AN: Still alive, so very sorry in the delay. Did not forget about you all. Hope everyone is doing well. Thank you all for your support throughout this story, including your patience during some of the gaps in updates. I really have appreciated all of your guys' support throughout this story and the stories in the series that preceded it. You have no idea how much your kind words have meant. You all truly inspire me.
Until we meet again, I wish all the best to everyone. Thanks again for accompanying me on another journey. Hopefully you've enjoyed the ride.
Take care.
CHAPTER 38
CATHERINE POV
"Everything's changed so much."
Lacing her fingers through mine, Sara squeezes my hand.
Looking up at her, I can tell from the expression on her face that she knows I'm not simply referring to the scenery around us.
Squeezing her hand in return, I bring our joined fingers to my mouth for a gentle kiss.
"So beautiful."
Again, my comment isn't directed simply at our surroundings.
Smiling with a slight shake to her head, Sara keeps her gaze out over the hillside.
It's hard to rectify the fact that this is the same hill, the same trail that we climbed via snowshoes in the middle of a snowstorm when we came here with Nancy what seems like ages ago.
Now, the ground is filled with lush, green grass, trees previously bare are flowing with blossoms. The silence we experienced formerly is now filled with sounds of gentle breezes flowing through newly formed leaves, with birds calling out to one another in song.
"I'm glad we decided to do this."
Realizing that we both had the weekend off, Sara and I made an impromptu plan to get away for a couple days, returning to the cabin in southern Utah we previously visited. The cabin that represented the last truly happy time we shared before everything that happened to drive us so very far apart.
Standing here now, holding Sara's hand in mine, I cannot help but feel amazed at the changes that have not only come over this land since we've been gone, but the changes that have transpired over us.
Now formally back together for the last couple months, Sara and I's relationship is stronger than it's ever been. I think it takes almost losing someone, losing something so dear to you, to make you cherish them that much more if you're lucky enough to be given a second chance.
Watching the brunette's profile, I also cannot help but marvel at the changes that have taken place for her. She's still working towards recovering from everything that's happened physically, her arm now free of its sling but not quite fully healed, and her weight much improved but still nowhere near where she should be.
But, it's not the physical changes that have me the most in awe. It's truly the emotional, the inward changes.
Sara is still, and most likely always will be, a person haunted by a past that is beyond comprehension. But, her eyes now hold a lightness as well, a glint that wasn't there before the events of this past year.
Part of me wonders, though it was hell to witness her go through, if facing Liam and everything that transpired regarding her past was not the best thing for the stoic brunette. I genuinely fear that if Liam hadn't brought her past to the forefront, there may never have come a day when Sara shared the deepest and darkest aspects of her family with me. The full truth of what she'd been through.
Now, having confronted her past and seeing Dr. May on a regular basis, Sara seems more at peace than I can ever remember seeing her. She's still private, and I think I'm finally starting to accept that is simply part of her personality that I'll have to adapt to. That she isn't doing it to be secretive or elusive, just simply how she is. She's kept true to her word of including me regarding anything important about her well-being or our relationship, and that's good enough for me. And, if I'm honest, the more she's been seeing Dr. May, the more forthcoming and open she's been. If the pattern continues, perhaps there will be a day when all doors between us are kept permanently unlocked.
Perhaps.
But, in honesty, the fact that she's become willing to lend me the keys is more than I could've asked for.
Standing here next to her, having my soul mate back in my life, I couldn't be more content. I don't know why we were so lucky to be blessed with a chance to rectify our mutual mistakes, to get things right between us, but I'm eternally grateful.
I don't know what I would do without Sara.
"Cath?"
Sara's questioning voice pulls me back from my thoughts, my eyes meeting with concerned hazel ones.
"You alright?"
"Yeah," I reassure her, running my free hand across her temple. "Just thinking about how blessed I am."
Leaning forward, Sara brings her lips to my own, the kiss deep but gentle.
"Almost as blessed as I am," she whispers against my neck near my ear before pulling slightly back.
Sensing a change crossing her features, a tension moving through her body, I feel my heartbeat increase its pace.
"Sara?" I question, reaching out to hold both her hands in mine.
Closing her eyes briefly, she takes a deep breath.
When she exhales, her breathing sounds shaky.
"Sar?"
Opening her eyes, she searches my gaze for something before she pulls her hands from mine and takes a step back.
