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CHAPTER 32


SOFIA POV

"What in God's name just happened," I demand, words forced from my tightly clenched teeth.

"You tell me!" Catherine counters, finger pointing angrily to the wall that currently separates her and Officer Colb. "That asshole is from your department."

"So what?" I question, my own voice much louder and higher pitched than I would like it.

I try hard to remain in control under any circumstances, but this one I will admit is pushing me to my limits.

"So maybe you should pay a bit more attention to what's going on around you, Curtis!" she suggests less than kindly.

Taking a breath, I shake my head, trying to steady my own thoughts, my own emotions, all of which are rushing through me at a million miles a second.

I keep seeing visions of what I walked in on tonight leaving Brass' gala event. Keep seeing Sara and Colb violently assaulting one another near the back of the parking lot, violence and aggression at levels I can barely fathom.

"I didn't know about that article, Catherine," I tell her, voice losing some of its edge as I think about the reason that brought us all to this moment, the reason we're both so on edge. "I had no idea it was up there."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, leaning back against the edge of my desk.

"I didn't know," I repeat quietly.

Losing some of her own anger, Catherine silently watches me for a moment before shaking her head.

"I know you didn't," she tells me, her own voice subdued.

Taking a breath, she points back towards the wall.

"What the hell is his deal, though," she questions. "I barely even recognized his name before tonight. Seems a pretty personal attack for someone who I didn't think even knew Sara that well."

"He doesn't know any of you that well," I tell her. "But to him all CSIs are the same."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning his partner was just discharged from the force following an investigation by Stokes."

"His partner was Pat Burk?" she asks with raised brows.

"Yes," I confirm. "Fired as of last week."

"So it's our fault that happened?" she questions darkly. "We're the ones who fired that bullet that killed an unarmed kid?"

Shaking her head, she advances slightly.

"We put the alcohol in his system that made him drunk off his ass when he showed up for duty that night?"

"Hey," I call, raising my hands. "You're barking at the wrong tree, Catherine."

Staring me down for a moment or two more, she finally shakes her head and backs off.

"So he's pissed at us for doing our job, and takes it out on Sara?"

"Convenient target," I tell her, hating the answer, truthful as it is. "He's pissed at the CSIs whose backs he and his partner have watched at countless crime scenes. CSIs who then turn around and kick his partner off the force without a second thought."

I shrug.

"He sees it as a betrayal of his brother in arms and takes advantage of an opportunity to fire back at one of your own."

"That's fucked up," she states. "Nick was doing his job. Cops like his partner deserve to be taken off the streets."

Clenching her fists, she advances.

"When is it going to stop being an us versus you thing?" she questions darkly. "When is it going to be about justice and truth – values both our departments taut as our founding principles?"

"Again, wrong tree."

"This is bullshit," she gets out. "I want him gone. What he did was beyond crossing a line."

"Brass is dealing with him," I tell her.

She nods slowly, only appeased because she knows Brass isn't going to take this situation lightly. Not when it comes to Sara.

"I need to talk to her," Catherine states, and she doesn't need to specify who she's referring to.

"You need to get yourself cleaned up," I tell her, pointing to her hands and the dried blood near her mouth.

Looking down, she takes in her hands, her expression dour as she silently watches her palms.

"It's hers," she says, voice barely above a whisper. "Most of this is hers."

Taking a steadying breath, I pull myself to my full height.

"I know," I tell her quietly. "I'll try to get her to get medical treatment, but you need to let me speak with her first. I need her statement before this goes any further."

She doesn't look at me, her eyes still fixed on her blood-stained hands.


SOFIA POV

Walking around the building to the back, I take a deep breath as two forms come into view.

Nodding at Seth, I give him permission to leave as I take his place alongside the brunette standing stiffly in the night.

"Is Catherine alright?" she asks darkly the moment we're alone, eyes focused near the back fence. "They won't let me see her."

"She's fine," I reassure her. "They need you two separate until they get everyone's statements about what happened."

Sara doesn't comment, back to the brick wall behind her.

"She's fine, Sara," I try again to reassure her.

"She better be."

Placing my own back against the wall, I stare out into the night with her for a bit, trying to organize my thoughts. Trying to figure out how in the world I'm supposed to handle this particular situation.

"Just ask," Sara's states, voice cutting through the silence.

Taking a breath, I steady myself.

"How'd it start?"

"He confronted Catherine in the parking lot. They had a verbal exchange."

"And then?"

"And then you know the rest."

Again, images of the night flash through my mind. Fists, rage, blood, anger.

Watching her profile, I see the blood still trickling slowly from her temple, the arm cradled limply by her side.

"I didn't know, Sara," I tell her quietly, shaking my head in the darkness. "You have my word that I didn't know."

She doesn't comment, doesn't move, and part of me wonders if she even heard me.

"I know," she eventually gets out, dark eyes straight ahead.

"It's gone," I tell her. "Brass is dealing with Colb."

