AN: You guys have been so good about reviewing, I'm trying to be good about posting when I can be. Hope you're all doing well. Thanks again for your comments, beyond appreciated.
Take care and enjoy.
CHAPTER 12
SARA POV
Looking over at Nancy resting on the porch swing, I turn my attention back to the rising sun.
Shaking my head, I would laugh at the fact that Nancy, who insisted on sticking around until I 'sobered up' is now asleep except for the fact that there isn't really much left to laugh about in my life.
Nancy's exhaustion, for one thing, is probably related to the fact that I slept around on her sister, causing her life to essentially implode around her. I know Nancy has probably been doing all she can to take care of Catherine right now, and for that I feel more than indebted to her.
She's taking up the role that I can no longer fill, the role that I swore I would always play in Catherine's life. But, after those pictures, after the events depicted in those pictures, I doubt I will ever be in Catherine's life like that again.
And, to be honest, as much as it hurts, I'm glad that Catherine is strong enough of a person to have made that decision. She deserves better than someone who would betray her, who would hurt her in such a heartless way.
Sighing, I run my hand through my hair when I come to a realization.
With all the drama over the content of those photos, very little thought has gone into the fact that there actually are photos.
Who the hell was there watching me that night?
It all seems a bit convenient that the one night I don't remember much of anything is the same night I cheat on the woman that I love and there are pictures to mark the occasion.
Sitting up straight, I push my emotions aside and begin to truly think about the situation.
Catherine may have said she 'loved' me and that she wants to move on, but the realization of what my life is like without her in it has pretty much scared the shit out of me.
Living alone in this house that we used to share together is damn near killing me.
If I'm going to accept this hell for the rest of my life, I'm darn well going to understand what damned me into it.
Standing up and waiting for the world to stop spinning, I conclude that I need those pictures.
I need to find that woman if I want to get answers.
If I cheated willingly, fine. At least I'll know. But, I can't help feeling like there is something I am missing.
Knowing that Nancy is the last one who had them and that she most likely would never keep them in her house where Catherine is also staying, I glance towards her Civic in the driveway.
One look at Nancy, still fast asleep, I make my way to her car in search of what I know I will find inside.
NANCY POV
"Nancy?"
Hearing my name I inwardly groan. This is exactly what I was hoping to avoid.
Putting a smile on my face, I turn to meet the questioning gaze of my sister.
"Hey, Cath! I was just looking for you…"
Raising a brow, Catherine steps closer. "You're still a terrible liar. What are you doing here?" she asks, gesturing to the lab around us.
I glare, "I'm actually a great liar, thank you."
My sister's look only grows more dubious.
"Jimmy Bijack. Third grade. He broke up with you because we made out with each other in the tree house after school. Our elicit love affair went on for two weeks," I tell her bluntly.
Catherine's eyes grow a bit wide, and then she bursts out laughing.
"Seriously? Alright, I stand corrected. And all this time I thought it was because of that slutty Ashley Hinkle everyone was all ga-ga about."
"Yeah, well," I shrug.
Looking at me knowingly, Catherine sends me her best big sister look, "So are you still sticking to the story that you came here to see me then?"
I laugh, realizing my attempt at deception is a lost cause right now despite my past skill.
"No, it's just an added perk."
Shaking her head, Catherine finally catches sight of the envelope in my hands, an envelope that she no doubt remembers.
And will remember for the rest of her life.
"You're here to see Sara," she states, her tone hard to read.
I sigh, getting serious.
"Yes, I am." Taking a breath, I can't help but feel very guilty in this moment. "I'm sorry, Cath, I can leave…"
Shaking her head and putting on a smile that could perhaps fool someone who didn't know her better, she reaches out to place her hand on my arm.
"No, Nancy. Go see Sara. You two are friends, things shouldn't change between you two just because they changed between me and her."
I look at her in confusion, "Do you honestly think that what happened changed nothing between me and Sara? We've barely spoken since that day. A couple conversations, and confrontations, here and there. But no, Catherine, we aren't friends the way we used to be."
She looks at me, waiting for me to continue.
"I can't hate her, though, Cath. Part of me wants to for what she did to you, but I can't. Not after…" I trail off, knowing that she understands my unspoken words.
"I know," she says.
I nod, hoping that someday this will all be less awkward. That me talking to Sara won't feel like I'm sneaking off with Jimmy Bijack again.
"Look," she says, letting out a breath, "I want you two to stay friends." Her gaze grows serious, "She's good for you, Nancy."
Furrowing my brows, I don't get what she means. "Good for me?"
Her eyes become gentle, "Yeah, good for you. She's helped you with everything that went on with Chris. She can understand things that happened that day for you that I'll never be able to. Sara, for better or worse, understands pain and darkness in ways that I probably never can. She's good for you, Nancy," she repeats. "She's someone that you need to keep in your life as someone to talk to when you can't talk to me."
