got worse every hour. She was thankful for all her Christmas gifts, but only Voldemort's made her happy. True to his perfect-boyfriend-act he had bought her a silver necklace shaped as a heart with a glistering green emerald inside. She knew he didn't mean anything by it, but she put it on anyway after giving him a quick kiss. She had had a lot of trouble picking out his Christmas gift, but in the end she decided to be cheeky and bought him a book by a famous Muggle scientist. Voldemort had smiled and rolled his eyes at her.
After lunch, her relatives left and Voldemort said that he had to leave too. Hermione felt very miserable when she sat on her bed and watched him pack. Her parents were gone too. They always spent the afternoon of Christmas Day helping out at a centre for homeless people.
"Don't look so unhappy Hermione," Voldemort asked with a sigh when he finished packing. "I will call on you in just a couple of days."
"How?" she asked, trying to fight back the tears. Her feelings were in an uproar. She didn't want him to leave, but she did want to meet her friends again, even if she wondered how they would react when they saw her. How would she be able to fight with them against Voldemort when all she wanted was to hold him and snog him senseless?
He took her left arm and pulled up the sleeve. The tattoo started to tingle as his fingers traced it.
"When you feel it burn, just focus your magic on me and Apparate," he explained. "And I will understand if you can't leave just then, but if you are unable to go within an hour, I suggest you use some sort glamour over your appearance when you do. I may not be alone and we don't want anyone to recognise you."
She nodded, but her stomach was still aching. "What will I tell Harry and Ron?"
"Well, you can tell them that I don't care to have a Mudblood around more than I need to. But you are forbidden to speak of what we have found and done. And if you act like Severus made life easier for you when you were kidnapped, that will be good. Also, do act like you are very surprised to see Sirius."
Hermione made a grimace. "I hate lying to them."
Voldemort rolled his eyes. "Well, if you think they will be happy to hear that you have been fucking me..."
Hermione huffed. "That isn't what I meant."
He smiled. "I'm sure you'll come up with something. Now, do you want to give me a proper good-bye?"
Hermione knew what he meant. "I... I'm still bleeding."
"You know I don't mind, Hermione," he purred and leaned closer to her.
She nibbled her lower lip, uncertain.
Voldemort sighed and stood up. "I'm not going to force myself upon you, Hermione. But as much as I like to just spend time with you, I really have to get going..."
Hermione flew up, pulled her arms around him and kissed him just as possessively as he used to kiss her.
"Let's take a shower together," she mumbled.
"Excellent," he mumbled back and let her drag him to her bathroom.
In the bathroom, they undressed each other quickly. Both of them had longed to have sex again, but Hermione just couldn't help but to find the blood a little too dirty for her taste. However, in the shower it would just wash away.
The shower had glass-walls and a stone shelf where you could put shampoo-bottles and things like that. It was also big and strong enough for Hermione to sit on. Voldemort turned on the water as they kissed feverishly. Hermione groaned into his mouth when cold water hit her naked body and shuddered until it became warm. Her whole body was more sensitive than normally because of her period and every touch felt better than usual.
"Merlin, woman, how will I stand to be without you?" he whispered, his mouth at her ear, nibbling her earlobe. "I'm addicted. But you are mine." He emphasised the word by entering her. "Forever mine." He withdrew and pushed in again. "Sweet Salazar, you fit me so perfectly."
All Hermione could do was to moan in agreement. When she climaxed, she got so relaxed she started to cry. It was one of those episodes when she didn't know why she was crying, but couldn't stop because it felt like it really had to come out.
Voldemort tried to sooth her, hissing softly in Parsel, but when she wouldn't stop, he took her out of the shower, dried her up, dressed her and took her to bed. She fell into an exhausted sleep in his arms.
When she woke up several hours later, he was gone.
xxx
Voldemort hadn't liked Hermione's crying, but hadn't said anything about it. Instead he had comforted her. That puzzled him to no end. Why did he bother to comfort her?
No answer came and he was quite frustrated when he Apparated to Malfoy Manor where he had his headquarters. Since no one was able to step into his room there, he didn't bother to change his appearance until he got there. It was with a grimace he looked himself in the mirror and saw the snake-like face. It just felt so strange to look at it now when he had got used to a healthy, human body. Why hadn't he bothered to try to find a cure for this before?
Sighing, he left his room and walked to Lucius' workroom. The blond was of course there, working on getting more money. Lucius was sometimes a little too obsessed with money.
Lucius seemed surprised to see him. "My Lord? I didn't expect you back so soon?"
Voldemort didn't answer. Instead he sat down in one of the armchairs in front of the fire and made a gesture for Lucius to leave his seat behind his desk and come and join him at the fire.
