Chapter II „Chained to the Past"

Tessa had seen those gleaming yellow eyes in the dark and had screamed automatically. Whatever this had been, it had vanished. Nevertheless, she was angry at herself for acting like a stupid fuck-ass. She cursed and tried to stand up again when the light cone of a flashlight broke through the bushes. A ranger on his patrol? Tessa grabbed her knife firmly, just to be on the safe side. And yes, the freak showing up a moment later behind the flashlight looked as if caution was of the essence! Exactly like the maniacs in some horror movies, whose hobby was to kill lost people or torture them in their psycho homes! She had always thought this to be a silly movie joke, knowing quite more dangerous neat looking people. However…this one…

„Stay away from me!" she shouted, raising her knife. „I slice your balls, believe me! Stay the fuck away!"

Despite his ragged appearance, he turned out to be fast and strong. Before Tessa could react in any way, he lunged forward, snatched her blade, and threw it far away into the darkness. She began kicking and scratching with all her strength and even crying for help now.

„Don't cry. Hold still." His voice sounded raspy as if he had not used his speech for a while. „You got lost?"

She didn't trust him a bit. Ready to kick and scratch again, if his hands moved a little further down just by chance, she observed him very closely.

„Can you walk?"

Tessa shook her head, not wanting to talk to this freak more than necessary. The next moment, she regretted her 'answer', because he lifted her up over his shoulder like a bag. Despite her defenses, he only let her down inside this near-crumbling, rotten psycho home.

All her senses highly alert, she watched her surroundings. This guy seemed to live alone here (well, no more morons, with chainsaws, perhaps, uh?) and this house was in a miserable condition. At least, it didn't stink after booze like her old home! Would he report her to the authorities? So far she hadn't seen any telephone yet. In thinking about that, the girl discerned she hadn't seen any electricity at all. The oldtimer fridge in the corner ran on propane; the big bottle was visible behind. Was he some sort of eco-freak? Some books were on a shelf. So he could read, aha.

„You have to get this boot from your feet." The voice let her attention swing back. The strange man knelt in front of her and reached for her leg.

„Just stay away!"

„You will get problems and more pain, otherwise."

„Not your business, gramps! Do you have a phone?"

„No." He had grabbed her leg, nonetheless, and with a single effort, ripped the boot apart.

„Ey, man! Fuck you! Cost me 30 bucks!" Tessa cried and tried to hit him. She didn't reach him, because he was already up again and searched for something in the drawers. She looked down at her foot. Yep, not well…shit! At least, he can't report me to the authorities, when he has no phone… I just have to get something usable as a weapon again! But in a house like this, it should not be hard to find something!

„You were in a tourist group?" he asked, coming back with cold water and a bandage.

„Yes," she lied. „With my friends. From Montana." The further, the better.

„How old are you?"

„16." She knew she looked rather mature, and she had her dark make-up, as usual. And don't even think about making a pass on me, freak, I warn you!

He applied some sort of bandage around her ankle - what felt not too bad - then left the room. Tessa heard him bustling around and took the chance to have a quick look in the nearest drawers.

All sorts of junk, but so far, nothing similar to a knife or at least a tool with sharp edges. Crap! She heard his steps and shut the last drawer, trying to look harmless, when he entered again.

=== Later ===

The man sat down on his cracking bed and tried to think about the situation. This girl… What should he do with her? People would search for her. If she was missing since yesterday morning, rangers could appear in the proximity very soon. And police. With sniffer dogs. He shivered and folded the arms around his body – his only blanket was down in the kitchen, covering his 'guest'. Police… Suddenly he felt as cold as sitting in wintertime wrapped in snow. Even his blood seemed to run slow and freeze.

They would find him.

They would take him back.

To this damned clinic, where they filled all sorts of medication into him, finally put him into restraints. They couldn't kill the devil inside him…

…Redemption… was this how felt redemption? He kissed the tears from her face, kissed her hands, her wrists – no cuffs, no bracelets, no demons whispering in his mind.

Redemption… So close. Lust went up like a flame. Burning to ashes everything. Even the devil and his hell?

"I want you, I want you so much..." Breath hot like fire. Where was the lurking devil? "Hold me, and never let me go..."

They rolled over, until she was sitting on top of him, a naked, beautiful angel of redemption, whispering his name…

A windswept pushed open the little window and blew rain into the room, dragging him back to reality. The girl down in the kitchen. What should he do with her? She did not seem too eager to getting connected with relatives or friends. She had asked for a phone, yes, but when he told her there was none, she had simply accepted it. Weird. Perhaps he should take her to the next village? But this was a day's walk; she could not walk and he could not carry her the whole time. And then… she would probably chat about her whereabouts, about him… He moaned and pressed his hands against his temples, in the vain attempt to get rid of the memories.

