Before Kelly assembled the squad for a general announcement, Shepard made a point of going down to Engineering and breaking the news of Garrus' departure to Tali. She'd known that her friend would be upset, but Tali's response was even stronger than she'd expected.
"Keelah...no. That – that's insane! He can't just go and do that!"
The combat mech that she was tinkering with suffered the consequences of this outburst, getting a wrench shoved into a place where a wrench was definitely not supposed to go. Tali set down the tool, the edges of her gold veil fluttering around her visor. Leaning back against the wall, she huddled down on the edge of the console platform, looking forlorn.
She was trying sound outraged, but her voice quavered with sadness. "He didn't even come down here and say goodbye."
Shepard bit her lips. Damn those emotionally stunted turians. If Garrus had to sneak out on her and the crew when everyone was sleeping, if he couldn't find it in himself to deal with a long farewell, she just wished, at the very least, that he would've taken time to write Tali a note.
Garrus was very good at dealing with sentients when they were, oh, about 500 metres away and their heads were neatly encircled by his scope but interactions at close range posed more of a problem for him. There were inefficiencies, complications and what he'd always claimed to hate most, elaborate rules of engagement. Shepard wished he was around so she could give him a good smack upside the head for being so bloody thoughtless. And well... she just wished he was around.
She slumped down beside her friend, the ridges of her spine pressing into the wall. It was an uncomfortable position, but it felt right somehow, maybe because it aligned perfectly with the uncomfortable circumstances she found herself in, the aches and pains that she just had to grin and bear.
"I think he really wanted to say goodbye to you, Tali. He's just –" She searched for the right adjective. Conflicted? Guilt-ridden? Impulsive? None of them really seemed to do Garrus or his complex situation any justice.
"I know what he's like," Tali said. "And I know what he's going through. I'm just disappointed, that's all."
"He'll probably send a message over to your extranet account. Hopefully an apologetic one."
"Yeah and it'll be about three sentences long," she fumed. "Have you ever tried to talk him on the extranet? Like, on instant-messaging?"
"No, can't say I've ever tried." Before this morning, if she'd wanted to talk to Garrus, he'd usually been within arm's reach. Besides, she knew he avoided his accounts like an Omega plague zone.
"Well, here's a sample of how it goes," Tali said. "You type him this long, very informative message and then he just answers back with 'Really', 'Great' or 'Impressive'."
For someone who was shy in-person, Tali had proven herself to be a compulsive texter and an inveterate IM chatterbox. Shepard just found those gadgets and applications distracting, so she could understand why Garrus might've been reluctant to encourage the quarian's constant updates on her latest project or her bitter complaints about how Ken was a male chauvinist and always ogling the fit of her exo-suit. Or, Keelah, yet another invitation to play the "Batarian Raiders" simulation game or to adopt one of the cutesy digital farm animals produced from her latest session of "Home-world Farm Colony".
"And then," Tali continued, "after five minutes of pauses and one-word answers, he tells you he has to go because he's got 'calibrations' to work on."
"There are a lot of things around here to calibrate," Shepard said diplomatically.
The quarian heaved a flustered sigh. "Maybe. But if Garrus isn't on the ship, we're never going to talk. And I'm going to miss him."
Shepard didn't know how to answer. She would've liked to be able to reassure her friend that Garrus would do something, that he wouldn't just cut the bonds of friendships that had been forged in fire, ones that had become nearly as close as family through living together under stress and in close quarters. She would've liked to promise that he'd put his famous stubbornness to good use, and find a way around the stringent conditions imposed by the turian courts and his own guilt, but she just couldn't make that guarantee. In fact, from what she'd gathered so far, he planned to do the opposite, to tuck his time on the Normandy away in a secret compartment, another piece of the past he could bury in the back of his skull, and perhaps brood over, when nobody was watching.
Tali touched her arm. "Sorry, Shepard. I'm such a little bosh'tet. I just go on talking about me. I haven't even asked you if you're okay. I know the two of you were really...close. Are you alright?"
Shepard opened her mouth to say, "Yeah, sure. No problem. It's all totally under control," but what came out instead was a shrill sob, a bunch of pathetic sniffles. Her features dissolved into tears, her whole face getting puffy and red, as if her sadness were expanding inside her, stretching out her skin. "No...I just...I just..wanted things to go right."