Now, I'm terrified.
Before I can move, Sara reaches down into her pocket and pulls out something dark that I can't get a good view of.
Taking another shaky breath, she slowly falls to one knee.
Now, my racing heart has all but stopped in my chest.
"I know we talked about this right in this very spot," Sara gets out, words heavy. "And I know so much has changed in the time between that conversation and this one."
Eyes lifting to mine, Sara's gaze is thick with emotion, with feelings threatening to consume her.
"But, despite all that, my feelings for you, Catherine Willows, have never changed."
Swallowing, she reaches over and pulls open the dark box in her hands to reveal the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen.
"You're my soul mate, Catherine. Nothing or no one in this world could ever make me complete but you. I can't imagine ever living my life without you in it, and nothing could ever change that. Nothing."
Taking a steadying breath, she keeps her eyes on mine.
"I know you've been through a lot this past year, that our relationship has been through a lot this past year. But I personally have never felt as close to you as I do now. We went through hell together, and somehow managed to make it out the other side. I love you, more than I can ever express."
Pulling out the ring, Sara holds it in her fingers a moment before cradling it in her palm.
"I want this to serve as a promise. A promise that no matter what else comes our way, that my love for you will always remain the same. That I will always be by your side for as long as you want me."
Clearing the emotion from her throat, Sara places the ring gently back in the box.
"A promise that the rest of this life we face together."
Swallowing, she takes a deep breath and extends the ring out to me.
"Catherine Elizabeth Willows, would you do me the honor of marrying me?"
Desperately trying to clear the emotion from my throat so that I can speak, so that I can give this amazing woman the answer I've been waiting to give her all along, I wipe the moisture from my eyes.
New tears immediately replace the old.
"Yes," I breathe out. "Yes, Sara. A thousand times over, yes."
Watching her eyes close, her hazel gaze is filled with moisture of its own when she opens them again.
Reaching down, I gently place my hand under her chin and draw her upwards to her feet.
Once she's standing I lean in, wrapping both my arms around her neck, placing my body against hers.
"I love you," I whisper against her lips. "So much."
Pulling back slightly, Sara smiles softly.
"Good, otherwise this whole situation would've become rather awkward."
Smiling as well, I draw her back in for another kiss.
Placing my head against her chest, Sara wraps her arms around me, holding me tightly in her strong embrace.
"I feel like I'm dreaming," I tell her, eyes closing.
"Me too."
We stay like that for awhile, neither one of us wanting to disturb this moment.
This moment that's as close to perfection as we'll likely ever get in this world.
"I want to ask you something," I tentatively broach from my place in Sara's arms, breaking the contented silence we've been sharing.
"Anything."
"Before I do, though," I state, words drawing off as I readjust my position to take the ring from her.
Sliding it on my ring finger, I feel more moisture come to my eyes that I don't even bother wiping away this time.
"It's beautiful," I breathe out, amazed at the light glimmering off the tasteful diamond settings. "Thank you."
Sara smiles slightly. "You're welcome."
Raising a brow, she searches my face, "Now what is it you wanted to ask me?"
Moving my eyes from the ring to hers, I swallow.
"I want you to know my answer is still yes no matter your response to my question, okay?"
Other brow joining her first, Sara nods.
"Okay," she states somewhat nervously.
Deciding to get this over with and not put her through torture waiting for me to gather my courage, I pull her hands into mine.
"I want to take your last name, Sara."
Her expression remains frozen, her eyes moving between my eyes and my mouth, like she is trying to comprehend the words I just spoke.
Then, the second her body catches up with her brain and the shock wears off, she starts to jerk away.
"No," I state, grabbing her wrists. "Please listen to me."
Jaw tight, Sara's eyes are no longer meeting my own.
"Please, sweetheart, just hear what I have to say."
Body tense and features stark, Sara finally nods, but her eyes still can't meet my own.
"Alright."
Closing my eyes in brief relief, I keep my hold on her firm.
"I know I'll never fully comprehend the implications the Sidle name holds for you. The feelings it evokes in you, both now and since you were a child."
I shake my head.
"I'll never presume to understand, Sara. But what I want you to understand is that my experience of the Sidle name has been what I've experienced through Sara Sidle."
She still won't meet my gaze.