They would find him and take him back…

The white walls of his security cell at Porterville were closing in again, cold and lifeless.

We are here to help you. Do you understand?" The voices behind the window grid sounded soothing, but it was a false, unemotional intonation, nothing real, nothing really caring.

Where is she?" He lunged to the door and slammed his fists against it. „I have not killed her… please say I have not killed her…"

But the blood, the blood on her naked body. The angel with broken, lifeless wings...

"Leave me alone! O God, leave me alone!" He cowered down, curled up like a baby and cried.

It was dark and it was silent again in the old house. Somewhere, a faint tripling was to hear, mice probably. Tessa cowered in a corner, the woolen blanket this guy had given her wrapped around her body. He had given her something to eat as well – okay, cornflakes with water and corned beef wasn't that a meal. However, she wasn't picky about that. Normally, she ate everything; this was essential for surviving on the street and in some foster homes, too. He hadn't made any effort to inform the authorities so far. This could be a good or a bad sign, the girl calculated. Either he was not interested in what would happen to her, or he was all too interested and did not want anyone to interfere with some nasty plans… I have to find something to hit over his head, at least, Tessa thought, or some sharp or heavy tool… dammit, in a place like this there HAS to be such stuff!

She listened into the unfamiliar silence and suppressed a yawn. She was dog-tired but did not want the opportunity to pass. She stood up cautiously and hobbled over to the sideboard.

Fuck! The drawer made an awful noise when she opened the first! I have seen shitty places, but this hut is ready to fall any minute! How can someone live here? Surely not for a good cause…

She dug through various items. Wah, looks like found on the sunken Titanic, man! What a junk! No knives at all! Perhaps he had them stored elsewhere, more at the ready?

She stopped searching, froze. There had been a sound from above, where the freak had left after 'dinner'. Tessa felt a shiver run down her back. As quietly as she could, she closed the drawer and let herself drop down on the floor. On all fours, she crawled back to her supposed 'sleeping place' and watched the staircase. In case, I grab one of the chairs and smash it over his head. Nevertheless, it stayed silent from now on. And despite all her efforts, Tessa fell asleep.

She was startled early in the morning by a voice and two hands grabbing her shoulders.

"I did not do anything! I DID NOT DO ANYTHING!"

Frightened, she stared into the haunted eyes of the stranger. A moment passed until she could put her tongue into action. „Ok. Ok, man! I hear you!" She tried to get free, and to her surprise, he loosened his grip. Hastily, she drew back and brought the table between them. „Calm down, ok?" What a psycho is that, for fucks sake? "Don't know what you're talking about, but I got the message! … You didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. Everything is fine. - Ok?"

Slowly he got up, looked around, as if seeing this cabin for the first time. „I'm… sorry… had a… a dream. Have no medication... anymore..."

Tessa didn't move, just watched, still alert. He was half-naked, and therefore she could see the scars on his stomach. Someone must have stabbed or shot him. Was he one of the soldiers coming back psyched from the war in Iraq or Afghanistan? Well, not my concern. As long as he leaves me alone!

He scuffled to the sink and dumped a pot of water over his head. Then he turned around again. „My name is Stephan."

She shrugged. Did she ask for his fucking name?

„And you are?"

„Muriel," she answered, not judging her real name was something he should know. It was always better to keep as much information inside as possible, she had made this discovery! Every word could turn against you! Everyone was her enemy.

„Do you think… your folks worry about you?" He asked now.

Tessa shrugged again, then added quickly: „I'm rather independent. Was on a trip alone." Then she remembered she had told being on a hike with her FRIENDS and cursed silently. „Have you… uhm… informed the police to pick me up?"

„I said I have no phone. – How is your foot?"

„Better." I think I can go tomorrow, but I bet you won't let me, eh?

They observed each other for a long moment, but he simply dropped the subject, slipped into a shirt hanging next to the door, and started to make breakfast. Tessa watched carefully and hoped to get a glimpse of a knife anywhere. None, shit! Really none! She rolled her eyes. Until now, this psycho hadn't chained her to the wall or something similar; however, he might just not have been in the right mood… And she was not eager to find out about his 'mood'! As soon as he left the house – hopefully, he WOULD leave the house at all! – she would try to escape. With a little luck, she stumbled into the arms of backpackers and was safe! She did not want to wait for a search party organized by the supervisor of the children's home! Oh no!