Tali grabbed her and hugged her, gently rocking her back and forth in her arms.
"I..I told him not to go," Shepard said through her tears, trying desperately to explain herself. "I told him...but he said he couldn't stay and I hate it, Tali. I hate it so much. I can't stand being on the ship and he's not here..."
"Shhhh. It's okay. It's alright."
Rubbing her fists into her eye sockets, she sniffed, hoping to stop her nose from running. A wussy, germy cry-baby dripping snot and tears and saliva from every leaky hole in her face was gross under normal circumstances, but it was downright dangerous to be doing it right beside Tali, of all people. Pressing her hands against her friend's shoulders, she tried to ease herself back from her arms.
"It's okay, relax," Tali said. "Antibiotics, Shepard. I take them."
Shepard gave a gasp, sucking in a long breath and then forced an unconvincing chuckle. "Oh man, I'm such... an idiot. I'm sorry. I should be tougher than this."
"Shepard, don't you dare get up," Tali said, squeezing her tightly enough to crush a few ribs. Shepard had forgotten the power of the Tali death-grip, but yeah, that tiny little quarian girl had hands like vises. "I'm warning you. If you try to walk away while I'm hugging you, Chiktikka and I will chase you down."
Shepard managed a smile, bumping her forehead against the padded shoulder of Tali's exo-suit. "Thanks."
"It's okay. Breaking-up is really hard to do. Not that I'm an expert on that subject..."
"Well, it's not as if you don't have lots of guys chasing you, trying to get their hearts broken," Shepard replied. "I mean, Ken keeps dropping all these weird, suggestive comments about how good with tools you are. And Kal'Reegar worships the deck of any ship you walk on."
"I know your game, Shepard. Don't change the subject. We were talking about you," Tali said. "Besides Kal doesn't like me that way. He's just very protective of Fleet resources."
"Yeah, Fleet resources that happen to be totally adorable," she teased.
"Stop it. I mean it," Tali warned her, her fingers tapping at her omni-tool with the threatening dexterity of an angry tech expert. "Right now we're not talking about my private life. I want to know the story about Garrus. Did he at least say something to you before he left?"
Shepard nodded. "Kind of."
"Kind of? You're not sure? Were you drunk?"
The fact that her friend said this with complete earnestness made Shepard worried. Now she definitely, definitely regretted drinking that ryncol in front of Tali at the Dark Star. The quarian was obviously starting to worry that her commander was making a slow descent into alcoholism and would one day be found passed out in the cockpit with six empty bottles of children's cough syrup and a well-thumbed copy of Fornax.
"I mean, I knew he'd decided that he had to go and that what we had...was ending," Shepard explained. "But if I'd thought he was just going to go off in the middle of the night – well, I would've hog-tied him, then cuffed his leg to the weapons console. Maybe knocked him out too."
Tali gave a giggle of embarrassment. "That is way too much information."
"I wouldn't be doing it for fun," she explained. "It'd be for his own good. He may not realize it, but I think he needed to say goodbye as much as you did. Maybe even more."
EDI popped up on a console in the left corner of the room. Her round-headed avatar flashed with urgency. "The crew is starting to gather in the Briefing Room, Shepard. You may wish to head upstairs."
Shepard nodded. "Okay, thanks."
"Are you sure that you want to go up there?" Tali said. "If you like, I can make the announcement."
"It's nice of you to offer, but really, I can handle it. Besides, I think it's best that I do this myself."
When Shepard and Tali arrived in the Briefing Room, Kelly, Mordin, Kaidan, Jacob, Kasumi and Miranda were already assembled around the grey table. Shepard took a seat at the end, next to Jacob, knowing that it would probably take the others at least a few more minutes to arrive. Jack, in particular, was notorious for being late to these group chats, not because she was so ridiculously busy and productive hunkering down in the engine room, but because she liked to give object demonstrations that she wasn't tied to anyone else's timetable.
"I wish certain staff members learn to be a bit more punctual," Miranda said. "The message said we were meeting at three p.m. on the dot."
Jacob gave a broad, mysterious smile and checked his wrist, which was now adorned with a very expensive-looking silver sports-watch. "Well, according to my stylin' new watch, they still have thirty-six seconds left."
