A/N: I've posted this chapter earlier than expected for one of my dear friends who needs some cheering up. Hope you feel better soon darling~
This is going to be an extra-long chapter by the way, so be warned.)
Without You
Chapter 11
Warm sunlight gently touched my face, rousing me slowly from my slumber. I opened my eyes – with great difficulty it seemed, because my face felt somewhat stiff with the amount of tears I'd cried last night. There was a burning sensation in my stomach and I realized that I hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon when I went out with Naruto, and I had vomited out of complete fear after Kankuro stabbed himself. Spiteful bastard.
There was nothing left in my stomach, not even water. I hadn't drank anything either and the sensation was making me nauseous. If I were to throw up though, it would be on my bedroom floor since I didn't have access to the bathroom right now. When will my father come back? I wondered. Will he even come back at all?
The alarm clock beside my bed read eight-thirty. Well, that confirmed that I in fact hadn't eaten in over twenty-four hours. Oh, the joy. My stomach was killing me.
I rubbed at my sore eyes and rolled onto my other side with my back to the window. The sunlight already giving me a headache, and I couldn't be bothered to get up to close the blinds either – though the warmth on my back was rather nice.
The events of last night were playing over in my head, making me feel even more distressed - distressed that no matter how loud I spoke, or how much I pleaded with him, my father just wouldn't listen. There was a persistent ache in my heart as I began to think that my family didn't love me at all. I'd be better off living somewhere else, or dead. Would they even care? Would anybody shed a single tear at my funeral? Who would come? Those thoughts seemed to haunt me as I curled up tighter. At this rate, I would end up dead. If I had suffered a miscarriage, I would need an urgent operation to have Kaeda removed from my body. Since my father had locked me in my bedroom, I couldn't get to the hospital anyway, so I'd die of infection in a day or so.
Over the next few hours, the house was still completely silent apart from the muffled noises outside as people got on with their lives, so I guessed that my father was still at the hospital with Kankuro.
It made me wonder how my brother was doing. Yeah, he'd been a complete bastard to me since I told him I was gay, but he was still my brother and I loved him, even if the feelings weren't mutual. Family were family at the end of the day.
It would take a lot to put us back on speaking terms though; he'd ultimately destroyed the relationship I'd built up with my father over the past few years - the relationship I worked so hard on. Just as I was getting close to him, Kankuro went and ruined it all with his nasty little lies.
My mind drifted back to my daughter once again, and I rubbed my hand over the bump, trying to wake her up or at least get some sort of response. Yesterday, I'd been complaining about her kicking me too hard, but right now, I'd give anything to feel some sort of movement. I couldn't care less if she caused internal bleeding through kicking. Just knowing that my little girl was alive would give me something to live for. All she needed to do was shift around, just to let me know that she was still alive.
Nothing happened though. I didn't even feel a twitch or even a flutter, no matter how hard I rubbed, or how softly I spoke.
"Baby, please..." I whimpered. "I'm so sorry… I didn't protect you enough. You were my world; you were all I had left to live for." I sobbed. "Please don't do this to me… I can't live without you!"
Still nothing.
So, she was gone… I would never get to hold her in my arms, or watch her play and grow up. Why did I have to get involved in that fight? Why was I so irresponsible? Maybe this was destiny; maybe this was God's way of telling me that I wasn't fit to be a parent just yet…
"D-don't worry… daddy is g-going to take care of you. I'll be joining y-you soon, my angel." Tears ran down my face. I felt empty… empty and more alone than I had ever felt in my life.
Even Naruto wasn't here anymore. I'd be surprised if he even looked at me again, let alone spoke to me after what my father said to him. I had nobody to turn to now. Kaeda was dead, my little angel - the most important thing in my life and the beautiful bundle of love I created with Lee. She was all I had left of him, and nobody could see how much she meant to me.
I curled up tighter, shaking violently with sobs. I just wanted to die now. What did I have left to live for? What did I have left to look forward to? Lee was gone, Kaeda was gone, Naruto probably wouldn't dare to come near me again, and my own family didn't even want to know me.
Finally managing to calm myself down, I reached into my drawer and pulled out a bottle of painkillers, before tipping the whole lot of them into my hand. I stared at the white pills for a moment, a small smile tugging at my lips despite the tears running down my face. "I'll see you soon, Lee, Kaeda." I whispered, raising my hand to my mouth to swallow them all.
It was then that I heard the click of a lock, and the door swung open. I flinched, trying to shove the pills back into the bottle, but my hands were shaking so badly that the bottle slipped out of my grasp and the tablets clattered loudly to the floor.
My father stood in the doorway, staring at me in shock. He rushed over to me. "What the hell is this?!" He demanded, gesturing over to the scattered pills on my laminated floor, some of them still rolling around.
I avoided eye contact, pushing myself hard against the wall, but he grabbed my wrist before I could even get halfway across the bed.
