Don't expect too much action. Not yet. But very, very soon. Please be patient. Kaz has been emotionally traumatized. He's still adjusting to life back home…


The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas

Book Three: Shadow of a Boy

Chapter Three: This is For Real


"I had some nightmares clawing at my skin and bones. I nearly did explode. You smoked out the demons, gave me back my feelings, now I'm good to go."


"For Pete's Sake, Kaz, it's not like you're going to prison!"

"Might as well be."

"I thought you were looking forward to going back to school…!"

"That was then. This is now. Now I wanna go back home."

"And what, sit in your room and sulk all day about how your life is ruined?"

I glared at Tom, clutching the straps of my backpack tightly in my fingers. It was the New Year and that meant Christmas vacation was over and I had to go back to school with everyone else.

And I was honestly scared.

All I could think about was all those people in there who knew I'd been missing and would hound me and hound me until they dragged it out of me where I'd been.

But that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me…

"Hey Tom?"

"Hm?"

"When we were in that café…and you told me the CodeMasters knew about me. Were you telling the truth?" He didn't say anything and I stepped in front of him, "Answer me Tom! Were you telling me the truth or were you just making up some story to keep me there!?"

Tom looked at the sidewalk, frowning, "I was telling the truth. And I'm sorry if you thought it was a lie—."

"It wouldn't have bothered me if it was a lie." I said, taking off again. Tom stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me, "What bothers me is that video you told me about. Why did you take it in the first place?"

"I was in shock. I wasn't thinking." He muttered, "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize what was happening and I'm sorry I let the CodeMasters see it and I—."

"I know." I said with a half-smile as we turned the corner onto the street that held out school. The smile dropped, though, as we approached the row of yellow buses. I was getting that same feeling I had had before I'd gone on a mission for Chaor; that cold fire that slid under my skin, making me move quieter, making me notice things I normally wouldn't have. I was wary and tense and I suddenly didn't want to be here.

Especially when I saw a couple of guys with video cameras and microphones hanging around by the front door. I balked and ducked behind a school bus.

"Kaz, what in the world are you doing?" Tom asked exasperatedly.

"There's a bunch of the press guys by the front door." I hissed, my backpack digging into my spine as I leaned against the back of the bus, "I can't go in there. I just can't."

"Uh, hello. Back door." Tom jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "Come on, we'll take the door that opens into the Junior hallway. No one will suspect a thing."

I swallowed, nodded, and followed him out from behind the bus. I'd spiked my hair and was wearing a pair of glasses that was nothing but pink glass. But they hid my eyes and that's what mattered; the slitted pupils that looked so animalistic to me.

We managed to sneak by the other students; everyone else was too busy talking with their friends about their wonderful Christmas Breaks; and made it to the side door. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed, reaching for the push-bar.

"You're one smart kid, Kazdan Kalinkas." I spun around. A woman was standing in the snow behind us with a camera dangling around her neck and her hands in her pockets but I could see the wire poking out of the top of her coat; a recording device.

"Go away." Tom spat.

"And the loyal friend." She inclined her head towards Tom who scowled at her. I kept my face blank, watching her.

"What do you want?"

"What do any of the members if the press want?" She pulled a hand out and wrapped her fingers around her camera.

"Don't even try it." I growled, "I'm not some attention starved singer whose life revolves around the paparazzi. I'm just a fifteen year old kid trying to go to school like a normal teenager. So leave me alone."

"Not even one little photo?" She cooed, making a pout face at me. She was mocking me. I bristled and clenched my fists but said nothing, "Just one…little…picture…" She raised the camera and I turned my back to her, kicking the door open and walking inside. Tom followed me and I heard the door slam shut.

"Kaz—." He began.

"Don't, Tom." I didn't want to talk about it. I simply stalked down the hallway, fuming, and it wasn't until I reached my old locker that I realized people were staring at me. The back of my neck prickled as I fiddled with the combination, trying to remember what it was.

My fingers remembered it for me and I pulled the metal door open. I slammed it shut again almost immediately. Tom stared at me. I swallowed and opened the locker again, staring at the floor between my tennis shoes. I'd forgotten about the Chaotic stuff in my locker but I couldn't do anything about it in front of all these people.

So I just stuffed my bag inside, pulled out my binder, and shut the locker door without a word. I felt everyone watching me as I walked away down the hall. I was in a slightly daze; still kind of angry but mostly thinking how surreal this all felt. I'd been gone since last February and now I was back in January of the New Year. People had to be curious.

I knew that.

And I tried not to care.

I walked into the classroom, avoiding eye contact, and sat by a window, staring at my desktop.

They were still watching me.

I wished they would stop.

Someone walked up to my desk and stood over me. I pretended not to notice. But that got kind of difficult when they sat backwards in the chair in front of me and put their elbows on my desk.

