Welcome, one and all, to the second book in The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas. Where the continuation of Kaz's bashing…erm…continues. Are you ready to fall into a pit of misery and despair, of blood and angst, with little hope of escaping? Are you ready to face the horrors that can only be conjured with nightmares? Are you ready to view the blackest pits of Hell and the darkest side of humanity? Well…then you've come to the right place.
Okay, I had too much fun with that.
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the long awaited book two. Please…enjoy yourselves. (evil grin)
The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas
Book Two: After the Storm
Chapter One: My Best Friend Hates You
"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." –Albert Schweitzer
Pain.
Agony.
Torment.
Every time The Virus kicked in, it left me in anguish for about an hour as it twisted me into something not human. When it stopped, it took me half an hour to recover only to be knocked back down three hours later. It was a cycle of trauma that was slowly wearing me down.
And the voice.
It constantly nagged at me, laughing, teasing, thriving on my misery. It kept referring to itself as "Ghost" and didn't hesitate to let me know it hated me. What a weird concept. A voice in my own head telling me it hates me. Maybe it was me hating myself. Maybe I was just going crazy.
Speaking of going crazy…
Tom, Peyton, and Sarah showed up the night Ulmar injected me with The Virus, just as they said they would. It was horrible. The Virus had already started its work and the changes may have been subtle but they were still there. Unlike a Danian Parasite, Ulmar's stupid Virus worked slowly; it worked for an hour and then stopped for three before kicking back in again. So when my friends saw…
I heard the ripple of reality bending to admit the Code of three certain players and raised my head slightly to look at them. They had their backs to me, chatting animatedly, and were heading for the stairs that would lead them topside.
"Wait…" I managed to squeeze out in a whisper. The Virus had just settled down after a rather nauseating bout and I was weak as I always was afterwards.
It was Sarah who heard me and Sarah who turned around and screamed. Tom and Peyton quickly spun around and their mouths dropped open. Tom dropped his backpack on the floor and ran to my side. His hand hovered hesitantly over my shoulder as though he was afraid to touch me.
"Kaz…what…" He swallowed, "What happened to you…!?"
I tried to speak, I really did, but the looks of terror on their faces cut me all the way down to my soul. I stared at them hopelessly, mouth open but no words coming out. My vision blurred. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed a hand across them. I heard Sarah gasp and then she was beside Tom on the floor, holding my wrist and staring at the chains fused into the armor.
"It was Chaor, wasn't it?" I couldn't answer her. She shook my arm and I winced at the anger and grief etched onto her face, "It was, Kaz! I know it was! What did he do!? Tell me what he did or so help me I'll…I'll…"
And then Sarah did something I've never seen her do.
She started crying.
She was still holding onto my arm and sobbing. I stared at her. Sarah was crying. I must have been delusional.
"Awwww, look what you've done, Kaz. You've gone and made her cry. Shame on you. And all because you're too scared to tell her the truth."
I growled and forced myself to sit up. Peyton was patting Sarah gently on the back and Tom was trying to pry her fingers off my arm. They both paused when they saw me struggling upright. I groaned and put my head back against the wall, feeling the chains coiled underneath my legs. Sarah was finally getting herself back under control and I was able to take possession of my arm again.
"It was Chaor…" I breathed, my head aching from the dark violet horns that had forced their way through my scalp not five minutes ago. Any other time I would have thought they were cool. This was not any other time, "Ulmar made…made this thing…he called it…a…The Virus. Like a…" I shuddered, "Danian Parasite…only…UnderWorlder…" I was losing energy fast. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.
No one said anything for a long time. Then…
"I'm gonna kill that son of a—!"
"Tom, stop!"
I forced my eyes open to see Peyton and Sarah struggling to hold Tom back as he tried to make a break for the stairs. My groggy brain took a second to realize what was happening. Then, moving with more energy than I realized I had, I jumped up and grabbed the back of Tom's shirt. He had a second to turn his surprised blue eyes on me before I flipped him through the air and slammed into the floor. I pinned him to the stone, chains rattling, and glared at him, panting.
