AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews you guys have given. Really helps me to hear what people are thinking about what's going on and the various things each of the characters are doing/saying. You guys have no idea how much your words motivate me. As for the question regarding the quotes posed by sbz, most I find by searching through internet sites for relevant quotes based on the topic I know I want. Sometimes, as I am a huge fan of poetry and philosophy and such, I have an idea of an author or poet I have read that fits the chapter and it's simply a matter of finding the quote in question.
Hope everyone is doing well. I also hope you are all ready for some...stressful...chapters ahead. ;)
Take care and enjoy.
CHAPTER 15
CATHERINE POV
"Here," I offer quietly, passing my coffee down the table to the tired looking brunette sitting at the end.
Looking up in surprise, Sara tentatively takes the cup. "Thanks."
"Sure."
Looking around, I notice that almost everyone in the room has their eyes glued to us, barely paying any attention to poor Wendy as she reviews the latest news from the print lab.
Something tells me the soap opera-esque drama of their coworkers is much more fascinating to them then how many prints were processed this fiscal year.
Gluing my own eyes to Wendy in some futile attempt to set an example, I really want nothing more than to be alone with Sara right now.
I don't know what the hell I would say to her, mind you, but it's obvious to me that something shifted inside me after our conversation last night.
I'm still hurt beyond words at everything that transpired between us, but now when I look at her it's like I'm seeing something totally different than I had before we spoke.
When I look at her now, I no longer see a cheating and manipulative woman. I see instead a woman who made a terrible mistake.
It was awful, yes, but it was just that. A mistake.
And really, after everything that she has done for me and my family, where does a drunken one night stand fit into all that?
When Eddie cheated on me, it was spiteful and vengeful. And, most importantly, it was intentional.
Sara got drunk, put herself in a terrible position, and has been forced to withstand the various consequences ever since.
She's suffered for her mistake personally as well as professionally.
Chancing a glance at her now, hazel eyes staring off into the depths of the coffee in her cup, unfocused and exhausted, I can't help but wonder if she hasn't already suffered enough.
Or, perhaps even more selfishly, if I haven't already suffered enough.
These past weeks without Sara have been hell. I don't think I realized just how much of a calming and encouraging influence she had on my life until the moment came when she was no longer there.
Why should I continue to be subjected to this crappy version of the life I used to have when I'm the one who was wronged? Shouldn't I be the one to pick which is the lesser of the evils?
Because, right now, I'm thinking that Sara with infidelity is a hell of a lot better than whatever the hell this current existence is.
Looking at her one last time, I watch her as she swirls the coffee silently in her cup. Stilling her motion, she furrows her brows before looking up and directly meeting my gaze.
This time, I don't look away, and neither does she.
Watching her, I search her eyes for some sort of direction, some sort of answer of where to go from here. She's searching my eyes as well, and I cannot help but wonder what questions she's looking for the solutions to.
All I know is, no matter what direction I chose, the one thing I cannot do is allow us both to keep living in the purgatory we are now.
Any more of this and I fear there will simply be nothing left of us at all.
NANCY POV
"You going to eat that?" I question, reaching out to grab my sister's dessert before she has a chance to answer.
Immediately, Catherine's hand smacks my own.
"Yes, I certainly am."
Smiling, I nod. "Just wanted to get your attention."
Shaking her head, Catherine mutters something that sounds suspiciously like 'brat' before picking up her fork.
"Sorry," she says with a sigh, taking a bite. "I know I haven't really been very good company tonight."
"Want to talk about it?" I offer.
Taking another bite, she puts down her fork.
"I'm thinking of trying to work things out with Sara."
I, myself, am glad that I am not chewing anything or it surely would have been spewed half way across this table.
"Oh," I eventually get out.
Furrowing her brows, Catherine looks me over, taking in my reaction.
"I would have thought you'd be happy about the idea of us potentially getting back together…" she trails off in confusion.
I swallow, trying to get my bearings back. Taking a deep breath and hoping for what sounds like a neutral tone, I nod slowly.
"Of course I am," I tell her. "I just…I don't know, Catherine."
I watch the sun outside, hoping for some brilliant insight of what to say in this moment.
When, in reality, there is so much I cannot say because I made a promise to myself not to.
There's so much going on between Sara and I right now that Catherine simply hasn't been aware of, so for her, it makes no sense that I would be anything less than thrilled to see them reunited.