"Answer me!"
"N-nothing." I stuttered, trying to pull my arm free. "Let go, you're hurting me."
He blinked and let go of my wrist, before adopting his angry expression yet again. "You're such a selfish brat! Your brother is lying injured in hospital and you are trying to take your own life? You have no reason to be sad, no reason at all! You're having a baby for crying out loud, an innocent child who you are obviously planning to kill alongside yourself! What would Lee think? He'd sure as hell be pissed off with you! What kind of monster kills their own child; their own flesh and blood? You disgust me!"
"There is no baby." I said quietly, only half listening to his rant. What did it matter? The damage was done. I had no reason to apologize.
"Of course there is! You're doing it again, aren't you? You're lying to me again, you arrogant little prick! You think about nobody but yourself!"
I flinched, deciding to keep my mouth shut about what actually happened last night. He wasn't going to believe me anyway, no matter what I told him. He thought the sun shined out of Kankuro's ass, apparently. "If you hate me that much, why aren't I in jail?" I asked tonelessly.
"Oh, believe me, I was very tempted to call the police after what you did, but Kankuro insisted that I didn't. See how much he does for you? You're ungrateful, lazy and selfish to assume that I care more about you than him at the moment!"
Oh, my brother had decided to try to act all innocent again by refusing to press charges against me? I wasn't sure if he did it to make me look even worse, or if it was because he was afraid that the police would find out the truth. That was it, I just snapped. I was sick of him pushing me around, treating me as I was an outcast. I was human. I had feelings like everybody else, but my father and brother were both obviously too blinded by hatred to see that. "I didn't do it!" I snapped at my father, finally unable to hold back my words any longer. Kankuro had pushed it too far this time.
"What have I told you about lying?! Do you want to continue living under my roof?"
"I told you, he did it to himself!"
"How dare you accuse him of something like that! I can imagine you to hurt yourself out of pure spite, but not him! After all, if you're evil enough to kill your child. Just shows how little a heart you have!"
"He fell on me really hard! Kaeda-!" I began to explain, but I was cut off when he brought his hand up and backhanded me hard across the face. "Not another word." He hissed quietly. Quiet wasn't good, especially for him. It meant he was livid, and for him to hit me only emphasized that further. He didn't believe in hitting us, not even when any of us were bad.
I held my stinging cheek, staring down into my lap. Tears fell from my eyes once again. I looked up at him. He wore the same shocked expression as I did, even though I could see him trying to keep a stern expression on his face.
"D-dad…" My heart hurt even more. He really did hate me. I tried to reach out and hug him, but he shoved me away. "Just stay out of my sight. You make me sick." He then got up and left the room.
I sat there for a few moments, feeling unwanted and hurt. The pain in my cheek had subsided, but a bright red hand mark remained.
"Wait." I said in almost a whisper.
"What?" He spat, his eyes narrowing as he looked at me.
"How's Kankuro?"
"Finally decided to think of somebody else for a change? Your brother is fine. You're damn lucky only flesh and muscle were damaged, or he probably would have died!"
I kept my gaze locked on the floor and nodded slightly.
"Aren't you going to apologize?"
"I'm sorry." I said.
"Good, now you'll stay up here whilst I go fetch him from the hospital. Then you can apologize to him."
I swallowed roughly, wincing as my throat hurt. "Can I have some water please?" I asked him.
"No." He snapped. "You can have some when you apologize to your brother."
Well, he didn't seem to care that I was dehydrated either. It would probably kill me soon, with a bit of luck. I watched as he stormed out of the room, unfortunately locking the door again.
It was quiet for a while after the front door slammed, apart from the rhythmic ticking of the clock that sat on my dresser. I was hurt and frustrated, sick of Kankuro destroying my life like I had no feelings at all.
I've had enough I thought, before getting up and shoving all my belongings into a bag. I put all the painkillers back into the pot so I could take them with me, planning to end my life far from where anybody would find my body. Nobody cared. I didn't even deserve a funeral if I was that insignificant of a person.
After packing my things, Lee's sweatshirt included, I ripped a page out of my notebook and began to write a note to my family. Tears dropped onto the page, and my writing was barely legible from the way my hands still shook. It read:
Father,
I know you always resented me for what happened to mother. I'll tell her how much you miss her when I join her, Lee and Kaeda up in heaven.
I promise I won't kill Kaeda, she's already dead. I had a miscarriage last night when Kankuro fell on me, but that's not his fault – he just lost his balance. I wasn't lying about anything last night, but you don't have to believe me if you don't want to.
I'm sorry I wasn't the son you always wanted, and I'm sorry for taking mother away from you. After Lee was killed, I know how much it hurts to lose your soulmate.
All I want you to know now is that I love you, even though I barely showed it. That was because I was so afraid you'd just push me away. You were so serious and strict with me, and I never knew when to approach you.
