Chapter 2. What Hurts the Most
Here he was sitting in the bathroom with his love again waiting to see if another stick would change his life yet again. "Times up" he said "No matter what remember I love you, ready?" he said at her nod he turned the stick over. He leaned in kissing her he whispered "were pregnant Bones, we finally did it, we're pregnant."
She looked at the smile on his face and it caused her stomach to clench. "Yeah" she whispered back "we are. Booth" she looked at him fear in her voice "did we make the right decision? You already are an excellent parent but I am untried I don't know if…"
He cut off her ramblings with a finger on her lips "you're going to be just great Bones; we are going to be just fine." He stood pulling her to her feet and led her to the living room to sit on the couch. With one arm around her shoulder and his other hand on her abdomen covering where their baby lay safely growing he went on "You are so good with Parker and you were good with Andy you'll do just fine."
Seeing a pensive look she asked him "Booth tell me, what are you think about?"
"Nothing that should concern either of us right now at such a happy time so let's just forget it ok?"
"No Booth, if it is something bothering you I want to know."
"I was thinking about how different finding out about this baby is to finding out about Parker" he told her quietly.
"Oh, is that a good or a bad thing?"
He thought for a moment and decided it was time to tell her another part of his history. Yet another part he was not proud of. "Well Like I said…
They were sitting on the side of the tub waiting to see if the stick would turn blue or not. Each of them caught up on their own thoughts. When the time was up they looked… they were pregnant. There was no excited yells, no tears of joy, just a man and a woman looking at each other with a little blue stick telling them their life had just changed. Finally he got down on one knee taking her hand "Rebecca, I know this isn't the ideal way to hear what I am going to ask you and you are going to have to trust me when I say I would have done this anyway" reaching into him pocket he pulled out an antique ring, "will you marry me."
She looked down at him in horror, "Get up, GET UP" she screamed. Once he was standing she continued to push him toward the door screaming all the time "Get out just GET OUT, - G.E.T. O.U.T." she screamed as she pushed he into the door.
"What are you doing Rebecca I live here remember?"
"Not tonight you don't Seeley and maybe not tomorrow night either. Don't come back until I call you."
When the door slammed he found himself on the outside standing in his jeans and a t-shirt with no jacket, shoes or car keys. Going over to the neighbors he called his brother and Jared came to save his ass this time. She finally called three weeks later. Fortunately for him she had allowed Jared to come over and get some of his stuff but that had been the extent of their communication.
He walked into the restaurant and took one look at her, he had his answer. They were done, now he had to try and save his child. They hammered out an agreement and she left. It had been hard but they had worked through most of it. He had not been to even one of her appointments, although he had begged time and time again. He was given an ultrasound picture of Parker and carried it until it crumbled long after the image had faded having memorized every line and squiggle on the page.
"The night Parker was born we finally talked for the first time…"
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do,
I felt sorry for myself for years and let it color my world. I felt guilty concerning the circumstances of his birth. It wasn't until you asked me to be the Father of your child a few years ago I worked through all my feelings about the circumstances of Parker's birth. There was no way Rebecca and I would have survived in a marriage and Parker would have suffered. This way Parker got the best of both of us.
She thought about what he had said "I am glad you and Rebecca didn't get married, then we never would have had this" she said softly as she lay her hand over her lower abdomen.
He covered her hand so am I he whispered and he leaned over and kissed the edge of her lip. "So am I."
What Hurts The Most lyrics
Songwriters: Steele, Jeffrey; Robson, Steve;
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away
And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
