Disclaimer: I own nothing. I hope that is enough to keep me from getting smacked with a lawsuit. I am not feeling all that good with red tape today.

Note: Hey out there I hope you really like this story and I was thinking about doing a Sam and Carson show at the end of my chapters. To kind of help balance (I shudder to think it up) how bad things will get for our girls Sam and Carly. So please tell me what you think of the Sam and Carson show, and how you like the story.

Warning! This story is rated M for a reason bad language, girl on girl wet dreams, and random violence. Read with care and don't read if you don't like the mentioned subjects.

"Hey and welcome to the Sam and Carson show I am Carson."

"And I am Sam."

"So what did you think of the clip Sam."

"That was janked up Carson I was expecting something happier you know love the boy meets girl thing."

"You do realize you just sounded like a girl right?"

"Whatever man I still don't see how this is the start of us coming to be."

"You two need to stop before you start beating on each other again."

"Ah you know we were just goofing for the viewers Erica," Sam said looking directly into the camera.

"Don't come on Erica me both of you suck you didn't even bother introducing me last time."

"That's not fair you can't expect us to remember everything. I have a hard enough time making sure Sam stays house trained."

"Hey man that was just wrong."

"What are brothers for?"

The camera turns to the person holding it and there you see a girl around the same age as Sam and Carson.

"Seeing as those two are suffering from an over abundance of stupid I will just introduce myself. Hi I am Erica Caroline Benson Tec. Producer."

She looks back over at Sam and Carson who were beginning to slap at each other.

"While you wait for me to separate these two, here is a clip of what happens if that one thing never happens."

Screen fades out.

Sam woke to the sound of her mom yelling at the cat again. It was the same rant as always, 'why can't you get a job and how the hell did you get knocked up again when I never let you leave the house.' She was yelling loud enough to wake the dead, she did wake Sam after all.

'It looks like school is going to be hell tomorrow, but I got to go I promised Carly I would skip anymore.' Sam thought to herself as she rolled over and looked at her bedside clock, two thirteen am glowed blue back at her. She rolled back over and tried to get back to sleep. To no surprise that didn't work out well because no sooner she managed to close her eyes there was a knock on the door.

Thanks to her mom being to busy still yelling at the cat to answer the beating on the door, Sam got up picking the cat up on the way to the door and answered it to find the nosy old bat that lived next door.

"Yes?" Sam asked waiting for her reason for standing at the door.

"Can you keep it down over here people are trying to sleep?"

"I can try to talk her down but it's never a good idea to talk her out of a rant."

"I don't know why I ever brought you home, you have been nothing but an eating, crapping, baby making machine and if you keep this up I will throw your thankless ass out so you can get aides or some other disease happily. You better be looking for a job in the morning." Her mom screamed while looking at the cat that was purring happily in Sam's arms.

After she heard that she turned away in disgust leaving Sam with her three legged cat and her ranting mother. Sam put the cat out and shut the door with a shrug. She went to bed; her mothers bedroom door slamming was the last thing she heard before she drifted back off.

Carly woke to a tap on her window. She got up and thought it was odd that it felt like she hadn't been sleeping at all. She walked over to the window to find Sam crawling through it.

"What are you doing here," Carly asked her voice going up a pitch.

"You know what I am doing here," Sam said pulling Carly to her and kissing her soundly.

Carly lifted her arms to push her away but ended up wrapping her arms around Sam's neck, and started kissing her back just as passionately. Sam backed them up to the bed and they toppled onto it, Sam's lips were still on hers but her hands were pushing up the hem of her nightshirt. Carly lifted her arms to let her pull the now stuffy nightshirt off. Sam removed her nightshirt and the latched her mouth on to one of the uncovered breast causing a moan to escape Carly's mouth.

"Shhhh, we don't want to wake Spencer up," Sam said taking her mouth away from Carly's breast making her whimper.

Sam leaned back down but took her lips instead of her nipple, kissing her roughly plunging her tongue past her lips and dominating her tongue. Carly moaned her eyes rolling shut at the invasion. Sam bucked her jeans clad hips into Carly's at the sound, causing her to wrap her legs around Sam's hips and grind her his back into Sam's. Carly tired of being the more naked of the pulled off Sam's shirt and unclasped her bra, quickly tossing them aside. She admired Sam's breast until her focus was claimed by Sam's lips back on hers like she was her only source of life. Carly's hands found the button on Sam's pants about the same time Sam's thumbs hooked into the waist band of Carly's panties and began to pull them down.

