There's going to be a huge shock in this one. Trust me. You won't see it coming.


The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas

Book Three: Shadow of a Boy

Chapter Eight: Monster


"I feel it deep within. It's just beneath the skin … I hate what I've become. The nightmare's just begun … My secret side I keep hid under lock and key; I keep it caged but I can't control it … There's no escape for me. It wants my soul, it wants my heart … I must confess that I feel like a monster."


"What did you want to show me?" I asked, following Maxxor up some stairs. I'd met him in the alley and if he'd been surprised to see me, he didn't show it. We'd gone through a back door of his palace and I was currently following him to one of the upper levels.

"Something some of my scouts found a few months ago." The OverWorlder answered, "I've been keeping him up here because it's better that no one knows where he is. Surprisingly, he's been pretty quiet. I don't think he wants anyone to know where he is either. His pride has been…hurt a lot."

"Who?"

"Kaz, I want you to understand something." Maxxor stopped at the top of some stairs and looked back down at me, "When Garv told me you were staying with him, my first desire was to seek revenge on you for what you had done." I hung my head, "But I realized that it would be foolish to do so. What happened was not your fault and so I had no right to punish you. So understand that when I show you this, it is not to hurt you. It is to make you see what truly happened."

I wanted to ask what he meant. I wanted to ask why he was being so cryptic. But I couldn't. I simply followed him quietly down the hall to a wooden door at the end. Maxxor pushed it open and light spilled out, "He's here." Then he put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me forward, "Go on. I swear you won't get hurt."

I stepped into the room and froze.

Sitting on a bench across the room was the one Creature in Perim I had never wanted to see again.

"Chaor…" His name came out in a strained whisper. He stared at me with empty blue eyes. I started shaking. He stood up, "No! Stay away from me!" I tried to back out of the room but bumped into Maxxor who was blocking the door, "Let me out! What the hell is wrong with you!? Let me out! Let me out!"

"Kaz! Let me explain something!" Maxxor shouted, grabbing my arms to stop me from flailing around.

"No! No, you're with him! You're with him!" I shouted, struggling even more, "Let go of me! I said, let go!" I tore myself away and stumbled forward, leaning against the wall, panting, fear and anger pumping through me like molten fire. Chaor had stopped walking and was simply standing there, watching.

"You're a liar!" I spat at him, my voice quivering, "A stinking liar! Both of you are!" Chaor simply kept looking at me, "I hate you! I hate you for what you did to me!" I pushed off the wall, grabbed a clay vase off the table next to me and hurled it at the UnderWorlder, "I lost a year of my life because of you!" The vase smashed into his chest and he flinched a little but said nothing. My anger grew, "And I can't ever get it back because of you!" I threw another clay vase at him and it too smashed to pieces against his chest.

He still did nothing. Hot tears streaked down my face and my reaching hands found a wooden stool. I picked it up and flung it at him, screaming, "My parents are scared of me because of you! Everyone at school is scared of me because of you!" I kept throwing things at him but he did not react. The tears were making it hard to see clearly. I ran out of things to throw at him, "You ruined my life! And I…I…" I collapsed to my knees, my fists clenched, crying, "I trusted you! I trusted you and you…and you…you…" I couldn't finish. I curled up on the floor, sobbing, "I trusted you! I trusted you!"

"I'm sorry." Chaor said and I looked up at him, staring, "I'm sorry."

The words didn't fit. They couldn't click in my brain.

"Liar…" I hissed through clenched teeth, "You're a liar! You were always a liar!" I grabbed my Code Scanner from my pocket, "I never should have come back to Perim! I never should have come back here!"

"Kaz, wait!" Maxxor grabbed my wrist and pulled my Scanner away from me. I screamed in fury and launched myself at him, reaching for it. He held it out of my reach.

"Give it back to me! Give it back!" I cried, slamming my fists into his chest, "Give it back! All of it! Everything you took from me…give it all back…"

Then I was on the floor again, crying, and I couldn't stop.

