Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me so long to write again. Just been stressful on my end. Hope you all enjoy and I'm looking forward to reviews and feedback. Love, Amber.


Chapter 10: And It All Come's Tumbling Down

" Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."-Maria Robinson


Michael, Carly-Ann, and I sit surrounded by our friends and family in a small restaurant down the street from the court house. The quiet chatter buzzes in my ears as I push my straw around in my cup, captivated by the bubbles rising and falling in my Pepsi.

" Dani, you need to eat," Janet says and my head comes up slowly as I snap out of my daze.

" What?" I ask looking around the table that has suddenly grown quiet.

" You need to eat, your food's getting cold," Janet repeats herself motioning to the plate in front of me.

" Sorry, I'm not hungry, I'm just," I say trailing off when the words get lodged in my throat and I shake my head slightly, " I just need to get some air." I slip out of the booth and walk hastily to the door and walk around back propping myself against the building. I breath deeply, the icy January air stinging my throat and lungs and as I exhale I concentrate on watching the little white puff clouds that swirl in the air. At least this proves I'm alive.

" Dani," A soft voice calls out and I turn my head slightly trying to muster a smile for Michael. But the smile wont come, and I don't feel the need to force one, not with Michael. I watch him as he silently walks towards me, wrapping his long arms around me in a tight hug. " I'm worried about you."

" Why?" I ask, tilting my head up to look at him.

" You haven't eaten anything in days Dani, and we all know your running off of absolutely no sleep," he says cradling my head against his chest once again.

" I don't want you to worry Michael. I just, I don't have an appetite, and every time I close my eyes, all I can see is Nathanial taking Carly-Ann away," I say shuddering as my grabs me by the throat.

" I know," he whispers, " I'm scared too." We stand there, just the two of us in the cold air as the world passes us by, to afraid to move or speak, afraid of what's going to happen.

My entire body tenses as I watch Judge Morgan take his seat, silence surrounding us as he leans forward clasping his hands, looking as if he is trying to find the right words to say.

" I have seen a lot of family cases in this courthouse. Some good, some bad, and some down right ugly. Though I can say in all honesty that this is the very first time that I have ever seen a case like this. One where a father would abandon the girl he says he loves and unborn child, only to return five and a half years later and claim that he has been searching for them, only to admit in open court that he in fact was lying," Judge Morgan says clasping his hands together in front of him, his voice stern, " I have to commend you Miss. James. I have seen my fair share of single mothers come in and out of my court room, and none have been as poised, as honest as you. You have raised a bright, beautiful, well balanced little girl. It is my honest opinion that to take that child from the only family she has ever known, from her stability, would in and of itself be criminal. My final ruling is in favor of Miss. James. She will maintain soul custody of Carly-Ann." My heart soars as the words reverberate in my head, and I feel like an immense weight immediately lifts from my shoulders, and I cant stop the smile from spreading across my face as Judge Morgan continues his ruling. " However, I am not without empathy for Mr. Christianson, that is why I am ordering him to parenting classes, for six months. During those six months, a social worker will be making periodic visits to his home to see that it will be a safe environment, and if after six months Mr. Christianson has complied with my guidelines he will be permitted supervised visits with Carly-Ann for an additional six months. At the end of a calendar year Mr. Christianson if I have found you to be in total and complete compliance with my rules we will meet back here to discuss un-supervised visitation, and the possibility of shared custody between you and Miss. James. It is my sincere hope Mr. Christianson that you were being nothing but honest when you sat on the stand and said you wanted nothing more than a relationship with your daughter. I will make myself clear on one point, if you in anyway deviate from my guidelines, I will personally see to it that you never get to see your daughter, am I clear?" The words buzz in my ears as I look over at Nathanial, who nods his head somberly. " Court dismissed."

I walk out of the court room in a slight daze. A year? One year is all the time that I have left before having to go through this, again? A measly three hundred and sixty-five days.

" Daniella, it's all right," Jamie reassures me and I nod my head as I tighten my grip on Carly-Ann's hand.

" I know, I know, its just," I shrug my shoulders stopping to look up at her, " I meant it when I said that I would never stop Carly-Ann from knowing her father, but I don't know if I can trust Nathanial."

" Do you have a feeling he will in anyway deviate from the judges plans?" she asks, her voice dropping to a whisper.

