A little TxS in this one…sort of unintentional.


The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas

Book Two: After the Storm

Chapter Two: Interlude—Sarah


"I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait." -Anonymous


Cold.

It's a word that can describe so many things.

The weather, lunch, an object, a feeling…

A case.

When Tom told Peyton and I that the investigation into Kaz's disappearance had been dropped, I could see the anger burning in his eyes. It must have been tearing him apart, knowing where his best friend was and being unable to tell anyone.

The whole situation's been hard on all of us, even though we try to hide it for Kaz's benefit. Just watching our friend struggle through all of this, being unable to help, it hurts. I can't even think of the right words to use to describe how badly it hurts.

I've tried not to let it show in the real world because I can't think of an excuse that would cover for it.

And I don't want to lie.

Not about this.

I feel like if I lied, it would only be grinding Kaz further into the dirt.

Everything just seems…darker, somehow. I try and think back to what it was like before Kaz got captured but I just can't seem to focus on it. It almost seems as though life was a little pointless back then. Reality's hit us pretty hard and left us stunned, that's the only way to describe it.

Kaz had been in the UnderWorld for almost six months and with each passing moment, the hopes of getting him out dropped further.

Tom's called me cynical on more than one occasion and so has Peyton in his own, weird little way.

We've all made bad choices, ones we regret and can't take back.

But Kaz isn't making his own choices anymore. They're being made for him.

And that's not fair.

It's not fair that they stopped looking for him either.

I talked to Tom alone in a tree-shadowed corner of Chaotic after he'd told us about the case going cold.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, sitting down beside him on a one of the white marble benches dotting the outside of the Dromes and the Port Court.

"Okay?" He muttered, "I feel anything but okay." He dropped his face into his hands, shoulders hunched, "I gotta get him outta there, Sarah. I just have to."

"Stop blaming yourself!" I snapped at him and he looked up at me, those blue eyes reflecting anger, pain, and bewilderment, "Don't give me that look! I know you're putting all of this on yourself and you need to stop!" I put a hand on his shoulder without thinking, "We're all in this together Tom. You have to stop running off and trying to do things by yourself when there's people around who care about you and want to help. We miss Kaz too, you know."

"I know…" He looked away from me and I slipped my hand off his shoulder, "It's just…I…he told me not to go to Maxxor and now he's…he's got that…that Virus…and now I'm out of ideas…I don't know what to do anymore…"

"That's not your fault." I said softly, "None of this is your fault."

"Even the police have given up on him…" Tom kept muttering to himself, he probably hadn't even heard me.

"Have his parents given up on him? Have you given up on him?"

"Never!"

"Then quit beating yourself up." I smiled, "Kaz may be a little quirky but he can take care of himself."

"You don't get it, Sarah…"

"Then explain to me what I'm not getting! Why're you so sure that Kaz is doing worse than we think!? Why're you so sure he's falling apart when you've seen for yourself that he's holding on just fine!?"

"But he's not!" Tom said back sharply, distraught, "Sarah, I've known him for most of my life and I know when something's bothering him! He's not…taking this like we think he is…" Tom looked out through the trees at the Port Court building, "Kaz can be tough but he's not…strong. Not like you." I stared at him, feeling my cheeks turn red, glad Tom was looking the other way, "I know he's holding something back…"

"What?" The word slipped out and I clamped my mouth shut, calling myself stupid. Why finger an obviously open wound?

"I don't know. But the more that Virus sinks in…the further away he gets…" And that was the end of that. Tom stood up and made to go but I grabbed his wrist and made him turn around and look me right in the eye.

"Swear you won't run off and try to do anything by yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Swear it; I wanna hear you swear it."

"Alright, Sarah, I swear it. Will you let go of me now?"

"Yes."

There was a pause and then Tom asked, fidgeting slightly,

"Wanna split a pizza?"

"Pepperoni?"

He shrugged, forcing a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Sure, why not."

I followed him back to the Port Court, watching his tense and angry gait.

Life wasn't fair.


What the heck was that? The chapter wrote an ending for itself again, the little butt-holing thing. Ah well, at least it wasn't a lame ending. Meany police, not looking for Kazzy anymore…

I guess it doesn't really matter all that much seeing as they wouldn't have found him anyway. But I suppose that Tom needed the reassurance that somebody of authority still cared.

I really tried to get another chapter of this finished but I got stuck really bad. I thought I knew what I was doing but when I got to the actually moment of having to write what I was planning, I shut down. So I apologize for that.

Well, see you lovely peoples around! Toodles!