If you're currently wondering where I am, all I can say is that I'm in a better place now - a place I'll never come back from. It's the best thing for all of us, you know that. I just cause arguments and tension all the time, and all I've ever done is disappoint you. I'm sorry for everything: for killing mother whilst she was in labour with me, for being gay, for getting pregnant, and most of all, for being the pathetic, worthless excuse for a human being that you have to call your son. I wish I could have changed sooner before it came to this, but it's too late now. I didn't even have the courtesy to die when the car crashed. Instead, God took away a wonderful person from this world. Not a day goes by when I don't wish it were me instead. I never deserved that second chance at life. Kankuro wouldn't be in hospital if I did die, you would be a happier person, and Temari wouldn't have to work so hard to keep food on our table. I hope you'll be grateful of this gift. You can start all over again; tell everybody that mother died of an illness. You can pretend I never existed.
By the time you read this, I'll be long gone. Don't bother looking for me. I'll at least end my life far away from here so you don't feel guilty for not looking for me. I don't deserve a funeral after all I've done to wrong you.
We began to build a relationship after my accident, but I know we'll never be close. Especially now. I love you dad, I'll miss you so much, even if you won't miss me.
Surprisingly enough, I'm going to miss Kankuro too. Tell him I'm sorry. He is my brother after all, and I can't hate him completely.
Tell Temari she was the best sister in the world, tell her to marry Shikamaru. He's good for her. I've seen the way he makes her laugh.
On a final note, I'll let you know that I've cleared everything out of my room, so you don't need to worry about what to do with my belongings after I'm gone. Most of my things are going in the trash. A corpse has no need for them. If you do happen to find my body and want to lay me to rest, all I ask is that you bury me next to Lee, if you can afford it.
Thank you. I wish you all well for the future,
Gaara x
P.S: Here is my money. I was saving it for Kaeda, but she's gone now and soon, I will be joining her.
After writing the letter, I wiped away the tears that had formed in my eyes and pulled out a wad of cash from under my dresser. There was over three-hundred dollars altogether. I placed the notes on the letter and hauled the rucksack onto my shoulders. It was unbearably heavy, but I endured it and pulled myself up onto the window ledge. It was exhausting to move with all this extra weight, from both Kaeda and my bag, so I took a few moments to rest before standing up. I used the curtain rail to balance myself, before starting to kick my window. It was lucky I was wearing my black and silver New Rock boots on, along with a pair of thick jeans, or the glass shards would have cut my legs to ribbons. I wouldn't be going anywhere then, would I?
The glass smashed after a few kicks, and I glanced around my room for the last time, before climbing through the window and staring down at the ground below me, feeling a little nauseous at the thought of slipping and breaking my bones. I was going to kill myself anyway, but I at least wanted to be able to move to die somewhere nobody would find me, just as I promised my family in my letter. Broken legs didn't seem like a good idea right now.
Taking a deep breath, I slipped the bag from my shoulders and dropped it onto the grass at the foot of my house. It landed with a loud thud, but I paid no attention to it and turned around, stretching my left leg down over the windowsill, trying to get a good enough grip on my boots that would allow me to climb down without slipping and breaking my neck. Once I felt stable enough, I slowly pulled my body over the edge and began to scale down the wall.
The texture of the stone was rough and allowed me to descend easily without losing my grip. My boots had a thick sole on them, and they supported my weight well. For that, I was thankful. It was hard enough to stand with the heaviness of Kaeda in my abdomen threatening to break my spine, and I was still exhausted by the time I reached the bottom. The glass had cut my hands and knees when I had climbed over the broken shards to get out of the window; but it wasn't anything too bad that would keep me from walking around. It wasn't as if I cared how badly hurt I was anyway unless it prevented me from walking; I would be dead in a mere couple of hours.
Staring at my house, the place I had lived all my life, tears filled my eyes again. Some of my happiest memories were here, such as when Lee kissed me goodnight on the lips outside my front door. It was the night of our first date. I remembered him coming to pick me up in his brand new car, now a wreck in the scrapyard, the car that my wonderful, loving boyfriend lost his life in.
Another memory I fondly remembered occurred many years ago, way before Kankuro and I fell out. Although I could only recall small snippets of the memory, I clearly remembered the excitement etched on my brother's face as he rushed towards me. I was a five-year old at the time, innocently playing around in my sandbox when he shoved a puppet into my hands. It was a beautiful carving made from laminated wood, its arms and legs detached from its body and held together by purple strings. It was in the form of a human and had three eyes arranged into a triangle, then a messy mop of 'hair' which was actually brown wool, sat atop its head. Its mouth was also designed to open and close. I remember smiling up at Kankuro and hugging him tight, thanking him for the wonderful present he'd made for me.