Finally breaking her frozen posture, Sara shakes her head.

"Doesn't matter," she says quietly. "He accomplished what he wanted."

"Sara…"

"Do you honestly want to stand there and pretend like taking down that article makes any difference?" she challenges.

Finally turning to face me, she fixes her gaze on mine, features dark.

"Do you honestly want to pretend like the entire department isn't already going to know exactly what it said."

"Sara," I try again, hating to see Sara like this. Hating that she's right.

"No," she counters, pushing herself away from the wall. "You don't have to say anything. What's done is done."

"It doesn't change anything," I tell her sternly. "You're still Sara, the same Sara I knew this morning. The same Sara I've worked with for years."

Sara turns her gaze back out towards the night. Shaking her head, she readjusts her stance.

"That's bullshit. I don't know who that Sara was, Sofia," she tells me. "But I can tell you I'm not her anymore. Haven't been for a very long time."

"Then find her," I tell her sternly. "Don't lose her to the actions of some bastard cop looking for a cheap shot at a CSI."

"She was lost before Colb," Sara counters. "She was lost back when her brother blew his brains out in her living room. She was lost when she found out her other brother was abusing his own children. She was lost when her mother hung herself in her jail cell. She was lost when her father was stabbed to death in front of her…should I continue?"

Shaking her head darkly, she takes a shaking step away from me.

"She's lost," she gets out, voice strained. "And I've been fighting like hell to make that okay, to make myself someone still good and kind and just."

Her eyes lift to mine, her expression dark and haunted, blood trickling from her face to the ground.

"I wanted to kill him tonight," she tells me in a whisper. "I honestly think I would have if you didn't pull him away."

"Sara," I counter. "People get angry, enraged. It doesn't make them bad people."

"I've been trying so hard all these years to be someone good," she repeats, as if she didn't hear me. "But I don't know how long I can keep doing this…it's too much…it's all just too fucking much…"

Stepping slightly closer to her, I don't dare try to touch her, but I angle my head so my eyes are meeting hers.

"It seems wrong to even say what I'm about to say," I tell her, working to keep my voice steady. "You've been through hell, and part of me wants to tell you to just let go and allow yourself to be angry."

I swallow, "But I've seen the amazing person that you are, the amazing things you're capable of. And I'd hate to lose that person, Sara."

I shake my head, trying to keep her eyes meeting mine.

"Please," I whisper. "It's shitty and selfish and unfair, but the world needs more people like the Sara Sidle that I know."

Her eyes search mine, and it takes everything within me not to reach out to her, not to try to physically hold and protect this person who I genuinely consider my friend. This person who is struggling and teetering on the edge of a darkness I can only attempt to fathom.

"Try," I get out quietly. "One day at a time. Don't let what he did erase how far you've come."

Sara and I continue to watch each other across the darkness, neither one of us saying anything. Both of us tense and barely holding ourselves together.

Hearing a noise off to our left, I finally look away and note a figure approaching.

Sending Sara one final look, I step slightly away from her, taking in the form as it comes further into view.

"Nancy," I greet, recognizing her as Catherine's sister I've met once before. "Nice to see you again."

"Same here," Nancy offers, sending me a slight nod as her eyes quickly shift towards Sara. "But I think we should stop meeting like this."

"Agreed," I tell her, watching her eyes move up and down the brunette.

"What happened?" she asks, stern eyes on Sara, but I get the impression the question was directed towards me. "I got a call from Jim."

"There was a fight that broke out with another officer," I state, keeping my answer brief and vague for now. Something tells me Nancy is going to find out all the details soon enough.

"Are you alright?" Nancy asks to Sara this time, expression tense.

"Please check on Catherine," Sara responds, her own eyes edgy.

"Jim said she was okay," Nancy states, gaze immediately shifting to mine for confirmation.

"Please," Sara interjects, drawing Nancy's attention back to her.

Looking Sara over, Nancy's eyes pause near her shoulder, expression darkening before they stop again near her hairline.

Finally nodding slowly, Nancy steps slightly back from the brunette.

Sending me a look, she steps towards the building.

"Don't you dare let her out of your sight," she demands sternly.


NANCY POV

"One more," I tell her, not expecting and not getting a response.

Sara simply stares straight ahead, not moving as I place the last stitch near her eyebrow.

"Alright," I state, cutting the needle free. "I think that does it."

"Thanks," Sara offers, voice nearly getting lost in the night air.

Nodding, I place my first aid supplies back in their bag and set it along the porch railing.

"I mean it about that hand and your shoulder," I tell her, gesturing to her right arm. "You start to feel tingling or numbness and that means I didn't set things right. You need to let me know if that happens, Sara."

"Okay."

Watching her profile, I take a silent breath, trying to keep myself and my emotions steady.

Catherine filled me in at the station on what happened, and I have to say I'm having a damn hard time keeping my feelings at bay.