Why was I crying so much? Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't I stop it from hurting?

"I didn't do it." Chaor said and I looked over my shoulder at him, furiously trying to brush the angry tears away, "It wasn't me, Kaz."

"Sure it wasn't!" I snarled, "I just imagined the whole thing!"

"It wasn't me. It was another Creature."

"What, did another Creature learn how to shape shift!?" I screamed, leaping to my feet, "You're lying! Everything you ever said to me, every second I was trusting you, it was all a frigging LIE! I can't ever trust you or anyone else ever again because of what you did to me!" I glared daggers at him, "I hope you're happy Chaor, you stupid coward! You used a kid to do your dirty work! You sicken me! You're nothing but a monster!" Chaor looked on impassively, "And now because of you…I'm one too!"

I snatched up a chair and smashed it against the wall, "Because of you! All because of you!" I hurled the chair at him and he knocked it aside with a sweep of his massive hand, "Get mad at me! I hate you! Get mad at me!"

"Why?" He growled, "So you can feel better about how stupid you're acting!"

"I'm not stupid!" I screeched, "You are! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I rounded on Maxxor, "Why'd you bring me here!? Let me go home! Let me go home!"

"We need to talk about what happened, Kaz." The OverWorld said.

"I don't want to talk about it! Least of with you two!" I tried to get my Code Scanner again but Maxxor simply held it out of my reach I again. I screamed in frustration.

All the feelings I'd been keeping locked up inside were suddenly being let out. And Chaor had been the trigger. All of the hatred, all of the anger, all of the suffering, all of the torment and pain, all of them were being freed right then. And even if I didn't know it at the time, I think the two Creatures did. I couldn't control myself. Everything that I had been hiding from my friends was let loose in a wild storm.

"I almost lost everything because of you!" I was randomly throwing things around the room again. Maxxor had closed the door and was guarding it, still holding my Scanner, "Cherri is dead because of you! All those innocent Creatures are dead because of you! Everything that happened is all! YOUR! FAULT!"

"Kaz—." Chaor tried to say something.

"SHUT UP!" I shouted, hurling myself at him, "Just shut up!" I beat him with my fists and he grabbed my arms, stopping me. I screamed and tried to pull away from him but he just gripped me tighter.

"Let me talk to you!"

"NO! LET ME GO!" Panic set in. My head spun and my insides went cold, "DON'T USE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME GO! Please…!" All the energy suddenly drained out of me and I hung limply in his grip, "Pleeeaaassee…let me go…don't make me do those horrible things anymore…please…please…"

The last thing I remembered seeing before I fainted was the desperate expression on Chaor's face.

He looked just as lost as me.


"—did you expect him to do, Maxxor!? Did you expect him to listen to me!? To you after he'd seen me!?"

"I thought he would have been smart enough to at least hear us out. Tom said he would listen."

"Does Tom know about me?"

"No."

The voices continued as I opened my eyes, focusing on the flat, stone ceiling. I sat up on the small bed I had been lying on and rubbed a hand through my spiked hair, looking around. I was shaking, I felt like all my insides were missing, and my skin felt cold and clammy. My mind dragged sluggishly, wondering where I was and what had happened. I could remember a blur of panic and fear and hate and hurt but I just couldn't seem to focus on exactly what had caused it.

The door to the small room opened. Maxxor stood framed in the doorway and just behind him I could see…

I shouted wordlessly and backed against the wall that the bed was against. It came rushing back; Maxxor showing me the room, Chaor, my breakdown, the anger, the betrayal, and then how I had fainted in Chaor's grasp.

"You…!" I growled, fear pushed aside by hate and anger, "Both of you…! Tch, I should have guessed all Creatures were the same; nothing but power-hungry thrill seekers who only care about themselves and don't give a crap who they hurt!"