I was jerked from my reminiscing when I heard the almost sinister crunching of car tyres upon gravel as my father pulled up in the driveway. I was currently situated at the back of the house, but we had French doors in the kitchen so he'd be able to see me in the back garden as soon as he walked in. I hurried around to the side of the house as silent as I could and hid behind the tool shed. Thank God I was standing on grass, or he would have heard my hurried footsteps.
I watched my father get out of the car with Kankuro and Temari. My brother was being helped out of the car by my father and sister. He was really putting it on, acting like he was so weak and dying of the pain. Yeah right.
"That damn brat is going to pay for what he did to me." Hissed Kankuro's angry voice.
"I've locked him in his room if that's enough satisfaction for you." My father replied. "He's sulking and feeling sorry for himself. The selfish little bastard then tried to take an overdose so I'd feel sorry for him." He snorted. "Not going to happen. He hasn't got the guts to kill himself."
Oh yeah? I thought bitterly. Just wait until you read my letter
"You're right there." Kankuro snorted.
It was then that I heard my sister's voice. "Don't you think that locking him in his room is dangerous? Does he have access to food and water?" She asked.
"No." My father replied coldly. "I'm not being soft on him just because he's carrying a baby!"
"What if he has a miscarriage?!" She questioned.
"He won't."
"How can you-"
"Enough!" He spat. "Or do you want me to lock you up in your room?"
There was no response to that. I sighed softly. At least Temari didn't hate me as much as they did. I almost felt bad for leaving her forever, but it was for the best.
As soon as I heard the front door slam shut, I cautiously walked out from behind the shed, hurrying as fast as I could away from the house, though making sure to tread extra carefully on the gravel so I didn't alert them. I knew my father always kept an ear open for the sound of our gravelled driveway. He was extremely paranoid about burglars, and making sure the house was prepared in case we had visitors.
Finally, I made it onto the sidewalk, luckily without any of my family members hearing me. I had to hurry. No doubt that once my father had set Kankuro on the couch, he'd go straight to my room to scold me some more. I walked as fast as I could down the street, not quite having enough strength to run.
3
It had warmed up a little by the time I made it into the city, but I was exhausted. My spine felt like it was going to break if I walked any further; I physically couldn't walk any further.
A sigh left my lips as I leaned against a nearby wall, reaching behind me to rub my sore back. I was so hungry and thirsty. In the back of my mind, I regretted running away. No doubt if I'd have begged just a little more, my father would have given me a glass of water and something to eat. It was just as I looked up that I noticed a familiar blonde male hurrying towards me. He had various cuts and bruises on his face, but generally looked fine. I was glad that my brother hadn't banged him up too badly.
"What do you want?" I asked Naruto irritably. How could I end it all if he was going to delay me further? "I have to be somewhere."
He tilted my head up to look at him. "You've been crying."
"Well what do you expect after last night?" I snapped, jerking my chin out of his grasp and resuming staring at the floor.
"Well somebody's pissy this morning." He grumbled, and then stared pointedly at my bag. "Where are you headed anyway?"
"I'm going to see my aunt." I lied as I began to walk away, but I was cut short by a sharp pain in my abdomen. Gasping slightly, I wrapped my arms around my bump, a small shiver running up my spine.
Naruto stared at me for a moment before helping me straighten up.
I realized then that I had doubled over from the pain. "I'm fine."
"You're not." He growled. "Hospital. Now."
"N-"
"Gaara!" He said sharply. "Don't argue, there's something wrong with you!"
I winced at his tone of voice and tried to pull away. "Just fuck off, I said I'm fine!"
However, it was Naruto, and of course, he never took no for an answer when he had his mind already made up about something. He then gripped my wrist, easily pulling me along the road. I tried to struggle, but it was no use. He'd always been so much stronger than I was.
I was just so afraid in case my father was already driving around looking for me. He'd just accuse me of being selfish and lock me in my bedroom again if he did happen to find me. Well, shit. If he did that, I'd still win. I would do all I could to die, like refusing to eat, taking hundreds of painkillers in one sitting, refusing to drink, throwing myself out of the window… there were so many ways to kill myself, and there wasn't shit he could do about it. He couldn't ruin my life if I was dead. Heck, I wouldn't have a life to ruin anymore! My soul would be in a place he couldn't reach, no matter what he did. I'd finally be away from all that pain and sorrow, I'd finally be with my wonderful Lee again.
Whilst I was lost in thought, Naruto had indeed dragged me to the hospital. I blinked up at the large building in front of us, letting him drag me through the double-doors
We approached the reception desk, where a pink-haired girl I recognized as one of Lee's old crushes, was sorting through some files. I assumed she was training to be a doctor under Tsunade. Her pale green eyes met mine, and she forced a smile. "Gaara, Naruto, what a lovely surprise."