" No, I don't know," I murmur, " He sounded sincere when he made his final plea, but for all I know that could be because you caught him in a lie. How do I let him back in? After all this time, after everything that's happened?"

" You have too," she says dropping her hand sympathetically to my shoulder giving a gentle squeeze, " For her." I look down at my daughter, her blonde hair fluttering in the chilly January air as she lifts her small hand and gives a small wave. I lift my head and see Nathanial waving back a haunting smile on his face as he turns and walks away.

" Your right," I murmur, looking back at Jamie, " I owe it to Carly-Ann. She has a right to know her father. Can I ask you a favor?"

" Anything," she says and I smile softly pulling a pen and paper from my purse.

" I need Nathanial's address," I say and she looks at me her eyes smiling as she flips open a folder and rambles off the numbers, my heart aching the entire time.


I glance at the clock on the library wall, stretching slightly and rubbing at the back of my neck. Two a.m. The celebration after the court hearing was over, was short lived. Exhaustion had fallen over the majority of us. Finally, the weeks of worry, anxiety, and emotional strain catching up to us all. I said good bye to everyone before taking Carly-Ann to bed, listening intently as I held her, and Michael read. She was out by the end of the chapter Michael had started, and not a moment too soon, as Michael's eyes were also drooping. I managed with a small struggle to convince him to go to sleep, just drop off for a few hours, and forget everything that has been going on. Yet, through everything, and the quite literal hell that I've been through, sleep doesn't find me. Instead, the last four hours have been spent painstakingly writing. Anything and everything that I know about my daughter. Her like's, dislike's. Favorite colors, foods, movies, activities, books. All that I can think of. Page after page, written clearly and concisely, filed away in a three ring binder I found in the bottom drawer of Michael's desk. I stare at the paper that sits in front of me, numb as I try and find the words to write. But what do you say to someone who emotionally destroyed you? I shake my head, sighing heavily. I cant think of that aspect of it all. It isn't about me, or what he did to me. It isn't about the heart break, or humiliation, or pain. It's about Carly-Ann. She's all that matters. I pick up the pen and start to write, as much as I hate too, I have to give Nathanial a chance.

I stir slowly, the feel of someone's hand gently shaking my shoulder.

" Dani," a voice says, as a face swims before my blurry eyes, " DanI wake up."

" What time is it?" I ask, my voice sounding hollow as I fight to open my eyes and blink them clear.

" It's ten o'clock," the voice says again and I snap awake, popping up so quickly that my stiff neck and shoulders scream in protest to my movement.

" Damn it!" I proclaim gathering the pages of paper around me, " Carly-Ann needs breakfast, and her tutor should be here any minute, and" I stop abruptly when a rich laughter fills the room and I look up into the amused eyes of Michael.

" Calm down, Carly-Ann has had breakfast, gotten dressed, and she is all ready doing her studies," Michael says as he starts helping me pick up the papers, " What's all this?" His eyes browse over the papers and I hold my breath waiting for him to say something, anything.

" It's just, the judge said, and I thought," I take the papers from his hands, shaking my head at my own inability to put into words what I was trying to do, " I know it seems stupid, but I figured that if I put this book together, and he was serious about wanting to get to know his daughter, he'd use it you know?"

" It's not stupid Daniella," he murmurs taking the paper from my hands and setting it back on the desk, before pulling me into his arms, " You never cease to amaze me DanI. Most people would fight against what the judge said yesterday, and here you are, half dead on your feet because you stayed up all night making something to help someone who doesn't deserve it. You are amazing." I blush wildly at that and shake my head.

" I didn't do it for him Michael," I whisper, squeezing his wrist lightly before turning to pick up the notebook and loose pages.

" I know you didn't," he says, taking my hand in his as we walk from the library, " So when do you plan on giving this to him?"

" Today," I say sighing heavily, " The sooner I get it over with the better."

" Are you sure about this Dani?" he asks, leading me into his room, " I mean, what your thinking of doing is wonderful, but do you really want to face him?"

" I'm not sure about anything anymore Michael, but what I am sure of is the judge is willing to give him a chance. Needless to say, I'm not too pleased about it, but what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing as far as him having a chance is concerned, but what I can do is be sure that he has all available resources to him in order to get to know Carly-Ann. He has something to prove, and if he was honest about wanting to have a relationship with her then he'll accept this and use it," I say, stifling a yawn.