He cast an unsubtle glance at Kasumi and she giggled into the back of her hand, giving Shepard a good idea of where his new toy had come from.
Miranda looked annoyed. "Where did you get that?"
"It was a gift. From someone with really exquisite taste," Jacob said, making eyes at Kasumi again.
Damn, his come-ons are awful, Shepard thought. His porn-tastic cool guy swagger, which consisted of deepening his voice and stretching out vowel sounds like he was Barry White ("...in spaaaaaccce, babygirl") was particularly cringe-worthy. If Jacob scored with the ladies, it was definitely more a result of his laidback nature and a buff physique than his questionable flirtation technique.
"She probably stole that," Miranda snapped, staring at the watch. "It probably has someone else's name engraved on the back. Just so you know."
It occurred to Shepard that it might be a good idea to intervene at this point, but Miranda's cattiness didn't boil over into a brawl. Kasumi just leaned back in her chair, completely unfazed by the jealousy and even a bit amused by it.
"I don't give stolen gifts. That's so inconsiderate," she said. "I just pawned all the stuff I actually stole before I went shopping! The watch is totally legit. You can see the receipt, if you like."
"Well, of course, selling stolen goods to afford a purchase. That just makes a world of difference," Miranda retorted.
Kasumi smirked, the red mark on her lip widening. "I'd have picked something up for you too, Miri, but I couldn't find any tiaras."
Jacob loosed a long, low chuckle at Miranda's expense, one that he'd probably been struggling to hold in since he first started working under her. "Tiaras! Oh, damn. Sorry, but she totally got you there, Lawson..." He gave Kasumi props under the ledge of the table.
"Very professional," Miranda muttered, seeming to realize that she'd been vanquished, at least temporarily. Under her glare of annoyance, she looked hurt and Shepard remembered how damaged the Cerberus officer was beneath that facade of icy competence and calculation. It was apparent to almost everyone on the ship that she was still holding a torch for Jacob and that his new flirtation with Kasumi wounded her almost as bitterly as not being declared XO.
Finally, the others came trickling into the room, Jack sauntering in at the back of the pack, looking pleased to be the very last one through the door. Shepard let her have these petty victories, because the illusion of getting one over on the 'boss lady' seemed to satisfy the convict, and prevented her from going AWOL or raising a mutiny when it really mattered. Shepard wasn't foolish enough to think that she'd tamed Jack or earned the undying loyalty of someone who distrusted her own shadow, but life on the Normandy had definitely succeeded in house-breaking her a little bit.
Shepard stood up, eyeing her crew and waiting for them to stop muttering amongst themselves. In her head, she counted out the number of seconds it took for them all to shut up and listen. 1...2...3... She never spoke in crew meetings until there was absolute, respectful silence. ...4...5...When Garrus had been around, he'd been helpful in speeding this process up, usually by fixing the offending speakers with a steely sniper's stare that seemed to indicate he was calculating shot distance, trajectories and the possibility for collateral damage. 6...7...8...She felt another pang of loss. He'd always, always had her back. She'd never even had to ask. 9...10...11... And at last, everyone quieted down, sat in their proper seats and settled in for the meeting.
She gave them the little speech she'd planned out earlier in the afternoon. It was mostly soulless pseudo-corporate managerial bullshit and didn't encapsulate even half of what she felt, but it sounded professional and would inspire a lot more confidence from the team than incoherent weeping or a lengthy rant about how tyrannical, tight-fisted, manipulative turian fathers and ridiculous, pompous, uptight turian judges had conspired to wreck the one of the best things she had going.
"I wanted to bring everybody here because I have some really sad news. You'll notice that there's someone missing from this meeting, someone whom we all know well and who has been an important part of the Normandy for a very long time.
"Garrus has resigned from the team. It's a decision that I know he didn't make lightly, but in the end, he chose what he thought was best for himself, for the crew and for his family. I know that he enjoyed working with all of you and that he regrets not having had the opportunity to say a formal goodbye. I'm going to miss him a lot, both as a good friend and as a soldier, but I also know that he would want us to stay strong as a team and to go out and kick some Reaper ass in his honour."
She scanned the room, watching their reactions. Many of them looked surprised, even hurt. Kaidan, in particular, shrank back into his chair with a stunned, rather guilty expression.
