I had lots of fun writing this chapter. I love Rachel's dads :)
Thank you to Gillian Deverone for beta'ing
Enjoy!
He tugs at his collar for what must be the hundredth time, feeling hot and nervous with the intense gazes of her fathers bearing down on him. He thinks that he's safe, for now, 'cause they're in public, and they can't do anything bad to him in public, right? Beneath the table, he feels Rachel squeeze his thigh in a comforting manner before letting her hand rest there. For the first time in ten minutes, he cracks a smile and peers sideways at her. She looks stunning, even though she's dressed casually, sporting a simple white dress with small, delicate patterns traced along the material.
Someone clears his throat and Finn's head snaps up to see Hiram, or is it Leroy? Well, whichever one it is, they certainly don't look happy by the fact that the pair are so close, her shoulder flush against his arm. But she doesn't move, nor does he. Instead, his hand moves to join hers above his knee, taking hold of it, not wanting to let go.
"So, Finn," one of them begins, the one with glasses and that piercing look, "Leroy and I were very anxious to meet our little star's boyfriend. We've heard so much about you. Only, not from our daughter." His gaze momentarily falls onto Rachel, who looks slightly ashamed of herself. He recalls a brief conversation between them involving her fathers, though she'd forgotten to mention the part about them not liking him. He knew that she was reluctant about telling them, but he'd at least assumed that they knew. Apparently not.
And yeah, her dads are still kind of glaring at him. "Er," he clears his throat, "what kind of things have you heard about me?" He pushes a smile onto his face. Rachel had once told him 'when you smile, the whole world smiles with you' but that isn't working as well as he'd like right now – her parents are most certainly not smiling.
He's met with a stony silence. That's not good.
"These things don't exactly work in your favor, Mr. Hudson."
"Daddy," Rachel hisses.
Hiram shrugs his shoulder, suggesting that he's doing nothing wrong and this only annoys Rachel more. Looking down, Finn notices her mouthing the words "be nice" though he doesn't think that that's going to happen any time soon – these guys clearly have some sort of grudge against him and it isn't going to go away easily.
Reaching forward and taking his glass, he takes a huge gulp of his wine, aware of her father's eyes on him as he does so. This can't be good.
It's the smaller one who speaks, "Nice wine, right? Of course, you'd know all about your drink, wouldn't you?" He clears his throat. "Just how many times have you been in rehab again?"
His face scrunches up as he remembers his time in there, the shame and embarrassment surfacing once more. "Three times." His words are mumbled. He wishes that nobody had to hear them. Hell, he doesn't even want to hear them himself and be reminded of his past, of all the stupid things that he's done. Drink and drugs are just some of them.
But he's getting better.
"Oh," Hiram carries on, "and no doubt you've – "
Rachel doesn't let him finish, "Daddy, you're making Finn uncomfortable."
"And you don't think that it makes me uncomfortable that my daughter in dating some…some manwhore who can't look after himself, never mind anybody else." He notices Leroy placing a hand over Hiram's in an attempt to calm him while, on the other side of the table, Finn tries to speak, but the words get stuck in his throat. Their words tear through him, bringing out his deepest insecurities.
He knows that they're true, all of them, and nothing that he ever does will change that.
By his side, he hears Rachel berating her father's behavior, apparently outraged that he'd said such a thing. She has this amazing ability to see Finn as a much better person that he is, he thinks. She must be ignoring the bad part of him, the side to his personality that has got him into trouble more times than he can remember.
He wishes that he could do that too, see himself in a good light rather than a bad one.
"You're right." He murmurs and silences Rachel, who's looking pretty pissed at this point, "I'm not good enough for Rachel. No matter what I do or say, I'll never be worthy of her." He looks directly to them, eyes honest. "Your daughter is this amazing, caring, beautiful woman, and she deserves so much better than me. She deserves the best." Taking in a long, shaky breath, he continues, "And yeah, I've made mistakes – some pretty dumb ones, and who's to say that I won't make mistakes in the future? I'm a selfish idiot after all, right?" Their faces remain stony, but he feels like maybe there are some cracks showing in there armor. Something in their eyes says so.
"But I can promise you one thing… as long as she's with me, I'm going to try my best to make sure that she's safe and happy." He finally turns to look at her, finding Rachel staring back with a watery smile. "And I'll make her feel as special as she is." He blinks, adding, "Which is a lot."
Glancing around the table, he receives a mixture of expressions. He's unsure of what to do next to be honest. His head feels a little foggy and the nerves are still bouncing around his body from his speech. As always, girl's parents made him act incredibly on edge and worried, which doesn't help when you know that they don't like you and there are two dads and no mom to diffuse the situation. It's like going into the lions' den when they've been starved for weeks.
