Chapter 3: Loosen Up, Would Ya?

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Weeks passed, and soon I found myself in the middle of the summer heat, laboring away more than ever. My father, of course, only worked when it happened to be significantly cooler, which wasn't often. He spent most of his evenings getting wasted at the bar, in which I had recently taken up a part-time job as an excuse to get away from the house. Though after a while I couldn't really tell which was worse... having to put up with drunken men, including my father, or wearing myself out to the point of collapsing working in the fields. I guess the only benefit of having the job was the steady income, much unlike that of the vineyard.

And secretly, I did all that I could to save the money I was making. I convinced myself that if I raised enough perhaps I would be able to buy a ticket out of Flower Bud and make my way into the city— where I was sure a better life lay in store for me. Yes, that was my one and only goal for now... the one thing that kept me sane and focused. Though there was something that, despite how much I wanted to deny it, was starting to creep into my thoughts more and more often. Or shall I say someone...

"Hey Jack, what'll it be?" I heard Duke ask from behind the counter.

"Oh, you know, the usual," was the reply. I tried to keep my eyes focused on the table I was wiping. I heard Duke go into the back room, where I knew he would soon emerge with a fresh glass of milk for the exhausted farmer. It was like this almost every night now, but somehow I hadn't gotten tired of the routine. And I practically hated myself for it.

A few moments later, as I expected (but couldn't say I regretted), I heard footsteps making their way across the wooden floor boards toward me. I could feel a smile playing at the corners of my lips, and I was glad my back was toward him. As he arrived at the table I looked up, promptly masking my face with indifference. I was never the first to speak during these encounters, as he and I both very well knew. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for his usual greeting. However, he merely glanced at the table I had practically scrubbed to a pulp and grinned.

"I think you missed a spot," he said playfully. I wasn't sure how to reply to this, for I couldn't say we—or more correctly, I— was on friendly enough terms to say what I wanted to... which would have been a somewhat flirty comment in return. So instead, I glanced at the table, wiped it once over again, and flashed him a sarcastic look as I began to walk off. I knew he would eventually get me to say something though, so I slowly sauntered to a nearby vacant table and began wiping again absentmindedly. Sure enough, he soon turned around and leaned on the table next to me. I continued wiping.

"Look," he began, more seriously now, "I don't know what I've done wrong, but whatever it was, I'm sorry. Maybe we could just start over. I'd really like to get to know you."

I stopped wiping the table. I considered this. This could be the chance I was looking for.

"You haven't done anything wrong," I said, before I'd known it. "It's not you, Jack. It's me. I'm not that good of a person— don't waste your time trying to get to know me." My mind was screaming red-alert: What are you doing, Karen? You're screwing up the routine... the one enjoyable part of your day, and you probably just messed it up! Why would he ever want to talk to you again now?

"Don't be that harsh on yourself, Karen. No one's perfect..." he said, looking directly at me. "In fact, I'm far from it. And well, I don't see you as that bad of a person at all." I looked back into his eyes now. Was he lying? It didn't seem so... but then, he always seemed, well, sincere. How did I know it wasn't all an act? "Actually, despite your several rude remarks and clever attempts to get rid of me, I think you're pretty good at heart." He smiled.

I looked at him full on now, my eyes squinted, taking him in. His remark was utterly cliché, but I didn't think he was lying. Partially because I knew he was somewhat right. Because I knew that despite whatever I said, cruel as it may be, my heart was screaming to be kind, to be caring... to love, even.

I could feel my eyes get warm as I moved them from his unwavering look to the floor. Why does this have to be so difficult for me? I wanted more than anything to break from the bitter routine, and yet I was scared to do it. I knew I wanted to give him a chance. I wanted to give myself one even more.

Finally, I came to a decision. I turned to look back up at him, feeling a smile creep onto my face. "Hi," I said, sticking out my hand, "I'm Karen."

The rest of my shift went surprisingly well that night, despite the frequent shouts for more alcohol from my hopelessly drunken father and a heated argument that erupted between Jeff and Basil over the nature of African dung beetles. Jack stayed a little longer than he usually did, ordering a few more glasses of milk, each time managing to throw me a generous tip. However, by the time Duke said I was free to go, I saw Jack push aside his fourth empty glass, and, apparently trying to be casual about it, get up to leave.

As I pushed open the doors of the bar and made my way outside, I could feel the warm night air and hear the soft chirping of crickets. I took a new liking to summer nights. I started making my way toward home, though I took my time about it. I mean, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the glowing stars stretched endlessly above me. Who wouldn't take their time for that... right?

"Hey, Karen! Wait up!" I heard from behind me.

Okay, so perhaps I wouldn't have stopped for the stars before— but then, that was the old Karen. I stopped and turned to see Jack jogging up to me.

"Hey," I said, beginning to walk again. "I guess it's better that someone keeps an eye on you tonight, Jack— I don't know, four glasses... that's quite a bit, if I do say so myself." I was glad I could finally say something casual, even flirty. I could see him smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, well y'know... I can hold it pretty well. Lots of experience, really, owning two cows."

I laughed, and was fairly impressed that he already owned two cows, seeing as I had doubted him a little over a season ago about ever owning an animal. I was just glad he didn't rub it in.

"Sooo," I said, trying to be conversational, "how's the farm doing?"

"Oh, I guess it's all right. Should be getting some tomatoes any day now."

I became fully alert at this.

"Tomatoes?" I shouted excitedly, wondering if he had somehow known about my great liking toward them. "Heh, sorry, it's just that they are my favorite."

"Really?" he said, though not sounding all that surprised. "Well then, maybe I'll bring a few by so you can test them out, y'know, find out if they're good enough for me to sell..."

I had a feeling we had just made our way from small talk into flirting. But was that really even a bad thing? I played along for a while, laughing and giggling like a desperate school girl.

Yet eventually, to my general dislike, we reached the spot where our paths split. It felt weird knowing that we'd have to say good night, and that we'd see each other again the next day. I had never done it before. At least, not sincerely. We finished up our conversation, and stood for a moment, rather awkwardly, before he took the initiative to say something.

"Well, I guess we better get home now..." he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Heh, yeah..." I replied, staring at my feet.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

I was quiet. My usual reply had been, "Don't talk to me so much," but seeing as things were different now, I had to conjure up another one.

"I hope?" he said after a bit, and I came back to my senses.

"Ok, ok... see you." I said, smiling, and turned to go back up to the vineyard.

I knew nothing considerably major happened to send my spirits soaring like this, but for me, it was a really big thing. I had gone from shallow and cruel to almost friendly in one night. And I didn't regret it. Perhaps, maybe, my tough front would slowly drop until every villager knew me not by my temper, but by my smile, my humor. And I hoped it would come to that. Jack was now what I could honestly call a friend, if not a little more. But I wouldn't get carried away. I couldn't pretend that from now on everything would work out perfectly, that he would have the feelings I hoped he had. That perhaps I was beginning to have.

I walked inside the house to find my father passed out on the couch, my mom somewhere upstairs, probably crying herself to sleep. Kai was undoubtedly asleep from a long day's work. I often came home to this. I made my way upstairs to my room, taking off my vest as I plopped into my bed. It didn't take long for me to feel my eyelids drooping with sleep, for it had been a long, exhausting day.

Yet, for once, since as long as I could remember, I fell asleep with a smile.


AN: Anyone catch Karen's white to blue heart transition from HM64 there? Oh look at me, being clever. Haha.