"Tell me what have happened in my absence," Voldemort ordered. He knew he could trust Lucius to keep him updated. Lucius was content as long as he was among the closest to the Dark Lord. He didn't want to be the one that would have to take the blame if something went wrong. Voldemort hadn't forgot how Lucius had denied him when he lost his powers sixteen years ago, but secretly he didn't mind because that had made it possible for Lucius to keep his empire of contacts and money in order. Which was very beneficial for Voldemort now.
"There has been some unease among the Death Eaters," Lucius began slowly. "Despite what they may say, they don't like to be kept in the dark. Word have got out that you have the Mudblood and the werewolf, and they are wondering why you haven't just killed them."
Voldemort could see that Lucius was wondering too, but he didn't answer. No one, especially not his Death Eaters, had the right to question him. "Someone I should speak a little extra too?"
"Yes, Avery. I don't know what he is planning, but he has been very secretive lately. It doesn't have to be anything bad, mind, but..." Lucius continued to share his concerns, but Voldemort found himself only listing on one ear. He was thinking about Hermione. Damn, she really was an addiction to him. Perhaps he should try to fuck someone else just so she wouldn't become a weakness to him?
No, he couldn't come up with a single woman he would like to fuck other than Hermione. He did have some beautiful woman within his reach; daughters and wives of his Death Eaters. Although, as he went through them in his mind, not one of them stirred any sort of interest in him. How peculiar.
His mind moved back to Lucius when the blond started to talk about some problem at the Ministry. He would have to deal with that as quickly as he could. Pushing the thought of Hermione moaning in pleasure out of his mind, he began to plan.
xxx
Hermione slept until her parents came home and her mother woke her up. Hermione tried not to cry but couldn't stop it when she got a sympathetic look from her mother.
When it came to feelings, her mother always understood. "You miss him."
Hermione nodded and hid her face against her mother's shoulder.
Rose sighed. "Well, judging by how he has looked at you these past days, I guess he will miss you too. You two are so in love."
Hermione tensed a little about that. Love? Lord Voldemort couldn't love and she had never thought about her feelings for him as love. It was just... lust. Or was it?
"One of the men at the centre developed the pictures we have taken these past few days. I told you how they started a small photo-shop to help bring in money...? Right. Well, maybe you'd like to have this?" Rose handed her a picture.
Hermione couldn't resist smiling when she saw it. It was from two days ago. Hugo had hung mistletoe over the doorway into the kitchen and Voldemort had found Hermione standing there and took it as an invitation. Rose had taken the picture just after they had ended their kiss and Hermione was looking slightly flushed and giddy as Voldemort was smirking fondly (how he managed to pull that face off, she would never know). He was still holding his arms around her loosely.
"Thank you," Hermione said and then sighed. "I think I'll have to go and met Harry and Ron soon. I haven't seen them since this summer."
Rose looked surprised. "How come?"
"Well, they weren't invited to the dig," Hermione said with a shrug.
"Oh, I see. Why couldn't you go with Tom?"
"He isn't going to see them, his professor will be back the day after tomorrow and he didn't feel as if he had finished the report satisfying so he wanted a day alone to work on it. He is a perfectionist." At least that last part was true.
Rose smiled, amused. "You two are a bit alike in some areas."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I should pack. I think I'll leave first thing tomorrow."
"Alright, I'll start with dinner."
After Rose left, Hermione stopped herself and wondered whether she should spend more time with her parents. She didn't really know them. Although, it was kind of like she had a new family. Harry and Ron were like her brothers, McGonagall was like an aunt and so on. No matter how much she loved her biological family, it was her wizarding family that would bring Hermione the greatest grief if she lost them. Which was why she was really worried how they would take her arrival. Would she be able to lie to them about how desperately she wanted to be with Voldemort?
Nevertheless, the next morning after breakfast Hermione took her things and set off to find the Order. She wasn't sure where they had their headquarters these days, but she decided to start at the Burrow. She didn't allow herself to think too much about what sort of greeting she would get. Neither did she fantasise about how her friends would welcome her with open arms. Instead she tried to decide what she would tell them.
Then she was suddenly standing on the threshold to the Burrow and was knocking on the door. Just a second later the door opened and Arthur Weasley stood there.
"Uhm, hi," Hermione said uncertainly.
Mr Weasley's eyes narrowed and he aimed his wand toward her. Hermione held up her hands, showing she was unarmed.
"Alestor!" he called without taking his eyes from her.
In the next moment the ex-Auror appeared. His magical blue eye swapped over her body. Then he raised his wand and disarmed her. Hermione's wand flew from inside her clothes. She couldn't blame him from doing it. After all, last time she was here, she had stolen the map from them.