He can't bear the silence for long and finds his way to his feet. "Excuse me," he says, dropping his napkin onto the table and exiting swiftly.
Once he's outside, the rush of the cool air into his lungs helps to calm him jittery limbs and he sits on the sidewalk, head in hands. What's going to happen now? He's just basically laid down all his feelings and all he got in return were completely unmoved faces. Aren't gay guys supposed to like all that romantic stuff?
And now they're going to tell Rachel that she shouldn't date him, and their disapproval will forever be hanging over their relationship. Great, just great.
The sound of heels against the sidewalk grabs his attention and he slowly turns to find Rachel smiling at him. It's probably just pity. He tried his best, even wore a damn suit, and he still can't win over her fathers.
"You sure like making a dramatic exit from dinner, don't you?" She tries to lighten to situation.
"Just say it," he turns back away from her, hanging his head in defeat. "I sucked, didn't I?"
She doesn't reply straight away, instead he hears more footsteps and then she's dropping down beside him , her gaze never wavering from his face, nor does her smile decrease in size on bit. "Finn," she says.
A sigh escapes his lips. "You know that they're going to be nagging you to break up with me, right? You may as well just do it now. Get the pain over with."
Her brows knit together tightly. "Hey, you really think that I'd listen to them over you?"
"But…" He trails off. He can't imagine causing a drift between her and her fathers all because of who she chooses to date – he'd blame himself forever.
"Especially after that speech." She gazes at him with warm eyes, hand reaching for his. "You don't know how much it means to me… that you put my happiness first." She holds his fingers tighter. "That you care about me and you listen. And I just want you to see how amazing you truly are, Finn Hudson. I want you to see yourself through my eyes." She smiles, "I wish everyone could see the Finn that I see, including my dads."
He feels the corner of his lips tugging up into a smile. She's good at that, making him smile, even when he feels like he doesn't possess the ability any more.
She sighs, "I still can't believe that they brought up your past. You've changed since then." Her fingers brush up his arm gently before she leans her head against his shoulder. His arm slides up to fall across her own. "I just wish that they'd be more accepting." Finn hates that this is hurting her so much – it'd be so much easier if she could have just found a boyfriend who would be perfect to present to her parents. Not some junked up rock star who they almost walked in on having sex with their daughter. As if he already hadn't made enough of a bad impression.
"I guess it's just one problem after the other with me," he says grimly. There seems to just always be something wrong. He never catches a break. Well, except for being lucky enough to become Rachel's boyfriend. Maybe that's just karma doing its job. One good thing happened so now it's time for the bad things. He just wishes that he could make it better somehow, that there is some instant way to make her dads like him. He'd do it in an instant, no matter what the price.
"Hey, don't say that," she replies, her tone serious. "You're acting like you're a burden on me or something."
"But I am."
"You're not," she insists, "you never will be." Leaning up, she kisses his cheek sweetly. "And you must be keeping your promise because I feel very happy with you."
He grins, unable to contain his happiness. "Really?"
She kisses him again, this time nearer his lips, "of course."
That's it. He doesn't need anyone else's approval. As long as he has hers, he's satisfied.
"And I want you to be happy too," she says, "so if you want I can just tell my dads that we have to cut this short and then we could go back to the apartment?" She's trying to help, to keep him from being further interrogated by her fathers, but he doesn't want to be the person who just hides from all their problems. He's got to face them. And her fathers may not like him, yet he's going to be a man and just deal with that, doing his best to focus on Rachel. After all, she's the one that he's dating. Not her dads 'cause, you know… just no.
"No," he tells her, "we're going to go back in there." And prove to your dads that they can't bully me into leaving.
Rachel smiles brightly in response, her arms wrapping around his body to pull him into a tight hug, face pressed against his shoulder. He kisses her forehead lovingly before getting them both stood up.
He holds out his hand, "Let's go."
Their hands intertwine, Finn holding the door open for her. As they head back to the table, she whispers, "And just so you know, you're definitely good enough for me. You're amazing."
Hearing the words from Rachel herself helps him on his way to believing it. He smiles at her, his gaze soft, happy. "Thank you." They reach the table and Finn pulls out her chair for her before getting into his own seat.
Time to save this train wreck of a meal.
For a few moments, there's a tense silence. Then:
"Look, I – "
"Finn – "
"We di – "
All three men speak at once before cutting themselves short.
"You should go first," Hiram says, his voice much more unsure than earlier in the meal.
He takes in a deep breath, "I was just going to apologize for storming off." He hesitates, "Also, to tell you that I get it, you're just protective of Rachel, like any dad would be – like I would be if I had a daughter like her – and you just want what's best for her. Obviously, you don't think that I'm what's best for her but… I'm just telling that you I understand it."
There's no way that he's going to stop dating Rachel, but he can at least acknowledge the reason why her parents had acted the way that they did.
