Summary: This chapter is what Harry was up to while Ron and Hermione were throwing Death Eaters puppet shows and baking them cookies and redecorating the lair.

How to Annoy Voldemort Part II

Harry Potter apporated on Privet Drive. Slowly, he lowered himself onto the front steps of Four Privet Drive and caught his breath

Flashback

"HERMIONE!" Harry screamed as a few Death Eaters separated the two teenagers

"HARRY! RUN!" she shouted as she shot curses.

"NOT WITHOUT YOU!" Harry yelled as he shot stunners at the ambushers. He had already lost Ron, he WASN'T loosing Hermione

"HARRY! GO NOW OR I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU NEVER HAVE KIDS!"

He turned and saw that she was serious

"I'll rescue you. I promise" Harry said before blasting a hole through the crowd, ran through, and disapparated when he was far enough from any apparition wards

End Flashback

He couldn't believe it. He failed them. He failed Ron who Harry knew had feelings for Hermione. He failed the girl who was as close to a sister as he was capable of getting… he failed Ginny…he failed the Grangers and the Weasleys… he failed Dumbledore

"NO!" Harry told himself as he stood back up with a determined glint in the eyes "I only fail them when the three of us are dead! And Ron's still out there"

He disapporated to Shell Cottage which was where Bill and Fleur were staying (he had learned this at their wedding)

When he got there, he knocked on the door in a pattern knock which he and Ron made up as a pattern knock was a Weasley Boy special thing and Harry was basically a Weasley in all but blood

"Who's there?" Bill's voice came harshly

"Who do you think? Who else knocks that way?" Harry called

Upon hearing the familiar voice, Bill opened the door

"Harry!" Bill exclaimed stunned. "Ron's not with you?"

"He's not here?" Harry asked as he entered the house "Shit"

"Don't let Mum hear you" Bill teased as he closed the door

"Is SHE here?"

"No" Bill said

"'Arry!" Fleur exclaimed as she ran up to Harry and kissed him once on each cheek. "You look horrible"

"Thanks" Harry said. "Just got away from an ambush. Hermione got captured. The only reason I left was because she threatened my manhood"

"Good thinking" Bill said knowing that when a girl did that, she was serious

"I need Ron's help to save her" Harry said. "I know he'll do anything except read Hogwarts, a History for her"

"You just missed him" Bill explained. "He felt so bad for abandoning you two, after resting up a bit, he went to go look for you"

"Any ideas?" Harry asked

"I'm sorry" Bill apologized.

Harry sighed. He hated to admit it, but he knew Hermione had been right last June: he couldn't do this by himself.

"Are you okay?" Fleur asked upon seeing the tears appear in the 17 year old's eyes

"I can't do this alone" Harry admitted. "There are still three more horcruxes"

"Horcruxes?" Bill asked, curiosity peaked "You-Know-Who has horcuxes?"

"Yeah" Harry admitted "The locket of Slytherin, the ring, myself, and the diary of Tom Riddle have already been dealt with. But there's still the cup of Hufflepuff, the diadem of Ravenclaw, and Nagini left before I can even THINK about killing Volmmmph"

"His name is taboo" Bill explained as he covered Harry's mouth. "Say HIS name, and we'll be up to our ears in Death Eaters"

Harry nodded to show he understood.

"Now," Bill said as he removed his hand. "the good news is that you're halfway done. I take it that this horcrux search is why you three are skipping school?"

"Yeah" Harry said. "Hermione and Ron were insistent they come along"

"Smart" Bill said. "Because you can't do it alone. The Order will help in ANY way"

"Luckily," Harry told his potential future brother-in-law. "I KNOW where the others are. It's just…getting to them"

"Even better" Bill said. "Where are they?"

"The Cup is in Lestrage's Gringotts vault, the Diadem is at Hogwarts, and the snake is never without her master" Harry said

"Oh boy." Bill said biting his lip.

"Yeah" Harry agreed "Luckily for the Hogwarts issue, I have the map and the cloak so that gives me an advantage. But…it's the Gringotts issue"

"You know Fleur and I can help" Bill said "As we DO work for the bank"

"That's right!" Harry exclaimed wanting to whack himself for not thinking of that himself. "With your help, we can have this over in a week!"

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who is it?" Bill asked as Fleur led Harry into a closet to hide Britain's Number One Most Wanted

"It is I, Remus Lupin" Remus' voice came after Fleur used her body to block the closet

The two Weasleys relaxed. Fleur made to open the closet door, but Harry was holding it shut, still thinking of his last meeting with the werewolf

"Everything okay in here?" Remus asked as he was let into the house

"Yeah. Just a stubborn, yet safe, visitor" Bill said seeing how Harry was wanting to REMAIN in the closet "How's Dora?"

"Fine. Getting bigger. The baby kicked" Remus said with a laugh

"That's wonderful" Fleur said giving up on Harry

"Yeah. You should have seen Sirius 18 years ago. When Harry first kicked, Sirius yelled 'It's alive' in a Dr. Frankenstein accent." Remus informed them almost longingly

"You okay?" Bill asked sensing the depression in the werewolf's voice

"Just…I miss Harry." Remus admitted "The last time I saw him…we got into a fight. Now I don't know where he is or if he's okay…"

"What was the fight about?" Fleur asked

"I wanted to join him and he thought I should stick with Dora" Remus said.