He placed a dish with rusks and two fried sausages in front of her. The water kettle was boiling, and a moment later, a coffee mug stood there as well. Tessa was very hungry and decided to eat – while she still could. And hey, it did taste good. „Thanks," she managed, already chewing.

He did not eat, though, but stared at her, the rusk in his hand. „You look … strange."

I don't go for talking, man! Don't try it!

„Thought first you were a boy."

Tessa froze when he touched her eyebrows with the piercings. Despite all her silent preparations for the worst scenario; now she felt shaky and sick. The crumbs got stuck in her throat and she clenched her teeth.

„Why are you doing this?"

„What?" she managed with effort and finally could swallow.

„Hurting yourself?" His hand moved away.

„It does not hurt." Man, where have you been the last 15 years? "A girl at the shelter used to cut herself. I don't do shit like that. If someone tries to hurt me, I'll cut HIM." Did he get the message? She could not tell, as he sat there again, staring into nowhere. But she realized, that she just had told him she had been living in a youth shelter, fuck!

While going out for the 'toilet', Tessa finally found something useable as a weapon: a rusty hook with a sharp pointed end. She hid it under her jacket and walked back inside. How would it feel if she had to kill, she mused. She knew two guys from the youth shelter; one of them had iced a man during a gas-station robbery. The other had played around with his father's gun and accidentally shot a neighbor.

The day crept forward. It started raining and then a heavy thunderstorm came up, too. Tessa's hopes this psycho would leave the house so she could escape, literally went down the drain. Tourists wouldn't show up in the area either, nor a helicopter of a search party. She sighed in frustration and apprehension. This 'Stephan'-pal (he pronounced his name that weird; it sounded totally creepy like he was himself) sat at the table since breakfast. He was obviously deep in some writing stuff but ended up tearing every second page. The little paper balls filled the space around his chair.

Out of boredom, Tessa went to the bookshelf and browsed through the material. Nothing that could ignite her interest! Hemingway, Mailor, Mitchener, Keaton – all boring gramp's shit! Only the last book made the girl curious. For once, because it was written by her fuck-ass of a father, Nelson Keece. The second, because it looked quite worn out as if read a hundred times. Every page was filled with small notes, some pages were torn out. 'Through the eyes of a killer', she could discern on the shabby cover.

Typical! She thought. He couldn't bring order in his own life, but had to squabble about other's crap…

"Put this one back!" She heard the voice of Stephan from behind.

"It's your favorite, uh?"

He practically snatched the book out of her hands. „It's the only one I have."

"Okay, okay, man! Didn't want to steal it!"

He seemed not to have heard her words. „All I have left…" he whispered and rested there, caressing the book in his hands, without moving.

…"What do you feel when you finish a life?"

"I don't know… power... perhaps… the power of a God." The voices from the past echoed through his head, and he answered them in his mind:

You understood nothing! What does a God want? To destroy? Maybe… they laughed at me… I could not endure seeing that… Redemption? But how can a God redeem himself? Tell me!

Stephan turned towards Tessa, but it was not her he saw. Only a series of blurred images, smiling, beautiful faces… No. Faces full of fear, tears… Death and ecstasy... The book fell to the ground. He had grabbed Tessa's arm. She fumbled after the hook under her jacket. It seemed an eternity to get there. Her thoughts could not reach her muscles, it seemed. She was cold and shaky. Her heart hammered. The metal was unnaturally warm. Her fingers closed around it. Now, do it NOW! In his eye!

„You don't wear a bracelet."

She blinked. Nothing happened, you stupid chick!

„Yes." What does he want from me? No bracelet? Is this a good or a bad sign? "I had an awesome one with spikes," she answered a little uncertain, not wanting to provoke anything. „Some shit-face at the shelter stole it!"

„That's good!" He suddenly smiled like a little boy. Tessa thought, even a search party bringing her back to the shelter wouldn't be that bad, if she only came out of here!

„Promise me you will never wear one, okay?"

If this makes you happy… She shrugged and still fought to find back to her usual composure. „Okay, man! I promise!"

„This is serious! Promise me, Muriel!" He looked as if she had threatened to jump off a cliff any second.

„Yes." Real psyched! "I swear, okay?"

He nodded.

For a moment, there was silence, only the dripping rain and the storm could be heard. Then he said: „You look freezing. I'm going to make a fire!" He picked the book from the ground, put it back on the shelf, and seemed a completely normal guy on an outdoor trip. Some minutes later, they sat in front of the fireplace.