Hiram and Leroy share a look, seeming to hold a conversation between themselves in the matter of seconds. It's Leroy who speaks up first, clearing his throat. "Hiram and I," he gestures between him and his husband, "are sorry for making such an abrupt judgement of you, and letting it get in the way of everything." He waits for a second, eyeing Finn and Rachel. "It isn't fair to you or to Rachel.
"No, we're not happy that you're dating our daughter, I think we've made that abundantly clear, but," he peers at Hiram again, "Rachel is an adult and if she wants to date you, then we can't stop her."
He supposes that that's as good as it's going to get, for now at least, and so accepts it with a smile and a nod.
Beside him, Rachel raises an eyebrow at her father expectantly.
"And we're sorry for being so rude to you before." In all honesty, they do actually look like they regret their actions.
Finn puts on a smile. His hand finds Rachel's, fingers sitting comfortably around hers. "Thank you sir, and I'm going to keep my promise." He means it – he's going to strive his hardest to ensure that she's always happy.
His gaze locks with Leroy's and, for a moment, her father manages a sincere smile. "Good, now let's finish this lunch before anything else happens."
The conversation becomes more casual, no longer focused on Finn and his past, but their weekend-in Ohio and the looming awards. Her fathers appear to be really trying, which he is truly grateful for. He'll try too, of course, and maybe one day he can sway their opinion of him.
"You're both nominated," Hiram says, "what will you do if the other wins?"
"I don't care about winning. I'm just happy that I even got nominated," he says and it's the truth. Awards are just awards. It's not going to make a huge difference to his life either way, so why think about it too much?
Apparently, Rachel has a different mind-set. "I'll be very upset at first, naturally. Considering all of the hard word I put into my album… but, of course… I'll be happy if you win." The way that she says it and the look on her face suggests otherwise. She wants to win. No, no, she needs to win. She doesn't understand any other way. He's been to her apartment – all those trophies and medals.
One look to her dads and he sees that they aren't buying it either. But Rachel just forces a bright smile onto her face and makes a comment about how nice the food is. All conversation of the awards is dropped.
By the time they finish, he's feeling hopeful that he'll win over her dads, eventually. If they stay together that long. His longest relationship in the past five years lasted for about three days, most of which was a lot of sex and drinking. It's different with Rachel, he knows, and he thinks that they'll be together for a long time. The old Finn would have recoiled in horror at the thought of that – a long time commitment to just one person, but now, this new Finn, he likes the idea of it. He really does. Being with someone, being with Rachel, for the rest of his life. It doesn't seem so scary and daunting as others may find it. The thought of it almost comfortable, and brings him lots of happiness.
He leads her back to the car, his hand in the small of her back. While he guesses he's sort of on good enough terms with her dads now (they've said that he can call them Hiram and Leroy) it's a relief for the lunch to be over with. They can be scary when they want to.
Once they're inside the car, he smiles. "Well, your dads didn't kill me, so I'm guessing that this is a success?"
Rachel nods, "I'd say so, if you forget the mild drama at the beginning. And I'm so sorry for the way they treated you – they're like that with all my boyfriends. When I was in high school, they threatened to castrate my boyfriend if they found us kissing again."
He winces, a hand hovering over his lower region for a minute before he starts the car. "Must have scared the poor kid off. Your dads do this thing where one look can make you want to crawl out of your skin and go hide."
In response, she laughs, placing a hand on his arm, "Oh, Finn, are you scared of my dads?"
"No," he huffs out, "they're just a little intimidating." He then adds, "But then again, aren't all dads?"
She nods, "Pretty much." Her eyes are bright, a toothy grin accompanying that. She looks so beautiful, "I bet you'll be like that when you're a dad."
He shakes his head, "No, I'll respect who my daughter wants to date… but maybe I'll scare them a little bit at first. Just, you know, as a warning."
"Oh yes," she chuckles, "a warning."
Finn sends her a glare, playfully poking her, "Hey, I'm not going to be an overprotective dad."
"Sure," she smirks, moving away from him so that he can't poke her again. Damn, she's right. He knows already that he going to be the type of dad who wants to know practically everything about where his daughter is being taken, the one who'll object constantly until those pleading little puppy dog eyes of his daughter sways him into saying yes, because he just wants her to be happy. When he thinks of those eyes, he sees chocolate brown saucers – eyes that look exactly like Rachel's.
He's imagining his daughter with Rachel's eyes…
Shaking his head, he grips the steering wheel a little tighter and focuses more on the road. Yeah, when he said that he was ready for commitment, maybe he was getting ahead of himself, just a bit. Maybe he's not up to that stage yet.
"Everything okay?" He finds himself staring into those impossibly wide eyes.
"It's all fine," he smiles, "just fine."
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