"You can't! You can't!" Every inch of me ached but I kept him pinned, even as he struggled to push me off, "He'll know you were here and he'll hurt you!" Tom's eyes were blazing with anger. He wasn't even listening to me, "Tom! Stop it! If you go after Chaor you'll end up like me!"
Everything froze.
I felt their eyes on me, shocked, silent in wonderment. I backed off of Tom and sat against the wall again. My head was spinning. I shouldn't have moved around like that but I couldn't bear to see my friends end up the same way as me.
"Kazzer…what do you mean…we'd end up like you?" Peyton's voice was a whisper that echoed in the silence.
"Chaor…" I mumbled. Tom sat up with a snarl but didn't move from where he was sitting, "Said if I didn't…didn't do what he wanted he'd…he'd get you guys and…and…you'd…he'd…"
"He'd do the same thing to us that he did to you." Tom growled and I nodded heavily.
"And if he found out…that you were here," I shuddered, "It would be…even worse…"
Nobody said anything. I stretched myself out on the floor, trying to find a comfortable spot on the stone, and finally just lay on my back, hands folded on my chest, looking at the ceiling. My head hurt because of the sprouting horns, my fingertips tingled with the pins and needles of oncoming claws, and my legs ached from the bone-crunching reforming they'd just gone through. I was a freak. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but a single one slid down my cheek.
It wasn't fair.
Why me?
"It's not always you, Kaz."
Shut up. I hate you.
"Well, isn't that dandy? I hate you too! You're weak! You're pathetic! You don't have the strength to do what needs to be done! If you had just killed Chaor back then you wouldn't be whining about this now!"
Shut up! Shut up!
"But you didn't have the guts! Ghost has the guts! You should just disappear, Kaz! Ghost has the guts to do what you could never do!"
I'm going home and no one's going to stop me!
"Ha! Go home!? You delusional fool! You can't leave now! You'll be a Creature in a manner of days! And even if there was no Virus, what makes you think your parents would accept you!? You have blood on your hands, Kalinkas. You're a murderer. No parents could ever love a murderer."
"SHUT UP!" I rocketed upright, tearing at my hair, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I WILL GET HOME! I WILL! AND YOU'RE WRONG! THEY'LL LOVE ME! THEY WILL! They will! They will…! They…they…" I drew in a shuddering breath, looked at my hands through teary eyes, saw red smeared across them, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I clawed at myself, feeling disgusting, wrong, sick, twisted, bad, evil.
I was wrong.
I was bad.
I shouldn't exist.
I should bleed.
I should bleed like all the people I'd killed.
I should die.
I was twisted.
I was a freak.
I was evil.
I was sick.
I was bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Crack!
I blinked, breath coming up short, eyes wide, and looked around to see Sarah glaring at me with worry and anger on her face. I raised a shaky hand and put it to my cheek. She'd just slapped me!
"What the heck is wrong with you!?" She snapped at me. I glanced past her at Tom and Peyton who were both gazing at me with shocked expressions, "You think hurting yourself will help this!? What's wrong with you, Kaz!?"
"I…I'm…I'm bad." I answered softly, dazedly.
"Bad?" Sarah repeated, "Kaz, what you did is not your fault! You're not bad! You haven't done anything wrong!"
"I'm bad." I said, looking away from them, "I'm evil. I'm sick and wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong." I chanted the word over and over and over again, rocking back and forth, breathing quickly. If I kept saying it, it would make it untrue, I was sure.
"He's lost it." Peyton murmured and then grunted as one of the other two elbowed him sharply.
"Kaz, get a hold of yourself, man!" Tom's voice said but I wasn't looking at them. Couldn't look at them. They'd see it. See how sick and twisted I was. And they'd hate me. And they'd leave. And I'd never get home. And Chaor would win.
Chaor would win.
Chaor would…
I shouted a wordless cry of hatred and slammed a fist against the wall, leaving a good sized dent in the stone.
