Chapter 5: The World Anew
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During the next few days, I made a point of avoiding Jack at all costs. I'd get up extra early in the morning to finish my chores right away, mumbling a halfhearted reply to Kai's amicable greetings, and then head up to my room to sulk for the remaining hours. I took a few "sick days" from the bar, feigning a bad chest cold. Though more accurately, all I had were mental issues.
However after five consecutive nights I was out of excuses. Chest colds didn't last too long. So, hoping Jack wouldn't be craving any milk that night, I grudgingly pulled on my vest and started on my way towards the bar.
As soon as I walked outside I was greeted again by a sweating, muddy Kai. Great, I thought. Sure, I was attracted to Kai, but I wasn't exactly feeling sociable at the moment.
"Hey Karen! Feeling better?" he asked, grabbing a towel and mopping his brow with it.
"Hmm, yeah... a bit." I attempted to make my way further out of the vineyard, hoping he would lay off.
It was wishful thinking.
"Headed to the bar?" I heard from behind me.
"Yep. I don't think I could afford another sick day," I said, speeding up my pace a bit. There was silence for a moment, in which I felt relieved, thinking he was done with me.
"Wait!" I heard him call just before I had made it out, and my plans were thwarted. "Can I come with you? I mean, I know you get there early and stuff to set up... but I could use a drink. I did some weeding today."
Now I felt guilty. I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to weed the vineyard that day because of all the things on my mind, and apparently Kai had done it for me. I was trapped.
"Oh, uh... yeah, sure," I mumbled. I was reluctant, but I couldn't say no. Not after he had saved me from another long lecture from my drunken father. He made a motion for me to hold on for a bit while he ran inside to grab his wallet. I sighed. There was no use being mean to him, and plus, I figured that maybe since Kai was with me, Jack would keep his distance if I happened to meet him along the way.
A few moments later, Kai emerged donning a fresh set of clothes. I wouldn't have thought this odd usually, but knowing Kai, he wasn't the one to care how he messy he appeared in public. Yet I decided not to say anything about it. I didn't want to start an inevitable conversation. As he approached, though, I also picked up a peculiar scent. It wasn't all too bad— but it wasn't all that alluring, either. I realized moments later that Kai had put on some cologne.
"Kai," I began, figuring he would have said something soon anyway, "what's with the cologne?" I asked. Despite the dark skin that highlighted the ever-so-nice features of his face, I could tell he was blushing.
"Um," he began, turning as if to examine the trees and shrubs we passed practically every day, "well, I made it myself. Do you like it?"
Now it was getting really awkward for me. I wasn't a complete moron, don't get me wrong— I knew exactly what was going on. But why... now there was an entirely different story.
"Yeah," I lied. The fact that he made it explained why it smelled faintly of grapes. Though I would have held back on including mountain herbs in the mix.
He seemed happy with my reply and smiled at me. I smiled back, though not genuinely. The fact that Kai was trying to impress me seemed to be creating the opposite effect on me. I could feel myself getting more and more uncomfortable with him. We continued a few moments without speaking, and I tried not to look anxious as we passed Jack's farm.
Kai soon broke the silence. "So, what time are you getting off tonight?" he asked.
"Um, I don't know," I replied, giving an honest answer for the first time that evening. "I haven't been there for a few days, and I might have to work a little late cleaning up and stuff, but it really depends on how many people are there."
"Oh," he said, looking a little disheartened. "Well, I mean... if you finish early, maybe we could go somewhere and hang out, or something..." He looked at his feet and quickly added, "if you want to."
I was now beginning to care less if Jack showed up tonight or not.
"Well, um, I guess it depends," I answered, not quite sure how to say no. "I mean, about how late it is and all... and I'm still a little congested..."
He took the hint. "Oh, well... all right. It's okay. Maybe some other time if you can't tonight."
He was making me feel worse by the second. I wanted to be on good terms with Kai, but I wasn't ready to be involved romantically with him. Or anyone, for that matter.
We walked in almost complete silence for the rest of the trip. It was almost six when we got there, and I hoped Duke would be fairly lenient seeing as how I was "sick" for the last few nights. I would make sure to come earlier for the rest of the week.
I said a quick goodbye to Kai as I went around the back to start my shift, and felt extremely relieved that our awkward walk was over. I liked Kai and all, but he was becoming a bit too nice.
Fortunately Duke was in a good mood that night, so he didn't say much more than a, "try to be here a little earlier next time," to me as I came in. I nodded and got to work, serving Kai quickly and walking constantly into the back room, rearranging boxes and drinks. I was glad there was a rather large crowd after all, and as far as I could tell, no Jack. I found myself being lifted into a better mood by the minute. I served everyone as hastily as I could, receiving rather generous tips for the quick service (apart from my father of course), and managed to clean up the back room quite a bit. Duke seemed pleased as well.
