Chapter IV: „Redemption's Ecstasy"

==== Later the same day ===

Tessa had a nasty headache and a hollow feeling inside. When she turned her head, she discovered Stephan sitting on the old water canister next to her. And she was lying on the bed. Has he done anything to me, she wondered, and felt again like throwing up. „What happened?"

„You have an allergy against the acid combination in green pepper – I suppose. Didn't you know that?"

„Green pepper? Maybe… I remember one of the docs at one of the children's homes said something about a diet to my supervisor. Didn't pay attention to all the fucking stuff…"

For a moment, there was silence. He watched her, and she felt that uncomfortable, she closed her eyes again. Having been 'out' this way while he was around the whole time, she found very disturbing.

Stephan's voice startled her: „You lied to me. Why?"

The girl answered with a pissed-off-look, not sure what he meant and how to react.

„You lied about your name and your age."

„So what?" At least, she wanted to sound strong, even though her heart was racing again, seeing his expression.

„Tell me about your parents, Tessa Keece."

„You motherfucker searched my stuff!"

„I tried to find any medicine! – Tell me about your parents. Nelson Keece is your father, right?"

She hated it when people spoke to her that way. She wanted nobody who ordered her around like on trial! „Why the fuck do you wanna know?"

Stephan bent down over her and placed his hands right and left to her head. He was at the edge after the pondering of the last hours, which had confined him to an emotional roller coaster.

„Is he?" he repeated between anger and excitement.

„Yes." Tessa felt a cold sweat of fear break out. What did this psycho want with her parents? If he was out for ransom… well, he could forget it! „But I don't remember him well…" she started cautiously. „I was in foster homes and shelters since I was seven or so. Saw him the last time five years ago, when he made a fuzz at the jail and said he couldn't take responsibility for me. Asshole. He didn't even ask me anything! Just stared at me as if I was… something… disgusting, he wanted to get rid of." Yes, she remembered well this last time she crossed Nelson's way. This day, the last feelings she had for her father, withered and crumbled into dust. „I don't know where he is now; if he is in detox or in jail. And I don't the fuck care!"

„And your mother?" He barely dared to ask. He felt like choking at the words. „What's her name?" A part of him did not really want to hear what this girl would say. However, another part was greedy to get the truth.

„Juliet," the girl answered, more troubled.

Stephan felt shot up the roller coaster; left suspended in a nearly intoxicated state of exhilaration. He laughed. „Juliet?!" He almost pulled the girl up and embraced her.

„You know my Mom?"

„Tell me about her," he ordered instead of an answer.

„She was… nice… I remember sitting in the garden with her and blowing dandelions…"

„What happened to her?" Stephan found it more and more difficult to keep his anxiety and excitement down.

„Don't know, man! Perhaps she was sick, perhaps it was drugs or booze. There was fighting between her and Dad, for as long as I can remember. One day, she just did not talk anymore; she simply sat on the chair and cried. She got some psycho medics, have no clue. Finally, she was brought into a clinic…"

The words gathered a burning ire against Nelson Keece, once again. I KNEW he was not worthy to have you! He NEVER understood anything! „Which clinic?" he asked out of breath.

„Last time I heard from her, it was the…Halcox-Jayson… or Jameson-Hospital, in Fresno. I really don't remember! She never wrote to me or anything else… - Hey, what's the matter with you?"

Stephan had leaned back and pressed the hand against his head. The information - the wonderful information - was nearly too much to handle. It was like a light blinding him in its brightness. „I have to see her," he whispered, and tears ran down his face.

„The whole way up to Fresno? It's over 100 miles! How do you suggest getting there?" Ok, maybe I shouldn't shout at him like that. She bit her lip.

„By car," Stephan answered, surprisingly calm suddenly. „I take all the money I have left; it should be enough for an old used one. And we'll manage the way down to the village by feet. We go tomorrow when you feel well enough."