I close my eyes. "Catherine…"
"No," she interrupts me gently, "this isn't self pity. Sara is a lot of things, and she hurt me in a lot of ways, but she cares about you, Nance."
I shake my head, "But I'm fine, Catherine, I really am."
She shakes her own head, stepping closer and putting her hands softly on my shoulders. "No, you're not."
I don't say anything, and she pulls me into a hug.
"You try so hard to be, but you're not," she whispers into my hair.
Pulling me back at arms length, she silently wipes the tears from both our eyes. "And the reason I know you aren't is because of Sara. You had me fooled, you really did. But you couldn't fool her."
Looking at her in confusion, she clarifies. "She's kept me updated about you ever since that day in the desert. She never shared a lot, and nothing private that the two of you talk about, but she would let me know the basics of whether you were alright or not. She told me a couple weeks ago, before all of this happened, that she thought you were having trouble sleeping again."
Looking at Catherine, I don't know what to say.
Smiling at me, Catherine laughs knowingly. "Sara is a damn pain in the ass when it comes to reading people."
I can't help but laugh myself, "She definitely is. I had no idea that she knew…"
Catherine remains smiling, but her smile falters a bit, "Sara's not a person you can keep secrets from very well. It's a bit unfair that she is so damn good at keeping her own."
I nod sympathetically, but Catherine has shaken herself out of the moment before I can say anything.
"So, no, Nancy, I don't want you and Sara to cut each other out of your lives. You have to forge whatever relationship you guys feel comfortable with at this point, but just know that I support whatever that ends up being," she says seriously. "Don't feel like you need to end things with her because of me."
I nod, wishing I had any sort of clue where I even want to go with my relationship with Sara right now. Especially in light of the conversation I came here to have with her. A conversation that might end up proving our undoing.
"I love you," I tell my sister simply, knowing there is nothing else that covers what I feel.
She smiles at me, "Love you, too."
"Sidle."
Finally, Sara's eyes snap up and meet mine.
"Nancy?" she questions, obviously confused by my sudden presence in her lab. "Or should I be referring to you as 'Flynn' now?" she adds as an afterthought.
I shake my head, "Sorry, you weren't answering to Sara."
Nodding, Sara looks me over.
"Everything okay?" she asks with concern, likely wondering what I am doing here.
"Yeah. I came to bring you this," I tell her, tossing the empty envelope onto the table. "Thought you might as well take it, too."
She doesn't comment, leaving the envelope where it lays.
"You really thought I wouldn't notice them missing?" I ask. "Why you want them though, is beyond me. Unless of course it's to relive the fond memories."
Jaw clenching, Sara's eyes flash with hurt at my words.
Part of me feels bad for the unnecessary comment. Part of me doesn't.
"I want to know what the hell happened that night, Nancy," she says evenly, trying to keep her own emotions in check. "That woman in those pictures is my best shot."
Shaking my head, I rub my temples.
"I'm not mad about the fucking pictures, Sara," I get out.
Meeting her eyes, I clench my jaw. "I'm mad about this."
Without a word, I reach over and place a prescription pill bottle heavily on the layout table between us.
Stiffening, Sara's eyes jerk up to mine.
"Nancy?"
I only continue to stare at her in response.
"What are you doing? What is this?"
"You're not the only one who can snoop around and take things that don't belong to you," I tell her simply.
Finally breaking her position, she moves the pill bottle to the seat next to her.
Out of sight.
"I took the pictures from your car, so you went through my stuff?" she asks, eyes glancing down next to her before coming back up to my own.
"Actually," I counter, "someone didn't check their pockets very well before they gave me their sweatshirt."
Eyes narrowing in confusion, Sara suddenly realizes what I'm talking about. When I fell asleep on her porch yesterday, Sara had draped her sweatshirt over me to keep me warm.
Her kindness was also her mistake.
"That's why you wouldn't give me answers before, why you don't remember anything from that night. It wasn't just alcohol, it was drugs."
I shake my head.
"And it wasn't someone else's drugs, it was your own fucking drugs."
Sara doesn't comment, but at this point she doesn't really have to, confirmation of what I'm accusing her of is written all over her face.
"You looked me in the eye, Sara, and you promised me you wouldn't ever use again."
She remains silent, but at least she has the decency to look away in guilt before dragging her eyes back to mine.
"Did you use that night you slept with that woman?" I ask, needing to hear her say the answer aloud.
"Yes," she gets out, hands clenching her pen so tightly I wonder how it hasn't snapped in half already.
"And have you used since?" I question, dreading the answer that I somehow already know she will give.
"Yes," she answers quietly, her voice strained.
Shaking my head, my eyes meet hers sadly.
"I think that's all I really need to know," I tell her sincerely.
Getting to her feet, she keeps her eyes on mine.
"Nancy…this stays between us."
"No, Sara," I counter immediately. "If you get to go telling Catherine that I'm not alright, that I'm not sleeping at night, I certainly get to tell her you're relapsing into an old drug habit."