I felt self-conscious, afraid of her figuring out that I was pregnant. Had Tsunade already told her? I hoped not. Even if she hadn't, my baggy hoodie hid the bump pretty well, but in my mind, it felt like I was shirtless, letting the eyes of everybody in the room stare and judge me.
Naruto grinned beside me, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sakura-chan…"
"What can I do for you?" She asked.
"Gaara is really sick, can-" Naruto began.
"I need to see Tsunade." I interrupted him.
"Ah, she's busy right now. May I take a message?" She asked sweetly.
"This is urgent." I told her sternly. "Please, she'll understand."
"I'm sorry, but-"
"Look, she'll want to see me! She knows about my condition better than anybody else here!"
She raised a pink eyebrow. "Condition?"
I wanted to punch her.
"Gaara." Tsunade came in from one of the wards. "You're not due for a check-up for another week yet." She said.
"Something's wrong." I told her, my voice hoarse from fear.
Her eyes widened. She turned to Sakura. "It's fine. He needs to see me now."
The girl nodded, staring at me curiously.
I avoided her gaze, turning my attention to Tsunade. She immediately led me into a room to have an ultrasound scan. Naruto came in with me and helped me onto the bed, since I would struggle with all the weight along with the back pain.
"What happened?" Tsunade asked after closing the door and locking it, just to ensure that we wouldn't be disturbed. If anybody found out about this, it could ruin my life. Mind you, not like I would have a life to ruin later, actually.
"Kankuro attacked us… he fell back on me and crushed my abdomen." I explained to her sullenly, watching her set the scanner up. I was almost sure that Kaeda was dead, but all I needed was the confirmation, just to reassure me that I would not be deemed a child murderer.
Tsunade then lifted my shirt and squeezed some transparent gel onto my bump.
I winced at how cold it was and kept my head turned away from the screen, not wanting to see what Kankuro had done to my baby. "She's dead isn't she?" I asked, my voice a whisper. Tears were running down my face. Naruto wrapped his arms around me, sitting down on the chair he'd pulled up next to my bed. "It'll be okay." He soothed, gently stroking my hair.
Normally, that calmed me down, but today, I was so terrified that I couldn't even think straight.
Tsunade didn't say anything, running the scanner over the gel. After a few minutes of her moving it around my sides, I almost fainted in relief when I heard the vague sound of a heartbeat from the scanner. Quickly, I glanced up at the screen to my right, seeing my little girl inside me, moving very slightly. That didn't explain the pain I was experiencing though.
"What's wrong with her?" I asked.
Tsunade smiled a little. "It's nothing to worry about, I promise. When Kankuro fell on you, it seems that he did indeed crush your womb, but the damage isn't lasting – it's only bruised, and the impact dazed her a little, so that's why she wasn't moving. It you were suffering with a miscarriage, the pain would be at least ten times worse. It would feel like you were going into labour early, and at this stage of the pregnancy, your waters would have broken. You are six months gone, so if you did go into labour, Kaeda may have survived anyway. She would be weak and premature, but there is a chance of survival after five months of pregnancy."
I nodded as I listened to her, shaking from relief. My little girl needed me now. I couldn't kill myself, no way. "Thank you. I was just worried."
"That's understandable." She said with a smile. "You need to rest for a few days now, just until the pain goes away. Kaeda will get more active in a few hours, but if she stops moving all of a sudden or if the pain becomes worse, you need to come back and see me. Keep warm, drink plenty of fluids and eat properly."
"Thank you." I said again, laying my hand on my bump. Although I couldn't feel her, knowing she was alive was enough to make me smile slightly.
"Take care of yourself." She helped me off the bed and placed a hand on my shoulder.
Naruto put his arm around me and grinned. It seemed like he was just as relieved as I was.
I let him lead me away, waving Tsunade goodbye as I left the room with him. Everything seemed so much better now, but that didn't mean I was going to return home anytime soon.
3
"What's with the bag?" Naruto asked as we headed back to his apartment. Despite my protests, he'd insisted that I spend the rest of the day with him. In truth, I just wanted to be on my way; possibly to another city and far away from my family.
"I already told you, I was headed to my aunt's." I replied.
"Bullshit. You don't have an aunt."
I scowled at him. "And how do you know about my family tree all of a sudden?"
"Because I distinctly remember you telling me that the only family you have are the ones you live with."
I blinked at him. He was right; I certainly did recall saying that to him a couple of years ago.
"Are you going to keep lying to my face?" He asked.
"I just don't want you to worry."
He stopped walking, staring at me with a confused and hurt expression on his face. "Gaara, I love you, of course I'm going to worry! I didn't get a wink of sleep last night because I was so afraid that something would happen to you! I'm going to worry about you all the time!"
I flinched. "I'm sorry. You deserve the truth."
"Mhmm…" He grunted. "So I'll ask again, what's with the bag?" He repeated.
"I've run away." I replied. "I can't take it anymore; Kaeda is in danger if I stay there."
