Rory folded up the letter and put it in an envelope, wrote Logan's new address on the front. She felt more settled and relieved. Writing it down made it feel real. Logan and her were really done. Because she didn't want an "our life" with him. At least not yet. Without thinking, she started writing again on her yellow pad.
Jess,
I am sitting on a charter bus full of reporters, travelling across America. That's the dream huh?
I got a job with an online magazine as a reporter on Barack Obama's campaign trail.
I had an hour long conversation with a reporter for the New York Times yesterday. That was pretty surreal.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I suppose I'm just really bored on this bus. Travelling gives you lots of time to think.
I keep searching the internet for your name to see if you published any more books. So far nothing. Are you working on anything? I don't know if I ever fully expressed how proud of you I am. When you showed up, I realized how ridiculous I was being. You wrote a book! I got my fight back. I got back in school, was appointed editor of the Yale Daily News and started standing up to Mitchum Huntzberger. I needed someone to call me out on it. Someone who really knows me.
I'm sorry that I came to your opening like that. I'm sorry that I let you kiss me. I hate myself for leading you on. You don't deserve that.
Logan asked me to marry him and move to California with him. I said no. I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm trying to figure my life out. My life right now is travel sized toiletries and instant coffee, in a new hotel room every couple days. I miss my mom, I miss my town, I miss my casual clothes, I miss Taylor even! But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am secretly loving every minute of it.
So I'm sitting on this bus and I have nothing better to do than write...
It's ironic because that summer that I was in Washington D.C. I kept starting letters to you...And then I stopped myself.
I liked you but I didn't want to admit it. I thought I loved Dean, but I eventually realized that what I had with Dean was puppy love, 16 year old love. It stayed at 16. It didn't evolve, we didn't grow together. No matter how much you want to, you can't go back to being 16... Life changes. As I spent more time with you, I realized what it was like to be intellectually stimulated by a guy. And how sexy that was. And it made me realize what was missing between me and Dean. I liked him because he was sweet and he loved me. I thought that was all a girl could ever want, but I wasn't infatuated with him. I was completely head over heals for you.
You were so sexy Jess.
But I couldn't trust you. Because you were irresponsible and you didn't talk to me. Gosh, Jess if you had just talked to me, things could have been different. I was sad when you left, mostly because I wouldn't get to talk to you anymore; I wouldn't get to kiss you anymore. But I was heartbroken that you didn't even say goodbye, or explain why you had left. We really never had closure until you showed up at my dorm...
Logan's proposal has made me think a lot about timing. The fact that people can be in love but be in different places. I am not ready to get married. And when we were together, you needed to go and figure out your life, to grow up. I guess I'm in a similar position right now. I've never been more confused. Maybe the one is the person who you meet at the right time, or maybe the right one is the one who loves you enough to wait for you to get there.
I'm going to be in Philadelphia from Sept 7-10th. If you want to meet up then, text me. My number is the same as I gave you at your opening. But if you don't want to, I totally understand. Honestly I just really need a friend to talk to right now. Someone who really knows me.
Rory
She thought about not sending this one. At the opening, Rory got the impression that Jess wasn't exactly over her, and she didn't want to hurt him again. But somehow she thought that Jess could handle it, that he would understand that she really needed to just ramble about the state of her life, and was reaching out for a friend. Even while writing, she realized how comfortable she was writing to him. She wrote much faster than she had with Logan's, in much more of a lazy style, more of a babble. She wasn't as worried about what he would think. No matter what, she could always talk to Jess. He got her.
