Truth and lies…for Kaz, they all seemed to be blending together.
The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas
Book Three: Shadow of a Boy
Chapter Nine: Believe
"I hear your hopes. I feel your dreams. And in the dark I hear your screams. Don't turn away, just take my hand, and when you make your final stand I'll be right there, I'll never leave. And all I ask of you…believe."
"Hot Shot…" I murmured, "Hot Shot…" That name was so familiar, "Hot…Hot Shot! I battled him once! He hates UnderWorlders but only uses Creatures with fire attacks! You're telling me that Lord Van Bloot pulled him into Perim too!?"
"I don't know if he was flesh and blood." Chaor said in a low growl, "But I know I saw him. And I know Lord Van Bloot has him." He turned his neon blue eyes on me and I inched backwards, "Kaz, this was my fault and I…I am apologizing for my mistake." It sounded like it was hurting him to say that, "Even I abide by Perim's rules concerning humans."
"In his eagerness for power, Lord Van Bloot has not only crossed the line, he has destroyed it and endangered all of Perim! We could have a full blown war on our hands!" Maxxor said hotly.
"What…?" The words didn't quite stick. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was Lord Van Bloot and not Chaor. I couldn't believe that it wasn't Chaor, not after all this time, but by the way the two of them were acting, I could hardly deny it completely.
A thought struck me suddenly, "How did Chaor get away from Lord Van Bloot's control? And why did he come to you?"
"When you escaped with H'earring and your friends," Chaor answered before Maxxor could, "Lord Van Bloot was furious. You were his best and most lethal weapon and you had slipped right between his fingers." Chaor laughed again and this time it was mocking, like he was laughing at Van Bloot, "In his haste to get you back, he forgot to keep administering the mind controlling poison to me. I broke free of his control and escaped the UnderWorld. I came to Maxxor because I didn't know where else to go."
"Where did the poison come from?"
"Skithia made it. I think." Chaor growled low in his throat and it was a noise like distant thunder, "She was probably testing it out on Van Bloot's soldiers for a long time before she thought it was ready to use on me."
I still didn't know whether I believed him or not. If this "poison" was real, then why hadn't Van Bloo just used it on me? Was it because he'd wanted to prove something? Or maybe it had been too strong for a human. Maybe it would have killed me. But what about Hot Shot? After the IRA hadn't worked the first time, wouldn't it have been easier to just destroy him? Had they tested the poison on him?
I just couldn't wrap my head around it all. I could barely call them liars anymore but I couldn't completely trust them yet either.
But there was one way to be certain…
"Let me go back to Chaotic." I said in a strained voice, "I'll ask around the Port Court. Hot Shot's a fairly well known player. If he's been missing as long as you say he has…then some will know." I looked up at Maxxor, "If you want me to trust you, then you have to trust me."
Maxxor turned to Chaor but Chaor was glaring at the floor as though his fierce gaze alone could set it aflame. Maxxor looked back at me and nodded once. He reached into a fold in his tunic and held out my Scanner. I snatched it from him, clutching it tightly in my hands.
"I still don't believe you," I muttered, "Not completely. It…hurt too much for me to just…let it go."
Without waiting for an answer, I ported out.
"Gizmo! Hey, hey Gizmo!" I jogged across the Port Court, catching up with the thin, geeky boy in a baggy gray sweater and faded jeans. He paused and looked over his shoulder. When he saw who it was, he paled but didn't move.
"Wh-wha-wh-what do you want, G-G-Ghost?" He was stuttering. No big surprise. He always did that when he was scared. Gizmo was one of those odd Chaotic players who kept statistics of pretty much everyone else who played. How he managed, I don't know, but he did it.
"Hot Shot," I said in a low voice, "When was the last time you saw Hot Shot?"
"H-H-Hot Shot?" Gizmo wrung his hands nervously, "Eh, uh, in a Drome Match almost…uh…" He paused, on finger to his forehead as he thought, "Sometime last year, I think, yeah. Why?"
"No reason." I answered and took off again. I needed someone else. Gizmo was good for statistics but that didn't mean anything. If Hot Shot hadn't played since last year, it could simply mean he'd been giving up his matches. I needed to talk to one of his friends.
Oh that's going to be fun. I though sarcastically as I wandered through the Port Court, looking this way and that. Hot Shot was a prep. Preps did not associate with nerds like me.