I always suspected there may have been abuse in Sara's household that extended beyond the physical kind. But, to learn the true extent of it, the nature of just what type of hell Sara lived through, I can barely keep myself together.

I'm enraged, I'm horrified, I'm heartbroken.

All that went on with Liam recently, I had no idea the true depths of what she was dealing with.

Of what both she and Catherine were dealing with.

Gathering my things, I turn to head back inside.

"I'm sorry."

Turning in confusion, I raise my brows.

"What?" I ask gently, wondering if I heard Sara right.

"I'm sorry," she repeats, gaze still ahead of her.

"For what?" I question in disbelief, not knowing what in the world Sara could possibly have to be sorry for.

"That you found out like this," she says, voice quiet.

Clearing her throat, she shakes her head.

"I wanted to tell you, Nancy," she offers. "So many times I thought about it, but it never seemed like the right moment."

"Sara," I start, shaking my head. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"You're my best friend," she counters, eyes dark. "And you find out like this."

"Stop," I tell her, taking a slight step closer to her.

"You weren't ready," I state seriously. "There's nothing wrong with that. The only thing wrong about the situation is what that officer did."

"I would have told you," she tells me, words genuine.

"I know," I answer her.

Reaching forward slowly, I gently turn her face towards mine.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing tonight that I would have told you whenever you shared this part of your past with me," I state, trying to keep my voice steady. "It's part of you, part of your history. But it's not you."

Leaning forward, I place a kiss into Sara's hair, careful to avoid her injuries.

"I love you," I tell her sincerely. "All of you. Nothing changes that."

Pulling back slightly, I match our gazes for a moment or two before stepping fully away.

"See you inside," I offer, opening the front door and leaving us both to the demons in our heads.


CATHERINE POV

Watching my sister and Sara out on the porch, I step away, heading to the kitchen to do something, anything, to try to sort the thoughts in my head.

Reaching for the coffee grounds in the fridge, I barely react as my phone vibrates in my pocket.

Pulling it out, I don't even check the ID.

"Willows."

"Cath?" the caller questions. "It's Jim."

"Hey," I offer, only slightly more engaged.

"Look, sorry to bother you," he states, no doubt a bit thrown by my strange, empty tone. "I wanted you to know that he's gone."

"Officer Colb?" I question, raising a brow as I pour the grounds into the coffee maker. "Can you do that?"

"No, I can't," he admits. "But I can reassign him to the traffic and parking division so that he quits on his own accord. Which is exactly what happened."

"So he's really gone?"

"Yeah, he put in for a transfer immediately following our conversation. Already been approved. And, I may or may not have attached a permanent notice to his jacket. He'll be lucky if he can even find a job securing amusement parks after this."

"That's great," I state, letting out a slow breath as I watch the water in the coffee maker start to steam up. "Thanks, Jim."

"Sure," he offers, sounding a bit uncertain. "I'll let you go. Take care of yourself, Catherine."

"I will," I respond, closing my phone and setting it numbly on the counter.

Hearing the front door open and close, I watch the dark coffee filter down into the pot as it brews.

"Hey," my sister offers, stepping into the kitchen.

"Hey."

Silence follows, only interrupted by the steaming and crackling of the coffeemaker.

"You alright?" Nancy finally breaks the silence, stepping slightly closer to me but still keeping ample space between us.

"Sure," I shrug, not taking my eyes off the trickling brown liquid in front of me.

"Cath," Nancy breathes out, shaking her head.

"What?" I bite back. "What the hell do you want me to say, Nancy?"

Turning on her, I shake my own head darkly.

"You want me to tell you that I want to track down Officer Colb and put a bullet between his eyes for what he did?" I nearly shout at her. "You want me to tell you that I saw firsthand how shitty the people in Sara's own fucking town treated her because of her past, and now I'm terrified Vegas will become the same?"

My hands are shaking as I point my finger angrily at her chest.

"That I'm terrified everything we've worked so hard to build here has just gone to shit?"

I clench my hands into fists.

"You want me to act like any of this is fucking okay?"

Without warning, I reach over, gabbing the still steaming coffee pot and hurl it across the room. Glass shatters against the wall, scalding coffee splattering across the floor, the cupboards, the sink.

"It's not okay!" I yell, ignoring the burning in my hands as I clench them to my face. "I'm not okay, she's not okay, none of this is okay!"

Feeling Nancy's arms grab me tightly, I struggle against her until my legs literally give out from under me.

"None of this…" I trail off, my words transforming into sobs as I let out one anguished cry after another into her chest.

"I got you," Nancy murmurs into my hair, holding me close as she lowers us both down to the kitchen floor. "I got you, Catherine…"

Holding to my sister tightly, I continue to scream, to sob, to try desperately to purge all this anger and rage currently swirling inside of me.

I know that if I don't surrender to it completely right here and now, don't acknowledge this devastation that I feel and allow myself to get lost in it, there very well soon may not be anything left worth finding.


AN: Thanks for reading.