Helen stood still, her mind as frozen as her body. He… loved her? For some unknown reason, her mind framed it as a question.

He loved her?

She half expected those pesky tears to return but nothing, her eyes remained dry, if not a little puffy.

He loved her?

She already knew that, it wasn't new.

Of course it wasn't true. It was Nikola. Nikola. Nikola. Her Nikola.

He didn't love her.

Did he?

With a deep breath she finally found her legs once more, forcing herself towards the edge of the roof. Everything was the same as it had been three hours ago when she'd made her way up here. Well, the view at least.

No, she reminded herself, everything was the same. Nothing that had been said was new. She'd heard it before

She felt a rush of cool air and shivered before busying herself with the zip on her dress but, like all mediocre distractions, it didn't last.

He didn't love her. Not like that.

It didn't matter how many times she said it, something about it still didn't ring true. The things Nikola had said in Rome were… different somehow, less… heartfelt maybe? Maybe just less dramatic, she thought furiously.

As the sky glittered in front of her, Helen felt herself getting angry. Mostly at herself but a good deal of it she managed to aim at Nikola. She felt a flush of irritation that she could no longer shoot him before realising she could, she could shoot him over and over and over again if she wished.

Her hand twitched towards her gun, still strapped to her hip before she got control of herself.

What on earth was it with this man? He always managed to get her riled up, angry past the point of reason and then some. He was infuriating, immature, difficult, rude, insufferable, incorrigible, dangerous, reckless, trying, thoughtless, irresponsible, foolish… Helen's mind stopped abruptly as she licked her lips, tasting the very last trace of him. Her hands started to tremble so she made fists, digging her nails into her palms in an effort to stop the tremors.

He was infuriating, immature, difficult, rude, insufferable, incorrigible, dangerous, reckless, trying, thoughtless, irresponsible, foolish, delicious, alluring, undeniable, exciting, arousing...

Letting loose a frustrated cry, Helen turned away from her the view to stare back at the door he'd left by. Damn him and his bloody protestations of love.

How dare he… he… reject her like that, like she was nothing. If he loved her he'd still be here with her, not skulking somewhere in her house but with her. He didn't love her, he was just having moral qualms about sleeping with a friend.

Helen had learnt long ago to see these things in a much more practical light and although her Victorian sensibilities had taken a little while to catch up, she'd always managed to seek comfort where she was sure of reciprocation.

It was just sex, she reasoned. No doubt Nikola had had his share of women over the years, regardless of whatever outlandish comments he occasionally made to the press, celibacy was not his style.

It was just sex, she told herself again, beginning once more to get angry at him.

Before she even realised what she was doing, Helen found herself striding across the roof, through the door and down into the house. Her feet were moving without her consent in a direction she was all too familiar with.

He'd be in the library, she was certain. Whenever he was angry or disturbed or conflicted he went to the library. It was a rule they'd implemented when it became apparent that going to the lab in such a state resulted in had changed between them in the past 100 years, this hadn't.

Thankfully, she didn't pass anyone, grateful she didn't have to explain where she was going or why her hands were balled up and eyes red. The halls were empty and cold, something about them making her hurry, her steps echoing off the walls. It was a matter of minutes before she stood in front of the great double doors that led to the south end of the library.

This, of course, was where her step faltered. She stood silently, looking at the gap in the doors and the sliver of light falling through. He'd know she was here, vamped up hearing and all that and she half wished he'd come and open the doors for her. With a sigh of defeat, she pushed open the door and slipped through.

He was facing away from her, bent over a table, staring at something she couldn't see. Next to him was a wine glass filled to the brim with red wine. He was still dishevelled, something that caused a small bead of worry to erupt in Helen. Normally he would have changed his clothes or at least fixed his waist coat but alas, he was exactly as she had left him, shirt untucked on one side, hair flattened by her over enthusiastic hands.

She went to take a step but quickly found that the legs that had so swiftly carried her here had finally registered all the protests her mind had been giving. Taking a deep breath, she instead studied him, taking in the slope of his hunched shoulders that reminded her of a thousand other times when he'd drawn in on himself for protection.

Finally and with a heavy sigh, Nikola turned to face her, shoving whatever he'd been studying deep into his pocket.

"What is it Helen?" he asked, tired.