I walked up slowly to a group of four teens, all of them at least two or three years older than me. Two of them I knew were friends with Hot Shot.
"What do you want, Ghost?" Spat one of the girls.
I swallowed, "When's the last time you saw Hot Shot?"
"Why?" Asked one of the boys airily.
"Because I heard he disappeared a couple of days before I did." All of them looked at me sharply but I didn't move, "So is it true?"
Then they glanced at one another. Finally, the first girl said, "Yeah, it's true. I'm Tonya—screen name FrostNova. Hot Shot…Hot Shot is…was my boyfriend. It's been a little over a year since he disappeared." She no longer looked as though she was trying to be superior to me, "When you came back, I thought…" Then she trailed off, shaking her head, tears in her eyes.
The other girl glared at me, "Piss off you little twerp! Can't you see this is upsetting her!?"
"I'll…find him, okay." I said under my breath, not sure if anyone actually heard me. Then I turned, and headed for the Transport Center. What Chaor and Maxxor had told me was true, then. And the reason that no one had noticed Hot Shot was gone was because his girlfriend had kept it to herself that he'd gone missing from Earth, just like Tom and my friends had kept it a secret from everyone else that I was missing. People stayed away from Chaotic for long periods of time every so often; whether from choice or because they were grounded or something happened to their Scanners.
I pulled my own Code Scanner from my pocket and saw myself reflected on the blank screen just before I hit the button to port back home.
Luckily for me, the movie had just ended so no one pitched a fit at me when my Code Scanner went off in my pocket. Though several people gasped and asked if I was alright when my legs collapsed underneath me and I fell to the floor, half draped over the back of a theatre chair.
"I…I'm okay…" I breathed, "My legs just…fell asleep." Whether they bought it, Tom shooed them away and helped me back up.
"Take it easy, okay Kaz." He helped me out of the theatre and I sat down heavily on one of the squishy arm chairs in the lobby, "Stay there, I'll be right back." And he left.
I shuddered, my stomach feeling empty despite all the popcorn I'd just eaten. All those memories had just come flooding into me; the anger, the terror, the pain, the sorrow, the disbelief, and the revelation; and it was a little too much for me to take in all at once. I felt sick.
"Here." Tom handed me a bar of chocolate and a cup of soda. I took them, nibbled on the chocolate, took a drink of the soda, and sighed. Tom sat down next to me, looking worried, "You alright? What happened?"
"My code, I…" I took another bite of the candy, "I just couldn't handle it all."
"All what?"
I told him everything that had happened, leaving out some of the major details of my breakdown. Tom's eyes got huge and he sat back, stunned. I finished off the chocolate and took a long drink of the soda. It was gray and gloomy looking outside but there was no snow. At least not yet.
"So do you believe them?"
"Huh?" I looked back at Tom.
"Do you believe what Maxxor and Chaor told you?"
"Yeah, I think I do." I answered, looking down at the drink in my hands, "I just…don't know what to do about it."
"Lord Van Bloot did this, right?"
"Yeah, apparently. Maxxor said he sort of…brainwashed Chaor."
"And Chaor escaped when you did?"
I nodded.
"What a mess." Tom rubbed a hand through his black hair, "So what're you going to do?"
I frowned, thinking. Then I took a drink and said, "I'll keep going back to Chaotic. And to Perim. But I'm staying away from the UnderWorld and Kiru City."
"Alright." Tom grinned, "Come on, let's get going. Unless you wanted to see another movie…ssssaaaaaayyyyy New Moon?"
"Heck no." I said, standing up and tossing the empty cup in the garbage, "Let's get out of here. I still have a ton of homework to do."
Once at home, I tore some paper from another notebook and wrote down everything that had happened that day. Then I placed it carefully in the pages of my leather bound notebook where I was writing the events of what had happened to me.
Other papers were sticking out between the pages as well. Notes on things I remembered, a page I'd (guiltily) copied from my mother's diary, a paper with my dad's account of the day I got back on it, and even some sketches of things like the IRA, the Destiny Claw, and the Ripper. There were also some print offs of emails Peyton and Sarah had sent to me per my request, telling of their accounts on certain things.
Tom had yet to do some. I'd asked him to, just to fill in some blank spots, but he was wary and uneasy about it. I'd told him it would help but he hadn't said anything. Hopefully, he'd write something. Even if it was just a little bit.
