I really dipped into my crack supply to produce this. It does cross Avatar the last airbender with Naruto but...meh. It's the crack!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or ATLA, nor do I mean to insult anyone, char or otherwise with this. And I probably misquoted some things...eheh

Set in avatar world...day of Sozin's comet. Phoenix King Ozai has just embarked on a journey to change his life.

I watched the comet rise like an orange sun over the horizon. This was it. The day I had planned and prepared for my whole life. The day I would finally meet Orochimaru, that bastard. He had raped my son, Zuko at the age of 10. Freaking pedophile. From that day until now I had plotted revenge and I would finally get it.

All of my informants and spies told me that Orochimaru lived somewhere in the earth kingdom. But seeing as he could take the form of a snake, no one was able to discover his exact whereabouts. So how do you find a snake that's hiding underground? FIRE! Yes that was the foundation of my airship fleet plan. I'd set fire to the whole earth kingdom and when Orochimaru would emerge to slither in fear away from the fire, I was have revenge. All was going according to plan, the fleet was flying over the ocean to the earth kingdom. We were to start at the place with all the rock spires and work our way from there. With the power of Sozin's comet fueling our flames we would finish within a couple days.

The coastline came into sight and I smirked with my cloak billowing in the breeze. Azula should be getting crowned fire lord sometime soon and would not bother to interrupt this very important mission. But as I examined the approaching land closer, I saw someone that stilled my heart. Aang. The one damn thing that could throw a wrench in my whole operation. Sure enough, he sent rocks flying at my ship as soon as we were in range and the starboard propeller was destroyed. Immediately my ship drifted to the left and was on a course to crash into the rock pillars.

Just before the impact I removed my clothes, leaving only my pants on and burning the rest. Then I used my fire jets and shot towards Aang. He would suffer the worst fate that a boy could before I killed him. Yes, I'm a pedo just like Orochimaru. That's what irks me so much. I was planning on raping Zuko when out of the blue he comes and does it before me. My face twists in anger and I send streams of fire at Aang. He dodges, leaping nimbly over to the next pillar. I send more fire after him but he just dodges again and again and again. It's like he's a monkey. Occasionally he'll send rocks towards me but they're too easy to dodge. I finally catch up with him and think it to be the end but he encases himself in rock armor. I bend a steady stream of fire but he leaps off to the top of another pillar.

"No lightning today, Ozai?" He taunts but I can tell he's angry. Quickly I begin the motions to create lightning and shoot it at him. Somehow, no doubt from Iroh, that bastard brother of mine, Aang learned how to redirect lightning. He points his finger at me but at the last moment sends my lightning up into the sky. He doesn't have the guts to kill me. I smirk and rush towards him, using my fire jets as Sozin's comet tints everything orange.

Aang tries to flee but he's exhausted and falls down to the ground next to his pillar. I land some distance away and send fireblasts towards him. He draws up a shell of rock but I can break it. For the first time I speak, now that victory is so close at hand.

"Come on out little boy, it's time to-" He cuts me off by jumping out of his shell and, using some weird form of bending, forces me to my knees.

"W-what is this? What have you done to me?" He turns away and I see a tear leak out of his eyes.

"It's called blood-bending. But now, Phoenix King Ozai you must pay for unbalancing the world." He approaches me and pulls down my pants, removing his at the same time. I can't help but be excited, even though I'd rather have it be the other way around. But of course the boy's too pure to rape me, instead he simply touches them together and concentrates. I still can't move and so I was forced to watch as the sky turned blue and red, then all red and finally all blue. A column of light shot into the sky, moving the clouds to circle it like a halo. Aang collapses next to me, panting and I find I can move. So I send a ball of fire towards him...but it doesn't work. Again and again I try...failing each time. With a loud cry of despair I look down and find my masculine parts are gone.

"WHAT THE HELL HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A CHILD RAPIST WITH NO FUCKING DICK?" He just stares in amazement as I climb up the nearest pillar and cast myself off the top. Screw orochimaru, he can rape everyone for all I care. All I want is for life to end now.

See? What'd I tell you, serious crackiness. Sorry it's mostly avatar related but I've had this stuck in my head since me and Keii watched Sozin's comet part 3 or w/e a couple of days ago. She was all like "Look it's a child molester" and I was like "What?" and then she showed me how Ozai removed his clothes and zoomed towards Aang with that creepy as hell smile on his face. And then I added my own version of how to take away someone's bending and well...it's done. I can forget it and get on with my life. BTW I'm not even going to bother asking for reviews cuz they'll all be flames and WTH IS WRONG WITH YOUUU? So yeah. Just forget everything you just read.