His eyes bored into hers from across the room and she suddenly felt herself moving again. In the blink of an eye she was standing in front of him, a hand raised to his cheek. A kind of terrified hope was growing in his eyes but he made no move to touch her, standing there, his face cautious.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out, the things she ought to say disappearing as she looked up into his soft gaze.

"I'm sorry, Nikola," she said finally.

His face fell and he stepped back as her hand dropped away.

"I can't… I just can't, Nikola. You know that," she said quietly, her voice steady for the first time all evening. She'd spent the entire night feeling like a school girl, immature and childish in her responses to him but no more. She pulled up the mask she wore as boss, letting distance fill her voice as she spoke again.

"You know this is foolish, Nikola," she said, not intending to scold him but that's exactly how it came out.

"Don't chide me, Helen. I'm not one of your children, here to do your bidding," he responded bitterly. Helen felt her heart throb painfully at the look in his eye but remained stoic. "Go away, just leave me be," he said, turning away from her, an edge in his voice that made her angry, like he blamed her for having responsibilities that had to take precedence over what she may or may not have desired with her entire being.

The thought startled her and she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Nikola, first and foremost you are my friend." She noted the anger in her voice with a detached curiosity. Again, she marvelled, he'd gotten under her skin. "And I will not jeopardize that, ever. My behaviour tonight was inexcusable and I apologise for it but the things you are asking…" a lump formed in her throat, "they are not things I can give you. And you know that-"

"Why? Why not? Why can't you admit it Helen? You love me!" he exclaimed furiously. "And don't pull that friendship rubbish with me, it has nothing to do with that."

Helen stood for a minute, his reaction pricking something deep inside her. He took a step towards her, his breath shaky, a bitter smile on his face.

"The thing is, Helen… I never wanted to be your friend."

They both stood for a moment, contemplating his words. She could see the two possible ways she could interpret his statement and the way each answer would shape whatever relationship they had in the future.

She took the easier option.

"Well, that solves that," she half snarled in anger, turning on her heel, making to stride out of the room and contemplating slamming the door behind her for effect. Gah! How on earth did Nikola do this to her? He made her this crazy person she no longer recognized.

"Don't be like that, Helen," he called, a hint of frustration colouring his tone.

"Then don't behave like an insolent child," she countered, turning back to face him.

"So it's unreasonable that I hope for love? Or would you rather that I just settled for someone who simply wants to screw away their pain?" he spat.

Helen's heart physically hurt at the look in his eye but she swallowed and straightened her back.

"I have already apologized," she said, struggling to keep her voice even. If there was one thing she would not do, it was crumble.

She would not fight him, she would maintain her calm, she would rebuff his as smoothly as she had done for the past 100 years, well, whenever he was around. She was in control of herself.

Well, she sure as hell hoped she was.

"Oh come now, Helen," he said sullenly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

For some stupid reason his words made her smile and she walked forwards until she was with arms reach, still smiling.

"I know," she said softly.

Sure she knew it, Nikola scoffed internally, but he was certain that his words had still hurt her. Something about the way she held herself, stilted and tense told him that she was still upset about his words and, perhaps, even his actions.

They stood for a moment, eyes watching warily before Nikola could stand it no longer. With a mischievous look in his eye, he grinned at her before gesturing to the table beside him.

"I could make it up to you," he suggested with a smirk. Helen actually laughed out loud at him. "Or I suppose the sofa over there might be more comfortable, though I promise you, sweet Helen, that I will vow to protect you from the evil bumps of either surface."

She shook her head at him with a smile, laughing lightly as he stepped closer.

"You," she said, taking a determined step backwards, "are precisely the same as you have always been."

"Oh, fair Helen, you wound me," he said, fluttering a hand to his heart, "I'm like good wine, only getting better and better with age." He lowered his hand and stared at her darkly, letting his eyes linger until she seemed to be fighting the urge to wrap her arms around herself to protect herself from his wandering gaze.

"More determined, yes," she conceded with a smile, suppressing a shudder at his ever wideninggrin, "but your lines are the same as ever, over used and under achieving."

He laughed openly at that one, the gleam in his eye changing to something far more benign.