"Well Karen, it seems those days off have done some good. I might just have to give you a one week break every so often," he said, looking impressed. I smiled, telling him it was no problem. I heard the bell ring from the other room and told him I needed to get back to work. He nodded and chuckled amusedly to himself.
The smile was still plastered on my face as I walked back into the main room. As I saw who my newest customer was, I was surprisingly indifferent.
"Hey, Karen!" I heard Jack call, and I gave him a small wave. Why I was pretending as if I hadn't just spent the last week or so ignoring him, I wasn't sure. But my mood was still fairly better than it had been for a while, so I decided I would see if things would become sorted out on their own.
As Jack approached me from the entrance, I saw him and Kai exchange looks. Perhaps it was just me, but it seemed that there was just as much bitterness in Jack's face as there was Kai's. I couldn't be sure, but I was amused. Usually that was the behavior of the girls in the village.
Jack turned back to look at me as he drew within three feet of me. He flashed me one of his classic smiles. I grinned a bit and asked, "So what'll it be?" He ordered the usual and took his normal seat.
Contemplating my actions, I headed into the back room to get it for him. Duke was still there, observing my work, and he looked back up as I entered.
"Why so happy tonight, hm?" he asked, observing my jubilant expression.
"I dunno," I answered, grabbing a carton of milk from the shelf. "I guess those days off did help."
"Well I'm glad to hear it. I like this Karen I'm seeing. Keep it up, okay?" he said as I began to exit the room.
My thoughts dwelled upon it. This Karen. Did that mean I had finally changed for the better? I hoped so, but I couldn't find out what had happened to cause it. But I liking this Karen better too, that was for sure.
"Here ya go," I said as I set the warm glass of milk before the cheerful farmer.
"Thanks!" he said, tossing me a rather large tip.
"Thank you," I replied with a smile, and I left to grab a cloth to wipe the counter. Though, just as I had started, Duke came up to me.
"That's good for tonight, Karen. You've well made up for the nights you've missed. Get some rest," he told me, handing me my pay. 1500 gold. My eyebrows lifted.
"But Duke, this is—" I began, but he cut me off.
"I know, but a permanent raise is in order if you keep on smiling like that," he said. To someone else, this might have sounded weird coming from the old bartender, but I knew him better than that from the many nights I had spent at the bar, even before I had began working there— and he seemed more a fatherly figure to me than my own. I thanked him, and went to wash up.
As I came back out again, I noticed Kai was no longer there. After waiting a few hours he must have figured I wasn't going to be up to going anywhere with him, which was probably for the better.
Yet I hoped I could talk to Jack a bit more before I went home. I wanted to clear up what had happened. Plus I was feeling energized, and I didn't want to waste it. For all I knew, I would be back to my cranky old self the next morning. Fortunately I saw him finish off his glass just as I approached his table, and he looked about ready to leave.
"Hi," I said, sitting down across from him.
He seemed rather surprised, seeming as I had never taken then initiative to start a conversation with him before.
"Hey, haven't seen you in a while!" he said, apparently oblivious to the fact that I had done that on purpose. I gave a small laugh.
"Yeah, got a little bit sick..." I said simply, for I didn't want to dwell on it. I wasn't looking for small talk. Instead I cut to the chase. "Hey, Jack... do you have to head back right away?" Instantly I found myself hoping I didn't come off as Kai had to me.
"Nope," he smiled, apparently knowing where I was headed. "I'm all finished with everything for today." He didn't seem weirded out, so I figured I would continue.
"Um, do you think we could go somewhere and talk then?"
"Yeah, of course. What do you think of the beach?"
"Heh, yeah... the beach sounds good." I said, ignoring his sarcasm. I was just happy he had agreed and wasn't pulling a me. I now felt sorry for Kai, for I could imagine how he felt when I shook him off. I wasn't even asking Jack to go out in the same way he had tried to ask me. Though I tried not to worry about it. I just wanted to resume my friendship with Jack. More than that, I wanted to change myself. For good.
When we arrived at the beach it was nearly midnight. I hoped Kai would be asleep when I got home for I didn't want him knowing I was out— especially with Jack.
We came to sit on the edge of the dock, and I let my feet dangle in the water, as I always did. He followed suit.
"So," he began, "what's up?"
I took a deep breath. "Well, I just wanted to clear things up about, er, the other day." I could tell this would be harder than I had originally thought.
"Oh," he said, and I was sure he was still confused about it. "Yeah, what exactly happened?"
I explained to him honestly that I had overheard him with Ann. As I recounted the story, I felt more and more like an idiot. Why had I gotten so worked up? When I had finally finished, I looked down at my feet in the water. I was embarrassed.