Carly woke up with her hand in her panties and breathing heavy. She sat up quickly feeling the slick wetness on her fingers and between her legs.

'I just had a wet dream about Sam who is not only my best friend but also a girl,' she thought beginning to panic. She turned and looked at her clock, it was two thirty in the morning. She lay back down and tried to get back to sleep, only to spend the rest of the night tossing and turning.

Sam woke up to her mouth watering at the smell of bacon that shouldn't have been there. She got up and grabbed the baseball bat by her bed and walked slowly to the kitchen only to find her mom at the stove putting the bacon on a plate.

"I thought you had to work today."

"Well I did but I didn't wake up when my alarm went off so I got fired. I just thought I would take the day off to day get the house in order get a paper and look at some prospects tomorrow."

"That sound cool mom."

Sam finished her breakfast grabbed her backpack and headed to school. When she got there she went to her locker and seen Carly slamming hers.

"What's up cupcake?"

"It's nothing," Carly said distractedly not looking at Sam.

"You just can't lie at all Carls. What's wrong?"

"I didn't sleep well that's all."

"Why not?"

"Well I had a weird dream, and couldn't get back to sleep that's all," she said blushing and still not looking at Sam.

"Well when I talked to Spencer about my dream about the monster eating my soup it helped. So do you want to talk about it, I am not Spencer but it might help."

"I don't really want to talk about it right now, I kind of want to figure this out myself."

"Whatever," Sam said with a shrug.

"It's pizza and tots today."

"Yea I know stuffed crust hum," Sam said her gaze going out of focus as she thought of the yummy goodness.

"We can only get the stuffed crust if we get there early."

"Yea I know but I think I am going nuts Carls, I haven't skipped class or done anything really destructive for a month now. I have even been doing my homework."

"I know and I am so proud of you."

"Come on Carls let me off the hook momma needs some destruction all I have now is Fred-dork Gibby and Jermy to torment."

"I was wanting to talk to you about that, can you ease up on them a bit you know before Gibby needs more therapy?"

"Gibby fine he's not so bad a little different yea but he's ok. But Fredward never, and Jermy come on cupcake I can't just stop cold turkey." 'Hey cold turkey sounds good right now,' Sam thought as she looked at Carly who was pouting slightly.

"It won't be that hard look how good you are doing," Carly said as they walked to class.

"I know and it's not only killing me, it's throwing off the natural order of things or haven't you seen it yet?" Sam asked with a serous expression.

"Seen what?" Carly asked.

"Nothing, have you seen anything off?" Sam said laughing as they entered the classroom.

"Sam!"

Sam laughed again as she sat down the bell rang and class was in session. They were in their first hour math class with Mr. Tucker who was a bald ex-marine who called everyone by their last names.

"Pucket you are wanted in Principal Franklin's office."

"I didn't do it," was Sam's automatic response.

"No one said you did now go!" he retorted in his drill Sargent boom voice.

Sam looked at Carly who looked back at her with a worried expression.

"If I am not back by lunch time get me a slice of the stuffed crust," Sam said pulling out her finished math homework and giving it to Mr. Tucker on her way out.

She walked to Ted's office looking for an escape route the whole way and had plenty of opportunities, but took none of them.

'I really didn't do it this time so why am I trying to run,' she thought fighting years of self-preservation instinct.

She walked into the office walking past the secretary, who didn't bat a lash this was normal. Sam walked into Ted's office and found he wasn't alone, with him were two other people. A man in a dorky brown tweed suit and a woman in a powder blue polyester business suit that's skirt was too long to be fashionable.

"Whatever it is this time I really didn't do it Ted I have been on good behavior for a month, four hours, twenty two minuets and…" she looked at her watch, "thirty nine seconds."

"I know and I have been really impressed by that Sam, but I didn't call you in here to punish you."

"There is a first time for everything," Sam said sarcastically.

"These people are from child services and they want to ask you some things," Ted Franklin said ignoring her out burst.

"Great," Sam said rolling her eyes.

"Miss. Pucket or may I call you Samantha?" the man in tweed asked.

Call me Miss. Pucket or Samantha again and I will kick you," Sam said seeing the man's eyes widen with shock. She sighed, "just call me Sam."

"Okay then Sam would you like to talk in here or would you rather talk some where more privet."

