Sorry about the slowness of the last chapter. I hope this chapter turns out to be a little better. Considering what happens in it, I think this chapter will make up for the last one. :)
The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas
Book Two: After the Storm
Chapter Eleven: My Kind of Regret
"You know I could never let anything happen to either of you. I couldn't imagine my life without you." –Danny from Danny Phantom
After a while, sleeping got boring.
I made valiant efforts to try and get out of bed but the most I seemed to be able to do was push myself into a sitting position before I got tired out again. H'earring seemed to thing it was funny, watching me struggle to rehabilitate my worn out body.
It had been a week since my scars had been revealed to me. For three days, none of my friends had shown up. I had freaked out, at first, but it tired me out to rant and shout at the top of my voice. I slept the second day and on the third day I slept for half the day. When I woke up again, I forced myself to sit up, waited for my energy to come back, and then slid out of the bed. I leaned against the bedside stand for a moment or two and then pushed myself off and tried to stand. But my legs wouldn't support me and I collapsed to the floor.
I stayed that way for a while until Garv came in and helped me back into bed. I didn't have the energy to do it myself. I fell asleep after that and stayed asleep until the next afternoon when I awoke to Peyton sitting at the foot of my bed, eating handfuls of nuts.
"Hey Peyton," I smiled at him and he gave me a thumbs up, "Where's Tom and Sarah?"
"People in the Port Court have started askin' questions." Peyton answered, "Want some nuts?" He held out a hand and I shook my head, "Your loss." He popped a few in his mouth and kept talking, "They've been wanting to know where you were and where we've been going. All we could say was that you were grounded and your parents had taken your Scanner away. We didn't know what else to say."
"Thanks for…not telling them the truth."
"Dude, we know you don't want anyone else to know." Peyton rubbed a hand through his hair.
"What about…your cover story?" I asked.
Peyton shrugged, "The best we could come up with is that we were…" He glanced at me and then started fingering through the bowl of nuts, "That we were looking for Ghost so we could scan him."
"Ghost?" My chest tightened, "What…do you mean you…wanted to scan him?"
"Oh, we didn't tell you? I swear we did…" Peyton scooped in another mouthful of nuts, "Well, every player in Chaotic thinks you're a Creature. So do a lot of the other tribes' Creatures. There's a been quite a few players trying to find you and scan you, dude."
I shook my head, smiling. For some reason, the idea of people trying to scan me amused me. Peyton grinned and started siphoning through his bowl again,
"We decided to port here one at a time so people wouldn't get suspicious, ya' know? Sarah's in a Drome match and Tom's watching her. Everyone else thinks I'm out on a Scan Quest." Peyton paused, "Sure you don't want any?"
"Yes, Peyton."
"For sure? They're really good."
"Peyton…"
"Alright, just makin' sure."
The door creaked and I looked around at it. Garv was standing there. Peyton stopped munching on his snack long enough to register to the OverWorld Caretaker was there before going back to crunching away.
"What do you want?" I hadn't meant to sound so hostile but it was hard for me to trust Creatures anymore. To trust anyone besides my closest friends.
"Just checking on you." Garv answered.
"I don't like it." I muttered. Peyton snorted, "What?"
"You're not afraid to speak your mind!" He answered.
"I wonder why that is?" My voice was sarcastic which only made Peyton laugh, "It's not…funny!"
"Dude, it's always funny when you speak your mind!" Peyton said, "You only do it when you're mad! And I know because you get this funny look on your face!" I scowled at him and he laughed even harder, "Yeah! Ahahahaha! That one!"
Garv rolled his eyes at us and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Peyton kept laughing.
"Stop laughing at me!"
"But Kazzer, you're so hilarious!"
"I'm glad I can amuse you…"
"Sarcasm only makes it worse!"
"Peyton!" I sighed. There was no point in arguing with him, it would only waste precious energy, "So what're you going to scan?"
"Huh?" Peyton stopped with a handful of nuts halfway to his mouth.