"Hey there Kaz."

I groaned on the inside and resisted the urge to knock the person off my desk. Andrea. And if things were still the same as they were when I'd been captured, then she was still the biggest gossip hound in the entire school.

I bit back the "go away" that was almost out of my mouth and muttered a flat, "Hi."

"We've all been worried about you." She said a little too sweetly.

"I'll bet you have." I said before I could stop myself. I kept staring at my desk, aware of her watching, aware of everyone in the classroom watching me.

"No, really, we have." She leaned forward some and I pulled back, "And we're so glad you're back. It just wasn't the same without you."

"Why? No one to make fun of?"

The threw her off for a split second. But when she came back around, her voice was a little icy, "Share some stories with us, Kaz. What happened to you? We were so worried. Come on, ease some of our suffering."

That hit a nerve.

I couldn't say why. Maybe it was all the nervousness that had been building up inside of me, or maybe it was the fact that the CodeMasters knew my secret, or maybe it was just because I wasn't sure I was ready for this yet.

Which ever it was, I got angry.

"Your suffering?" I hissed, looking up to glare daggers at her, "My gosh are you that insensitive? You can't even begin to imagine the hell I went through and there's no way I'm going to tell the likes of you!" She stared at me in shock. A year ago, I never would have talked to her like that, "You're all the same; leeches looking for leverage." And I turned to look out the window.

I think I shocked Andrea so much she was speechless because she stalked away without saying anything back to me. And even though I could feel everyone else looking at me, I smiled to myself, hiding it in my hand.

That would teach them to leave me alone.


"Leaving alone" was not the correct term for what happened that day.

People were either staring at me, pestering me, or avoiding me.

I don't know which bothered me more.

And I spent so much energy keeping myself in check; trying not to lash out, trying not to hurt anyone, trying to act like I didn't care; that I wore myself ragged. I hadn't been sleeping for a while and my first day of school was killing me.

I tried to hide in the back corner of the cafeteria during lunch and take a nap while Tom kept watch but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. I eventually gave up and sat there with my head in my arms, staring at my untouched food without really seeing it.

I wanted to go home.

And the end of the day couldn't come fast enough.

I dragged myself through the rest of my classes, barely paying attention and fidgety. By the time I got back to my locker at the end of the day, I had enough homework to keep me busy for three weeks and it was all supposed to be due before Spring Break. I was supposed to stay after school for help with it but I didn't feel up to it. So I followed Tom out the side door again and stumbled through the snow to the sidewalk.

A camera flashed out of the corner of my eye. I spun around and snatched it out of the reporter's hand, dashing it against the pavement so that it shattered. The man stared at me as I turned away and kept walking down the sidewalk, swaying on my feet with weariness. When we were a block away, Tom said in a low voice,

"Did you really have to smash his camera?"

"I don't care anymore, Tom." I answered, taking off my glasses and rubbing my hand over my eyes, "I just don't care. I'm too tired to care and it makes me angry to think about it and getting angry just wears me out…"

"I…don't think I get it."

"They all wanna know where I was, Tom. I don't think the police really believe the story I told them; they just let me out because of Dr. Mitchell. But I can't tell them, you know that."

"Yeah, I know."

"But it's so hard to hide it all the time. Its so hard to try and be myself again." My shoulders sagged, my backpack suddenly felt fifty times heavier, and I dragged my feet across the ground, "It's hard to pretend nothing happened."

"It's hard for me too." Tom said softly and I looked around at him, "It's hard in Chaotic, it's hard at school, it's hard at home, it's hard everywhere. I don't know how you're managing."

"I'm not." I admitted, "I haven't been sleeping. At all."

Tom didn't know what to say to that. We walked the rest of the way in silence and only said our good-byes as we parted in front of my house. I walked inside, dropped my bag on the floor beside the door and hauled myself up to my room. Once there, I dropped onto my bed with an exhausted sigh and closed my eyes.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I opened my eyes again and stared at the wall. There was no way that's what I thought it was…

Beep. Beep. Beep.

But it was, it had to be. I rolled off my bunk bed and walked over to my closet. Yep, it was louder. I pulled the door open and knelt down, rifling through the things at the bottom.

I pulled out my Code Scanner.

It was flashing and blinking persistently.

A message? From who? But there was no screen name. The screen was simply lit up with a faint blue light and it was beeping. I went back to my bed and lay down on my side, the device in my hands.

Should I press the button?

What could it hurt?

I couldn't port unless I hit the button myself and activated the transport code. So there.

I brushed my thumb over the button at the bottom.

The Code Scanner stopped blinking and the screen dimmed. Nothing happened. I dropped it to the floor and rolled onto my stomach, putting my pillow on top of my head.

Stupid Scanner.

Stupid school.

