AN: You guys amaze me. Thanks again for your words of support and your continued interest. Brings some smiles to some very long days.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Take care and enjoy.
CHAPTER 16
CATHERINE POV
Storming into the lab, I rudely brush past everyone in my way. I have one single destination in mind, and heaven help any person who stands between me and her.
Crossing to the back end of the hall, I see Sara just where I expected her to be, hard at work in front of a layout table, over an hour before shift.
"Locker room, now."
Turning at the sound of my voice, Sara takes in my tone, then my expression.
Eyes narrowing, she slowly puts down the evidence in her hand.
"What?" she questions.
"You heard me," I snap, resisting the urge to deal with her right here and now, opting instead for some degree of professionalism.
But, really, I am about two seconds away from scrapping professionalism to hell and doing this right here.
"Okay…" Sara responds with furrowed brows, raising her hands in a position of surrender.
Giving me a wide breadth, she heads out the door, uneasily glancing behind her as I follow her down the hall towards the locker room.
Entering, Sara stops a few feet inside the door while I quickly make my way throughout the room.
"Out. Now."
The young man from day shift innocently putting away his belongings looks up at me curiously.
Any retort he had planned for my rude request is cut short when he sees my expression.
Without a word, he shuts his locker door and quickly scrambles past me and out of the room.
Following his path to the door, I reach out and slide the lock into place, not caring in the least that I am violating a myriad of lab policies by doing so.
"Catherine…" Sara questions from her place beside the lockers, looking at me with concern as I turn around to face her. "What is goi-"
Before she can finish, I find myself closing the distance between us and cutting off her words with a strong finger to her chest, moving her back closer towards the lockers behind her.
"How dare you?" I yell, no longer able to keep it in, my words echoing throughout the empty room.
Looking up at me in confusion, Sara tentatively raises her hands in a position of peaceful surrender, no doubt trying to get her mind around what is happening.
"Cather-" she tries again, and before I can stop myself, I repeat my previous action. I'm careful not to harm her, to not give up control to my boiling rage. Not that she's offered me the same courtesy, however. Her actions all but having ripped every part of me limb from limb.
Body now pushed back completely flush with the lockers, cutting off any idea of avoidance, Sara takes hold of the locker next to her.
Turning her gaze back to mine, her eyes darken as she looks at me with a renewed mixture of uncertainty and concern.
The latter only making me want to throw up.
How dare she be concerned about me now? Where was her concern for me before?
It's clear that she isn't going to make the mistake of trying to talk again, having learned that it is definitely not in her best interest right now.
Instead, she waits silently for me to speak, to make some sort of sense out of what is happening.
"How could you?" I nearly scream in her face.
Sara shakes her head, trying to indicate to me that she is still at a loss of what I'm talking about.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out, Sara?" I question, shaking my own head at her.
Risking life and limb, Sara finally chances a response.
"Find out about what?" she questions, voice laced with desperation for understanding.
"The drugs, Sara," I growl out through clenched teeth. "The fact that you're using again. And not just using casually."
Saying the words aloud, I feel my rage renewed, my insides churning with so many emotions that I have to fight to keep from vomiting right here in front of her.
Any doubt I had in my mind about the truth of my accusations goes right out the window when I see her face, see her reaction to my words.
There is confusion, then there is pain, then there is guilt.
Guilt.
I can't believe this is my reality.
"Since when?" I ask her, my tone leaving no other option than to answer me.
"Since Chris," she gets out. "On and off since I killed Chris and got the prescription for my shoulder."
I can't believe it. All this time, with everything we went through together, Sara was using the whole time.
Was she high when she held me during those long nights filled with worry about Nancy? Was she high when she sat with me after her morning runs watching the sunrise? Was she high when we talked about marriage?
"And when did you start mixing them with alcohol?" I ask, trying to keep my mind from flashing back to the vile images in those pictures.
Images that, if I didn't know any better, suggest Sara was all but trying to overdose.
"A couple months ago."
"And when did you start crushing the pills so you could snort them, because swallowing them wasn't enough anymore?"
"A couple weeks ago," she admits in a near whisper.
Reaching forward, I grab the front of her shirt in my fist, pressing her firmly against the lockers behind her and holding her there.