"Well, you…said you were going on a…Scan Quest so you have to…come back with a scan, don't you?" My breath was coming up short again. It looked like I was going to have to sleep soon.
"Scan Quests can fail, my bro'!" Peyton commented, "Especially with Perim all topsie-turvy like it is…"
"Wh-wha-wha—." My words got cut off by a huge yawn. Peyton slid off the bed and set the bowl on the bedside stand. Then he pulled out his Code Scanner, "Peyton…what's…what's happening in Perim?"
"Sorry, dude, I, uh, I gotta port!"
"Peyton!"
But he'd already left.
"S-s-stupid!" I shouted, grabbing the bowl off the stand and hurling it across the room. It smashed into the opposite wall and clattered to the floor, rolling along its edge until it came to a stop underneath the bed.
I had suddenly felt extremely light headed. That had taken more energy than it should have. My arms felt like rubber. I tilted my head back against the headboard and closed my eyes. I fell asleep like that and didn't wake up for two days.
I heard someone talking and managed to force my eyes open. It took me a further amount of effort to sit up and find out who it was that was talking.
H'earring froze when he saw me struggle upright, staring at me like he wasn't expecting me to be awake. We stared at each other for a while and then H'earring smiled. I smiled back.
"I'm…" H'earring swallowed like he didn't want to tell me something, "I'm going to go do something."
"What?" I was still a little hazy from two days of sleep.
"I kept waiting for you to wake because…well, I guess I was kind of hoping you would convince me not to do it." He started tugging at his ears, "But while I was waiting for you to wake up, I realized that no matter what you said I would have done it anyway."
"What're you planning, H'earring?"
"I'm going to get your Code Scanner back, Kaz. I'm going to the UnderWorld."
"NO!" I actually jumped across the bed and tried to grab him but he leapt out of my reach and headed for the door.
"I've made up my mind, Kaz! I'm going to help!"
"H'earring, don't!" I cried, crawling across the bed and falling to the floor with a heavy thud, "You've help enough! This is…suicide! Don't! H'earring, please!" My voice cracked, my eyes burned. He was going to throw his life away trying to do something for me and I couldn't let him do that!
H'earring skipped out of my way and ran out the door. I forced myself to my feet and ran out after him. My legs tripped over themselves and I bounced off the walls a couple of times before hitting the floor. H'earring was at the end of the hall. I hauled myself up but my legs didn't want to work and so I half dragged, half stumbled my way after him.
I was shaking, my vision was blurring at the edges, and I was starting to feel sick but I kept running. I couldn't let H'earring go back to the UnderWorld. He'd be killed on sight! I ran around another corner and my body finally quit on me. I slammed to the floor and couldn't get up again.
"H'earing!" I shouted and he paused, looking back over his shoulder at me, "H'earring, please! Don't! You'll be…you'll be killed!" My face felt hot and I would have cried but I was to exhausted. I could barely breath, "H'earring…please…don't do this…I…"
"I have to get your Code Scanner back, Kaz. If I do, maybe we can find a way to get you home."
"No…" I blinked a couple of times, trying to see, but everything was fading out and I could feel unconsciousness pulling at me, "H'earring, I…don't want to…" I couldn't even twitch my fingers to try and reach out for him. I couldn't see anymore either,
"H'earring….be…carefull…"
"H'EARRING!"
I shot upright, got hit with a dizzy spell, and fell backwards onto the soft pillows. I threw an arm across my eyes, groaning. My chest hurt, my right elbow was sore, and I felt as though someone had dropped fifty pounds of bricks on my legs. But I was alive, at least. That little adventure hadn't killed me.
My chest tightened and a whimper escaped me.
H'earring…
He could be killed.
If I didn't go stop him, he would be.
I sat up and found it was easier than it had been. I glanced around the room. Good, no one there. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and carefully slid off onto the floor, keeping one hand on the bedside stand in case I fell. My legs were a little wobbly and hurt to stand on them but at least I was upright. I took a couple of steps towards the door and stopped, not because of the throbbing pain resulting from me walking but because I was only wearing a pair of light pants. I couldn't traverse Perim like this.
