Again, thank you to those of you who continue to read and leave reviews! They motivate me to write a lot more. This is my longest chapter yet

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

I awoke with a headache after hearing a door slam. It felt as if I had been heavily drinking the night before but sadly it was from crying myself to sleep. I looked over at the clock on Jake's night table it was already 12 in the afternoon. The last I remember, it was 4am and he still hadn't come back. For hours I went over the previous events of what happened before Jake left me. I couldn't help but think of everything I could've and should've said instead of the bullshit that came out of my mouth. Why wasn't I just honest from the beginning? I've never been so selfish in my life. Edward would be crushed when I told him what I did. They both deserved so much better than the way I've been treating them.

Jake is like my own personal sun, he always has been. There would be no Bells without Jake. I don't know what I would've become if he didn't pull me out of my depression. I felt like I owed him the world and this was a really shitty way to be paying him back.

I stood up and put on the pair of sweatpants he had given me the night before and walked into the living room, he was sitting on the couch watching television. It was obvious he was still infuriated from last night. I wish I could just make all the pain go away that I have caused him. As I looked into his eyes I could see the pain, but for some reason I'll never understand, I also saw how much he loved me.

"Are we going to talk about it, or are you just going to ignore me?" I asked as I played with my hair. I always tended to do this when I was nervous.

His eyes became dark with anger, like he was mad I had even spoken to him. "You wanna talk? Fine, let's talk. Since we're being so honest with each other, I should probably tell you after you told me you loved Edward more than me and you were going to marry him I decided I'd try to get over you. While it obviously didn't work, I spent my time hooking up with someone else as well. Since you're not so sure about what you want, I'm not so sure I'm ready to end the convenient situation I have with her. How's that for some honesty?" The veins in his arms had pulsated with anger, his breaths were quick and his chest was heaving.

My heart felt as if it had just broke into a million pieces. The thought of Jake with anyone else made my stomach turn, I thought for sure I was about to throw up all over the living room floor. Tears started pouring down my face, and I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't feel my legs or any other part of my body for that matter. What used to feel like our sanctuary was now a place I couldn't stand to be a moment longer. If I could just make myself move, I could get out of here. I was furious at him for hooking up with some whore, but I knew I didn't really have a right to be. I wanted to scream at him, and tell him he was a jerk for having meaningless sex with her, but I stopped myself. I'd be a hypocrite to yell at him for doing exactly what I had told him to do. I pushed him to be all over some other girl, instead of confronting my feelings like I should have. If I had the courage to accept the way I felt for him then, he would've been with me instead. I made such a mess, and I would have to be the one to clean it up.

I must've zoned out because when I looked back over at the couch, Jake was gone. I walked back into his room and took a piece of paper out of his night stand. I quickly wrote him a note before grabbing my clothes along with my keys. On my way out of his house I stopped in the bathroom to wash my face. If Charlie noticed I had been crying, there would be an endless amount of questions I wasn't ready to answer, I wasn't in the mood for an interrogation either.

As I drove back home, I tried to find a good song playing on the radio. When all else failed, music was always able to put me in a good mood. Isn't it ironic that whenever you need a song to lift your mood, you come across a sappy love song you can't seem to change for some reason? Of course it always relates to your life, making it even more depressing. I found myself singing along with "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars. I'd have to remember to download it when I was home.

Surprisingly, the ride home had been quick. I had pushed the limits with my truck in terms of speed but luckily it hadn't given up on me. I knew if it would've broken down, that would be the end of it. I doubted Jake would be in a rush to fix it for me.

As I walked in the door I saw Charlie sitting in his La-Z-Boy recliner, a beer in hand as he watched a football game. Since I had a tendency to prolong the inevitable, I decided it wouldn't hurt to spend some bonding time with my dad. I sat on the couch closest to him and asked who was playing. No time like the present to make up for those lost years.

"The Seahawks are playing the 49ers. It's an important division game." He said quickly, obviously too engrossed in it to ask any questions about my weekend. While I was glad he wasn't giving me the third degree, I wanted a distraction to pull me away from my thoughts I hadn't been able to escape since I left Jakes.

Three long, boring games later, it was 11:30 and Charlie had stood up to announce he was going to bed. I knew he'd have work early in the morning and I'd have to find something to occupy my day.

I waited 15 minutes before I went up to bed for Charlie to fall asleep. I knew Edward would be waiting in my room for me and I couldn't take a chance of him hearing the conversation that was about to take place.

Edward was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at me as I closed my bedroom door behind me. His hair was a mess and his clothes looked disheveled. I got the feeling he already knew what happened, but I was pretty sure it was my guilt giving me that feeling. Alice didn't get any visions of me as long as I was with Jake and it was impossible for Edward to be anywhere near La Push without anyone smelling him.

"What happened to you Bella? Alice can't see your future anymore; it disappeared a few days ago. I've been worried sick." He asked; worry clearly all over his face.

"I spent the weekend at Jake's house. I was perfectly safe in La Push… but Edward, we need to talk." I admitted, sitting down next to him.

"I'm just happy you're alright. I don't know what I would've done if you had been hurt because of Jacob's lack of ability to take care of you." He said rudely, pulling me in for a hug.

I pushed him away and stood up to put some distance between us. "First of all, Jake is perfectly capable of keeping me safe. He'd never let anything happen to me no matter what fucked up selfish bullshit I put him through. Second, I don't need to be taken care of. I'm a grown woman." I said angrily.

"Calm down Bella. You know I don't trust the wolves. Once they get angry they lose control, they phase without warning and you could end up way too close one day. I don't want you around Jacob without me and that's the end of the conversation. Now, Alice is going to send out the wedding invitations this week so we'll need to tell Charlie tomorrow." He commanded.

