Horatio had had a rough week at the lab. The team had worked hard with trying to find a child murderer that had murdered 5 children in only three weeks. The man had kidnapped these children, who were all around the age of 4, and let them starve for two days before he had strangled them. Why? Nobody knew. The man, a young guy under the age of 30, had committed suicide by cop. Horatio now had to work out his frustration somehow. He knew he shouldn't put the weight of the world on his shoulders and not take the guilt for things he couldn't control. But he couldn't help himself. He had been raised with the belief that everything that happened was his fault. It was his father that had told Horatio how useless he was and that Horatio failed in life if something went knew that he shouldn't believe what his father had said to him when he was a kid, but it was hard to push those so deeply engraved thoughts and feelings out of his mind.
The beach outside his house was the place Horatio went when he needed to think and relax. Jessica found him sitting on the beach in the cool wind. She hadn't experienced Horatio in a bad moment before and was a little unsure of how to react or what to do. Alexx Woods had called Jessica and told her to talk to Horatio, since it was unlikely that Horatio would seek help on his own. He needed to talk to someone and Jessica was the best person. Horatio just had a hard time asking Jessica to listen to him. He considered himself to be burden if he did.
"Dinner with your team is only three hours away." Jessica said as she sat down next to her boyfriend.
Two weeks ago they had been in Orlando for dinner with her family. Since then, their love had only grown more. Jessica knew she would always love Horatio, even if he had some demons from his past that still haunted him. Horatio had only mentioned quickly once, that former girlfriends had run away when they had felt that he was too emotional and carried too much baggage on his shoulders.
"Your team is your family. And once I get to know them better, they will become my family as well." Jessica said, "But you are family for me already and you know what family is good for?"
Horatio could make a long list of what family was good for, but he knew Jessica wanted a specific answer. He shrugged.
"Family is good when you're feeling down." Jessica smiled, "And your family will always be around to listen if you want and need to talk."
Horatio nodded. He knew he should open up to Jessica more. But it was hard to tell her about things he had never really talked about before with anyone. Really talked.
"I um... just twenty minutes before we stormed the warehouse where the killer kept his victims, he strangled his last victim. Twenty minutes before we got there." Horatio said, "If we had just been a little quicker then…"
"Horatio, life is full of ifs." Jessica said and squeezed his hand, "If I had only decided to go to work early today I wouldn't have been stuck in traffic for two hours."
"I know I shouldn't feel guilty, because it's not my fault, but…"
"You do anyway."
"Yes."
"Why?" Jessica asked.
"Because I've been raised that way." Horatio whispered.
Horatio hadn't told Jessica much about his childhood. The few times he said anything, it was always about his mother or little brother. Never about his father.
"My father was a monster and he raised me to believe that I was to blame for everything that went wrong in the world." Horatio sighed, "I know it's not true, but I can't just shake those words. I can't get that out of my mind."
"What did your mother use to say?" Jessica asked.
"That my father was wrong. That I couldn't be blamed for things I had no control over. Like a hurricane."
"And who do you believe the most? Your father or mother?"
"My mother of course."
"Then believe in her words to its fullest. Whenever you feel that you're taking the blame for things out of your control, think about what your mother said." Jessica smiled.
Horatio nodded and gave her a small smile. She was right. Why should he believe a monster's words when he could believe the words of an angel?
"You're right." He said, "You're not going to run away are you?"
"Never." Jessica smiled, "Would your run away if I told you that I once smoke some pot?"
"No."
"Good." Jessica said, "I was 15 and curious. But it was only once and I'll never do it again."
"You always make me feel good." Horatio grinned, "You know that right?"
"I do. And I hope you know that you make me feel good too." Jessica smiled, "Horatio?"
"Yes?"
"Tell me about Raymond."
Horatio looked away and glanced down at his feet. He had mixed feelings about his little brother. He loved him very much and missed him every day. Raymond had looked up to Horatio, but also intentionally pissed him off. They had always been different, yet had the same goal in life; to help people.
