Chapter 6

Final Goodbye

I was scared. It was Lee's funeral and I didn't know if I could face his friends at all. Of course they knew about our relationship, but they didn't know I was pregnant. What if I fainted? Or threw up right in front of everybody? Surely if they found out, I'd never be able to return to Konoha ever again. I walked out of the rented house that Temari and I were staying in. I didn't want Kankuro here and father was busy with work. My sister was the only one who I could talk to openly, so I asked her to come instead. Walking down the street, I soon recognized some of Lee's friends; all dressed in black, like me. They stared. Probably wishing that I'd been killed instead. I kept my head down, not wanting to look anybody in the eye. Ever since Lee died, I seemed to had lost all of my confidence, which was dwindling before we even met. But he healed me in a way that nobody else could. With him there. Everything seemed so much better and he spoke positively to make me feel like the most important person in the world. Nobody in the world could ever make me feel so secure again. He was everything to me.

"Gaara?"

I stopped walking and closed my eyes. Go away... I can't do this...

"It's me." Said Neji

"Hello."

"You came?"
"Well he was my boyfriend. Of course."

"Shows you actually did love him then."

"What made you think I didn't?"

"You're the type of person who uses people, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not! I would never do something like that!"

"Don't deny it."

I let out a low growl. "Look, if you came over here to bitch at me, you can just go away right now. I'm not interested in what you have to say."

"Don't start anything with me, punk. I'll take you down in two seconds flat."

"I'm not trying to start anything."

"Lee was too good for you. He probably only went out with you because you're rich. Mind you, so am I!" He laughed. "Richer than you."

A dark haired girl grabbed Neji's arm. "Neji Nii-san. That's enough."

"Stay out of this, Hinata." He turned to me. "And if you expect any sympathy, you're not going to get any! This village hates your guts now, Gaara."

"G-Gomenasai..." I muttered.

"What's that?"

"Gomenasai."

"That's better."

As he walked away, tears welled up in my eyes. How embarrassing... Maybe Neji was right... Lee was too good for me.

"I-I'm sorry about Neji, G-Gaara." Said Hinata, the girl who stopped him from diminishing me any lower. "I-if there's anything-"

"I'm fine." I said in a monotone voice. I walked the rest of the way with my head down lower. Thankfully, nobody said anything more to me. There were people in black crowded around a grave and a coffin... with Lee inside. It comforted me to know he was in there, but it also broke my heart. I stood with the rest of the crowd, feeling unnervingly like an outcast, like I didn't belong. I couldn't bear to look up, so I occupied my gaze with the thick blades of grass below. Before I knew it, the coffin was picked up and slowly lowered into the ground. The lower it went, the more my heart broke. I fought back the sobs, refusing to cry in front of anybody, but I was slowly losing the hardest battle I ever had to endure. Some of Lee's friends went up to the grave and dropped in wreaths and roses. Lee didn't like wreaths and roses. He'd told me that they signify death rather than respect. Of course, I knew Lee's favourite flower was a daffodil. Its bright, sunny colour always brought a smile to his face.

"It is a flower of Spring. The season of new life and youth." He'd said to me one day. I had to agree.

Ignoring the staring eyes, I slowly walked up to the grave and dropped the daffodil in. Staring at his coffin, I let a single tear roll down my face, but wiped it away quickly before anybody could know.

Goodbye, Lee...

My body shook with grief. It all felt so final, like his death had now been tattooed all over my body; so every time I closed my eyes, the marks were there; clear as day. I walked back to everybody, who still held their mocking gazes on me. Why couldn't they just leave me be? I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. Soon, my mind drifted back to all the good times I'd had with Lee. If only they'd stayed that way...

The rain started to beat down upon Lee and I; we were getting drenched. I already had a little cold coming along I didn't want the rain to make it even worse! I looked up at Lee and he smiled me my favourite smile and as a result, this warm feeling took me over and I was shivering no more. Suddenly, I started coughing and Lee looked at me, concerned. "Gaara-kun, are you sick?"