"Touché, my dear," he said as he lounged against the table, toasting her with his glass of wine. They both leant back against the table, watching the flames. Seemingly without thought, Helen reached out and plucked the glass of wine from his hand. With little regard to the cleanliness of the action, she took a sip.

"There is a whole bottle," Nikola said, rolling his eyes but she ignored him, closing her eyes to better savour the flavour.

For just a fraction of a second he wondered if he'd made a mistake, if having her for a night, for just one precious moment would be better than this torture. The lust was pounding through him as he watched her lips, just the tiniest drop of wine still clinging to them but it was more than lust. It was tinged with something softer, something that made him want to discover her

"I'll get you another glass," she said, opening her eyes. "What?" she asked, suddenly self conscious.

"Don't worry about it," he responded quickly, snatching back the glass. For once, he really didn't care about the whole issue of sharing germs, it wasn't as if they hadn't already done that tonight. He took a deep swig, almost wishing he could get drunk. Almost, but not quite. Inebriation couldn't replace the deep pleasure he felt at knowing he was finally himself again.

Which reminded him...

"I almost forgot," he said, turning to Helen with a happy grin.

It was an unguarded smile she rarely saw, a smile that used to accompany a discovery of some sort.

"Watch," he instructed, pinning her with his gaze as he walked away. His grin widening, he held up a hand and narrowed his eyes as the book shelf behind her. Out of nowhere, Helen felt something zoom past her ear. She jumped slightly, startled when she saw the ancient sword Nikola was now holding, the one that was, until recently, attached to the wall behind her.

"Really," she chided, walking over to him. His joy couldn't be dampened by her disapproval and he smiled up at her happily. "You could have just told me," she finished, keeping a careful eye on the priceless antique.

"It's not as strong as it was before, but it's there," he said, clearly paying no attention to her as he twirled the sword in his long fingers. Helen watched his mind spinning, figuring out all the possibilities this presented him with. He was rather captivating like this she decided, his mind absorbed. The bitterness left his face and the smug grin he normally wore disappeared, leaving him with a boyish charm and an innocence that Helen had missed.

Carefully, she took the sword from him, "This isn't a toy," she warned, turning her back on him. The moment she had set the sword down on the table it flew out of her grasp again and over her head. "Really, Nikola," she said, turning around with a smile.

"Couldn't you have just been happy for me," he asked, pouting a little as he walked the sword back over to her.

"I am, but why couldn't you have just told me, like a normal person," she countered, taking the sword from him again, making a mental note to get it rehung tomorrow.

"Because I'm not a normal person," he threw back with a smile. With a chuckle, he picked up the wine glass and took a final swig, emptying it.

"At this rate you'll finish my wine cellar before the decade is out," she advised as he went to pour another glass. Nikola scoffed, emptying the bottle before offering the glass to her. Helen took a sip before handing the glass back and watching Nikola take another deep drink from the cup.

The pair stood in silence for another moment before Helen turned to face him. "What will you do now?" she asked, "Considering you are officially the last of your kind." Nikola chuckled appreciatively before putting down the glass.

"I haven't a clue," he admitted with a grin, "Though I'm sure I'll think of something."

"No doubt," Helen replied, fighting back whatever emotion was boiling up within her. After having asked the question, she realised that his answer was not the one she was looking for.

Something along the lines of 'you' wouldn't have been far off the mark, she decided, a little shocked at the thought.

"Maybe I'll go back to England for a while, terrorize another one of your Sanctuary's," he mused, not paying attention to her. Helen's heart clenched painfully at the thought of him not being here.

"I'd thank you to limit the damage to one," she warned. Nikola smirked at her, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Internally she cursed herself for forgetting just how easily he could see through her.

"Why Helen," he exclaimed, a gleeful edge in his voice, "are you asking me to stay?"

Helen rolled her eyes, brushing him off and trying to walk away from him. Nikola was too quick, reaching out to grab her arm, turning her around to face him with a serious look in his eye. His eyes asked the question again silently and Helen had no choice but to answer.

After taking a deep breath she smiled, "Yes, I am."


This was supposed to be up the other day (at request of someone on twitter whose screen name on here I don't know) but I'm working on being a good student at the moment. We'll see how long it lasts.

Much love to those taking the time to review, it sounds dumb but I can't explain just how fantastic you are as a kind of people :P

xx