Chapter 4

Lost

Gaara POV

I didn't know what happened. One second, we were in the car talking, the next second, the car had fallen off the edge of the road and was hurtling down toward some rocks. Once it hit the bottom, glass smashed everywhere and a rock penetrated the door, then smashing into my ribs. The pain was so bad that I couldn't cry out or make any noise. The car rolled over a few times before the movement came to a halt. I came to my senses and felt blood running down the side of my face. When I looked down, I found that my leg was impaled to the floor of the car by a large piece of metal and more worryingly, my ribs were caved in on the right side. My heart thudded in my chest and I started shaking from fear. All I saw was blood everywhere. Every time I tried to inhale, I got this intense shooting pain that tore through my nerves and paralysed me completely. After desperately trying to ignore it all, I turned as much as I could to the side and saw Lee. He was drenched in his own blood.

"Gaara... a-are you alright?" He asked. His voice sounded different.

I shook my head, unable to speak from the amount of pain I was in.

He moved toward me, but suddenly fell forward.

No... don't be... please... I tried to move towards him, but agony ripped through my body like I'd never felt before, forcing a weak cry from my throat. Despite all, I reached over and held his hand, praying that help would come soon. My phone was in my pocket, but I was in such agony that I couldn't get to it My ribs were hurting so much. I held my breath to ease the pain at least a little bit, but it only worsened. Soon, my head was swimming from lack of oxygen and taking deep breaths to get it to normal level was impossible. I suffered for a few more minutes before blackness invaded my vision.

I awoke slowly, feeling confused. My whole body ached; especially my ribs. I couldn't remember much; only being in a car... blood trickling down my face... pain... Eventually, I found the strength to open my eyes. Everything was blurry at first, but the white ceiling of a hospital came into view. I blinked a couple of times and lay there, feeling confused and scared. There was a figure beside my bed.

It was my father.

"Dad?" I said weakly. My voice barely worked.

"Gaara, are you awake?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Thank God you're still alive! We thought we'd lost you. The staff told us you wouldn't make it. How are you feeling?"

I glared at him, remembering our previous conversation and then my mind drifted to Lee. He was in the car too... Was he okay? "Where... is... Lee?" I managed to croak out with great difficulty.

Father looked at the floor and seemed to be hesitating to tell me anything. "Lee is..." He started shakily, then paused again, this time longer and turned away "I can't do this." I heard him whisper.

I forced myself into a sitting position and grimaced as pain tore into me. I ignored it. Lee was my only priority at that moment. "What? Where the hell is he?" It was starting to get me frustrated. I had to know!

Father sighed. "Gaara..." He gripped my hand. "Lee suffered internal bleeding to the chest..."

Using the past tense? What had happened?

"I'm sorry, but he... He's gone."

I stared at him hard. Did he really just say that? Lee was gone? "W-What?"

"The doctors and nurses did everything they could... but it wasn't enough."

Time stood still as I felt my heart slowly breaking.
"I'm so sorry. They tried everything they could, but it wasn't enough."

I closed my eyes as if to block out the world. Lee was alive... He wasn't dead... He couldn't be... I burst into tears, endless sobs erupting from my body. A never-ending black whole had been cut into my heart, Nothing seemed to ease the pain as my life fell apart. Lee was gone... he would never come back... I would never feel his warm embrace ever again... see his signature smile... Feel his lips caress my own... Gone... he was gone... I felt a weight next to my on the bed and looked up. Father wrapped his arms around me, but I pushed him away weakly. I didn't want him, I wanted Lee! "Are you fucking satisfied?" I yelled. "You've ruined my life! If you hadn't told me to come home, Lee would still be here! You wanted him to die! You fucking bastard! I hate you!"

"Don't think like that-"
"Fuck the hell off! I never want to speak to you again!" I sobbed harder, the pain in my heart getting worse and worse. More tears poured down and they wouldn't stop. By now, I was screaming for my dark-haired lover with all willpower I had left. Anything to bring him back. Anything at all. I heard the door open and recognised my sister's voice.

"Father, I think it would be best you leave. I'll talk to him." Said Temari.

"Right." I heard Father open the door and walk out.

Temari sat on my bed and held me tight whilst I sobbed in her arms.

"Gaara, you know it's not his fault! I heard what you said to him!"

"Don't yell at me! Lee is dead and all you can do is make me feel worse?"

"I'm not trying to upset you, Gaara! Just listen to me!"

"Don't fucking touch me!" I struggled hard and the pain was so bad that I screamed.

"Gaara! You're going to hurt yourself!"

I gave up, unable to breathe. Everything was crashing down. My heart had never ached so much. Temari rubbed my back comfortingly. I couldn't believe Lee was gone... Not him... he meant everything to me... What the hell was I going to do?

"Calm down. Shh, it's okay. Crying like this won't help the baby, will it?"

"The baby! Is she alright?" Oh god no... please let her be okay... Please...

"She is fine. Shukaku must've protected her."
I sighed in relief. At least I still had her.

"You need to forgive father. Nothing was his fault. Just remember that you, Kankuro and me are his only kids, the only family he has left and we need to help each other out. He tries hard for us all."

"He tried to stop me from seeing Lee."
"That was for your benefit. Of course he gets a little overprotective, but that's because he cares."
I started crying again.

Temari sighed. "Lee wouldn't want you to feel this way. He'd want you to be happy."

"Happy? How the fuck can I be happy after losing the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?"