He raised an eyebrow. "Come on, there's more to it than that. I know you more than you think I do."
There was nothing I could hide from him, I should've learnt that years ago. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "My dad hit me. He told me to get out of his sight."
"He what?!" Naruto snarled, gripping my shoulders tightly. "Your own father hit you?!"
Great. Now he was pissed off. There was no telling what he could do when he was pissed off. "B-believe me… it was only a slap across the face. He's never done it before."
"Stop sugar-coating it! A slap is still a form of abuse!" He snapped.
"So?! Parents do hit their kids sometimes!" I hissed.
"And who's to say he won't do it again, hm? Kankuro is already violent enough!"
"He won't!" I protested. "I'm not going back there again anyway!"
"So what?! I'm still going to kick his fucking ass!" He growled, and then began to hurry away.
"Wait!" I pulled on his arm hard in a futile attempt to get him to stop, but he was just too strong. "Naruto, stop! You'll fuck up everything even more!"
"I can't tolerate child abuse!" He snarled.
"Naruto!" I snapped. "I said no! If he finds me, I'll be grounded forever!"
He shook his arm from my grasp and ran back down the road.
I was tempted to go after him, but I was just too tired for starters, and the prospect of my father finding out where I was made me think twice. "Fine, do what you want! I'll just get out of this mess myself!" I hissed, watching him disappear round a corner. Stress was the last thing I needed now, after that miscarriage scare. If I wasn't careful, I truly could lose Kaeda. It was lucky she survived after Kankuro fell on me.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I took a deep breath to calm myself down and tried to put my mind on other things.
Right, all I needed to focus on now was finding somewhere to live. There was no way I could afford an apartment, even if I still had the three-hundred dollars I'd lent to my family. The cost of living was so ridiculously expensive now. My father was rich, and even he struggled to pay the bills sometimes.
I hadn't a penny on me right now, and I wouldn't go back to my house if my life depended on it. If I went back, my father would just insult me some more and probably never speak to me again. I couldn't take that, I knew it would be too much for me.
Naruto was rushing to my house unfortunately, so I walked in the opposite direction, heading to Konoha. Maybe the accommodation there would be cheaper. I could get a job to pay the rent, and on top of that, I'd get child benefits every week once Kaeda was born. We'd be fine, and we'd be closer to Lee's grave.
A hand on my shoulder jolted me from my thoughts. I flinched and stopped walking, glancing over my shoulder to see who had grabbed me.
A familiar blonde male stared down at me, his bright blue eyes filled with concern and guilt. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I just wasn't thinking clearly. When you told me he hit you, I just couldn't control my rage."
I sighed, placing my hand on his arm. "It's alright… Let's just go before someone finds me."
"Wait… where are you even going?" He asked with a hint of exasperation in his voice, not budging from the spot.
"I don't know, anywhere." I replied, stopping when he grabbed my wrist gently.
"Why don't you crash at mine for a couple of days, instead of just spending the rest of the day here?" He suggested.
I thought about it for a moment. "Does my dad know where you live?"
He shook his head.
"In that case, sure. Thank you." I said, a small smile tugging at my lips. "Will your Godfather mind?"
"No, of course not! He loves it when I have friends over."
"But I'm not just a friend, am I?"
He blushed a little. "Yeah… well he won't mind that either."
I raised an invisible eyebrow. "How can you be so sure?"
"Gaara, have you seen the novels he writes? Knowing him, he'd write something based on our relationship."
"Isn't that a little creepy?"
"You get used to it." He replied with a shrug, putting his arm around me as we walked to his apartment. I vaguely knew of Jiraiya's work, but I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't get Naruto into trouble if he caught us kissing or something.
"I won't be too much of a burden. I'll only stay for tonight, actually, and then I'm going to start looking for my own place."
"You can stay for as long as you need to" He told me sternly. "Or at least until you start feeling better."
I nodded, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Thank you again."
"It's nothing." He took his cell phone out of his pocket and proceeded to phone Jiraiya to come pick us up. Not even twenty minutes later, he was there. I got in the vehicle next to Naruto and before long; we were on the way to his place.
3
During the course of my friendship with Naruto, I'd never really been to his apartment. Sure, I'd called round for him before and stood at the door whilst Jiraiya told me he wasn't in, but I'd never actually been inside.
It was much bigger than I expected, I realized, as Naruto led me through the door. There was a double bed pushed up to the large, green-framed window. The bed had white sheets, and above it were two posters. One advertising Naruto's favourite restaurant, Ichiraku Ramen, and the other was a wall scroll with the Konoha symbol painted in red on it.
The window gave a nice view over the whole city and far beyond. I could just vaguely see the snowy mountaintops of Yuukigakure on the horizon, far past the huge forest. It really was beautiful here, far nicer than Suna. All you could see from my bedroom window was sand, sand, sand - sand as far as the eye could see. My house was right at the back of the city up against the border walls, and my bedroom was situated at the back of the house.