But where could I get more clothes? I looked around. Maybe the draws across the room there…
I made my way towards them, knelt down, and pulled open one of the drawers. Score! Shirts and pants, made of heavier stuff than I was wearing. I pulled them on; a pair of cerulean blue pants held up with a black drawstring and a long sleeved dark blue top with the OverWorld crest stitched in light blue on the left shoulder. To hide the jagged scar the wound around my neck, I pulled out what was probably supposed to be an ocean-blue sash and wrapped it around my neck. Now I was ready to go. Well, except for shoes but I could worry about that later.
I walked over to the door and was about to grab the handle when it opened right in front of me. Garv stood there with a sly smile on his face,
"Going somewhere?"
I scowled at him, "No, I just wanted to know why all the clothes you own that fit me are blue."
"Because they were made for the OverWorld Battalion trainees who are just about your size when they enter training."
"They look new." I observed, plucking at the end of the shirt. My legs were shaking but I ignored them. I could and would stand on my own.
"Maxxor gave them to me when I had Hifdan let him know you were here."
"You WHAT!?" I clenched my fists, I had suddenly forgotten that my legs were supposed to be hurting, "Are you crazy!? No, wait, a better question! Do you want me dead!? No! Don't answer that! Of course you do! You always have!" I stumbled backwards, feeling hurt. I realized that however much I denied it, I had been trusting Garv, "You're just like the rest of them! You want me dead! All that stuff you said was lies! All of it!" Garv stepped forward and I tripped backwards against the bed, tumbling to the floor in a heap, "Get away from me! I trusted you! I can't believe it but I trusted you!"
"Kaz—."
"You led me on! You're just like Chaor! You want to hurt me! You want me broken! You want to use me like he did!" I pressed my back against the bed, cringing away from him as he drew closer, "Stay away from me!" He kept coming. I closed me eyes and saw Chaor in my mind's eye, stalking towards me, glowing with rage and power, "No! Stay away from me! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"
I felt a hand on my shoulder and screamed in fear and hatred.
"Kaz!"
My eyes flew open and I saw Tom's worried expression, "Are you okay, buddy?"
Garv stood behind him, looking upset. I tore my gaze away from him and glared at the floor.
"Garv's a liar, Tom." I managed to squeeze the words past the lump in my throat, "He told Maxxor where I am. The OverWorlders are going to kill me. They'll—."
"I know, Kaz." I stared at Tom, "I was just talking to Maxxor. The OverWorlders won't bother you, he promises that much. What happened was Chaor's fault and besides, Maxxor's got…bigger problems to worry about."
"But the UnderWorlders…" I began and was suddenly hit with a realization, "H'earring! Tom, H'earring ran off into the UnderWorld! We gotta save him!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, "Tom, please, we have to save H'earring! Chaor'll kill him! Chaor'll kill him! I can't…I c-can't…I…I…" My shoulders were shaking but I couldn't cry. I clenched my fingers into Tom's shoulders and he winced. I let him go and slumped against the bed, feeling empty, "What kind of…loser am I?"
"Loser? Kaz, you're not a—."
"Sure I am." I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs wouldn't expand enough, "I mean look…at me. The one Creature…in Perim that I trusted the most and…he turns around and…betrays me like it's nothing."
"Kaz, you knew Chaor cared more about power then friends! You knew that! It's not your fault! It just isn't!"
"What about…now then, huh?" I looked up at him and he could only look back with a distraught expression. He knew what I was talking about, "Because of how much I let…Chaor control me I won't ever…trust anyone ever…again. And you…know it."
Tom backhanded me before the sentence had barely left my mouth, knocking my head to the side. I turned to glare at him and he returned my glare with one of his own. The one he usually only used on people like Klay who really got on his nerves.