"You can't be miserable forever. You will find another person to love you just like Lee did."

"Lee is the only person I could ever love! I can't be with anyone else!"

"I know it's hard, but you have to move on." She rubbed my back sympathetically as I cried myself to sleep.

I stood surrounded by a bright white light and felt relaxed and happy. After all I'd been through, I should've felt depressed.

"Gaara-kun." Came a voice.

I turned to the sound of my name and felt a pair of lips connect with mine. Lee was kissing me for the final time. We pulled away, but he was holding both my hands.

"Lee... why did you leave?" I asked, feeling a stray tear roll down my cheek

His soft gaze met mine and he wiped the tear away with his thumb, then gently tilted my head up. "I had to leave... Heaven needed me. I am in a better place now."
"I love you... please, Lee... Stay with me... I can't do this alone!" I was full-on sobbing now and clinging to him, refusing to let him go. "I love you!"

"You need to move on. I cannot go back now... My body is dead."

"What about our daughter? She won't have you there! You will never get to see her grow up!"

"Gaara-kun, she will grow up to be beautiful... just like you... I will always visit in your dreams, You will be there for her when she's awake, and I will guide her when she's asleep. I won't ever let you go. You both mean the world to me."

"I don't wanna wake up, Lee, I wanna stay with you in this moment forever! It hurts so much to realize that we'll be apart! I can't go on without you!"

"You have our daughter to look after now."
I said nothing and started shaking.

"I have to go now."

"No! Lee!" He started to fade away into the light, I ran after him, but the light got smaller and smaller until he was completely engulfed by it. Now, he was gone forever and there only lay darkness. The happiness I felt before had been replaced by negativity. I fell to my knees, feeling empty.

"Gaara, wake up, honey!" Came a male voice. "Come on, open your eyes."

I awoke and saw father standing over me.

"Are you alright?"

I said nothing and remembered what Temari said. She was right. None of this was his fault. My eyes filled with tears. "I-I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"Don't be sorry. You were upset, so you were bound to snap like that."

I said nothing.

"I need to discuss with the Hokage about your pregnancy. I'll be back soon."

Was he going to make me abort the baby? "Dad... No... Please don't make me get rid of her! Please! I'll never expect you to help me or anything! I'll stay out of your way, but please let me keep her! She means everything to me! She's all I have left of Lee!" I begged frantically.

"Gaara, calm down! Stop crying."

"Father, please!"

"I'm not going to make you have an abortion! I just need to ask Tsunade to speak to you about the baby and stuff like that."

"So why have you been telling me to get rid of her?"

"Gaara, I just don't think you're ready to have a child. You've just turned fifteen."

"I don't care what the fuck you think."

"Hey! Don't use that language on me!" He was getting very pissed off with me, I could tell. I wasn't fucking stupid. This baby was my life, my world, my pride and joy even if she was not yet born. She was all I had left of Lee. Father was disappointed with me, but why? I didn't ask to get pregnant! I didn't even know I could get pregnant! How many male pregnancies actually occur? I'm guessing that it's not a common thing.

"Well maybe if you told me I could get pregnant, I would've been more careful! You knew that I'd have sex sooner or later, so why didn't you warn me?"

He sighed. "You're right, I should've said something, but you're still too young to be having sex. Just because you're a boy doesn't mean you can do it all the time and not expect any consequences! Look at you! You're pregnant! You do realize that your teenage life is over now, don't you? Once that baby is born, it will depend on you for every little thing!"

"My baby is a she! Not an it!"

"Don't be smart with me! I will not stand for you having sex all the time! It's not normal!"

"It wasn't all the time! We did it when we were ready! We loved each other!" I sat up a little too quickly and screamed as my ribs protested strongly.

A nurse came in and turned to my father. "Kazekage-sama, your son is seriously injured and you can't stress him out like that!"

He sighed. "Sorry."

The nurse came up to me. "I need to check your ribs. Lift up your shirt."

I obeyed.

"Still a lot of pain?"

"Yeah."

"It's going to take some time to heal. Unfortunately, the damage was so bad that the long-term effects are permanent and you will have a reasonable amount pain there for the rest of your life."

I let out a shaky sigh. I'd never been injured this bad before. Come to think of it, I'd never had to stay in hospital either. So far, I just wanted to go home.

Do you need any pain relief?" Asked the nurse.

"I'm fine at the moment, thanks."

"Shout me if you need anything."

I nodded. "Sure."

She smiled and left the room.

"Gaara." Said my father.

I looked up at him. "Try and get some rest. I'm sorry for being so cold like that." He hugged me briefly. "I love you and I'll come to see you in the morning."

"I'm sorry too. I guess everything seems to be making me angry at the moment."
"It's alright. The Hokage will be over in about five minutes. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

I felt bad from the argument I had with my father. Everything was fine now, but I still wanted to apologize again just to make sure he forgave me properly; What I said was bang out of order. I mean, shouting at him like that? I was surprised that he didn't ground me for life, but I guessed that he decided against punishment because ever since Lee died, my head was a mess and on top of that, the pregnancy didn't help. Thinking about the pregnancy, I started to wonder what my daughter would look like. Would she look like me and have Lee's personality? Or would it be the other way round? Maybe she'd have a bit of both in her. I touched my still flat stomach and wondered how many months it would be until the baby bump actually started to grow. So far, the only signs of pregnancy that had occurred were morning sickness and mood swings. At the moment, the symptoms weren't so severe, but I strongly feared that they would gradually get worse.