"You stubborn, reckless idiot," I somehow get out through my tightening throat, my emotions threatening to strangle the words before they can be voiced.
Sara doesn't respond, her head lowering slightly, her gaze finally turning away.
"No," I command her, my voice low. "You're going to look at me. You're going to look at me while I say this to you."
Raising her head back up, Sara drags her eyes to mine.
"You're the most reckless person I've ever met, Sara Sidle. You walk around like you're untouchable, like you don't give a care in the world what happens to you. You take ridiculous risks, you make the most obscene decisions, and worst of all, you don't give a shit who you hurt in the process."
The emotions behind Sara's eyes shift slowly at my words, like water slowly changing currents.
She remains silent, however, resolutely keeping eye contact.
"You're a liar," I get out. "All this time, all these secrets. I'm beginning to wonder what else you've hidden from me. What other things you've kept buried away that I don't even know about," I tell her honestly.
"You lied to my face when you told me you slept with that woman because you were intoxicated, knowing damn well I would assume you meant alcohol," I force out.
"You had the gall to tell me you were concerned about me when you were probably fucking high off your ass at half the scenes we've worked together these past months! Where was your concern for my safety then?" I scream at her.
I take a breath, trying to keep from strangling her right here and now.
"If someone finds out about this, every case in which you've touched a single piece of evidence gets immediately tossed out," I shake my head darkly. "Care to guess how many cases that nullifies?" I ask rhetorically.
I pause, watching her eyes as they fight to hold my own.
"The part that really gets me, though, Sara," I seethe lowly, increasing the pressure of my arm holding her in place, "Is that you had my sister help you cover it up. So help me God, you dragged Nancy right down into this shit with you."
I shake my head.
"How dare you?" I force out, my voice dangerously low. "Wrecking my life wasn't enough? You had to involve my family as well?"
Sara doesn't answer, her jaw tensing as she struggles to keep her eyes on mine, to keep herself under control.
As for me, I feel my own control rapidly slipping, tears of anger running down my face and tears of sorrow following close behind.
Searching the eyes of the woman so close to me, our bodies mere millimeters apart, I yet again look for a sign that this is all some misunderstanding, that this isn't really what happened.
But it is.
All I have to do is look in her eyes to know that it is.
"And to think I was even considering getting back together with you," I choke out, the reality of everything I have just lost, for what is now the second time, threatening to crush me.
I had decided to give Sara a second chance, and this is what happened. With absolute certainty, I know we are finished.
There are no third chances for us.
I can only take so many lies, so many secrets.
I feel my anger slowly becoming saturated with the emotions of recognition, acceptance.
Sadness, grief, loss.
"What happened to you, Sara?" I ask, my voice now nearly a whisper.
I narrow my eyes in antipathy.
"What happened to the person that I knew, the person that I fell in love with?"
With one final push, I step back and away from Sara.
Fixing her with one final glance, I shake my head.
"I don't know who you are anymore," I tell her honestly.
With nothing left in me, I turn away from Sara, from everything I thought I once knew, and make my way to the door.
Throwing the lock open, I leave the locker room, not sparing a single glance behind me.
NANCY POV
Turning the corner of the reception area of the ER, I see Sara almost immediately and she sees me just as quickly.
Meeting eyes, we are silent a moment as I step up to her, neither one of us really knowing what to say.
"Are you alright?" Sara asks, her eyes searching mine.
Letting out a breath, I shake my head. "Not really."
Sara lets out a breath of her own, "I'm so sorry, Nancy."
Taking her gently by the arm, I direct her towards a conference room I know will be empty at this hour.
As soon as we are inside, Sara paces anxiously along the wall. "I am so sorry."
"I know," I tell her, my voice resigned.
Watching Sara continue to pace, I shake my head. "How did she find out?"
Sara finally stops her motion, placing her hands on the back of one of the chairs positioned around the conference table.
"I have no idea."
Pushing against the chair, Sara runs her hands through her hair in frustration.
"Jesus, Nancy. I never meant for this…none of this."
Looking over at me, she shakes her head, "Not for her to have found out like this, not for you to have gotten caught up in it…none of it."
"I know," I repeat. "But we screwed up, both of us."