"Sometimes I hated him. I hated that he was loved by our father and I was hated by him. I hated him when he took everything for granted, even me. He knew he was my entire world when our parents died and he used that sometimes. He messed around with me ´cause he knew that I wouldn't leave him." Horatio sighed, "But I also loved him. He was the little brother that said he would beat anyone that was evil to me. He would call me every day and ask how I was. Even if we had a fight."
"He looked up to you?"
"Yeah, but he also wanted to test how far he could go before I finally snapped." Horatio said, "I think it was hard for him to deal with my overprotection."
"It was good and bad I guess."
"It still is. Sometimes I need to step back and let people handle themselves. But it was hard to do that with Ray. I wanted to protect him and let him fly free on the same time."
"I bet you also saw some situations differently than him."
"Oh yeah, if I thought he did something wrong, he thought he did it right." Horatio shrugged, "I think I was more aware of the danger in life in general than him. But, he was always able to relax and take risks that I sometimes couldn't."
"How did he die?"
"He was shot in the line of duty." Horatio whispered, "That was one of the worst days of my life."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. You didn't shoot him." Horatio gave her a small smile, "Actually it turned out that he didn't die that day. He came back a few years later and had to leave the country. Then he died again just weeks after Marisol."
"That's horrible Horatio!" Jessica gasped.
She took Horatio in her arms and held him close.
"What happened to Marisol?"
"She was shot too. By some enemies of mine." Horatio said, "We hadn't been married very long. In fact we hadn't known each other very long. But we did love each other."
"I think both Raymond and Marisol are in a better place and they're smiling down at us." Jessica smiled.
"I think so too." Horatio said.
"I guess I should tell you about something that happened when I was only 12." Jessica sighed, "I had a little sister. Sally was her name."
"Something bad happened?"
"Yeah, she was um, run over by a car when she was 8. Dad was there that day. He had run after her and was so close of grabbing her arm when the car hit her. The driver hadn't seen her." Jessica sighed and let some tears fall, "After that day my dad became overprotective of me and Henry. After a few years and fights I managed to make him understand that what happened that day in December was out of his control. He couldn't have changed anything and that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a cage with him holding the key because he was afraid I would die as soon as I stepped out the door."
"This explains why he was a little hard to win over at dinner two weeks ago." Horatio said.
"Yeah, but you have all his love now. Mom says he can't stop talking about what a good man you are." Jessica chuckled, "This is Sally."
Jessica showed Horatio a photograph of Sally taken the same year as she had died. Horatio smiled as he saw that Sally looked like Jessica.
"She was very pretty." He smiled.
"And had a lot of energy. She had run ahead of dad and forgotten about the road with cars. It was an accident." Jessica said.
"Your family doesn't talk about her?" Horatio asked.
"My mom and dad can't. It's too hard for them. Henry and I talk about her sometimes. But we've had easier to move on then mom and dad." Jessica said, "Then again, I think it might have been harder for them to lose a child, then for us to lose a sister. Maybe."
"Everyone deals with grief differently." Horatio said and gave Jessica a soft kiss, "Thank you for being here with me."
"Thank you for letting me." Jessica grinned, "Should we prepare dinner soon?"
"What should we give my team? I should warn you that they are a group of hungry people." Horatio chuckled, "Especially the guys."
"Roast lamb?"
"Mm, wonderful!" Horatio grinned widely.
Jessica and Horatio didn't start with the food until there was only one hour left before everyone would arrive. They finished the food just as Calleigh and Eric arrived ten minutes early. After them, Ryan followed and then within five minutes everyone was there besides Frank.
"I think Frank forgot the time." Jesse smirked.
"He better not! I've reminded him all day about this dinner and even called him thirty minutes ago." Alexx said.
"Well he is getting older these days, he might start forgetting things. It's completely natural." Ryan grinned.
"Frank has a very good memory." Calleigh said.
"No, he had a good memory ten years ago. Had." Jesse corrected grinning.
"Is Frank your favorite person to tease?" Jessica asked.
"Yeah." The boys replied, even Horatio.
"Hey, Frank loves to tease us too." Horatio defended himself when Jessica gasped at him.
"Who drove up to Orlando by the way?" Jesse innocently asked.