Kelly slowly raised her hand in the air, as if they were all back in grade school.
Shepard sighed. In most regards, her yeoman was a very competent young woman, but in sometimes, she still acted like the funny, backward kid from the colonies who'd joined Cerberus on a mad whim, thinking she'd get to make friends, see new places. Yeah, because that's what a pro-human terrorist organization is all about.
"Yes? Kelly?"
"When did Garrus decide this? It just seems so...sudden."
"He informed me of his decision last night," Shepard said. "I trust his judgment and I respect his privacy so I can't say much more than that."
"It's freakin' weird," Kasumi commented. "You can't just walk out on nakama like that."
Kelly's eyebrows lifted hopefully. "Nakama? That's an unfamiliar word. Japanese?"
"Yeah. It means we're tight. Like family," Kasumi said. "Maybe we don't see eye-to-eye, but when trouble shows up, we pull each other's butts out of the fire. You don't just leave your nakama. It's not cool."
Kelly smiled. "I like that concept."
"So who will be taking over Garrus' duties in this little nakama of ours?" Miranda cut in, sounding just a touch too eager. "I mean, it seems clear to me that we're going to have to re-distribute staff appointments..."
As much as she was going to need a new XO, Shepard felt very reluctant to pass the job over to Miranda. Nobody could replace Garrus in that role, not in her mind. Besides, it was too soon to even consider getting someone else to fill the place he'd left vacant. And as capable as Miranda was, Shepard found that they didn't have the natural chemistry required to lead in unison. The other woman was insecure, always vying for more power or looking for leverage.
"I haven't quite decided that yet," Shepard answered. "For the time being, I'll divide Garrus' old job into separate duties and assign those to the best qualified people. That way, nobody's tasked too hard and we can all work together to pick up the slack."
"If you say so," Miranda said, hiding her displeasure behind a frosty, tight-lipped smile.
"Anyway, we'll be commencing Operation Shadow tonight at the Arterius estate," Shepard stated. "I want all the members of my ground team sharp and clear-headed. And to everyone who's staying back at the ship this time: I know you're eager to get out there, but don't worry, this fight isn't over yet, not by a long-shot. If you're bored and need some tasks to do, talk to Miranda, Joker or EDI and I'm sure they'll have something to assign you."
She glanced around the room. "Questions?"
Jack tipped back in her seat, balancing precariously on the back legs of her chair. "Yeah, I got a question. Did Garrus leave because everybody found out you two were fucking in the gunnery bay?"
Shepard's mouth went slack and she stood for a long moment, just aghast, before she remembered to blink, to breathe. "No."
She paused, realizing her mistake, and corrected herself. "I mean, that's off-limits, Jack."
"'Cause, just so you know, nobody gave a squat which crazy alien you were banging. Well, except for maybe Sergeant Tight-Ass over here." Jack nodded in Kaidan's direction, tossing him a little wave of recognition, just in case he hadn't recognized his new nickname.
"Th-th-that's completely out-of-line," Kaidan stuttered, his skin taking on a sickly green tinge.
Jack smiled. She enjoyed watching other people squirm. "But it's true. Ain't it, pretty boy? She was letting the turian fuck her and it drove you mental."
"Jack, right now, your own personal flavour of bullshit is starting to drive me mental. I think we're done here, folks," Shepard declared. "Crew dismissed."
She felt awful for poor Kaidan, who looked completely mortified, bolting up from his chair and rushing out of the Briefing Room.
Shepard had always recognized that new Normandy was different from the old one – the facilities were larger and more luxurious, the team was more raucous and their perspectives were more diverse, and even she had been altered, by death and by the realities of her everyday life – but she hadn't realized until now how lost Kaidan must feel in this bizarre new version of his previous existence, like having been transported into a parallel universe. He'd once been an integral member of the team, a consummate insider, but his loyalty to the Alliance now placed him in the role of stranger, spy and antagonist. It must have been jarring.
While there was little she could do to smooth over the rift in her friendship with Kaidan, she resolved to behave better professionally, to avoid indulging cheap shots and resentment at his loyalty to the Alliance. In the end, he really was a stand-up guy and while she didn't love him, he was more than worthy of her respect. Perhaps she could pull some strings behind the scenes to make sure he was comfortable on the ship. Even encouraging the friendlier members of the crew, like Kelly or Jacob, to go chat with him might make a big difference.
