9.

Going home never felt as hard as it did today. She felt like with every step she took, it got harder and harder, her feet felt heavier and she wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. He could be home. Then what? Tell him what she saw yesterday? Tell him, she saw him with Heather while he told her, he was in South America, had no time to come back, was too busy to call. He lied to her, betrayed her? Could there be an excuse good enough to forget the pain? Forget what he did? Even when he didn't 'do' anything, he lied to her.

Or he wasn't there, their place was empty. And then what? Call him again? What if he didn't answer? Could she handle all the pictures in her head? Could she handle the drama playing there? Well, it played already. If he didn't answer his phone, did it mean he was back in South America? Or was he with Heather and…busy? Shouldn't she be with her patients? Or did she take a few days off, knowing he was here. Probably he had the time to call her, let her know, he was on his way. Let anybody know but the stupid wife.

Anger started to build up inside Sara's stomach. Anger, about Grissom lying to her, about herself believing him, about not going over and tell him, if he prefers to be with Heather, he should stay there and never ever come back nor call her again. Why did she walk on? Why didn't she demand answers yesterday evening? She could have all the answers she wanted and needed by now. Instead she was wondering what was going on, where she stood.

Doug. He was…it felt like they had never been apart. Like it hadn't been thirteen years since they met for the last time. He was cute, he was…oh come on, be honest to yourself, he is damn sexy! And he did everything to make her feel better. She bet he wouldn't let his wife wait for him for weeks, would tell her right away, when he had a chance to go home, stay home as long as possible.

Why did Grissom not stay in Las Vegas? It wasn't like he couldn't teach here. Vegas had a university and even when he wanted to work outside Vegas, three were plenty of places in the States to work, places, that made it easy to fly back home to see your wife. If she was important enough for you.

She opened the door to their apartment. Silence greeted her. No husband standing there, waiting for her with a plant. Or flowers. No sign of his shoes, jacket, anything else of him. It looked the way she left the place. Sara felt her heart ache. When he wasn't here last night, where was he? Heather, Heather, Heather, a voice in her ear called. He was with Heather, like yesterday when you saw him with her. Your own husband prefers not to be with you.

With fast paces she walked through the apartment, checked the kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom and balcony. Nothing. The whole place was empty.

Maybe he had been here, wondered where she was and went to the lab, to surprise her there, take her home. Or he left to get some lunch, buy a nice bottle of wine and celebrate with her later him being back home. A possibility. Or an excuse she made up for him why he wasn't here and for herself so she didn't have to face, what was more likely. He wasn't here because he was with Heather.

Again she checked her cell phone. No missed phone call, no message, nothing. It was like the screen, that showed her nothing else than the time and date, laughed at her. Laughed because she was a fool and believed a long distance relationship could work out. A fool, who believed she was made for a relationship, that could last forever. A fool, who believed, she deserved to be loved by a man, be the only one for her. History showed her, she had an unlucky hand for men, who cheated on her. It started in high school when she saw her boyfriend kissing a cheerleader, going over to college, where she found the underwear of another woman in her boyfriend's room, to Hank, who used her to cheat on her girlfriend. They had betrayed her all the time. Again and again. Instead of learning, she made the same mistakes all over again, naive enough to believe, this time everything was different. It would never be different.

No, that wasn't right. There was somebody, who didn't betray her, didn't cheat on her and never let her down. Doug. Was this his mistake? Was it the reason why Sara and he split? Was she afraid to find somebody, who was faithful, who cared for her and needed her, just as much as she needed him. Until yesterday she thought Grissom was this man, but…he showed so less interest in her the last months, didn't try to come back home as much as possible. And now she found him with Heather in Vegas, when he told her, he was in South America.

How often had he told her he was at work, too busy to come back home, when was with Heather? Was their marriage build on a lie? Didn't he go to Heather while they were engaged? Or just broke off because she told him in a video, she was fine and accepted his decision about not making a decision. Back then he didn't think their relationship was more important than work. He stayed in Vegas, knowing how much she needed him, stayed, even when the job had tired him out too.

The more she thought about it, the more she remembered how lost she had been with him. What happened to all the good memories? They seemed to fade away, slowly, like the last snow on a warm spring day. Was their marriage nothing else than a memory in her mind? A memory of better days. Days they spent together. Like in Paris. France had been a great time for their relationship. Sara wasn't happy with her work situation, as she stayed at home all the time, but they had each other, saw each other every day.

Should she give up Las Vegas and go with him to South America? Travel with him to various places, learn interesting things about culture. Most important, have a real marriage life again. And not a…a situation, in that her husband seemed to spend his past time with another woman, lied to her about his whereabouts and…whereabouts. This sounded like she talked about a criminal and not her husband.

She looked at the picture of them, taken in Peru four years ago. After their wedding. A happy time, both of them enjoyed South America. Was it the answer of their problems? South America, their new home? Or was she looking for a way to get something back, they had lost a long time ago? Was would be different in South America when she go there now? It didn't change about Grissom not telling her where he was, what he did. Didn't change the fact, her husband lied when he told her, he was in South America and busy. He was in Vegas and…kind of busy with another woman.

Heather…there had been something between them all the time. Sara remembered when she was with Cath at a scene and the other woman told her about Heather and Grissom. The only woman that ever rattle Grissom. A special women, he spent more than one night at her place and never broke the contact to her. He bent rules, overstepped lines for her. Was it all because they were friends or were they friends with benefits?

Sara got up, walked to the cupboard, opened it and looked inside. A bottle of whiskey, various beer bottles. No help, no solution, but a way to cope. Not the right way, she was aware of it, but it was so tempting, just grab a bottle and drink your thoughts and problems away…and end up where you've been a few years ago.

Another look at the bar, the whiskey was good, she knew. Only one glass and her world would look better. Happier. It could make her life happier, or at least take away the pain and sorrow for a little while.

She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number.

"I guess I could need some ice cream." Was all she said when the phone was picked up. Ice cream was a better option than whiskey. At least she hoped it could help her.