"Kaz," Maxxor said sharply and I snapped my mouth shut, "We are not here to hurt you." I shook my head slowly, disbelieving, "You need to listen to us! What happened to you…Chaor is not to blame for it! Please…" He was begging. The ruler of the entire OverWorld was begging to me. And just because he wanted me to listen to him, "Please Kaz, listen to us."

I looked from him, to Chaor who was still standing in the hall, and then back at Maxxor. Then I eased back against the wall, still tense but no longer poised to bolt.

"Fine," I muttered, "Amuse me." My tone was sarcastic and degrading and both of them knew that while I would listen to them, I wasn't necessarily going to believe them.

Chaor followed Maxxor through the door and shut it behind him. I clenched my fists over the bed sheet underneath me as they both took seats opposite me. Maxxor looked at Chaor,

"Did you want to start?"

Chaor switched his gaze to the floor. It was odd, seeing him so…deflated. He was supposed to be arrogant, confident, brimming with power, and all that stuff. But now he just seemed small and lost and powerless. I was beginning to think that something really had happened and maybe it really was in my best interest to listen.

"Lord Van Bloot had been pushing against my boundaries again." The UnderWorlder murmured, not looking at me, "I thought I could simply threaten him out of it like I usually did. So I headed for Gothos Tower, thinking nothing of it." He laughed suddenly and it was empty and filled with anger and…disappointment, "I should have known better! That filthy COWARD!" Sparks shot out from Chaor's clenched fists and I flinched backwards. Maxxor reached out a hand but Chaor brushed him away, glaring at the floor, "He poisoned me! As soon as I set foot in his rotten place…it was all a trap!" Now there were flames liking the corners of his mouth, his eyes were glowing an intense neon blue, and his tail was smashing against the floor. I flattened myself against the wall, shivering, my mind telling me that those flames were aimed at me.

"Chaor!" Maxxor grabbed the UnderWorlder's upper arm, "Calm down!"

"Calm down!?" Chaor growled, "Calm down!? That coward made a fool out of me! Me! And I…I…" All that rage drained out of him suddenly and he put his gargoyle face in his great hands, "I made a terrible mistake…"

Maxxor waited to see if Chaor was going to say anything else. When he didn't, the OverWorlder turned to look at me. I was still shaking against the wall, the blanket half pulled up over me as though I could use it for protection. Maxxor looked upset. He stood and went to the door. He opened it, stuck his head out, and called down the hall in the original language of Perim.

I didn't know what to think.

No way this was a ruse. Chaor couldn't act, not to save his life. He was genuinely upset about whatever Lord Van Bloot had done. But poision? What did Van Bloot poisoning Chaor have to do with what had happened to me.

Maxxor pulled back into the room with a tray of steaming clay cups. He held one out to Chaor who shook his head, his face still buried in his hands. Maxxor turned to me. I took one tentatively and wrapped my hands around the warm earthenware cup. The liquid inside was a burnt brown sort of color and smelled like tea. I took a wary sip and found that it tasted rather good; like cinnamon and chocolate with a hint of nutmeg. It filled up the empty space inside of me and stopped my shivering. I relaxed a little, the cup held close to my chest, and looked back at Maxxor. Chaor still hadn't moved.

"We're not sure exactly what sort of…of poison Lord Van Bloot used." Maxxor continued when it became obvious that Chaor wasn't going to say anything, "But it did something. Almost like brainwashing. Chaor fell completely under Lord Van Bloot's control."

I stared at him. A lie. It had to be. It was all so convenient; an unknown poison, brainwashing. It was like a bad cop movie. No way it was real. My forehead scrunched and I shook my head, glasses sliding down my nose. I reached up with a trembling hand and pushed them back up,

"You're lying." My voice shook, "Y-you're lying! It was him! The whole thing was his idea! He started it! Don't tell me that it was Lord Van Bloot! Don't tell me that it was some…some s-stupid p-p-poison! You're LYING!" I hurled the cup at Chaor and it shattered against his shoulder, "You monster! You're nothing but a power-hungry monster!"