Her eyes growing dark, Sara resumes pacing. "It's my fault. I was the one who insisted Catherine not be told. I never should have put you in that position. Never should have come between you and your sister like that, you guys are family."
I want to reach out and strangle the girl for her reference to family – her reference that clearly excluded herself.
"I'm a grown woman. I made my own decisions," I settle on saying.
And it's true. For better or worse, what Nancy Flynn wants to do is what Nancy Flynn does.
"Fine," Sara relents, "But I still shouldn't have put this on you. Any of it."
Finally making my way to her, I reach out and take hold of her by the arms, keeping her body still.
"Sara, stop," I plead with a sigh. "Blaming ourselves isn't going to help anything. We were idiots, plain and simple. Both of us."
Looking at my expression, Sara sighs as well, stepping out of my grasp but remaining stationary in a spot against the wall.
"What happened when she confronted you?" Sara questions, her expression telling me she is almost afraid to know.
I shrug. "She showed up here. Yelled at me for awhile. I think she said something about betrayal, loss of trust in me."
"Shit," Sara curses, her eyes absolutely devastated when they meet mine. "Please tell me two of you are alright? I don't want to think that I did anything to screw up the relationship that that the two of you have."
Letting out a breath, I shake my head. "I have to warn you, Sara. To be honest, I think she's placing most of the blame for this on you," I state. "I think me and her are going to be alright. She's pissed as hell at me for holding out on her, yes. But she's absolutely livid with you."
"Good," Sara states simply. "That's fair."
Before I can comment, Sara shakes her head. "And she didn't say anything to you about how she found out?"
"No," I sigh, thinking back to my conversation with my sister. "She just said that saw what's been going on, what I helped you keep from her."
Sara's brows furrow, her gaze narrowing. "She said she 'saw' what happened?"
"Yeah," I answer, my own expression growing thoughtful. "I'd just assumed she meant 'saw' figuratively…not literally."
Her expression darkening, Sara's body grows tense. "I think she meant literally."
I shake my head, "But she wasn't there, obviously. If she 'saw' anything, she would have called us out on it right away…not waited until now to confront us."
"No," Sara counters. "She saw it, but she saw it for the first time today."
I start to shake my head again in confusion, but suddenly it clicks.
"More pictures."
Nodding, Sara grows pale, her hand rising to rub her temples in thought, mind no doubt running through a myriad of angles, ideas.
"What's going on, Sara?" I ask, starting to get a very bad feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.
Sara is silent for a moment, and when her eyes finally come back to mine, I almost wish I never asked the question.
"Something isn't right," she says quietly. "I don't like this. This doesn't feel right."
Shaking her head, Sara starts pacing again, and this time I make no move to stop her.
"There were pictures of me with that woman that got sent to Catherine at work," she says. "Now there are presumably pictures of me taking those pills."
I shake my head, understanding and dread settling deep inside. "Someone is watching you, Sara."
Nodding distractedly, eyes raising to mine, Sara stops pacing, slowly stepping closer to me. "Nancy, I need you to do me a favor."
Despite everything that just happened, all the trouble I got in for doing my last 'favors' for Sara, I don't hesitate a second.
"Anything."
"You need to promise me that you'll keep your eye on Catherine when she's at home with you," she says sternly, her eyes pleading with mine. "Don't let her out of your sight. Tell her you want to sleep in her room because you're having nightmares or can't sleep, I don't care. Just do not ever leave her alone in that house."
Slowly nodding, I feel myself grow confused.
"Of course, Sara. I will. But, the person is clearly following you…"
Sara shakes her head, "They're following me, yes. But their motives may be with Catherine. Think about it, think about the type of pictures she's gotten," she says. "And think about when she got them. They're pictures meant to drive us apart. The subject matter, the timing. They want us isolated from one another, and they'll do what it takes to keep us that way."
"But why?"
Sara clenches her jaw, "I don't know. But I'm going to find out."
"Sara," I state, not liking the sound of her tone. "You can't do this alone, you have to get help with this, report it."
Letting out a smile that holds no humor, Sara shakes her head. "That's the beauty of it. This person knows there's no way I can reasonably go to anyone with this. Not with those second pictures."
Not getting it, I shake my head.