"He's right" Bill informed the older man

"I know that now" Remus said. "I was just…I was scared. He probably thinks I hate him"

"I don't hate you"

Remus looked up and saw Harry coming out of the closet

"Harry?" Remus asked

Harry ran to the werewolf and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry" Harry apologized. "I was out of line"

"No. I was" Remus whispered returning the hug

When the apologies and the reunions were over,

"Where's Ron and Hermione?" Remus asked realizing that two faces were missing from Harry's sides

"Ron was being a prat and abandoned us" Harry explained. "And Hermione got herself captured. I started to help her, but she threatened to…make sure I'd never have any kids"

"Any idea where they are?" Remus asked worriedly

"Hermione's probably with…HIM." Harry said catching himself "As for Ron, according to Bill, he's had a breakthrough and is looking for us. I figured the best way to find them is to continue on with the task of Horcrux hunting. That way, if I run into HIM when I rescue Hermione, I can go on and kill him"

"Horcrux hunting?" Remus asked. "THAT'S the task Dumbledore left for you?"

Harry nodded.

"I have three left" Harry explained. "And I know where they are. It's just…getting to them that's going to be hard: Gringotts, Hogwarts, and Tom himself"

"That is hard" Remus agreed

"How about we have a good night's sleep," Fleur suggested "And we'll start planning first thing in the morning"

0000

Two days later,

Harry was under his cloak walking between Bill and Fleur. Fleur had given her husband and Harry a potion that would make them immune to her part of the plan as she had her vela side out FULL force.

When it's out full force, not even Goblins are immune

"Okay Harry." Bill whispered as he got the keys to the needed vaults. "You know what to do"

"Thanks Bill" Harry whispered back as he got into a cart and went down.

He stopped at a vault and opened it up. It wasn't Bellatrix's…it was the Potter family vault.

As soon as he stepped into it, he felt a jolt of what felt like electricity, but he knew it was magic. Remus had told him about the inheritance, but with Tom's rise, it was skipped over.

Once he was done with the vault and got all he needed, he went to the Lestrange Vault and used the key Bill swiped to open it. Using the dagger of Rowena Ravenclaw, he destroyed the cup

He snuck out of the vault cavern and tugged on Bill's robe as he pretended to work

"Done. Let's go"

0000

A few days later,

Harry was exhausted. He had spent the past few days gathering up Order members, explaining to the Weasleys about Ron's attitude, Hermione's capture, and his plan.

He had also been studying up on the Deathly Hallows story and learned a few interesting facts: Draco was the owner of the Elder wand having disarmed Dumbledore, Dumbledore had destroyed the ring which was in the snitch that he had given Harry, and Harry was the owner of the cloak.

Thanks to a little knowledge from Remus who got the news from Aberforth Dumbledore, Harry now knew that Tom was to be going to the Forbidden Forest to recruit some creatures. Little did Tom know, Harry had done that yesterday.

"Harry" Remus whispered at three in the morning. "It's time"

Harry nodded and climbed out of bed. He was going to need a LONG vacation after this

At Hogsmeade,

He, Remus, Bill, Fleur, Charlie, Fred, George, Molly, Arthur, Kingsley, Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Oliver Wood, Lee Jordan, Alicia Spinnet, Cho Chang, and Anthony Goldstein were all meeting in the Hogshead. Harry went over the plan with them instructing Katie to find the members of the D.A. and get them in the Room of Requirement and prepare for battle. Remus was to get the other teachers involved and Harry was going to Dumbledore's office to grab the Sword of Gryffindor. The other adults were going to look for the diadem

They broke and used the passage in Honeydukes to get to the school.

"You know the signal" Harry whispered before they went their separate ways

Harry spent the next ten minutes hiding under the invisibility cloak and ducking behind suits of armors as known death eaters walked the halls

One moment he saw Malfoy strutting around like he owned the place

"Stupify!" Harry whispered as he used Hermione's wand to stun his rival

Malfoy collapsed.

Harry ran over and locked his rival in a closet, but not before taking Malfoy's wand

"Thanks for the wand Malfoy" Harry whispered

He was now the Master of Death

When he got up to the office, he noticed that the pensieve was out as was the sword.

It was almost as if someone wanted him to look in the pensieve and take the sword

Harry checked the coast and looked in despite the number of times it got him in trouble

The Boy-Who-Lived-twice watched as his mother did magic for the first time and had magic explained to her by a boy her age with greasy black hair. He watched as the boy and his mother became good friends. He watched the initial meeting between his parents. He watched the sorting as his mother was sorted to Gryffindor and her friend went to Slytherin. He rewatched the scene when Snape called Lily a 'mudblood'. He watched Snape try to apologize, but Lily wasn't hearing it (Why should she be different from any other muggleborn?) He watched Snape coming to Dumbledore offering to switch so that Lily would be protected. He watched Dumbledore tell Snape of Lily's fate. He watched a meeting between Snape and Dumbledore as they talked about the first year Harry.