"Kaz, calm down!" Maxxor half stood but I screamed at him and he froze.

How could I believe them? After everything, they really wanted me to believe that it wasn't Chaor? How could I!? For a months I'd suffered under his thumb! How could I just take them at their word!?

"Lies…!" I whimpered, standing up shakily on the bed. The timbers creaked under my weight, "I've heard nothing but lies ever since I ported here! You've hurt me for months! Why should I listen to anything you say! I'm a monster because of you! A monster! A MONSTER!" My voice cracked.

"Stop it!" Strong hands grabbed my upper arms, pinning my limbs to my sides, and forced me down to my knees on the bed, "Stop it, Kaz, just stop it! Just shut up and listen to us! I don't care if you don't believe me! I don't care at all! But if you don't listen I'll—!"

I screamed. Very loudly. It felt like I was ripping my own vocal cords apart. I writhed in Chaor's grasp, screaming.

"Chaor, let him go!" Maxxor shouted.

I was released and fell forward onto the bed, hunched over, my arms wrapped around my head. I was shaking horribly, flashbacks of the past year blazing through my mind. Cold sweat and tears mingled on my face. It hurt. I had spent the better part after my escape trying to forget what I had done and what had been done to me.

Varris…dead because of me.

Cherri…dead because of me.

All those innocent Creatures….dead because of me.

H'earring no longer able to go home…because of me.

"Kaz," Maxxor's hand descended on my back and I froze, "What happened to you was…very wrong. There are unspoken rules in Perim about how…how we are to treat you humans and what Lord Van Bloot did was—."

"It was Chaor." My voice was hoarse, "Don't tell me it was Van Bloot. I was there! Chaor did this to me!" I took a deep, shuddering breath and straightened up, getting control of myself, "You can't prove it to me. You can't prove that it was Van Bloot. So just give me back my Scanner. Let me go!"

"We can prove it." Chaor growled and I switched my gaze to him, "Another human was taken before you. But that…that armor didn't fuse to him right. Ulmar abandoned him and improved the armor. That was when you stepped in."

"Lying…" I snarled under my breath, "No one's vanished! You're lying! I haven't heard anything!"

"Maybe that was because your disappearance became more interesting!" Maxxor interjected, "He was kidnapped only days before you were."

"So he's been gone longer!" I snapped, "So shouldn't someone be looking for him too!"

"How long were people looking for you in your world, Kaz?"

Maxxor's question threw me. Tom had said that the police had quit looking for me after only six months. If this other player really had vanished, then they would have given up on him a long time ago.

"Who…who was it?" I murmured, wavering in a neutral zone of belief and disbelief.

"I didn't know him." Chaor answered, "I only saw him once when I was in Gothos Tower and that was by accident. He was taller than you, not an UnderWorld player, dark hair and a small beard on his chin." The former UnderWorld ruler gestured helplessly, "I didn't know who he was. But I heard him call for help…"

"That still doesn't…prove anything…" I said softly, "You could just be making that up."

"I am not lying!" Chaor snarled but Maxxor held up a hand, cutting him off.

"I talked with some of my spies." The OverWorlder said, "And one them reported that a human who stopped by Runic Grove almost daily had ceased to do so. The spy knew him only by what you call a screen name."

"And…?" I encouraged him.

"The human…was called Hot Shot."


Song: "Monster" by Skillet

Do you think I made Kaz overreact too much? Gotta admit, he might be going out on a bit of a limb there but, hey, can you blame the guy?

Then there's Chaor and Maxxor's story about Lord Van Bloot. Also Hot Shot (see "Fire Fighters). Lies or the truth? Come on, people, let's hear it. Was all of it a lie? Was it all the truth? Was only some of it the truth? And what about Hot Shot? Are they telling the truth about that? And if they are, then why didn't anyone bring it up before?

Questions, questions, so many questions…