"Stop it, Kaz! You're not supposed to be like this!" This time, it was him grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, "Remember what I said!? You can always trust us because we're your best friends and we'll do whatever we can to help you! And H'earring too! It's just that things are too dangerous for players right now!" His expression softened a little bit and he looked down at the floor, "To be honest with you, I kind of feel like the loser. I wish I could have gotten you out of there sooner, saved you from all that crap, gotten you out of there before The…The Virus." He ran a hand over his face like he was just as tired and lost as I was, "I want my best friend back, Kaz…I want him back real bad…"
"Tom…" My voice was a whisper, I wanted to sleep. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up and find out this whole stupid thing had been nothing but a nightmare. I wanted to sleep forever and forget that anything had happened. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. That would be giving up, "I'm still your best friend…"
"Kaz, I'm sorry I—."
"I know."
"And I—."
"I know."
"But I—."
"I know."
"Dude."
I smiled, "I know."
Tom smiled, chuckled, and then burst out laughing. I laughed too. And even over the laughter I heard Garv say,
"Broken hearts are an easy mend, for they can be made whole again. It's the broken souls that are hard to fix, for pieces get lost amidst life's thorny trail."
"Garv!" I said, sobering and getting shakily to my feet, "That last part didn't rhyme!" Tom stood up beside me and I put a hand on his shoulder to steady myself and clear my head, "Now, what's the plan?"
"Plan?" Garv and Tom said at the same time.
"Well, yeah, we gotta rescue H'earring from the UnderWorlders and—."
"You're in no shape to go anywhere." Garv said firmly, walking up to me and pressing me backwards until I was lying back on the bed, "And Perim is far too dangerous for you even if you were recovered. You are staying here."
"But—!"
"Why're you worrying, Kaz?" Tom sat down at the end of the bed, "H'earring's a spy. He knows what he's doing." He smiled at me, "You're such a pessimist."
"Tch, who didn't believe Chaotic was real?" I snapped back, "And I can worry about H'earring! He's my friend too, you know! I…I owe him…a lot…"
"I know." Tom said cheekily, "But we knew you were still alive when we came for you."
"Your point, oh Great One?"
"You're a pessimist."
"You're jerk. I'm going to sleep. Leave me alone." I slid underneath the blankets and pulled the over my head, "Go pull weeds with Garv or something. I'll wake up in a couple of hours."
"Translation," I heard Tom say as he slid off the bed, "He'll wake up in two weeks." He and Garv chuckled and I heard the door shut. When I was sure they were gone, I sat up and pulled the sash off from around my neck and tossed it to the end of the bed. I sat there for a while, staring at it, my mind blank.
"Pessimist, huh?" I muttered and then I frowned, "Hmph, not my fault, huh? Okay." I ducked back underneath the blankets and closed my eyes, "Fine. None of its my fault. It's his." I clenched my fingers on the covers, "I'll get you back Chaor, I swear it. I swear it…I swear it on…on something…dra…ma…tic…"
I fell asleep and dreamed of overpowering Chaor and banishing him and Ulmar and everyone who had been cruel to me to live on the moon. Dreams are weird things.
But I woke up a lot, worrying about H'earring.
Worrying if he'd be alright.
Worrying if he'd be caught.
Worrying too much.
In the end, I decided that I didn't want to sleep, fearing the nightmares that would come get me if I did.
Tom didn't want me to blame myself.
But I could still feel regret for not being able to stop everything that was happening.
Wow.
Um.
Yeah.
I must have listened to Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber at least fifty times while I was writing that last scene there. Darn it all. I've been listening to classical music all day, though, and my Written Rhetoric teacher played this one for us and I went "I MUST HAVE IT! IT IS SO SAD AND BEAUTIFUL!"
So I got it from her.
Yeah….
There.
What now?
Tell me what you think, hm? You think I'm going to kill H'earring? Do you think Kaz will ever be able to trust anyone besides his friends ever again?
Feel free to leave a comment on your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!