Jessica and Horatio both rolled their eyes. Jesse didn't manage to contain his laughter.
"Horatio drove there." Jessica smiled.
"Just wanted to know, since you crashed in to him two months ago." Jesse smirked.
"Get used to this honey, he will never let your forget it." Horatio said, "Unless I give him less pay maybe."
"Hey, hey, hey!" Jesse laughed, "I was just asking."
"Sure Jesse, sure." Everyone chuckled.
When Frank arrived, everyone went out on the back porch and started eating dinner. Jessica was surprised to see the boys eating a lot, even if Horatio had warned her about it, it was a surprise.
"I think my brother needs to learn to eat from you guys." She grinned.
"He eats bad?" Alexx asked.
"He only eats when he's on the verge of starving. He says he forgets that he's hungry." Jessica shrugged.
"That sounds like someone else I know." Frank said and glanced at Horatio.
"I eat if I have time to eat." Horatio said.
Everyone laughed because they knew it wasn't true.
"So tell me something I don't know about Horatio." Jessica grinned and Horatio groaned.
"His nickname is H." Jesse started, "He hates Rick Stetler from IAB and Rick hates him."
"Hate is a very strong word." Natalia grinned, "More like dislike each other so bad they would gladly live on two separate planets."
"Horatio's favorite possession is his sunglasses." Eric smiled.
"There's sun in Miami and what does one use to shield the eyes from the sun? Sunglasses!" Horatio defended himself.
"Not indoors." Eric smirked, "H is also the kind of guy that would take a bullet for anyone he cares about and loves."
"He also hates, sorry Natalia, paperwork." Jesse said.
"Who doesn't?" Horatio asked.
Frank raised his hand. Everyone looked shocked at him.
"What? Paperwork is relaxing." Frank said.
"Okay." Jesse shrugged, "H is a great basketball player."
"I didn't know that." Ryan said and Eric nodded in agreement.
"Well, we haven't played in ages." Jesse said, "Now, Horatio, why don't you tell us about Jessica?"
Horatio blushed slightly and nodded.
"Jessica is a figure skating coach. She is the kind of girl that wouldn't refuse to help somebody at any moment." Horatio smiled and squeezed Jessica's hand, "She's shy, yet tough. She can blush a lot."
Everyone laughed and Jessica blushed a deep shade of red.
"She believes that there is something good inside everyone." Horatio smiled, "And she writes little messages on the mirror sometimes just to show you how much she cares and loves you. In this case, she writes all those notes for me."
"You are so cute!" Alexx exclaimed and blew her nose, "I am so emotional when it comes to love."
"Well, Jessica you should know you have done something remarkable. Because I've never seen H blush so much in only one hour and not smile so much either in two months." Frank grinned.
"I think my friends would say that he's done the same for me." Jessica grinned.
-I-
"Think they will accept me as part of the family?" Jessica asked after dinner.
She and Horatio were snuggling in bed.
"Oh sweetheart, they've already taken you in as one in the family. Calleigh and Natalia has already adopted you as a sister. Alexx as a daughter." Horatio grinned, "When the boys get to know you even better they will tease you for the rest of your life."
"They remind of Henry." Jessica chuckled, "So I think can manage them."
"Of that I have no doubt." Horatio said, "It's them who need to worry about all the things you can tease them about."
"Who was most nervous about dinner? You or me?"
"Me. You have nerves of steel."
"That is so not true and you know it. Remember the first time we met?" Jessica asked, "I was so nervous that I was almost shaking."
"Remember our first date? I thought everything I said had scared you away." Horatio chuckled.
"I thought so too!" Jessica exclaimed, "You know, I like this bed."
"You've spent four nights in a row in it." Horatio smiled.
"I think I have to put some extra clothes here for me. That way I won't have to pack a small bag every time I sleep over."
"You can move as many things as you want here." Horatio grinned.
"Are you saying I should move in?"
"I wouldn't mind coming home to you in this house every day." Horatio said.
Jessica grinned widely and gave Horatio a deep kiss.
"Then consider me a fulltime resident." Jessica grinned and kissed Horatio deeply.
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