"Are you here to steal some more?" Moody asked harshly and gripped her arm, pulling her into the house.
"No," Hermione answered, her mood sinking. Okay, so she hadn't expected a warm welcome, but this was depressing.
She was taken into the living room and Moody ordered her to sit down as Mr Weasley went to get someone else. She took a couple of deep breaths as she waited. Who else was here? What would she do if they didn't want her here anymore? Could she go to Voldemort? Damn, that thought shouldn't make her as happy as it did. She did want to be friends with these people too!
A couple of minutes later Mr Weasley returned with Kingsley, Mrs Weasley, Harry and Ron. Hermione's hand flew up to her mouth when she saw her two best friends. They looked so different! Both seemed to have aged ten years and Ron was leaning against Harry, his left leg in bandages. They were both covered with bruises and new and old scars.
She didn't realise tears were running from her eyes until Mrs Weasley handed her a napkin. Hopefully that meant she wasn't completely hated.
"Why have you come here this time, Hermione?" Mr Weasley asked. Not too unpleasantly.
Hermione swallowed. "Voldemort let me go."
Moody huffed from the armchair next to her. "Voldemort never lets anyone go!"
Hermione sighed. "No, I know. But he said I wasn't needed right now. He will call me when he does." She tried to sound very bitter.
"What do you mean, call you?" Kingsley asked from the sofa where he was sitting with Harry, Ron and Mr Weasley.
With a grimace Hermione pulled up the sleeve on her left arm. It would be no use to hide the fact that she had got a mark. They would notice soon enough.
It made all of them gasp.
"That doesn't look like a real mark," Mr Weasley noticed.
"Well, I'm a Mudblood," Hermione mumbled. "And I'm not a Death Eater. He just marked me so I wouldn't run away. Or, if I tried, he would find me."
They all seemed uncomfortable about that. Hermione pulled down her sleeve again.
"What did you do to make him let you go?" It was Harry who asked. He sounded older as well. Hermione looked at him and for the first time she couldn't read his expression.
"I'm not allowed to say," she said with a sigh. "But it didn't have anything to do with either of you."
Now Harry looked at her in disbelief. "So you want us to believe that Lord Voldemort kidnapped my best friend without questioning her about me?"
Hermione frowned. "Yes. He wanted me because he thinks I'm clever."
That made Ron snort. She arched an eyebrow toward him.
"Look, Hermione, I know you are smart and everything, but this is You-Know-Who. He doesn't care about things like that." He said with a strange sort of smile.
Hermione hadn't really expected someone to completely disbelieve her story like that and was at a loose of words.
"I have to agree," Moody said with a frown. "I have heard that you are good in school, but why would Voldemort care about that?"
"Because he wanted to try something new," Hermione tried to explain
"What new?" Kingsley asked, leaning forward.
Hermione huffed. "Did you really think he would let me go if there was any chance I would be able to say that? No, he knows how to keep his secrets. All I can say is that it won't affect any of you directly."
Moody and Kingsley exchanged a look. "But what sort of work did you do for him if he didn't want you to tell him about us?"
"Research," she replied simply.
"So it was true what Remus wrote then," Harry remarked. "That he was looking for Atlantis?"
Hermione had completely forgotten about that letter. How come Harry didn't mention it until now? Nevertheless, she nodded.
"Atlantis?" Mr Weasley asked in disbelief. "But that is just a fairytale!"
Harry was watching her carefully.
"I can't say anything about it," Hermione said with a sigh.
"I doubt he would let you go if you didn't find anything," Moody said.
Hermione didn't answer that.
"Why did you help him?" Ron wondered.
"Because if I didn't, he would first let his worst Death Eaters torture me in all sort of ways and then, if I still refused, he would have me bitten by a werewolf and make sure I stayed turned all the time and then let me loose on innocent people where I would no doubt kill someone," she explained in a rather cold voice.
Mrs Weasley gasped. The other seemed quick shocked.
"Remus was given the same offer," Hermione added in a low voice. Now came the real hard part.
"Where is Remus now?" Mr Weasley asked, just as Hermione had known someone would ask.
Hermione could feel tears starting to run down her cheeks again. "He died."
Harry flew up. "Did Voldemort...?"
"No," Hermione said quickly. "We where at this place and it was full-moon. The inhabitants of this place had never seen a werewolf before and we didn't get away in time and Remus changed and they... the inhabitants that is, got scared and killed him. We had to run for our lives..." The words stopped coming. She was crying too much.
The others were quiet.
"And what now?" Mr Weasley asked after a while. "What will you do now?"
