Chapter 16: Back home

Emily's eyes were directed at the window of the plane. Though she did not register everything going on outside – by the time they had boarded the jet, the first rays of sunlight were already warming up the Kansas countryside – she could use the distraction from her colleagues' concerned looks. Emily had accepted to sit near the two men, Hotch across from her and Derek at his side. She knew they both needed to feel her proximity, to make sure she was breathing and okay. The only condition being that they would not bother her with questions, not until they would land in Washington – or Emily would open up from herself. When she grew tired of looking at the lightening sky, the brunette shifted her attention onto the other occupants of the plane.

She had been so glad when Hotch had confirmed they would take the jet and not some commercial flight. She could not have born making conversation to any stewardess or curious neighbor, and she would certainly have wanted no one to witness her outburst if it came to that. However, it hadn't yet. As she peered over the table, the brunette found Derek fast asleep, his head pressed against the back of his seat. Her attention shifted to the man next to him and she was not the least surprised to find Hotch staring at her.

"You should sleep." she said in a soft tone.

"I hope this is a joke, Prentiss. I'm not the one who should be sleeping." Emily flinched. She hadn't heard Hotch use her family name for a long time and it now felt peculiar. Of course, she did not pick up on that and simply attempted to smile in return. The smile turned quickly into a grimace as she was painfully reminded of the bruise on her cheekbone.

"Coffee?" she offered, standing up before she even got an answer. She walked the few feet towards the kitchenette and put out two mugs for them, barely looking up when she noticed that Hotch had followed her. He was now standing in the doorframe and watching at the shaking in her hands rather than her face.

"How are you feeling, Emily?"

"Could be better."

"Emily, you know you will have to talk at one point. Not only to me, but to the team – and Strauss. And Lizzie's parents."

The brunette shrugged. They had not once pronounced her name since the two men had picked her up at Schrader's farm.

"Can I just… have a break until we land?" Hotch looked at her with concern as he noticed her voice breaking. It took him all his willpower to resist the urge of reaching forward and soothing her back. Emily Prentiss was not one to be hugged or comforted.

"Emily, I know how you will feel when the rush of adrenaline leaves you and you realize the situation. It will be hard on you, believe me. Just don't… shut us out." He had used 'us' rather than 'me' to make it sound less personal.

She opened her mouth to answer but decided against it. To be honest, she didn't know what to say. She knew he was right, but in her life, Emily had always dealt with grief or pain by curling up in a ball and isolating herself from her friends and family. Given the bonds she had tied with the other team members, she knew it wouldn't be that easy this time. They would want to know. They would want to help.

"I still can't believe everything that happened." She finally said, more to herself than her supervisor.

"It will take time." When the brunette looked up from the mug she was clutching, Hotch's eyes took her aback. They had an unusual soft sparkle which made Emily want to curl up in his arms. Her sudden shyness helped Hotch to get the message and he took a step forward, squeezing her shoulder with a warm hand. This was all the contact she could bear for now, he felt. Even five hours after the incident, he could still sense the slight shiver running through her body as she put a hand over his forearm.

"We were worried, you know. Even Strauss was ready to give us some leeway."

Emily pulled away and suppressed a smirk. She would have liked to make some sarcastic answer that would fit, but her mind was so empty that she couldn't think of anything.

"Thank you for not listening to me, I guess." She said, fighting the knot in her throat.

"Anytime." Silence fell upon the couple until Derek's head peered through the doorframe. Apparently his sleeping had been so light that their simple conversation had awoken him.

"Are you making coffee?" he asked with a tired voice. His words were all but random. The agent didn't want to fall into pathos by patting Emily's shoulder and telling her that everything was going to be okay when all of them knew it wouldn't. So he went for a trivial comment, to break the seriousness of the conversation and lighten up their mood. What Emily needed right now some sense of normalcy.

"I thought you were sleeping." Emily noted, hastily pulling away from her superior. Why did she feel like a child caught with the hand in the cookie jar?

"I need my medicine. How long till we land?"