"Kaz! Dinner!" I dropped the leather book on my top bunk, climbed down the ladder, and headed for the stairs.
I'd be okay.
Just stay away from the UnderWorld, away from Lord Van Bloot and his insanity, as well as Kiru City and I'd be okay.
Everything was going to be alright.
It was two days later and, while I had explained things to Sarah and Peyton, I still hadn't ported to Perim again. My run in with Chaor had still shaken me, even if he hadn't meant me any harm.
So I sat in the Port Court with Sarah, watching Peyton struggling through a rather difficult Drome match. Tom had gone to Perim to help out Bodal in the Arsenal some more. I didn't mind. I was content to sit there and stuff my face with pizza and watch the Drome battle.
That's when Tom ported back, glanced around the Port Court, saw us, and strolled over. He flopped into a chair next to me, stole the last piece of pizza, and turned his gaze up at the screen, eating the food slowly. When he'd finished, he licked his fingers and muttered,
"Maxxor told me that Chaor wanted to see you."
I scowled, "Well I don't want to see him."
"What do you want me to do?" I asked hotly, "Forgive him?"
"Yeah, something like that!"
"I can't do that."
"Why not!?"
"It's too complicated!" I snapped, clenching my fists on the table top, "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me!" Tom was angry now.
"Shove off." I grumbled and walked away. I could feel Tom's angry glare follow me out of the Port Court. I marched into the dusky sunlight and ducked under the cover of a ring trees. I sat down on the grass and leaned back against the trunk with a sigh. Footsteps sounded behind me,
"I told you to leave me alone."
"Oh? And when did you say that?"
"Sarah?" She sat down on the grass beside me, "What're you doing out here?"
"Let's talk."
"Since when did you ever wanna talk to me?"
"Since we became friends." She said seriously. I looked her in the eye and she met my gaze unblinkingly. I looked away at the grass between my sneakers.
"I always figured you only put up with me because I was friends with Tom."
"I'd slap you if I didn't feel so sorry for you right now." Sarah said and I gave a snort of laughter, "Seriously though, what's wrong? You usually don't storm out of the Port Court unless you've got a grudge match or something."
"Chaor wants to talk to me but I don't want to talk to him."
"Why not?"
I sighed and took my glasses off, folding them up and hanging them off the front of my shirt, "Because I'm confused…" I rubbed hand down my face, "I know it was really Lord Van Bloot's fault that everything happened but I've had all this anger and hatred aimed at Chaor holed up inside me all this time. It's hard to let it go…but at the same time I know I should forgive him. But I can't. I'm just…so confused."
Sarah put her hand gently on my shoulder, "Maybe talking to him will help clear up some of that confusion."
"I dunno…" I muttered, "Last time I saw him I went ballistic. I don't know if I can take seeing him again; even if it isn't his fault." I slowly put my glasses back on, "I wish I was as strong as you are."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sarah said in a scolding tone that made me look around at her.
"I…just don't think I—."
"Kaz, I don't care what people tell you or how you feel about yourself. " She grabbed both of my shoulders and had this intense look on her face, almost like what I had said had hurt her somehow, "If you can go through all that…that crap you went through and come back and still be yourself then I'd say you're strong!"
"But I'm not myself." I said before I could stop the words. Me and my big mouth.
"Yes you are!" She shook me a little, "You're still Kaz! Sure, you might be a little moodier and a little faster and a little stronger and maybe even a little weirder than before but even a year stuck in that hell hole didn't ruin who you are!" I half-smiled at her and stood up. She followed suit.
"Okay, I'll go talk to Chaor." I said, pulling out my Code Scanner, "Thanks Sarah, I really needed a pep talk right now."
"Of course you did." She smiled at me, "Wait, Kaz, before you go…"
"Hm?" I half-turned and the next thing I knew she was hugging me. I stood there, to startled to move as she held me tight.
"Try not to disappear anymore, okay." She said, stepping away.
"Uh…yeah, sure." I knew my face was red and I quickly turned my back to her, "See you in a bit."
If she said anything in response, I didn't hear it. I was already halfway back to the transport center.
Song: "Believe" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
So many things happening so fast. Lord Van Bloot instigated the whole thing that got Kaz into this horrible mess, Chaor's SORRY, and Hot Shot's been missing for longer than Kaz has and is either dead or locked up tight in Gothos Tower. And now Chaor wants to see Kaz.
What the heck is going on?