"Not only could those pictures get all of my cases overturned in court, but Nancy, do you really want me to turn in photos of you violating a dozen laws by not reporting someone's illicit use of narcotics?" she asks. "Those pictures, in the wrong hands, could get you fired. Get your license pulled."
Sighing, I lean against the table. "If the decision is between someone's life and my medical license…"
Catching my gist, Sara sends me nod. "I'm not going to let it come to that. This is going to stop, one way or another."
Clearing her throat, Sara steps slightly closer, directing my attention back to the task at hand.
"I'm going to call in some favors," she states. "There's going to be someone posted outside your house until this is over, Nancy. If you ever feel like something isn't right, you call the police or you call me. I mean it."
"What about you?" I ask, not liking the idea of Sara alone in her house, isolated from everyone else.
"I'll be fine," she promises.
"God, Sara," I breathe out, "I hate this."
Stepping up to me, Sara shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Nancy. I can't seem to stop getting you dragged into all this shit."
Sighing, I reach out and pull the brunette into my arms.
Feeling her stiffen, I keep my grip tight until she relaxes, cautiously placing her arms around me.
"This isn't your fault," I tell Sara, knowing that she won't believe me, but still feeling the need to try.
Finally pulling away, I stop her before she can reach the door of the conference room.
"What happened when she confronted you?" I ask Sara quietly, casting her a concerned look.
Shaking her head, Sara averts her eyes. "Nothing that I didn't deserve."
Then, raising her gaze back to mine, she sends me one last look of her own before disappearing out the door and into the hospital beyond.
Taking a breath, I straighten my scrubs before stepping out to head back to work.
Throwing a glance down the hall where Sara disappeared, I can't help but send up a silent prayer to anyone listening.
Keep her safe.
Keep us all safe.
CATHERINE POV
Hearing the phone ring, I glance absently at the clock beside the bed.
2:12am.
I wish I could say that I was sleeping, but that would be a lie. Unfortunately, sleep doesn't seem to come to me as easily as it once did.
Reaching over, I grab my cell off the nightstand, part of me almost hoping to get called into work so I can stop staring at the ceiling and go do something productive.
But, no, Ecklie usually enjoys torturing Sara too much with triple shifts to call anyone else in on their nights off to lend her a hand.
And, for the first time in my career, I find myself not bothered by the thought. In fact, I think a deep, dark part of me even feels some level of justification and satisfaction in it.
The brunette destroyed my life, why feel bad about someone else destroying hers?
Shaking my head, I flip open my phone.
"Willows."
"Catherine, it's Jim."
The tone of his voice has me immediately sitting up and turning on the light beside the bed.
"Jim? What's wrong?"
Hearing him take a steadying breath, his voice is low, like he is speaking somewhere that he has concerns about being overheard.
"Look, Catherine, I know you and Sara have had some issues. So I don't know if you're the right person to call, but I thought regardless of things between the two of you, you would want to know."
Feeling my heart sink with dread, I grip the phone tighter in my hands.
My previous hardened thoughts about not caring what happens to Sara are immediately forgotten in light of the words Brass has just spoken.
I may have a lot of anger and resentment towards her…and those feelings may be more than justified…but, please God…the last things I said to her…
"Jim…" I trail off, not able to say more.
"Catherine, Sara's been arrested."
My eyes widening in shock at his words, I find my mouth going dry.
"What…she…"
Jim sighs, this conversation less than easy for him as well. "I don't know much. All I know is that Ecklie is interrogating her now, and things don't look good."
Taking a deep breath, I try to fight the feelings that are coming over me when I think about Sara being interrogated alone by Ecklie.
They are feelings that I shouldn't still have regarding the person I promised myself I wouldn't care about any longer.
But, damn, right now, in light of everything and the gravity of the situation, I am finding it near impossible to choke down the concern and fear I have for Sara.
"What are the charges?" I ask, wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into.
Images of Sara being caught for a DUI or under the influence of prescription narcotics flash through my mind.
"He wants to charge her with murder."
Immediately, my heart slams in my chest and I nearly drop the phone.
"I'll be right there," I somehow get out, the world around me blurring into a strange haze.
Hanging up, I numbly reach over and grab my keys.
AN: Thanks for reading.