"I have a bit of a cold, but other than that, I'm fine, Lee. Don't worry about me."

He then took off his jacket and placed his over me. "You'll get worse if you don't dry off. You're already freezing to touch."

"Thanks, Lee." I snuggled into the warmth of the jacket. My dark-haired lover suddenly picked me up in his strong arms and planted a loving kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tilted my head so he had better access to two of the four most sensitive parts of my body: My neck and my jawline. He nuzzled at my chin and planted kisses down my neck, licking and sucking on the pale flesh. I moaned and buried my face into his shoulder as he nibbled along my jawline, earning himself a mewl.

"I love you so much, Gaara. So much that I want to hold you forever and never let go."

That was so sweet. It melted my heart. "I love you more."
"Nobody could ever love you like I do now."

I felt the same way about him. It hurt to be away from him for even a second. To think of life without him was too much to bear. "I couldn't live without you, Lee."

"Nor could I you, Gaara-kun. You are my angel."

I hugged him tight, feeling every breathtaking inch of his body, listening to each heartbeat, slowly and hypnotically as it came. He carried me through the rain, back to his house. The jacket kept me dry and his scent was my most favourite drug. I felt so happy, so alive when he was with me.

But of course,

You always come back to reality sooner or later...

Back to reality where your most dearest person is gone...

Forever.

Soil was dropped on the coffin as the grave was filled. I'd bitten a chunk out of my lip by how hard I was chewing it. I couldn't cry. Not in front of everybody. Never. I swallowed the blood, tasting the metallic liquid on my tongue. Deciding my lip received enough torture, I dug my nail into the back of my hand. Tears sprung up in my eyes as the grave was completely filled in. My hand started to bleed, just as my heart bled the day he died.

People started to depart the grave. I didn't notice. I just stood there, staring, waiting for everybody to leave so I could finally have a good cry. I thought everyone was gone, so I started to let the tears roll down my face. Why Lee? Why my one and only love? Did God want me to die of a broken heart? I rubbed my stomach making sure my little girl was okay. It was awful. I wondered how much pain she was going through. Bless her. I almost leapt out of my skin at the feeling of hand on my shoulder. I turned to see a pretty blue-eyed girl with platinum blonde hair tied into a ponytail standing behind me. Ino? She was the last person I would expect to see comforting me. We'd never spoken a word to each other in our lives. Why her? She moved closer to me. "Gaara... it's okay to cry in front of people, you know."

"Yeah for you it is, you're not the one suffering the loss of the only person who made you feel special."

"You know I'm always here to comfort you."

"Thank you Ino. But why now? We don't really speak, do we?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter. I just feel so bad for you. I know you struggle with love and when Lee died, my heart went out to you. Today, I could see you almost screaming in pain on the inside and trying to hold yourself together on the outside. You're hurting bad because of this, aren't you?"

"You can read me so easily."

"I guess." She smiled lightly.

"So, you knew Lee well?"

"Yeah. Remember when Lee really liked Sakura? He asked her out on numerous occasions, but she always refused him."

I nodded.

"It broke his heart. He was in tears all the time and one day, I saw him crying and went up to him. We got talking and he confided in everything to me. I helped him move on from her. A few months after, he told me that he was in love again with such a wonderful person. That person was you. He loved you so much, Gaara. More than you could ever know. He was willing to give anything for you."

I smiled a little, but tears filled my eyes. "I still love him now, with everything I've got. I need him. He meant so much to me."

She nodded and patted my shoulder.

This was so strange... I desperately wanted to tell her about my pregnancy; About everything! But no, a guy should never talk about emotion with a girl... Never.

We stood in silence for a few minutes, but my mind was all over the place. I was glad that I had somebody to support me, somebody I could just speak to without being judged. Of course I had Naruto, but he couldn't keep a secret from anybody. Also, his loud and obnoxious voice tended to give me a headache. Under all that though, I knew he meant well.

Ino suddenly hugged me tight and comfortingly. "I'm here for you, Gaara. Stop by and see me sometime. As a friend."