I glanced around the apartment, noticing how untidy it was compared to my place. Numerous empty ramen cups littered the floor, along with various manga books. Among the mess sat what looked like an old Playboy magazine.
Naruto caught my gaze and stepped in front of me, kicking the magazine under the worn couch that was pushed up against the back wall. I pretended not to notice the magazine.
"So…" He began nervously. "I'll show you around."
I nodded, letting him lead me through a doorway that was the kitchen. It was narrow, long and well lit, with a decent-sized refrigerator and polished sienna worktops. The floor, as with the rest of the house, was laminated, the wood a light shade of pine. This was probably the cleanest part of the apartment I'd seen so far, but I could soon change that if Naruto and Jiraiya gave me permission to clean. It was the least I could do for them to show my appreciation.
Next, he showed me to the bathroom opposite the kitchen. It was smaller than my own, but it still had a working shower, toilet and sink, so I wasn't really fussed. There was a lock on the door too, luckily. I didn't want either of them seeing me in the shower. It was bad enough if my own family walked in on me. Heck, if Lee was still alive, I wouldn't appreciate him doing that either.
As he led me out of the bathroom, I looked across the hall to see an unopened door, one I hadn't been in yet. "What's in there?" I asked, pointing over to it.
Naruto blinked and followed my gaze. "Oh, that's Jiraiya's study. I rarely see him. He's always working on his novels." He replied.
"Oh right."
He led me over to the couch. "Do you want a drink or anything?"
I nodded. "Sure, thank you."
"What'll you have?"
"Well, what have you got?" I countered with a smirk.
"Tea, coffee, Coke, lemonade, water, orange juice, Monster, lots of sake – but I can't imagine it's a good idea to drink sake whilst pregnant. Same goes for Monster."
"Hmm… I'll have Coke please." I told him.
He nodded and hurried into the kitchen, before poking his head round the door just seconds later. "Hungry?"
"Yeah." I replied, pushing myself off the couch to follow him.
Whilst the drinks were fizzing down, he opened various cupboards to show all the food he owned. I almost felt like facepalming when I saw the amount of ramen cups were in there. Did the whole household literally live off ramen? I took some bread out, the most natural edible thing in there, and headed over to the fridge, seeing nothing in there that I really liked. "Do you have any bacon chips?" I asked, grabbing the butter.
"Uh… should do." He replied, filling our glasses up again now the fizz was gone. "Check the cupboard next to the window."
I nodded, opening it and taking out said bacon chips. They were the best thing to put in a sandwich, alongside real bacon. God I loved bacon. "You want a sandwich too?" I asked.
"What are you having?" He asked.
"Bacon chip sandwich. It's really good."
He raised an eyebrow, before smirking and taking some bread out. "Sure, might as well try it."
"Would you like me to butter your bread?" I asked as he came over.
"W-what?"
"I said, would you like me to butter your-" It was then I noticed his expression, and my face heated up. "Sorry, oh shit, didn't mean it to sound like that."
He laughed and leaned closer to me. "Of course Gaara, I would love you to butter my bread."
"You'll be lucky." I said, managing to keep a giggle out of my voice.
Well, after buttering Naruto's bread and filling the sandwiches, we retreated to the living room, where he switched on the TV.
"Any good movies on?" I asked, before taking a bite of my sandwich.
"Not that I can see." He answered through a mouthful of his own. "Unless you want to watch that sappy romantic shit."
I shook my head. "What stuff do you have on DVD?"
"Take a look." He grunted, pointing over to a cardboard box next to the TV. The blonde was obviously more interested in eating his food right now.
After finishing my own lunch, I got up and began rummaging around in the box, looking for something that would catch my attention. It was then that a title stuck out to me. I picked the case out of the box and held it out to Naruto.
"The Avengers, hm?" He asked as he stared at the casing for a few moments. "Never knew you were a Marvel fan."
"Are you kidding me?" I scoffed. "Who doesn't love Marvel?"
He rubbed the back of his head and grinned. "Yeah, you're right. Sit down and I'll put it on."
I nodded, sitting on the couch and pulling my knees up to my chest.
After the curtains were drawn, and when Naruto returned to the couch, the movie started.
Throughout the whole thing, I found myself lounging on Naruto, cuddling him, or vice versa. Not that either of us minded; we both enjoyed the company. It had to be lonely for Naruto sometimes if Jiraiya stayed in his office all day, writing.
3
After the movie ended, and when the sun was making its slow descent into the horizon, I carefully pushed myself up out of Naruto's arms. He had fallen asleep about twenty minutes ago, and there was nothing on TV apart from game shows and documentaries on global warming. Neither of which caught my interest, really.