I closed my eyes to see if I could fall asleep.

-Shadow of a Boy-

CodeMasters are CodeMasters for a reason.

Not only are they the best players in Chaotic but they also control it, enforcing its rules and keeping an eye on everyone who enters it and Perim.

So I should have seen what was coming.

One second I'd been in my room, the next I was standing in an empty Battle Drome.

Shock, then fear, then pain, then rage.

"No!" I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls, "No, you—!" I called the CodeMasters a name I'd rather not repeat, "You can't do this to people!" I still had my Scanner in my hand. I turned to race out of the Drome but a black hole opened up underneath me and I fell through it into a shadowed room. There was nothing but a single chair sitting under a beam of light. I hit the button on my Scanner but nothing happened.

"KidChaor, please sit down." I glanced up and saw the CodeMasters, sitting around a table. The empty chair nearest to me was at the end of the table opposite CodeMaster Crellan.

"No." I spat, furious, "You can't do this to me. It's illegal, or something. Let me go home."

"You're still at home, Kiddo." Said CodeMaster Oron, "Just take a seat so we can talk."

"I don't want to talk to you." I snapped, crossing my arms, "I didn't want to come back here, I didn't want anything to do with this place anymore. I'm trying to go back to having a normal life and you dragging me here isn't helping!"

"Would an apology help in any way at all?" CodeMaster Amzen asked calmly.

"A-an apology!?" I sputtered, "Are you insane!?"

"It's our fault that Chaor captured you, KidChaor." Said CodeMaster Crellan. I bristled.

"I don't care who's fault it was! And that's not my screen name anymore!" I was shouting now, angry beyond reason, "I don't give a crap about who's fault it was! I never wanted to come back here! I never want anything to do with Chaotic or Perim ever again!"

"Would you consider staying for the company of your friends?" CodeMaster Amzen again.

"What do you want?" I hissed, "Why do you want me to come back so badly?"

"Perhaps it will help to heal old scars?" My inside went cold at CodeMaster Imthor's words.

"Piss. Off." I didn't care about respect. I didn't care if they banned me from Chaotic. I just didn't care anymore, "And stay out of my life."

"As you wish." CodeMaster Crellan said softly, "But if you change your mind," He rose from his seat in one single, fluid motion, "Just know that we will cancel all obligations you have to the Dromes."

"C-Crellan!" CodeMaster Hotekk stuttered. CodeMaster Crellan held up his hand to silence him.

"In other words, if you choose to remain in Chaotic you will not have to participate in the Drome Battles. You will be exempt from them."

How had he known?

How had he known that was what I was fearing the most?

Stepping into a fight—even if it wasn't a real one—and sinking back into that twisted half of myself that I knew was still lurking inside of me. The side of me that was still Ghost.

"I'll think about it." I muttered but I didn't mean it. I had already made my decision. I was leaving and never coming back. I would go home and trash my Scanner so I could never use it again.

"Then you are free to go, Ghost." I twitched as he called me by my screen name. White light split a circle around my feet and lifted me back into the Drome. I spun on my heel and marched straight out into the bright sunlight of Chaotic. I felt other players' eyes on me as I ran towards the towering structure of the Port Court. I could almost hear them whispering,

"Isn't that KidChaor?"

"Didn't he disappear?"

"When'd he come back?"

"You look like a monster."

I tripped over my own feet and stumbled into the Port Court. It was buzzing with conversation and laughter. It seemed too happy. I walked quickly towards the Transport Center.

"Kaz!?" I froze and looked around. Sarah walked away from a group of other girls, heading towards me, "What're you doing here? Tom said you..." She shook her head, "Come on, sit with us."

And before I could protest, she'd grabbed my arm and dragged me to a familiar table. Peyton was already there and so was Tom. They both looked up at Sarah's approach. Peyton actually dropped his handful of fries and Tom's mouth fell open. I sank uneasily into a seat between him and Peyton, wary but no longer angry.

"Good to see you, dude!" Peyton clapped me on the shoulder and the force jerked me forward, "I was scared you weren't ever coming back!"

"You're going to stay, right?" Tom asked.

I looked at him, and then at Sarah, and then at Peyton.

A warmth built up inside my chest and I smiled, more to myself than to any of them. Then I raised a hand and hailed a robot,

"One Perim Pizza…fully loaded."


Song: "This Is For Real" by Motion City Soundtrack

Something of a happy ending right there. A rare occasion for The Files.

Now the only remaining question is whether or not he'll ever port out to Perim. Opinions on the matter? Anyone?

Everything seems to be going so perfectly for Kaz. I could just end the story right here and have a blissfully happy ending.

But that just wouldn't do…

There's a darker secret hiding beneath the lies and deceit that ruined Kaz's life…

but you'll have to wait to find out what it is.