"I see..." he said after a moment's silence. "Well, I didn't know it was social taboo here to be nice to more than one girl..." I could tell he was serious. I felt even more like a moron.
"No, no, that's not it..." I sighed, and figured I'd might as well tell him the rest of the truth. "I guess I was just... erm... just a little bit jealous, maybe. I thought that perhaps you only wanted to be friends with me." I halfway smiled. I was still embarrassed, yes, but I was reminded of my childhood days, when it seemed something could only be owned by a single person. He laughed a bit too.
"Oh, is that it? I see.." he said, looking down at the water now. "Well, if it means anything... I think you're more interesting than all the other girls in town anyway."
I looked at him quizzically. "What? But I've been so mean to you and everything."
"Yeah, but I think that's only your front, Karen. I could tell right when I met you that there was something about you that was kind and gentle, and you've just shown me that I was right in my assumption," he told me, smiling. I knew there was truth in that, and I was more than glad that he had seen it.
"Yeah," I replied, relieved now. "Thanks, Jack."
We ended that part of the conversation, and I looked out toward the horizon. The water seemed endless; it stretched as far as I could see, and it made me feel as if Jack and I were the only two people in the world that moment. I could tell he was looking out at it too, for he was silent. For a moment I felt those same feelings I had a week before. But they were still leaning more towards a genuine friendship, and I was comfortable with that. Perhaps things would develop in time, but I needed a while to sort myself out before I jumped into anything else. And plus, there was Kai to think of.
"I can see why you like it here," Jack said suddenly, shaking me out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, I love the ocean. It's the one place in this town I can come to for solace," I explained.
"What's wrong with the town?"
"Nothing, really. It's just, well— I hate routine. It's what my entire life has been made up of. I guess coming here comforts me because, well, I've always wished that someday I might be able to see what's out there. To go to the city." Again I remembered when I had chided Jack on his first day here, calling him a "cityboy". I was immediately remorseful for it. Though he didn't seem to remember, or rather, pay attention to it.
"Eh, the city is nothing great, believe me," he said, leaning back on both of his arms. "I like it here much better, in fact."
His statement surprised me.
"Why? I mean, anything is better than routine, right?" I asked.
"Not really. In cities there can be horrible people, Karen. They're nothing like the people here, who are all so friendly and honest." I found that particular phrasing interesting. "And I hope you never have to see what I mean. There are people who steal out of greed, who back stab for entertainment— who kill out of hatred or even out of selfishness. They can be an awful place to live."
I was shocked. I never imagined that there could be such evil— I had thought that the worst of Flower Bud was well, found in myself. And I would never do anything like that.
"Beside, routine is all in the way you look at it," he continued. "It's not really all that bad."
"Heh, well... you haven't lived here all of your life, Jack. You haven't done the same thing every day for as long as you could remember," I said defensively.
"Yeah, I know. But it's actually similar in the city. It's almost impossible to escape routine. What I mean is, things don't have to be the same if you don't look at them that way."
I wondered about this, and asked him to explain.
"Well, take the ocean for instance," he said, picking an example he knew I would understand. "It seems that all the waves do all day is rise and fall, roll in and out, ebb and flow." I knew that well, for I had thought it myself. "Though, if you think about it, they're always different. Water is always moving, no matter how still it can seem. One wave is composed of entirely different water molecules, from places all around the world. The water touching our shore today could be in China tomorrow, and England next week. It's amazing, if you think about it."
And it was. I'd never thought about it that way. "Yeah, I get what you mean. But how does different water molecules have to do with planting, watering, and harvesting grapes every year for your entire life?"
"Well, each day is composed of different things, like the waves are of water," he explained, still using the ocean analogy. "Sometimes it's high, and sometimes it's low... but the tide comes in all the same. So, what I'm trying to say is... each day is different. Sometimes they're good, and sometimes they're bad... but you always end up in the same place you are now. No matter how fast or slow time seems to go, you're always in the present. You get it?" he looked at me hopefully.
"Uhh, maybe. It just might be hard adjusting to thinking like that." I smiled. "Thanks, Jack." I said.
"So are you still thinking of going to the city?" he asked.
"I don't know anymore," I replied honestly. If what he had told me was true, I was having serious second thoughts about it.
"Well, I hope you do stay here," he said. "Flower Bud would be dull without you." I could still see his eyes shining despite the darkness. It seemed they were as bright as the stars. I marveled at the person Jack was. I had barely begun to know him, that much was true— but I was sure I would grow to respect him even more in time. And I looked forward to it.
It was then that I was sure I had moved past the threshhold and was starting to change. I now wanted to, more than ever, see the world differently. To see more than the seemingly consistent ebb and flow of my life.
And I was glad to know that I would have someone beside me all the way.