I nodded. "Thanks."
"I'll leave now. Don't do anything stupid." She then walked away. I stared at Lee's grave and knelt beside it. It seemed so sad... People had just... left. As if Lee was going to be forgotten. Tears filled my eyes and I broke down, sobbing so hard and loud, screaming for him, having a breakdown. My heart hurt, everything burned. No words could describe my absolute grief. I just wanted him to come back! I wanted to be a proper family! Why did the bastard driver of the other car have to crash into us? Didn't they realize how much hurt they caused? The fucking dicks didn't own up! Who the hell did they think they were? My emotions were so confused! I didn't know if I should be sad, angry or feel nothing at all!

I'd been dating Lee three days now. At first, I was nervous; Starting a relationship with another guy. but soon enough, I knew it was right. My father was fine with it and so was my sister, but my brother was a little... ashamed of me.

I didn't care though; Lee made me happy and that's all that mattered. We sat in the park one day after school, talking. Despite it being winter, I was snuggled up to Lee and he kept me warm.

"Here." He'd split his chocolate bar in two and gave me one half, whilst he had the other.

"Thanks, Lee." I ate it slowly. It tasted great. "Where did you get this?"

"I got it from the convenience store." He told me and pulled me into his arms.

At first, I froze a little; not quite sure how to react. I wasn't used to being held like that; Not by anybody. But soon, I started to like the feeling; It made my heart go all fluttery, it also warmed me to the bone. I finished the chocolate and lay my head on Lee's shoulder. He looked down at me and smiled, then leaned down close. I felt a little scared and closed my eyes, but opened them in shock when a pair of lips were pressed against mine. Subconsciously, I wrapped my arms round his neck and moved my lips with his; involuntarily letting out a moan. We pulled away, panting. My face felt heated.

Really heated.

"Gaara-kun, you are blushing." He said softly. "Did you like that?"

"Damn straight I did." I breathed as we delved into another kiss.

I awoke beside Lee's grave. Somebody was shaking me. "Gaara? Wake up." Came Temari's voice.

"Huhnn?" I groaned. I didn't even remember falling asleep.

"Come on, kiddo." My sister picked me up off the ground and carried me away. The air was cold and misty; normal weather for Spring.

Once we got back to the house, Temari sat me on the sofa and felt my forehead for a temperature. "You're lucky you didn't catch a cold in that weather! What the hell were you thinking? I was worried sick about you!" She ranted.

"I'm sorry."

"You will be sorry if you put me through that ever again!"

I stared at the floor.

She sighed. Well, anyway, how was the funeral?"

"It was sad... so final..."

"Did anyone say anything?"

"Ino spoke to me."
"Who's Ino? That blonde chick who fawns over Sasuke?"

"Yeah, her. She's really nice actually."

"Do you even know her?"

"I do now. She told me about Lee. I feel a lot better now after talking to her."

"Really? Well I'm glad."

I smiled.

"So what did you talk about?"
"She told me that she was here for me and we talked about Lee for a while. Stuff like that."

"That's nice."

"I'm going to take a shower." I said, getting up.

"Gaara,"

"What?"

"We're leaving on Sunday. Don't forget."

"Yeah." I actually liked it in Konoha and felt a little sad to leave. Lee's grave was there forever and that meant I couldn't visit him as often as I liked. It was already Saturday. Tomorrow was the final chance I had to properly say goodbye to Lee, but it felt like it wasn't enough. I just needed more time... More time to...

Get over him.

Of course, I knew that would be impossible... especially with Kaeda on the way.

Not like I ever did want to get over him, nor start a relationship with anybody else. The mere thought of that... it was sickening, But I knew that with time, the pain would ease off.

Eventually.

Sighing, I turned the shower on and stripped, but before stepping inside, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and worryingly enough, I realized that I didn't seem to be putting on any weight around my stomach. What if there was something wrong with my baby? Hopefully, she was fine...

Feeling depressed and nervous, I stepped into the shower, welcoming the warmth as the water hit me. I wasn't particularly doing anything but letting the liquid run down my body. I leant my forehead against the shower wall, zoning off into a different world.