Sara shakes her head, her eyes dark.
"I won't apologize for looking out for you," she says honestly.
"It's not the looking out for me that bothers me, Sara. It's the hypocrisy," I tell her sternly, my tone betraying my anger.
Sara lets out a breath, "She's your sister, Nancy. She has the right to know about concerns I have regarding your wellbeing. Me and her are…" she falters, shaking her head. "I don't know what we are. But we aren't in each other's lives the way we were before. She isn't the one that gets told about stuff like that anymore."
"She still cares about your wellbeing," I tell her honestly.
"And I will always care about hers," she replies without hesitation. "But, Nancy, it isn't something that she needs to know. Not anymore."
I scoff, "That's really nice of you, Sara."
Shaking her head , her dark features are stark against the fluorescent lighting.
"What's nice, Nancy, is not dumping something like this on her," she tells me, her tone indicating she's not backing down. "Not after what I did. You know your sister, she'll worry. I have no intentions of making her worry about anything, especially not about me. And certainly not about something as trivial as this."
"Trivial?" I scoff, advancing closer to her. "You're an addict, Sara, who just relapsed into using again. That is not trivial."
Sara sends me a warning look, "Don't."
I lower my voice to a tone I barely use. "Too late."
"You're making accusations you know nothing about," she states in a tone matching mine. "I'm not addicted. It's a choice, one I've always had full control over."
"Yeah, well, you lied to me before, Sara. So don't mind me if I'm having a hard time believing you now," I bite back. "In fact, I'm getting the distinct feeling that you lie a whole hell of a lot more than you let on."
Eyes blazing, she takes a step away from me, clearly done with this conversation.
"Fuck you, Nancy."
Immediately, I take a step forward to match her step back.
Reaching out, I grab the bottle of pills.
Closing the remaining distance between us, I slam the bottle into her chest, forcing her to step away as she grabs a hold of it.
"No, Sara. Fuck you."
Without another word, I swiftly exit the lab, too furious to see anything but red and knowing it's in my best interest to get the hell out of there before I say something I can't take back.
CATHERINE POV
"No, Sara. Fuck you."
I hear my sister's words practically being spat at their intended target. Rounding the corner, I see her storm out of Sara's lab and promptly make her way down the hall and out the door, pushing the glass barricade open with all her might.
Raising a brow, I step cautiously into Sara's lab where the brunette is standing stock still with her back to me.
Silently watching, I see Sara take one breath after another in an attempt to calm herself down.
Placing something into her jeans pocket, she runs her other hand through her hair.
"Damn it," she mutters, her anger and frustration emanating off of her in waves.
"Everything okay?" I cautiously ask, stepping just far enough into the room so that I am no longer standing in the doorway.
I clearly startle her as she jerks around to face me.
Taking another calming breath, she attempts to appear normal. "Hey. Yeah. Everything's fine."
I shake my head and can't help but laugh.
"Well, judging from the way my sister just stormed out of here, I would have to disagree with you on that one," I tell her. "Last time she did that to me we didn't talk for weeks."
Sara nods, no doubt remembering the time that Nancy stormed out of our house and told us to leave her and Chris the hell alone.
"Look, Sara," I start, "I'm going to tell you what I told her. I don't want you guys to stop being friends because of what happened between me and you."
Looking at me carefully, Sara assesses the honesty of my statement. I assume she sees that I am being genuine when she responds with an, "Okay."
When Sara starts looking around the room at anything but me, it becomes clear that she is not planning on saying anything else about the matter.
"Care to tell me what you two were arguing about? Seemed pretty serious…"
Sara looks conflicted, clearly feeling obligated to avoid hurting me any further than she already has, but unsure of how to politely decline talking about what happened without doing just that.
Raising my hands, I give her an out. "No, it's fine. It's between you and her. I shouldn't have asked."
"Catherine…" she starts.
"No, Sara. You don't owe me anything."
I sigh, waiting for her eyes to meet mine.
When they finally do, I let my guard down and speak to her simply as one human being to another.
"Promise me you will keep looking out for her. Just because me and you…" I trail off. "Please, Sara, just promise me you will tell me if there is ever anything you feel I should know."
I am being vague, but I know she understands exactly what I mean.
"I promise," she says without hesitation.
Nodding, I turn to step out of the room.
"Catherine?" Sara's voice calls me back.
When I face her, her expression is serious. "Who's looking out for you?"
Furrowing my brows, I don't get what she means.
Taking a hesitant step closer, she clarifies.
"You asked me to look out for Nancy. Who's looking out for you?"
I send her a smile that I know likely looks more pained than cheerful despite my best efforts.
"The same person that's always looked out for me," I tell her, letting her know that I am fully aware of the fact that she still cares about me, still looks out for me, despite everything.
And most of all, I want her to know that I'm alright with her still caring.
AN: Oh uh. Does Nancy tell? Should Nancy tell? I guess we'll see… Thanks for reading.