And, to be honest, I'm not sure that I'm not thrilled. I know that despite everything, Sara and Catherine are the only people in this world for each other. Anybody who has ever seen them together would recognize immediately that they're soulmates.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt again," I eventually settle on, knowing it's the true source of my concern, even if the reasons behind it aren't known by her.
Nodding, Catherine meets my eyes, her own genuine.
"Neither do I, Nancy," she says softly. "Neither do I."
NANCY POV
"You really make a girl work hard to have a conversation with you," I call, nearly out of breath as I sit down next to Sara.
"Have a seat," she offers sarcastically.
Looking out, I watch the setting sun as it barely touches the tops of the mountains to the west of us.
"Should I be concerned that you've slipped a GPS somewhere inside my clothing?" Sara asks, her own eyes on the horizon as she pulls out her lighter.
"Your shoes, actually."
Sara smiles slightly as she lights a cigarette.
"Actually, your neighbor told me."
"She keeps making me cookies," Sara offers as way of explanation, her eyes narrowed in thought.
"Probably because you look like shit," I offer.
Snorting in response, Sara raises a brow. "I'm suddenly considering uninviting you to this get together that I don't recall inviting you to in the first place."
Smiling, I watch as she blows smoke away from me, our feet hanging together off the edge of the canyon.
Reaching over, I pet Mesa lightly where his head rests on Sara's thigh.
Getting serious, I take a deep breath.
"Catherine is thinking about getting back together with you," I tell her bluntly, knowing there is no better way to do this.
Immediately, Sara's eyes jerk to mine, her whole body stiffening.
"What?" she gets out, her expression tense. "What are you talking about?"
"You heard me, Sara," I tell her gently, feeling bad to have to spring this on her in this way, but knowing it's necessary.
"How…" she trails off.
"We talked about it tonight at dinner."
She shakes her head, "Why are you telling me this…?"
I take a breath in, letting it out slowly.
"Because I need to know that you aren't going to hurt her again." I meet her gaze. "I need to know that you aren't still using."
Stiffening, Sara starts to turn away.
Reaching out, I keep my touch gentle as I turn her face back towards mine.
"Sara," I tell her quietly. "I'm not here start something with you. I'm here as woman who is terrified for the well-being of her sister. Who needs to know that her sister isn't going to be getting back together with someone using illicit drugs who won't even admit she has a problem."
Her jaw is still tense as she swallows, trying to resist pulling away.
Letting out a breath, I lower my voice.
"But, Sara, I'm also here as a person who is terrified for the well-being of her friend."
I shake my head, "I've been hard on you Sara, I know that. But it's because I'm so damn scared about all of this."
Watching me for a few moments, Sara finally relaxes just enough for me to feel comfortable letting her go.
Returning her gaze to the sun, Sara shakes her head.
"Nancy, I haven't used since Catherine came to talk with me at the house," she says quietly. "I tossed everything after she left last night."
Closing my eyes, I let myself finally breathe for what feels like the first time in a long while.
Reaching over, I take her hand in mine, not caring in the least if she is bothered by it. Right now, I need to hold onto her, to feel my friend who I have felt slipping away from me more and more these past weeks.
"I just want you both to be happy," I eventually get out, trying not to let the emotions running through me choke the words in my throat. "I just want you both to be happy again."
Looking over at me, Sara squeezes my hand in hers before watching the last of the sun as it disappears behind the mountains.
"I know, Nancy."
CATHERINE POV
Grabbing my robe tighter around me, I open the front door and make my way down the drive to grab the paper.
For the first time, I'm genuinely excited to head to work today. Last night I spent most of the night thinking, and in the end I came to the conclusion that the pain I feel when I think about living my life without Sara in it far outweighs the pain I feel when I think about what she did.
In the end, it's not really even close.
Granted, we have a lot of work to do to get ourselves back to where we were before all this happened, but I am finally ready to have that conversation with her. To start that journey with her.
Finally ready to tell her that I want to come back home.
Home.
That thought alone brings a smile to my face.
Pulling the newspaper from the plastic bag and glancing at today's headlines, I almost miss the brown envelope leaning against the house next to the door frame.
Glancing around, I get the feeling that whoever left it here is long gone.
Bending over, I take it into my hands.
Seeing the handwriting, my heart immediately drops in fear.
I've seen this handwriting before. I've seen this type of package before.
Ripping the seal open, I'm not surprised when five enlarged pictures fall into my hands.
What I am surprised about, however, is how quickly what is depicted on them shatters all the hope I had regarding Sara and I getting back together.
We're over.
AN: Oh dear. Get ready for some craziness ahead. Thanks for reading.