I ran my hands through my hair in an effort to calm myself down. He didn't even care to ask what it was I wanted to talk about. He simply ignored it and pushed for me to do something I clearly hadn't been ready to do. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and to just leave me alone, but that wouldn't be right. I owed it to him to tell him the truth, and let him know what it was I not only wanted, but needed.

I sat back down next to him, and held onto his hands. "Edward, this weekend when I was with Jake, a lot happened. We kissed, I told him I love him and I've realized I made a big mistake. I haven't felt the same for you since you had left me and I got close with him. I wanted to believe that we could fix things, and that everything would be just as it was before you left but it's not, and it never will be. He fixed my heart after you shattered it and it belongs to him now. It's taken me awhile to admit it to myself and I'm sorry it has taken me so long to tell you. I've been selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. I'd say I hope we can be friends, but I think it'd be best if we didn't see or talk to each other for awhile. I need to figure out my relationship with Jake and give it everything I have. I haven't been fair to him and that needs to change immediately." I admitted, hopeful that he'd understand.

He stood up and walked over to the window, running his hands repeatedly through his hair. For once, I didn't find myself wishing to know what he was thinking.

"You're just getting cold feet, its okay though, I forgive you. I can't say the same about that mutt though; I'm going to have to teach him a lesson about touching things that don't belong to him." He walked over to me and kissed my forehead.

I pushed him away again, frustrated that he still wasn't listening to me. He always heard what he wanted to hear and I was sick of it. No more trying to be nice.

"Do you hear yourself right now?! You're referring to me as a thing you own. I was your girlfriend, not a piece of property! I don't care what century you grew up in, that's not acceptable. Don't you get it? I don't want to be with you anymore! I haven't for awhile, I was just too blind to see it. I want Jake. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life by his side. It hurts me to be apart from him. I can't live without him. You need to go home and leave me alone for good. Tell your family I'm sorry. I love them, but I don't love you like that anymore. You ruined any chance of happiness we had together when you took away my choice to choose what I wanted and what was best for me when you abandoned me. You pushed me right into Jakes arms and that's where I found true happiness. I never knew love could treat me so right. Please, don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

I hadn't even noticed that in the middle of that speech, I started hysterically crying. I felt the hurt from earlier again when Jake told me about his "girlfriend." For some reason I found myself wondering where he was, who he was with and what he was doing right now.

It was then Edward did what I wasn't expecting him to do. He grabbed my face with both of his hands, wiping away my tears with his thumbs and once again kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry. I get it now, I'll do as you wish but I'll always be waiting in case things don't work out between the two of you. Know that I'll be watching when I can. I wish you all the happiness in the world, I'm just sorry it wasn't with me." He whispered.

I shut my eyes for a minute and when I opened them, he was gone. I walked over to my window and for the first time in years, I locked it and lowered the blinds. I didn't want anyone making surprise visits during the night anymore. I needed to take control of my life before it slipped through my fingers. Breaking up with Edward was the first step. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be as easy as he had just made it seem. I'd be seeing him again sooner than I wanted to.

It was 2am and I desperately needed sleep. My body was too tired to function anymore. As I took a quick shower I thought of different ways I could occupy my time tomorrow. I decided I would attempt to get my old job back at Newton's. The house needed to be cleaned, laundry needed to be done and I would cook Charlie something good tomorrow. Penne alla Vodka sounded perfect. I'd even sit through another game tomorrow if needed.

When I entered my room, I noticed it still had pictures of me and Edward everywhere. I grabbed a box and began to put all of the picture frames containing pictures of us from when we were happy, and all of the things he had previously given me in it. CDs, books, everything needed to go.

The last picture frame on my nightstand was my favorite. It was gold and at the bottom of the picture in script it said, "I love you." I opened it up and took out the picture of us from my previous birthday, placing it in the box beside me. I opened up my nightstand and took a picture of me and Jake from when we were kids and placed it inside. As I placed it back on my nightstand, I relived the memory of the day it was taken.

Jake, Embry and Quil were having a football catch when Charlie and I arrived at his house. I was upset they wouldn't let me play because I was a girl.

"You'll get hurt. Girls aren't strong enough to play with boys. You're too stupid to understand football anyway." Embry implied, throwing the football to Jake.

"Yea, girls are lame." Quil agreed.

I had turned to Jake in hopes that he would tell Embry and Quil I wasn't like other girls, and that they were stupid for thinking that about me.

"I'm sorry Bells, football is a guy thing. I'm going to grow up to be just like Joe Montana and Johnny Unitas. You can be a cheerleader if you want." He laughed.

"Jacob Black, you're a jerk!" I yelled. Secretly, I would have been a cheerleader just for him, but I'd never admit it.

I ran inside the house and sat on the couch, watching them from the window.

When they were finally done playing an hour later, I waited for Quil and Embry to leave. Once they were gone, I went over to Jake and acted as if I didn't care he hadn't let me play. As soon as his back was turned, I picked up some mud and threw it at him. It hit him in the back of his head and he turned around, shock written all over his face.

I started to run away and he followed with mud in his hand. When he finally caught me, he rubbed it in my hair. We both sat on the ground throwing mud at each other, laughing the entire time. When Billy and Charlie came out of the house to see what was going on, they watched and laughed as we continued.

Charlie had been carrying around a camera the entire time I was there to visit. He told us to smile and Jake had put his arm around me at the last minute. I had a big goofy smile on my face, making it obvious I had a huge crush on him.

We truly were meant to be, even as children.

I put the box of Edward's things in my closet and finally laid down, it felt good to finally be in bed. As soon as my head hit my pillow, I fell asleep. For once, my dreams were free of nightmares. Instead, I dreamed of the little boy who had once dreamed of becoming an NFL quarterback, and the little girl who would always be his cheerleader.