"The Sidle that I've known has been the most loving, gentle, compassionate, kindhearted person I've ever had the pleasure to meet. She's the epitome of strength, always putting others before herself and sacrificing so much for the people in her life. She's the representation of everything that's right in the world."
I steady myself, trying to keep my voice strong despite the emotion tightening my throat.
"I want the world to experience the Sidle name as I have."
She's silent, body eerily still except for a muscle working near her jaw.
Loosening my grip on her wrists slightly, I run my thumbs up and down her cold skin.
"Say something, honey…" I whisper, watching the woman that I love as she struggles to work through what I've just pushed on her.
The silence stretches on to the point where I'm about to retract my request, but, just then, I see her close her eyes before she slowly shakes her head.
"I'm the last one," she gets out. "It's so close to ending…"
"I know, sweetheart," I breathe out, moving so I'm now holding her hands between my own. "That's why I'm asking you this. I believe the world needs the Sidle name that I've experienced. The meaning of the name you've given to me."
I shake my own head.
"The legacy of you, Sara, shouldn't end."
When she doesn't answer, I reach out, gently turning her face towards my own.
"All these years, I've been carrying the name of my ex," I tell her seriously. "My ex who was anything but a good man. A man who physically and emotionally hurt me in ways that I'll never forgive."
Eyes now opening, she fixes her hazel gaze with my own.
"Every time I introduce myself or answer my phone as 'Willows,' I'm reminded of Eddie. Of the man and the marriage that was one of the darkest times of my life."
Lacing Sara's fingers through my own, I place a gentle kiss along her knuckles.
"I want to finally bury that part of my history, to bury that legacy and start our own, Sara. But I don't want to just go back to Flynn. I want to carry the name of the woman that I love. And, honey, I wish I could express to you the absolute honor I would consider it to share your last name. The Sidle name."
Eyes shifting as she looks at me, emotions without definition cross her gaze, her body tense as she struggles to grapple with the situation.
"Catherine," she says quietly, voice trailing off as she tries to form her thoughts into words.
Running her fingers across my own, she tightens her hold on my hands.
"Catherine," she tries again. "I'd give you anything in this world you ever asked of me. I wouldn't even hesitate…"
She shakes her head, swallowing.
"But this," she forces out, emotion threatening to consume her words. "This is like asking me to drag you down into all the darkest parts of my own past. To give you a 'new' legacy that's anything but new. One that's actually an old legacy that's anything but the beautiful, amazing life I want to lie ahead for you."
Removing one of my hands from hers, I can no longer keep from reaching out to her.
Running my thumb gently across her cheek, I wipe at moisture she likely didn't even notice was there.
"What if we compromise?" I broach.
Eyes narrowing in curiosity, Sara quirks her head slightly.
"What if we mutually adopt each other's last names," I pose, watching her expression as I think through this new idea. "We create a truly new name, a new history, a new future."
Sara searches my expression before her eyes leave mine to move somewhere to my left.
"I know it means I'll still carry the Sidle name," I tell her in understanding of her hesitance. "That the Sidle name won't end. But it'll be a way to keep the name alive while incorporating it into a new beginning."
Taking a deep breath, Sara returns her gaze to my own.
"You're serious about this?" she asks, tone gravely serious. "You really want to have Sidle as part of your name?"
"Yes."
Reaching up, I hold her face gently between both my hands.
"Yes, Sara."
Eyes continuing to search mine, Sara takes another deep breath.
"Hyphenate it with Flynn?"
"Yes," I confirm. "That is, assuming you're willing to carry my own family name," I add hesitantly as that aspect of the bargain crosses my thoughts for the first time.
Smiling slightly, Sara shakes her head.
"Aside from your sister who may be certifiably off her rocker, the Flynn name seems relatively benign," she says with a wink.
Growing serious, Sara moves my hands from her face to hold them in hers.
"I'd be honored to be associated with your family," she tells me sincerely. "You, your sister, you've been more of a family to me this past year then I think my own blood family…"
She trails off, emotion choking the words before she can finish them.
Leaning up, I kiss her gently against her temple.
"I love you," I tell her simply.
Taking a calming breath, Sara swallows against her emotions.
"So, we're really doing this?" she poses, eyes colored with nervous resignation.
Flynn-Sidle.
I don't think I've ever heard anything so beautiful.
Smiling, I kiss her on the lips this time.