"I'm not sure. I know I'm marked for life and I can never join the Order. It's just not safe enough," Hermione said in a low voice. "But I really want to help bring the Death Eaters down." That was true. She still hated Malfoy and she wouldn't be nice to the Death Eaters just because she was sleeping with Voldemort. They were just evil.
Okay, so she was probably the worst hypocrite alive.
Moody rose. "I think we could use a privet discussion."
Kingsley nodded and walked out in the kitchen, Mrs and Mr Weasley followed. Hermione was surprised when Harry and Ron stayed. Mr Weasley closed the door behind him. Despite her werewolf hearing, Hermione couldn't hear any sounds from the kitchen and she guessed they had used a silencing spell. She turned her attention toward her best friends. It was with a pang of sadness she realised that they were now strangers to each other. They would (hopefully) never know what had happened to her and it would appear they had changed too.
"What have happened to you?" she asked finally.
"We got into a fight with some Death Eaters," Harry answered in a low voice. "Did you tell Voldemort anything about us looking for horcruxes?"
Hermione shook her head. "He already knew."
Harry's eyes were so cold. She just didn't understand why he wouldn't show emotions anymore. "Well, that explains why there were so many Death Eaters around. Probably waiting for us."
Hermione frowned. "Actually, he said that he couldn't care less if you found them or not."
Harry leaned back, looking thoughtful. "Does this Atlantis-thing have something to do with why he doesn't need the horcruxes anymore?"
Hermione sighed. "I can't say.
"It probably does. If he knew Dumbledore and I knew, he would want to get some other plan. And a new plan needs research." His eyes narrowed. "So you helped him find Atlantis?"
"I can't say," she whispered and looked down at her knees. She was a horrible friend. Why had she believed Voldemort when he said he wouldn't have her friend harmed? Merlin, she felt so stupid. She would have to talk to Voldemort. This would never work for her, she could never be friends with these people if she was with Voldemort. Not for real.
"Of course not," Ron muttered.
"Ron," Harry said in a warningly tone. "It's not Hermione's fault. Voldemort knows how to make people do as he wishes."
Harry coming to her defence made her feel slightly ill. She didn't deserve it. Sure, she hadn't told Voldemort anything, but she had enjoyed their adventure together and she had made him stronger. Somewhere along the line, she had forgotten everything about the Order and their fight.
The door to the living-room opened again and the older members came back.
"We have been talking, Hermione," Moody said in a stern voice. "And if it's true what you say that Voldemort can find you anywhere we think it will be good for you to be somewhere safer than here. Why don't you go back to Hogwarts and finish your last year?"
Hermione knew that they were worried about their own safety and she didn't blame them one bit. Instead, she was glad that they had thought about Hogwarts. After everything that had happened, it felt strange to just go to a place as normal as school. Although, it did make sense to go back to school. If she was to make it on her own, she would need a job and for that she would need an education and grades to prove it. She couldn't and didn't want to relay on Voldemort for the rest of her life.
Why did she feel such a stab in her heart when she imagined life without Voldemort?
Shaking of the feeling, she rose. "Yes, that sounds good. But could you please not tell anyone outside of the Order about... well, me being marked and everything?" she asked.
"Of course not, child," Mrs Weasley said with tearful voice. "We know you didn't ask him too."
She nodded and rose, nervously fingering the hem of her jumper. "Thank you. Well... I guess I should be going then. It was nice to see you... er..."
"I'll accompany you to Hogwarts," Harry said, standing up. "I got to see McGonagall anyway."
The other's nodded understandingly. Hermione looked back at Ron who was still sitting on the couch, looking a bit uncomfortable. "We will see each other some other time."
Ron just nodded. Harry came up to her.
"Could I have my wand back?" she asked, turning to Mr Weasley.
"Yes, of course." He gave it too her. "Well, safe journey, then. Say hello to Ginny!"
Harry followed her out from the Burrow and out on their snow covered backyard.
"Apparate?" she asked.
Harry nodded and held out his arm. Hermione took it and in the next moment they were standing on the way that led from Hogsmeade up to Hogwarts. The first few minutes of walking was done in quiet. Hermione enjoyed the sun shining down on them, not having seen it so much the last couple of weeks, but somehow it didn't really sit well with the tension between them.
"Voldemort has been very happy all fall," Harry finally said.
Hermione looked hat her friend. Why couldn't she read his emotions? It was really bothering her!
"I didn't see anything, or dream anything," Harry continued. "But I knew that whatever was happening, he was generally pleased and he didn't bother to hide it from me. Do you think whatever you did made him happy?"
