A/N: First off, I'd like to say a big thank you to all who sent their condolences regarding the loss of my friend. It means so much to me that people I've never met before, but are interested in my story, would try to comfort me. I almost cried when I saw all the reviews you guys left. Thank you sooo much. You guys are the best and I love you all. Enjoy.
It was that time of night again, and Lissa was absolutely dreading it. She wanted, with every fiber of her being, not to have to go to sleep. But, since she was human, she had to sleep sometime. "Get yourself together Lissa." She said to herself in the mirror. "They're only dreams."
She was right, they were only dreams, but they scared her more than anything. Some of them, especially the one she had last night, felt so real. She did not want another one of those ever again.
It was midnight, Sam went to bed two hours ago. And his parents still weren't home. Lissa was alone in the house, and that didn't help her already frazzled nerves one bit. She climbed into bed, keeping her lamp on for comfort, learning a long time ago that darkness didn't help either. Tossing and turning, she finally fell into a fitful sleep.
Lissa gasped and sat up, her whole body covered in a cold sweat. She grabbed her cell phone with shaking hands, checking the time. 3:00 a.m. the digital screen read. She wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on her knees, thinking back to the nightmare she had. It was just like the one she had last night, except the man had blood running down his face and she woke herself up before the bad part. She thanked God for that.
Knowing that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep tonight she got up and looked out her bedroom window. Ironhide was parked in the driveway, Sam's parent's car sitting right beside him. Lissa decided that a little fresh air might calm her. Grabbing her jacket, she tiptoed downstairs and into the mild summer night. She walked over to Ironhide wondering if he was asleep. He didn't make a sound as she approached so she assumed that he was. She sighed and headed to her usual spot by the fountain, not wanting to wake him over a silly dream. Putting her head in her hands she rocked back and forth, humming the familiar tune to soothe herself. She didn't know why she had these nightmares, she didn't know why her father's death still haunted her, and she really didn't know why they felt so real. Now, more than anything, she wished she was normal. A small tear escaped from the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away, tired of crying over something that wasn't real. "Dad, if you're listening, I just want you to know that I miss you. Sometimes I wish you hadn't saved me that day, so I wouldn't have had to suffer through all this. It's so hard Dad, and I try to be strong, but sometimes, I just can't do this." A few more tears ran down her cheek. "It's so hard, waking up and looking in the mirror to find that you're not normal. So hard to see all these beautiful girls with their flawless faces getting attention from boys when I don't get any. Right now I really wish I died instead of you, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much. I saw you die, and that image is engraved in my mind forever. I look at little kids and wonder what they'd do if their dad died right before their eyes, and died gruesomely. Wonder what it'd be like to feel innocent. Because after that happened, I didn't feel like a child anymore. No child should have to see that, but I did." She sighed, "I know I sound crazy right now, talking to the night. But sometimes I just need a way to vent. I hope that wherever you are, that you're happy and that you remember me. I love you Dad." Then she let herself break down into sobs, letting them consume her once again.
Ironhide listened through the whole thing, he was awake. He did to be sure that he could comfort Lissa if she had he nightmares again. Obviously when she walked towards him she did, and he wanted to talk to her about it, but something inside him told him not to, and to just leave her be. His spark broke for the young woman, she had been through so much. Even he hadn't had to go through what she had. Sure he'd seen a few comrades die in the war, and innocent beings slaughtered, but he never saw something like that. Listening to her sounding so shattered. It made him want to find whoever did that to her, and rip him to shreds.
Mulling over his thoughts he almost didn't hear the soft snoring coming from the backyard. Lissa must've cried herself to sleep. Activating the holoform he climbed out of his alt form and crept into the yard. Just as he assumed Lissa was fast asleep, but her face wasn't peaceful, it looked scared and, haunted. He caressed her tearstained cheek with his large hand and carefully took her in his arms. He carried her back to his alt form, having no intention to leave her alone while she slept. He grabbed a large blanket from under his seat that he always kept handy and laid Lissa down on the leather. Then wrapped the blanket around her, making sure she was warm. After she looked comfortable enough he dismissed the holoform and turned on the heater, playing soft jazz in the background. She needed sleep, he could tell by the dark circles under her eyes. He just hoped that for once she could sleep peacefully.
Later that morning Lissa woke to the smell of leather and metal. She took in her surroundings, she wasn't on the bench as she thought she was, but in Ironhide. He must've carried her here earlier. "Good morning Lissie." A voice from the radio said softly.
She ran a hand through her hair and patted the steering wheel, "Morning Hide'."
She sounded much more refreshed than usual, maybe she didn't have anymore nightmares last night. "How did you sleep?" He asked cautiously.
"Actually, I slept great." She sounded a little confused.
"I carried you in here at about 4:17, you fell asleep on the bench over there."
Lissa wondered if he heard her talking, silently hoping that he didn't. "Oh, well you didn't have to put me here, you could've taken me back to my room-"
"I wasn't about to leave you alone after I heard what you said. Lissa, you shouldn't say that you would have rather died that night. If you did, I wouldn't have met you, Sam, well Sam would've been heartbroken, and your father would be thinking the same thing you are. He loved you so much, that he gave his life to protect you. Doesn't that mean something to you?"
She sighed and leaned her head against the wheel. "It means everything, he's the reason that I get up everyday. The reason I try to smile, because I know he would want me to try, no matter what the circumstances. I just…miss him, so much Ironhide and sometimes I think that, you know, he would've done more good being here still, than I do..."
He could hear the choked emotion in her voice, she needed to know how important she was.
Suddenly, an electric fizzling sound was heard, and Ironhide's holoform sat in the driver's seat, eyes blazing. "You mean everything, to Sam. You impact lives here on Earth every day. People look at you, and they see everything that you've been through, and they are awestruck because you're still smiling. You amaze them. I saw it yesterday at the track, a few younger humans were talking about you. So don't say that you're worthless, just by living you change people's lives."
Lissa sat there, taking in his words. She'd never thought of her scar, and the things she's been through in that way before. And he was right. Sure she didn't get guys asking for her number wherever she went, but she impacted people's lives whenever they saw her.
A small smile erupted into a big grin on her face. "Ironhide, I think you should be a psychiatrist."
Quickly looking up the word online he chuckled. "I'd rather be a weapons specialist."
She rolled her eyes, "Whatever old man, maybe I should stop hanging out with you so much, I could probably save the world."
This made Ironhide shake with laughter, "You probably could Lissie, but try to find some other time to do it, I enjoy the time we spend together. It's nice not to have to be a soldier all the time."
A small tinge of red graced Lissa's cheeks which made Hide' laugh even more. Even so, she just smiled and let him laugh, it was something he probably hadn't done in a long time. She was happy to know she helped him too, and it wasn't just him having to comfort her every time she had a major breakdown. An idea came to mind, "Hey Hide', want to go somewhere tonight? Me, you and Sam could go to a movie or something."
He stopped laughing and put an arm around her shoulders, "Sure Lissie, but it has to have lots of action in it or I'm not going."
She giggled, "Fine, what about… Mission Impossible?"
His processors looked up the title, it looked like fun, lots of guns and fighting. Plus, Lissa would be with him. Trying to play it cool he just said, "Sure."