And maybe, just maybe, when she had the chance, she could ask Tali to reassure Kaidan that his fight with Garrus hadn't caused the turian's abrupt departure. Although she really didn't want to broach the matter with him or heaven forbid, cry on his shoulder, she knew he'd be inclined to blame himself for the problem. And the last thing Kaidan Alenko needed was another bad break-up story involving a woman, a turian and an impetuous, ultimately disastrous attempt at a rescue.
Seven hours later, Operation Shadow Team commenced in the chilly darkness of Auctorita's brief night. It was rare for Shepard to go out on a mission wearing so little armour. It gave her the uncomfortable sensation of wandering around bare-ass naked, although she was actually clothed in a stretchy black bodysuit and one of the four new tactical cloaks Kasumi had picked up in the Quorum markets. A dark ski mask stretched over her face, with holes gouged in the fabric for her eyes and a narrow slice at the bottom to accommodate her mouth. Aside from making her sweat, the mask was also very, very itchy to wear and as much as it made her feel like a slinky cat-burglar right now, she knew that when she pulled it off, her short blonde hair was going to be a damp mess plastered to her forehead.
Of course, there were more important things to worry about than whether she was having a good hair day. Such as how to work this tactical cloak without electrocuting herself.
She was the kind of girl who liked a nice, straightforward firefight – you know, kick in a door, stride in guns blazing and riddle batarian baddies with bullets before they managed to activate their preferred brand of WMD – and she was slowly discovering that she wasn't a natural at this whole 'stealth' thing. Despite the sound dampeners on her boots, she still had a tendency to go clunking around, flat-footed, like she had fifty pounds of plate metal strapped to her hide, a phenomenon that prompted an amused arch of Kasumi's eyebrows.
Kaidan just gave a worried gulp, his adam's apple moving under the neck of his black balaclava. The gleam in his eyes told her that he was wondering how she'd managed to talk him into this, that he was almost positive she was going to get them caught and ruin any chance of him keeping his shiny new Alliance rank.
Kasumi ventured ahead, crouching behind a scruffy topiary that'd once been trimmed in the shape of an animal. Craning her head back, she scanned the rooftops of the estate, looking for security cams or an easy point of access.
Tali pointed a gloved hand towards three scanners on the mansion walls. In the center of each device, there was an unblinking bead of red light. "New installation. Not just visuals. Heat readings."
The quarian scurried across the wet lawn to Kasumi's position and they conferred in a series of anxious whispers.
Jacob edged closer to Shepard. "What are they doing?"
Shepard shrugged, her thighs aching from half an hour of squatting in bushes or behind fences, trying not to talk or stumble over something or breathe too deeply. "Tech crap."
From behind his mask, Jacob's eyes appeared equally bewildered. "Not my scene."
Suddenly, the wall scanners shorted out, one of them quite spectacularly, showering a nearby guard with sparks. The guard stumbled out of the way, ducking the fireworks.
His companion gave a loud guffaw. "Nice. New equipment and it's already broken."
"That just ain't right," the other guard said, recovering his composure. "We gotta tell Severin this place is bloody falling down around our ears."
"Ha, you think he listens? If you're going to complain, talk to Amerantha. Woman knows what she's doing. Nicer to look at, too."
The other guard turned and started to tinker around with the scanners. His buddy just sighed. "Give it up. You're just going to kill yourself. And then I've got to patrol this place without your unique brand of slapstick comedy."
"Shut up."
She saw Kasumi gesturing at them to move eastward, while the guards were still diverted with their tech malfunction. Shepard used her omnitool to activate her tactical cloak, a burst of electrical energy simmering around her. Her body melted into the long shadow of a nearby cypress.
Slinking across the lawn, her lithe frame little more than a faint shimmer of particles, Kasumi led the infiltration team towards the eastern section of the mansion. By the time they reached the rough granite wall, Shepard's tactical cloak was starting to give. She dropped to her stomach in the damp grass, taking cover in a slight dip in the turf. If anyone had been looking for an intruder, they would've spotted the curved top of her head silhouetted against the lawn, but as far as she could tell, she blended well enough to fool any casual observer who might peek out of the manor's high-arched windows.