Hermione thought back to all those long hours of research and the quick progress he had made. Thanks to her. "Yes." She just couldn't lie to Harry about that.
"I thought so. But then, at the end of November, I woke up and he was hurting. It was worse than the Cruciatus Curse. I fainted and when I woke up I felt... empty. Like something was missing... inside my head. Since then I haven't felt anything from him. I thought he had died." Harry laughed sadly. "Stupid off me, right? Thinking he would ever die? But then... we didn't hear anything about him. He seemed swallowed by earth. I guess I started to hope... but then Snape came."
Hermione stopped and looked at Harry. He stopped too, but didn't meet her eyes.
"He brought Sirius with him. Said he found him, just wandering around in South America. Sirius doesn't seem to remember ever being gone." Harry sounded a bit hysterical. "So in one night, I found out that Sirius was alive, and that Snape and Dumbledore had a deal so Snape would kill Dumbledore to save Malfoy's soul or something. And now I find out that my best friend helped him! Helped Lord Voldemort gain more powers! It wouldn't surprise me if he is immortal now. Or indestructible or something like that, you are so cleaver." Harry finally looked at her. "I don't know what to expect anymore Hermione! Everything is turning upside down!"
Hermione could feel tears falling down her cheeks again. "Oh, Harry!" She embraced him. "I'm so sorry. I was so scared when they kidnapped me and..." She realised she couldn't even explain herself because that didn't change the fact that she was sleeping with the enemy. Literary.
"I know," Harry said and hugged her tightly. "And I know you would never tell Voldemort anything that would hurt us. But you have changed." He let go of her and she took a step back, wiping away her tears. "And not just you, but Sirius was different too. And Snape and Ron and... everyone are just different!"
Hermione knew she should pretend to be curious or surprised about Sirius and Snape, but she just couldn't act right now. She didn't want to lie. Not when Harry was like that. It made her stomach hurt.
"Also, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore," Harry said in a whisper. "For some reason I don't think the horcruxes is the right way to go now. Things have changed. But how will I defeat him? I just don't know, but everyone is still counting on me... that hasn't changed."
Hermione bit her lip. Merlin, she didn't want Harry and Voldemort to kill each other. But how could she stop them? Sure, Voldemort said he didn't care about Harry anymore, but could she really believe that? If Harry made an attempt to kill Voldemort, she was certain he wouldn't just stand there.
"Look, Harry," she said hesitatingly. "He said he would call on me again... maybe I can talk to him?"
Harry began to laugh. "Why would the Dark Lord listen to you? No offence, Hermione, but to him you are like dirt."
That made Hermione angry. "As a matter of fact, I think he sees everyone as dirt. But even if I hate it, I did help him and he was grateful for that. He valued my opinion!" She began to walk toward the castle again.
Harry caught up with her. "Fine. Say I believe that Voldemort has one reasonable bone in his body. What would you say? You can't expect him to just stop the war! Even a normal war lord wouldn't be able to do that. The Death Eaters would kill him if he suggested that."
Hermione made a grimace. "I'll think of something. And he can be reasonable."
Harry gripped her shoulder and spun her toward him. "Why are you defending him?"
She opened her mouth, but no answer came out. Harry's eyes were narrowing dangerously. She would forever loose him as a friend if she didn't come up with something. But what would he believe?
"Well?" Harry asked, his grip tightened.
Hermione twisted away. "Because he saved my lives so many times that I've lost count!" At least that was true.
"What? Why?" Harry sounded furious. She wondered why.
"I don't know! He needed me, I guess. But he still put himself at risk just to save me!" Well, that was the truth with modification.
Harry shook his head, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. After a moment he said. "I can't believe it. Nothing is making any sense anymore!"
He started to walk away from her, toward the castle again. Hermione reached down in the snow, made a ball and threw it at her friend before she could stop herself. He turned around, staring at her in anger and disbelief.
"Stop acting like everything is a personal insult to you! Things changes! Either you adapt or you will go around being miserable all the time!" she screamed at him. She knew her anger wasn't purely directed towards Harry, but she took it out on him anyway.
For a couple of tense seconds he just stared at her angrily. Then his shoulders slumped.
"I know," he said in a low voice. "But sometimes I just don't know how to take the changes. If I should fight them or... sorry."
Hermione came up to him and patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry too. You are right. But sometimes you just can't change things back." As Hermione said it, she felt a moment of clarity. She really should listen to her own words. Yes, she had turned into Voldemort's lover, but that was something she just couldn't change. It was better to just make the best of the situation. The Order would of course hate her if they found out. But she couldn't do anything about that right now.
Sighing, her mind felt a bit easier. "Come, let's go and talk with McGonagall."