"An hour still." Hotch said before he mumbled some excuse to return to his seat, an empty mug in hand. The new day was going to be as long as the previous.

Emily had stubbornly refused to head home when the jet had landed in Washington. Rossi had been waiting on the tarmac, eager to set his eyes on the brunette and make sure she was okay. Part of him also wanted to assess her psychological state before she was to confront any other team member or the Chief Strauss. The car ride was silent, everyone being wrapped up in his thoughts, except for Derek Morgan, who felt the need to fill the awkward silence that had fallen onto the team. Rossi watched over with concern in Hotch's direction, who was looking out of the passenger window, and Emily's, who seemed to fight to keep her eyes open. From the mere look on her face, the older agent could tell that the brunette was fighting off the nightmares that she knew would come.

"You're sure you want to head straight to the Bureau?" Rossi asked, bringing Derek's babbling to an abrupt end. The question was obviously directed at the brunette on the backseat.

"Positive." She groaned.

"Joan and Peter Mayers are waiting for you there. JJ called them when she knew you were coming in."

Emily seemed to hesitate for just a second, until she realized whom Rossi was referring to. Her eyes glanced sideways and she saw Hotch shrug on the passenger seat. His eyes were still lost outside the car but she could tell all his attention was focused on her reaction.

"Okay. How are they holding on?"

"JJ talked to them. They are broken, obviously."

Emily Prentiss felt like she had become her mother, when she walked into the elevator with her three serious-looking bodyguards. On the brunette's right hand side was Aaron. Although his eyes were fixed on the metallic doors, the way his arm brushed against Emily's told her how much he thought of her. On the left, Derek was stealing glances of the brunette as often as he could, thinking she might cry out any minute. To complete the picture, Emily could feel Rossi's eyes boring holes into her skin – or maybe it was the bruise on her neck that was starting to get sore. As they approached the fifth floor, Hotch turned and said, just above a whisper:

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." His tone was firm but his look displayed softness and care.

"I need to."

JJ looked up from her desk when the elevator doors opened for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past hour. She had been mostly making small talk to Joan and Peter Mayers, handing over just enough information about last night's events to calm them down. When Reid had fled from the crime scene with the excuse of fetching some coffee for the grieving couple, the blonde had repressed a murderous look. She knew that the young doctor was not good around too many strangers, let alone victims. In the few years they had worked together, JJ had only seen Reid bond with a few persons, mostly young teenagers which reminded him of his own youth.

When the blonde liaison agent flinched at the sight of Emily, Hotch, Derek and Rossi, Joan Mayers immediately turned around. Although she had never met Emily Prentiss before, she could tell by the similarity in her features that this was Lizzie's biological mother. JJ tried to keep her from taking any step closer, but now the man was standing too and she felt like she was going to lose the control over the situation. She did not say anything though, as Emily seemed to have registered the couple's presence. She breathed in deeply and took uncertain steps into the bullpen. What had JJ thought by bringing the parents here? Emily could have used a break before dealing with any more pain today. She would have wanted to hug JJ and Reid, and tell them her side of the story before giving any more explanation to Joan and Peter Mayers.

Emily pushed these thoughts aside as she stopped right in front of Joan. The woman was beautiful, even in these circumstances. The tears running down her cheeks underlined her natural beauty. It was almost strange how much they looked alike, Emily thought. Brown hair, brown eyes, although her tan was much healthier than Emily's. The agent opened her mouth and hesitated between giving her condolences, begging for forgiveness or asking them a million questions about Lizzie. Before she could utter a single word, the palm of Joan's hand collided with Emily's cheek, making her forget about the bruise on the other half of her face. The woman's strength was unbelievable, given her frail silhouette.

"Hey, stop that." Aaron Hotchner took a step forward, using his body as a shield between the two women until he felt Emily's hand on his arm.

"It's okay. I understand." She said, ignoring the shocked glances of her colleagues. As usual, she would take the blow with dignity. In an attempt to protect their own, JJ had reached forward to keep Joan Mayers from going any further, soon joined by the husband, who did not seem to agree with his wife's outburst.