"Chaor…" I hissed, "I hate him."
"Then do something about it."
"I will."
"Kill him."
"No! Never! Never killing again! Not ever!"
"Fool!"
"You're a fool! I'm going home! Home, you hear me! Back home!" I stood, swayed on my feet, and the room spun. I put my hand against the wall, unstable on my legs, body thrumming with agony. The chains attached to me clattered.
"Easy there, Kaz." Peyton had one arm, Tom had the other. I looked at both of them, "You gonna be okay, dude?"
"Uh…yeah…" I licked my lips, "Yeah. I'm getting out…getting outta here."
"That's the spirit." Tom smiled.
I pulled away from them both and yanked against the chains. Oh, it hurt! I felt like someone was trying to pry one of my bones out from underneath my skin. I screamed and kept pulling and yanking and rattling the chains, in agony and frustrated that I couldn't get away. Tears streamed down my face as I continued to wrench at the silver chains doing nothing more than hurting myself and making a lot of noise.
"Kaz, stop it! You're only hurting yourself! Kaz! Kaz, stop it!"
I subsided, sinking to the floor in defeat.
"I'm never getting out." I mumbled, "It's over…all over…"
"No way!" Tom crouched down in front of me and there was such a determined look on his face that I couldn't stop my spirits from lifting a little, "We're gonna get you out of here! I swear it on my life, Kaz, on my life! We're best friends and no matter what happens, that's not going to change! We'll get you out and then we'll torch the whole UnderWorld! Right? Right!?"
"Right." I croaked out, shaken. Tom's hands on my shoulders were real, solid, warm, comforting. It was jarring how much I'd drifted off in my own mind. It scared me. In my head, Ghost chuckled at my fear and I pushed him aside.
Him.
He wasn't just a random, reprimanding voice in my head anymore.
He had a name.
He had a personality.
He was Ghost.
I was Kaz.
We were both fighting for control.
And by the looks of things…
I was losing.
I fell asleep not long after that little episode but my slumber was haunted with wailing corpses and angry faces. Needless to say, I didn't stay asleep very long. The Virus kicked in again after a while and everything blurred.
It's hard to see through pain that tears you apart molecule by molecule.
While the Virus ate away at me, I was a mass of pain and insanity. I was officially losing my mind. And Ghost was intent upon making it worse. He was the killer side, the side that slid silently into place whenever I snuck out on a mission, and the part of myself that I hated. He was the dark, sadistic side that resided within every human; the part of us that liked the kill, the part that enjoyed the torment, and the part we all pretended we didn't have.
I told H'earring to keep Tom and the others away from me whenever The Virus started up. I didn't want them to see me. And I didn't want to know what I did.
Thoughts chased themselves around in my head…
My parents…
Death…
My life…
Murder…
My friends…
Hatred…
Everything blurred into everything else. I had no coherent perception of time. There was only blessed periods of relief between Virus attacks. But even those were not as blissful as I wished them to be.
Ghost invaded every aspect of my life now. He stirred my dreams into nightmares when I managed to capture a few precious hours of sleep, he tormented me when I was awake, he drove me to the brink of insanity and it was only the presence of my close friends that reigned me back every time. I feared loneliness. If Tom, Sarah, and Peyton weren't there, Cherri or H'earring were by my side. Company helped keep Ghost away.
Then one day, nobody came.
I was alone.
With Ghost.
And that was all he needed.
I lost.
Sorry, I know that chapter was kinda short but I had to cut it off there or it would have been too long.
Well. What do you think of that? Kaz has lost his mind. Personally, I don't blame him. He's been injected with The Virus that's taking him further and further away from humanity, making it so he can never get home, he's chained to a wall, his friends don't know how to get him out, and he's been going against his own nature for almost six months.
Kaz has every right to be going crazy.
Speaking of, I'm off to play some Shadow Hearts: Covenant and drive myself crazy trying to get to Rasputin in his giant, floating fortress thingy. Butthole.