"We're really doing this."
Pulling back, I tuck her dark hair behind her ears.
"Thank you," I tell her sincerely, knowing she's giving up much more in this compromise than I am.
Nodding, she doesn't comment further, reaching out instead to pull me into her arms.
Rolling into our driveway, I let out a deep sigh.
"Back to reality."
Sara smiles, rubbing her eyes from her place in the passenger seat.
Staring out into the starry night, I gaze over at Sara.
Moonlight playing off her dark features, I smile when she catches my eye.
"I love you."
Smiling as well, Sara's eyes hold so much warmth.
Reaching over, she runs her hand through my hair.
Moving simultaneously closer, our lips meet for what has to be the thirtieth time since we started our ride home.
It's really a miracle we made it home alive with how distracted we both were.
And, I think as Sara's tongue reacquaints itself with my own, how distracted we apparently still are.
Hands reaching up and under Sara's shirt, a sharp knocking on the driver's side window sends me jumping nearly out of my skin.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," I mutter, hand clenching at my chest as I glance over to see none other than my sister grinning like a leprechaun outside my door.
Rolling down the window, I send her an incredulous look.
"Can I help you?" I ask pointedly, eyes moving not so subtly towards Sara who is trying to hold back a smile.
"Hey Sara," Nancy offers with a wide grin. "Didn't see you in there…"
"Alright, smartass," I shake my head. "Was there something you wanted?"
Still smiling, Nancy shrugs, "I actually came by to drop Mesa off, and I figured I should interrupt now before I see someone's naughty bits again."
"Good Lord," Sara mutters under her breath.
"I thought I should get him into the house so I can leave you two kids to yourselves for the evening," she adds, brow raised. "Welcome home, by the way. Nice trip?"
Shaking my head at my sister, I pull the keys from the ignition, rolling up the window before stepping out of the car.
Mirroring my actions, Sara moves around the front of the car, stopping nearby before she's nearly tackled by a blur of fur making his own presence known.
Ruffling Mesa's ears, Sara places a gentle kiss along his head, receiving more than a couple licks in return.
"I'll meet you inside," she tells me, moving around towards the front path as she takes Mesa's leash from Nancy. "Nice seeing you," she offers to my sister.
Eying Sara somewhat suspiciously, Nancy nods, giving Sara's arm a squeeze as she passes. "You too."
Once Sara disappears inside, Nancy's gaze falls on me.
"What's going on?" she questions with a quirked brow.
"Nothing," I shrug, but unable to keep the grin from my face.
Looking at me with narrowed eyes, Nancy looks less than convinced.
"Uh huh…" she mutters.
Then, I see her body go completely stiff.
"Oh my God."
Eyes widening, she reaches out, taking my left hand in hers.
"Catherine," she breathes out. "Oh my God…is this…did she…?"
"Yes."
Speechless, my sister's eyes move between the ring and my own, mouth open as she tries to form words.
"I…"
Shaking her head, she keeps her eyes on mine.
"Congratulations," she gets out, eyes moist.
Pulling her to me, we silently embrace one another tightly, both too overcome with emotion to try to formulate words.
Holding my little sister close, I feel myself warmed with the truth of just how blessed I am.
"I'm so happy for you," Nancy whispers. "So happy for you both."
We embrace awhile longer before I pull back slightly.
Standing out under the stars, I tell her about our trip, how Sara proposed, the decision we came to regarding our last names.
Watching me intently the whole time, Nancy reaches out to take my hands in hers when I finish.
Pulling me in, she places a kiss against my cheek.
"I love you so much," she tells me, sending me a teary smile. "I hope you know that."
Smiling, I reach out and ruffle her hair. "Always suspected."
Gazing back at the house, Nancy's expression shifts slightly.
Watching her, I quirk my head.
"What're you thinking?"
She directs her gaze back to me, sending me a soft smile.
"Just thinking of the woman you found for yourself that's sitting in there," she says. "How I finally, officially get to call her my sister."
Smiling as well, I hold Nancy's hand in mine.
All the struggles, all the trying moments we've all been through together. The journeys, the betrayals, the anguish, the sacrifices.
They've all led to this very moment.
It took a path fraught with both dark and light, but in the end, the destination to which it led was beyond my greatest imagining.
THE END.
AN: Thanks for reading.