"You killed our daughter." The woman hissed. As the sentence registered in Emily's brain, the brunette decided that words could be far more destructive than actions.

"Mrs. Mayers, this is enough. I understand your grief and I am very sorry for your loss, but Agent Prentiss did only try to protect your daughter and to find the man who did this to her."

Emily was awfully glad when Hotch came to her rescue, as she could not get a single word out of her throat. In fact, she seemed to have forgotten how to breathe, because her already blank face was becoming paler by the minute. Whereas this change of attitude was hardly perceptible to a normal eye, the trained profilers quickly read in her features and acted in consequence.

"Why don't you sit down. Agent Prentiss needs a few minutes and you can talk afterwards." JJ said with diplomacy as her hand was guiding Joan Mayers to a nearby chair. She was glad now that Reid had gone on a coffee run, and watched as the fragile woman's hands closed around the warm cup. She could very well understand this motherly reaction, although she would give anything not to be in Emily's position at this very minute. As usual, Reid had been a step behind, witnessing only half of the incident, and he looked somewhat puzzled as Rossi accompanied Emily into Hotch's office, closely followed by the supervisory agent. Derek saw his questioning glare and only shook his head. This boy really needed to get in touch with reality.

"Breathe, Emily." Motionless, Emily had let Rossi guide her up the stairs, into the dark office and finally onto the tiny couch. It was only when the elderly agent crouched down in front of her and took hold of her hand that a sharp breath was inhaled, the colors immediately returning to the brunette's cheeks. She blinked away a tear, hoping it would have gone unnoticed by the fellow agents. Of Aaron Hotchner, she could only see the slim legs standing still at a few feet from her, behind Rossi. There was no doubt he was watching her every move, so the young agent did her best to gather her composure.

"Emily, you don't need to confront them if you are not ready to."

Of course, everyone in the room knew that Emily would never shy away from difficulties. She cleared her throat to get rid of the knot obtruding it, and answered without raising her eyes:

"I'm okay. I need to do this. I owe them an explanation." Although Aaron and Dave both wanted to shout out that she didn't owe them anything, they could also understand that Emily needed to confront her demons.

A knock on the door startled the three agents, even more so when the unknown visitor penetrated in the room without bothering to wait for an answer. Erin Strauss' blonde hair came to sight, to no one's great surprise. Only the supreme chief could waltz into Aaron Hotchner's office like that.

"Now is not the time." Aaron groaned, holding her angry gaze.

"Excuse me?" When her shriek tone answered his, Hotch knew he had gone a little too far. He didn't even have to look Rossi's way to feel his colleague radiating with heat of embarrassment.

"Chief Strauss, may I come make you my full report a little later?" Hotch insisted, sensing that if he backed away now, he would be lost. "My agent is not feeling well."

Strauss' eyes wandered over the scene, probably checking that Emily was not crying her heart out. The department chief seemed satisfied with her appearance – she had not enough empathy to guess that this mask of tranquility was hiding a bleeding heart and crumbling mind.

"Agent Prentiss, I am glad to see you made it back alright." She simply said, uttering a smile that made her look like she was constipated, before turning her attention back to Hotch. "I think she is in good hands. My office, now."

With that, she turned the heels and did purposely not close the door behind her to make him feel the urgency of her demand. Hotch looked helpless for a few seconds, before decidedly walking out and closing the door behind him. This single gesture showed all the anger building up inside him. Once he was gone, Emily turned a questioning eye to Rossi, who had sat down on the coffee table across from her.

"What is the matter with Hotch?" The man who usually looked so stoic now seemed on the edge of breaking down himself.

Emily's surprise grew as she noticed an imperceptible smile on her colleague's features.

"The man has been out of his mind in the last two days. But you don't need to deal with this now." The brunette's eyes lingered a few more moments on Rossi, until her breathing had evened. She had to do this, she said to herself as she pulled firmly on the doorknob and looked for the Mayers, who had retreated to a quiet corner of the bullpen, away from the other agents who reminded them so much of their grief. She would accept all the blows it took to make Lizzie's caring parents feel better.