My mind drifted back to my family. Had they found my letter by now? Did they even care that I'd gone? Now that I'd decided to stay alive for Kaeda's sake, it would be strange if they bumped into me any time after today. I knew I couldn't stay with Naruto any longer than a week, because if my family really did care about me, his place would probably be the first place they'd look, and neither Jiraiya nor Naruto could conceal me from them forever. I had to find my own place – far away from here. Yuukigakure, one of the neighbouring countries sounded like a good place, but so did Amegakure. Neither of them had the best weather, and I hated the cold and rain, but at least I'd never have to face my family again, excluding Temari. She had always been like a mother to me, and she'd done nothing wrong. For that, I felt bad for leaving her, but she had Shikamaru to keep her company and to cheer her up. I really did hope they'd get married.
A sudden, sharp jab to my abdomen made me gasp, and I smiled a little. Tsunade was right; Kaeda was perfectly fine. I was more than relieved to feel her shifting around inside me after hours of stillness. "I knew you couldn't be defeated that easily." I said to her as she kicked at my hand. "You're a tough one, just like your daddy was."
"Who are you talking to?" Naruto asked sleepily, obviously having woken up.
I turned around. "Kaeda is moving again."
He grinned, placing his hand on the bump and rubbing it gently. "Sweet! See? Tsunade's always right! I told you she'd be able to help!"
"Yeah." I hugged him tight. "Thank you."
His arms wrapped protectively around me, and he pulled me into his lap to plant a loving kiss on my lips. It felt weird to kiss him, but I wasn't complaining. I moved my lips against his and placed my hands on his shoulders, before closing my eyes to relish the feeling.
We pulled away for breath after about a minute, and I lay my head on his shoulder. He was warm as usual and I felt all my tensions melting away as he rubbed a hand soothingly up and down my back.
"I'm hungry." He mumbled tiredly after a few minutes.
I hummed in response, already on the verge of sleep.
"What about you?"
I inhaled deeply as I came back to my senses, before pushing myself up and stretching. "I guess."
"Well, it is six you know."
"Is it?" We'd been snuggled up on the sofa for a good four hours then. I had to admit I felt much better now after such a long rest.
Naruto stood up first. "So, what do you want to eat?"
"Anything." I replied. "What do you have in?"
"Well, you saw my cupboards, so it's instant ramen I guess."
I nodded in agreement. If I had any money on me, I would have offered to treat us both to a takeout or something. "Instant ramen it is then."
He smiled brightly and went off into the kitchen to prepare it. "What flavour do you want?" He called from the kitchen just minutes later. "I've got chicken, chow mein, beef, bacon, sweet and sour, and mild curry."
Surely I'd had enough bacon today. "Chow mein please. Do you want any help?"
"No no, just rest alright?"
It was then that Jiraiya came through the door, his face flushed and his hair damp – oh, and harbouring a black eye. No doubt he'd been spying on the women in the hot springs again, and he'd been caught, again.
"Oi, Naruto!" The man called, dropping his bag onto the floor.
The blonde poked his head round the door, his expression turning into a scowl. "Don't tell me, you got banned from another bathhouse?"
"Well… not exactly banned…" He began to explain, a sheepish look on his face.
"You're a dirty old man, ya know?" The blonde said sharply.
"Yeah, yeah, I got work to do after all this research. What are you doing in the kitchen anyway?"
"Cooking dinner for me and Gaara." He replied. "Why?"
"Let me guess, ramen?"
"Well, if you haven't noticed, old man, we've got nothing else in the cupboards."
"And that's why…" He got out a wallet, or should I say, Naruto's froggie purse. "I want you to take him out to dinner!"
I blinked and stared at the white-haired man. "Oh no, you don't have to spend anything on me. You're already doing enough by letting me stay here."
He smirked, tossing the purse to Naruto. "Nonsense. You're the guest, you deserve much better than instant ramen for dinner. That won't satisfy you, especially in your condition."
I shot a glare to Naruto. "Alright idiot, who else have you told?"
Jiraiya cut in before Naruto could reply. "Only me, there's no need to worry."
"Hey, old man, this is my money! I actually thought you were treating me!" The blonde snapped, completely changing the subject.
"I added twenty dollars in there, actually. Take Gaara out for some proper food. I'm perfectly fine with the ramen."
Naruto scowled again, leaving the kitchen. "Fine, but don't eat the beef flavour, alright? That's my favourite."
"Yeah yeah, get outta here and have some fun." He reached over and ruffled his hair.
"Thanks old man." He said with a smirk, before grabbing my arm. "Let's go!"
I smiled a little and nodded, before turning back to Jiraiya. "Thank you."
Naruto tugged at my hand impatiently, opening his front door. "Come on redhead, I'm starved!"
We both left the apartment and headed down to the city.
AN: For those of you who don't know what "New Rock" boots are, here are some examples: . /78/1/new-rock-boots )