Kasumi launched a grappling hook towards a narrow balcony on the third floor. The hook landed against the edge of the black wrought-iron railing with a soft clink and she gave a tug at the end of the rope to make it catch. She scaled the wall with ease of a cat flicking its tail, as if gravity and all the laws of physics were just absurd fictions. Tying the rope around the railing, she secured the grappling hook again and gestured for them to climb.
Jacob was the first to go, mounting the rope hand-over-hand like a good Alliance marine.
Tali crept up behind Shepard. "I'm not going to do well at this."
"I can help you," Shepard assured her. "You can do it."
She gave her friend a boost on to the rope, steadying it with her hand as she showed the quarian how to use footholds on the wall and support her weight with her legs. Tali managed to shimmy several metres up, but her shoulders looked strained and her legs flailed at the rough stone, unable to push up her bottom half.
Her feet slipped back from the wall, kicking at air. Tali looked to the ground, giving a low whimper. "I can't, Shepard."
"You can. You're stronger than you think," Shepard hissed up at her.
"No, I really can't. My legs aren't even meant to bend this way."
Shepard gripped the rope with both hands, readying herself for a shaky ascent. "I'm coming up. I can carry you."
Kaidan stepped in. "The rope isn't strong enough. Let me help."
He looked up at the quarian. "Tali, do you trust me?"
"I – uh, yes, Kaidan, I do."
"Okay," he said. His brows knit together in concentration. "Please don't scream."
It wasn't the most reassuring thing to say to a terrified quarian hanging off a three-storey balcony, but the reminder to stay quiet was probably a good idea. Tali's cowering on the end of the rope was sure to attract unwanted attention and if she made too much noise, they were done for.
"Just let go of the rope," he instructed.
Tali peeled her fingers back from the rope. She hung in mid-air, suspended above the black stretch of lawn, and then slowly, very slowly, her body started to float upwards. It was impossible to see Tali's face behind the visor, but from the stiff stretch of her legs and the way her arms were quivering, Shepard could imagine her mental dialogue: Oh Keelah, don't drop me, oh Keelah...
Focussing, Kaiden directed the current of the mass effect field and manoeuvring Tali right onto the balcony. He placed her down as gently as if she'd soared up to the third storey on gossamer wings.
"Huh," Kaidan concluded, a relieved smile appearing through the slit in his ski mask. He was a modest guy by anyone's standards, but even he savoured biotic godhood once in a while.
Shepard smiled in relief, giving him a quick thumbs-up before she climbed the rope. As she worked her way up, she was pleased to find that her months of training on Arcturus' indoor obstacle course hadn't forsaken her yet. As mission commander, she felt the need to put on a good show, to prove herself a strong generalist in a squad of outstanding specialists. She dreaded the assignment when she would end up being the weakest link on the team, although she knew it would probably happen sometime. Actually, considering her distinct lack of stealth or sneakiness, tonight just might be her night to fall flat on her ass in front of everyone. What a pleasant thought.
By the time Kaidan joined them, the narrow ledge was getting very crowded. Somebody's elbow jabbed into Shepard's ribs and someone else's very cushiony butt kept rubbing up against hers, which was hopefully not intentional. While Kasumi decrypted security access to the balcony doors, Shepard scraped the grappling hook back from the railing, unknotted the rope and gathered it up for future use. If they needed to get out of a tight corner, the equipment would certainly come in handy.
Kasumi eased open the balcony door, thrusting an arm across the opening to prevent Jacob from just strutting across the threshold. She scanned the room, her face inscrutable beneath the shadow of her hood. The place looked innocuous enough to Shepard, just a leisure area converted to storage space, but the master thief didn't take any chances.
"Watch this," Kasumi whispered, removing a velvet pouch from her little bag of tricks.
Opening the pouch's drawstrings, she poured silvery powder into a long line across the palm of her hand, pressed her red-dotted lips together and blew. Dust scattered everywhere. Through the settling cloud, Shepard could make out a network of pink-orange laser beams slicing the darkness into an intricate geometry. She really hoped Kasumi knew how to make those things go away, because she felt as if she was setting off alarms just looking at them.
Jacob's jaw dropped. "Damn, girl. So how are we supposed to get past that?"
Kasumi smiled. "Very, very carefully."