„What? We?" No one said something about leaving TOGETHER! And I certainly don't wanna go further up north in this shit weather! But perhaps she could escape easier, once in the village? „Look, man. Uhm… Stephan. I'm no idiot; I can imagine some things, you know? Okay. You and my Mom had a fling, right? You screwed some things up, got in a clinch with my father – the usual thing. You're hiding because you have the police on your tracks. You don't wanna end up in jail – and I don't wanna go back to the children's home. So… let's cut a deal! I don't tell anyone about you – and you don't tell anyone about me. – That's it." She made a sweeping gesture. „Once we're in the village, we part ways. I'll go down to Mexico and you can do whatever you plan."

„Mexico? What are you going to do there?"

„Rob a bank? It's not your fucking business."

=== Later ===

Stephan stared out through the window in the night. His adrenaline level was far too high to sleep; even if in reality he was very tired. "I did not kill her. She is alive. She is ALIVE!" He marched on and off, not knowing how late it already was and hoping it would be morning soon, so they could hit the road. Then, he sat down again, hauled back into his memories.

His fingers wandered over her cheek and down her neck. "Juliet, I love you…" He kissed her deeper and sensed her body welcoming him, even though her mind was still full of fear.

"This is wrong. You know it is wrong", she said. "Please, go."

He had drowned far too deep in the ocean of his desire already. "Why?" he breathed into her ear. How could it be wrong, Juliet, my angel…"

"I'm married."

"But you don't want him. You want me… Since we first met. Think of what we had before Nelson destroyed everything." His lips moved down to her breast and her fingers caressed through his hair.

"I think of it. And I'm afraid... of myself..."

"Don't be. I love you... and you will save me from hell..." Her resistance broke and he felt her embracing him. This was, how redemption would feel, and he was that close! He started to undress her. "It will be our paradise... for us, only for us."

She bowed down, her hair falling over his head and shoulders like a shroud to keep a holy secret. „Stephan…" she whispered, while he kissed the tiny pearls of sweat from her body. Caressing and demanding, their hands explored each other and the engulfing labyrinth of passion. Finally, they broke through the barrier of ecstasy together, and their cries of relief mixed…

He remembered every minute of their love very clearly, as if it had been only some hours away. His memory failed some other day when the police broke through the door. As desperately as he had tried it, his mind only produced chaotic shards after that. Blood, Cries, Shots. And all those years, the phantom he might have murdered Juliet just like all the other women before; because it was his nature because the devil took over again – all those years this phantom had haunted him and driven him mad. Until today!

„But I did not kill her! She gave birth to Tessa nine months later!"

While Stephan shouted this out into the night, another thought hit him and left pure shock. She could as well be my child… Hands put on the ledge, he stared into the darkness of the forest, but in reality deep down in himself. Tessa… The time of her birthday was just right. And her allergy! What did the medic say when they had discovered this weird intolerance in HIS case first? It's a rare thing; there are only some dozen people in the whole world having this problem, as far as I know. You're lucky we have figured it out at all… How big was the chance this girl had ACCIDENTALLY the same allergy? And lived in California like he did, and was Juliet's daughter?

I can't let her go to Mexico. I can't leave her. I must ... I must take care of her. But how? What could I do. What am I supposed to do? He wandered around. Without knowing why, he had taken Nelson's book out of the shelf again and browsed through it, even though he knew everything by heart.

…'A killer of this kind' he read …will murder because it is in his nature. Not driven by any thought of revenge or out of a momentous rage. Like other people's nature is to love, to reproduce – it is engendered in the killer's body and soul to bring death. It is his reason to live. It was this man's reason to live. His source of joy and satisfaction… The words Nelson Keece had used to describe his 'object of study'.

„You were wrong!" Stephan murmured, sensing anger mixed with exaltation. „I can feel love, I can give love, like anyone else! I don't let anyone take this away from me!"

He arrived at the inside of the book's cover. The last two pages, where Nelson had written about their last encounter and how he supposedly had killed him, were torn out. And the cover was filled with the same lines over and over again: 'I love you, Juliet' and 'Forgive me, Juliet'. He stood there and stared at the words for a sensed eternity. What had happened this day when they saw each other for the last time, over a year after the events told in this book? No, the memory did not want to come back! He only felt more agitated and disturbed in trying to get through the chaos in his mind. Juliet's cries… the knife… the police… blood, so much blood… Then, he woke up in a clinic's security cell…