"Look I am just going to save you some time. No one talks mean to me, no one beats me, no one touches me in wrong places, I eat well and all the time," she said pulling a piece of beef jerky from her pocket and taking a big bite from it. "My mom works a lot and is busy and a little strange but she is there when I need her and always checks on me to make sure I am ok. Is that what you wanted to know?" she asked looking at their shocked expressions.

"Well that almost has it covered but we still have to do a home inspection, an enter view with your mother and one or two more questions for you." Said the woman looking at Sam with a smile on her face.

"Ok shoot I don't mind answering questions in front of Ted here we're like old friends now right Ted," Sam said half sarcastic half seriously.

Principal Franklin palmed his face in response to this but felt touched by her words.

"As long as you are sure these next two questions are more than a little personal," the lady said looking at the two men in the room.

"I said it's not a big deal now fire the questions so I can get back to class I have enough to catch up on without you taking up my time."

"Are you sexually active?" she asked giving in to Sam's frustration.

"I haven't had sex yet, but I am seventeen and will likely be as you put it active soon if I find the right person," Sam said her face a little pink. "And just for the record I will be eighteen in about six months and will be out of your hair so if I had sex or not is really none of your damned business neither is anything else."

"For the next six months or so you are still a minor so we have to take all the necessary steps and ask all the questions when we are given a tip on a minor who may or may not be in a bad living situation." The man said standing up for his job.

"Well if I was in a bad living situation as you put it you would be a little late to get me out of it and I would have already moved out. So why don't you just ask your second question and go help someone who really needs it."

"Is their any chance of you being pregnant," the lady asked still smiling liking Sam's spunk.

Sam started laughing and laughing hard. "Well I told you I that I am a virgin but as far as I know god doesn't like me that much and the devil isn't my type so not a shot in hell am I knocked up." Sam looked over at Ted, "can I go back to class now or do I just have to leave to keep these nubs from bothering me."

"Do you have what you need to know," Ted asked looking at the two child service agents.

"We all we can get from her," the man said looking at Sam like she was lying to them.

"Go on back to class Sam," Ted said giving her a small smile.

Sam got out of the office right after the bell for lunch rang. She went to her locker and got the books for her after lunch classes and her lit homework to drop of on her way to chemistry after lunch. She waited for Carly for a little while before going to the lunchroom.

Carly went right to the lunchroom right after the bell, she hoped Sam was ok. Even leaving when she did there was still a line ahead of her so she took her place thinking the line wasn't so long that she wouldn't be able to get the two slices of stuffed crust. As the line moved slowly she started listening to the conversations around her, when she heard Jake Crandal talking to his buddy Mike her ears perked up.

"Why did you break up with her this time Jake. Hell man you can't get much better than Stephanie."

"Well to be honest she can't satisfy me. I tried man she is just a cold fish in bed and there is nothing I can do to fix that. Besides she doesn't even want to do it anymore. I think I need to dust off my old stand by.

"Yea and who would that be rosy palm and her five friends?"

"Think again man, I know for a fact that Carly Shay has had a crush on me since middle school and she isn't seeing anyone."

"Really hum now that is a hot piece of trim. But I don't think you will be getting any for a long time if you know what I mean."

"I bet you I can be in her panties by this time next week."

"That's a bet man because I don't think your that smooth and I know Carly and she is one of those squeaky clean teens."

"Fine if I win I get dibs for you playing time on the field."

"And if I win?"

"Hell I will let you have sloppy seconds," Jake said laughing.

Carly felt tears burn her eyes but they were not tears of hurt but anger well maybe she was a little hurt she had after all thought Jake was a decent guy. It was now her turn in line she grabbed the two slices of pizza and paid for them and stepped out of the lunchroom. Once she had gotten far enough away from the door she let the tears fall.

"For those of you just now clicking us on I am Carson."

"And I am Sam."

"So what did you think of this last clip Sam?"

"I think who ever keeps picking clips like these is in need of a therapist."

"Hey the last one wasn't so bad."

"You're right but do they all have to end in tears?"

"I am sure they will get better in time, but speaking of ending in tears that is all the time we have for now please tune in next time for more jokes and clips."

The screen blacks out.

From the dictionary of one Lee Lamprush

Therapist: a person who helps you but rapes your wallet just look at the spelling of the word it's self the rapist.

To all the therapist out there I don't mean that joke as a knock to you. If anything I like your work I have been to many different kinds of therapist so please note I did not mean to offend.