Then, as if THOSE weren't enough,

"It's a miracle you managed to return here! The ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being" Snape said as he tended to Dumbledore's blackened hand

"You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?"

"I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time"

Dumbledore smiled

"I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus"

"If you had summoned me earlier, I might have been able to do more. Buy you more time" Snape snapped. "Did you that that breaking the ring would break the curse?"

"Something like that…I was delirious no doubt…" Dumbledore admitted. "Well, really, this makes matters much more straight forward"

Snape looked confused

"I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. . His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me."

Snape sat down in the chair

"The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely punishment for Lucius' s recent failures. Slow torture for Draco's parents, while they watch him fail and pay the price" Snape explained

"In short, the boy has had a death sentence pronounced upon him as surely I have. Now, I should have thought the natural successor to the job, once Draco fails, it yourself?"

There was a short pause

"That, I think, is the Dark Lord's plan" Snape confirmed

"Lord Voldemort foresees a moment in the near future when he will not need a spy at Hogwarts?"

"He believes the school will soon be in his grasp, yes"

"And if it does fall into his grasp, I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students of Hogwarts?"

Snape nodded

"Good. Now then, your first priority will be to discover what Draco is up to. A frightened teenage boy is a danger to others as well as to himself. Offer him help and guidance, he ought to accept, he likes you…"

"…much less since his father has lost favor." Snape added. "Draco blames m, he thinks I have usurped Lucius's position"

"All the same, try. I am concerned less for myself than for accidental victims of whatever schemes might occur to the boy. Ultimately, of course, there is one thing to be done if we are to save him for Lord Voldemort's wrath"

"Are you intending to let him kill you?"

"Certainly not. You must kill me"

"Would you like me to do it now? Or would you like a few moment to compose an epitaph?"

"Oh, not quite yet. I daresay the moment will present itself in due course. Given what has happened tonight, we can be sure that it will happen within a year"

"If you don't mind dying, why not let Draco do it?"

"That boy's soul is not yet so damaged. I wouldn't not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"

"You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation. I ask this one great favor of you Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league. I confess I should prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved… I hear Voldemort has recruited him? Or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it"

Snape nodded

"Thank you Severus"

Harry almost pulled out, but he watched some other scenes. He learned that it was Snape who had taken the missing part of Lily's letter he found at Grimmauld, he learned that Snape was still in love with Lily, and he also learned that Moody's death had only been an accident. Snape had been aiming for a fellow Death Eater

Harry pulled out of the pensieve and turned as he grabbed the sword. He froze

Snape was standing in the doorway looking positively menacing.

"Which side are you on?" Harry found himself asking

Snape peeked out the door and closed it. Harry gripped the sword ready to treat Snape like that basilisk all those years ago.

"Your mother's" Snape told the boy as he looked Harry right in the eyes "The Dark Lord is planning a battle for next week. He intends on killing your friends in front of you. He's using this time to rally more allies."

"I have your word on this?" Harry asked

"I swear on Lily's grave" Snape said

"It's almost over" Harry informed his ex-professor. "Two more horcruxes"

Snape stepped aside to let Harry out

"Good luck Potter" Snape said

Harry turned and curtly nodded

0000

A few minutes later, Harry was in the room of requirement with the Order, the D.A. and the still loyal to him teachers. After destroying the diadem which Cho had found, Harry informed them of Snape's loyalty. Fred and George vocally gagged.

"Imagine how I feel" Harry told them. "My MOTHER"

"No wonder he hated James" Remus mused

"We're ready when you are Potter" Oliver said

Harry pulled out the map and watched it.

"When we see HIS name, we act." Harry said

They didn't have to wait long. At about eight in the morning, Tom appeared on the map along with Death Eaters. The gang ran out of the room and onto the grounds. Curses flew as the Death Eaters, even thought they can cause an ambush, apparently had no idea how to HANDLE on done on them.

Harry froze as he noticed that one of their masks looked freakishly like him. Another one was pink and had flowers painted on it.

Figuring it was a joke on Remus' part that he played on the Death eaters while thinking of his two friends, Harry shrugged it off and started fighting

"SECTUMSEMPRA!" Harry shouted as he noticed Voldemort's pet.

Just then, a group of Dementors appeared

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" a group of witches and wizards shouted

They ran towards the dark creatures with the misty animals leading the way.

"This ends NOW!" Harry yelled at Voldemort when he saw him

Voldemort hesitated a bit before smirking.

"You're too late Potter." Voldemort said. "The Blood-traitor and the Mudblood are dead"

"LIAR!" Harry yelled knowing he was talking about Ron and Hermione. Truthfully, Harry had no clue where Ron was and he couldn't prove Voldemort was lying about Hermione.

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Expelliarmus!"

There was a flash of bright light and when it died, Voldemort was dead and his wand was in Harry's hand.

"Did I forget to mention that the Elder Wand is truly mine?" Harry asked Voldemort's body.

Then there was the sound of a cheer. He turned and saw that the Death Eaters had been captured and there was little to no casualties on his side

It was over. Now, all that was left was to find Ron and Hermione

The End

(Continues with How to Annoy Voldemort)