" Your right," he says running a hand lovingly over my hair, " Why don't you just lay down, sleep for a while, and then we'll go, together."

" Okay, sounds like a good idea to me," I say as I curl myself around one of the pillows, breathing in his scent as I close my eyes dropping off into darkness.


I sit next to Michael, staring at the small peach colored house, and I cant help the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The house is nice, and in a good neighborhood, so I suppose that I cant really complain too much about his location. I grip the steering wheel, my heart hammering dully against my ribs.

" Dani, you don't have to do this. We can turn around and go home, you can mail it to him," Michael says, his hand rubbing the back of my neck slowly. I turn my head, and smile at him sadly, shaking my head.

" I have to do this Michael. As much as I hate this, Nathanial is going to be a part of my life," I murmur, " Thank you for coming with me Michael, but I need to do this alone."

" Dani, you don't have to go to the door alone," he says, turning me to look at him, his eyes searching mine.

" I think I do," I whisper, leaning over to give him a gentle and quick peck on his lips, " It wont take long." I press out of the car, shivering when the wind snaps at me as I walk towards Nathanial's front door, my gift weighing heavy in my arms. I stand for a minute, staring at the door, emotions warring inside me as I seriously contemplate turning around and leaving. I close my eyes, and see Carly-Ann, a small smile on her lips when she lifted her hand to wave at the father she never knew. If Carly-Ann can forgive that easily, then I need to learn to do the same. I lift my hand to knock, and I jump slightly when the door swings open, revealing Nathan. I stare at him, his sandy hair falling into his eyes, a haunting smile of surprise on his face.

" Dani," Nathanial says, shoving his hands in his pocket as he stares at me, " What are you doing here?" I hold the notebook out to him waiting for him to take it.

" I just, I wanted to give this to you," I murmur dropping my hands to my side when he takes the notebook from me.

" What is it?" he asks, staring at me perplexed.

" Everything you need to know about your daughter. Her medical history, a copy of her immunization record, birth certificate. What she likes, what she doesn't. Everything you will need to know about her is in the this notebook, at least all of the things that I can just tell you. The rest you will have to learn on your own," I say, turning to walk away.

" Wait, Dani, why did you do this?" he asks, catching my hand lightly in his own. I turn slowly, staring up in his sad eyes.

" I did it for Carly-Ann. She deserves the best version of you that she can get, and the least that I can do is help you be that person," I say pulling my hand from his, " But believe me Nathanial, I did not in any way do this for you." I walk away from him, my heart somewhat settled inside me, and I turn only once when he calls behind me.

" I'm going to get you back someday Daniella James, I promise you. Someday, somehow I'm going to win you back, you'll see, we're meant to be together," he says and I wince when his voice turns somewhat crazed as I slip into the car and drive away.


Nathanial's POV

I stare at the notebook Dani gave me, my fingers itching to open it. God, she was beautiful. Stunningly and heartbreakingly beautiful. She definitely grew up from the slim, athletic girl that I loved. And lost. I scrub my hands wearily over my face before opening it to find a slim envelope laying on the first page. I lift it and open it slowly, pulling the folded papers from it, and begin to read.

Nathanial,

Your probably wondering why I did this. I've been asking myself the same question as I worked tirelessly on this. The truth is, I don't know why I'm doing it. The best that I can say, is that I'm doing it for Carly-Ann. She deserves the best, and to be honest, I don't think you can grow to be what Carly-Ann deserves in a father without a little help. I give you this, with just one rule. Do NOT misconstrue what I am doing for as a sign that I want you back. The truth is, I was in love with you once Nathanial, as in love as any sixteen year old could be. I've grown up though, and I've been shown what real and true love is all about. I hope sincerely that you work hard to be a part of your child's life. It's the least that you can do after all the time you missed. And I ask this one thing on behalf of the one person who means more to me in this whole world. If you are not intending to take this one hundred percent seriously, then just quit while your ahead, because believe me, you hurt my daughter, again, you will have hell to pay.

I mean that, sincerely,

Daniella.

I smile, the slow smirk crossing my lips as I read her words.

" Don't you worry Daniella James. I fully intend of proving myself to our daughter, and to you. You will be mine again."