A/N: I really have to learn to update faster, gomen nasai minna-san! (sorry everyone!) But wow, this chapter was hard to write. I thought the smut of chapter 2 was difficult, well it turned out that this one was a lot more challenging. I'm not too sure if it turned out to be all right but I tried. I hope you'll like it :) Please enjoy this chapter ^^

Rating: T / T+ (cursing, sort of angst/comfort I guess, light implied stuff)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama (too bad xD)


From time to time I look outside through the window, noticing that a few hours must have passed since this morning. I see that the sun is finally awake by now and gently shining, covering the table in front of me in a warm yellow, almost golden color.

It's gonna be a nice day with small clouds decorating the bright light blue sky and birds are singing their lively songs outside while Edo is slowly waking up, it's gonna be a nice day but I can't be happy about it. I'm still sitting in the same chair as I ended up at the end of events this morning, lost in thought as I keep recalling what happened between Hijikata-san and me. I just can't let go of it, remembering it over and over, again and again... It's giving me a headache but I can't help but to think about it!

His cute flustered cheeks, the little aroused sounds he made, the soft panting, the captivating look in his eyes, the way he clutched on to me; I remember it all. But above all, the thing I remember the best; his expression when he ran out of the restaurant, that hurt expression and those dangerously watery eyes... That image won't leave my head, filling me with guilt of what happened...

Shit, I never wanted this to happen. I just wanted to tease him a little, just like always. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Right? I mean it's not like I intentionally wanted to hurt him! Just... test the boundaries a little... Arghh! Why did Mayora have to react so serious? How could I not want to play a little with him when he looks so vulnerable and sort of.. well... excited? Shit, it's not like I was just fooling around like a male slut, he really got to me with the way he looked at me, the way he moaned, damn everything about him! He just looked too tempt- I abruptly smack my head on the table, hard. Not wanting to keep thinking about how sexy Hijikata-san looked I try to shut my brain off, forcefully since it doesn't listen to me anymore but it doesn't seem to work.

I grumble and rub my head, feeling it sting a little, great, I just hurt myself with that stupid action. I let out a frustrated sigh, damn it all! Too tired about all this I lay my arms on table so I can use them as a pillow, close my eyes and try to sleep. Sleep, that's all I want now, escaping in the world of blissful nothingness, wanting to forget everything even if it were to be for only for a minute... The bright sun gently warms my head as I slowly feel my consciousness fade away, embracing the soft white nothingness with open arms...

~ "What's wrong, Hijikata-kun? Was I perhaps... right?" I teasingly ask. He's really red now, looking really embarrassed but he doesn't know how to respond ~

~ Hijikata is panting and looks at me with lust dazed eyes
I find myself drawn into his gaze and wow... he's extremely enchanting... ~

~ "I feel... so strange.. it's hot... really strange... do something... Gin-san" ~

~ I close my eyes when I feel his warm breath tickling against my lips,
I move a little closer to him and... ~

~ The last thing I notice is how soft his lips are the moment they touch mine,
as after that my mind goes blank, filled with the taste of happiness,
I feel happy, almost at home in this fluffy feeling that spreads,
soft fluffy feelings, the almost warm, gentle softness
feelings soft like a cloud, bright as the sunlight,
leaving a glowing feeling, something like
love... perhaps? ~

D-... .. Danna... up.. ..na- …. Danna... wa- .. up! C-.. on, wake up!...

I slowly open my eyes, not too sure why I woke up in the first place. I yawn when I suddenly vaguely remember my dream, feeling a little blush spreading, oh no, you're kidding me! I did not dream about Hijikata-san and me, kissi- "Good morning Danna" Okita interrupts me, thank god, speaking to me in a soft tone with an unusual nice smile. I notice his warm hand laying on my shoulder, he probably tried to wake me up by shaking me a little. He's standing next to me so I look up to him, squeezing my eyes a little as I do so. "Well guess who's here again" I reply, letting out a lazy smirk. The sun is now fully awake, shining little rays of light on his face, covering it in an nice and warm yellow color. I use my hand to block the sun, the light is too intense for poor Gin-san who just woke up.

Okita notices me staring and lets out a soft chuckle while he has that strange glance in his eyes, again... It seems a bit like a mix between discomfort and something else I can't really describe... I let out another yawn and rub my eyes, trying to fully wake up. He just keeps looking at me which makes me a bit uncomfortable, is there something on my face or something? I try to break the slightly awkward silence, asking him what he's doing here, for the second time this day.

Okita seems a bit startled by my question, well he did seem to be lost in thought, but quickly composes himself before he answers "Well that's because I was looking for you, you know? When I couldn't find you in town I hoped you were still here, so I came here" He looks down again and seems to suddenly notices he still hasn't moved his hand from my shoulder and quickly lets go, looking a bit uncomfortable. I just let out a soft chuckle, after all it's quite rare to see an expression like that on his face. Though I do think it's a little strange... After a short silence I decide to let it go and tell him to sit if he wants. He seems almost relieved when he notices I won't asks his rather strange behavior. Guess it can't be helped, if he wants to say something about it he'll do so.

When he finally sits down I continue to ask "Aah, that makes sense. But why were you looking for me?" Oh wait, shit, what if he plans to torture me?... This can't be good, I mean this ís Sougo after all. I am so not in the mood for any of his devilish plans...

"Well... I have a present for you, Danna" He smiles almost happily, which makes me worry even more. A present? From the king of sadists? Poor Gin-san is way too young to die! Ooi, help me! Someone, help Gin-san!... "A present, for me? Ah, you shouldn't have gone through the trouble of doing that, baka" I say half jokingly, half seriously, trying to find a way to decline his present nicely. "But I'm sure you'll like it... at least you'll let me tell you what it is, ne?" his smile doesn't leave his face but his tone changed, obviously sounding dangerously serious now, like he won't accept "no" for an answer...

I scratch the back of my head a few times, not sure how to react to this "Well... if it's nothing painful I guess I could listen to you... but who says it's not something that will try to kill me? I mean we're talking about you Sougo, the king of sadists" I let out a soft chuckle, not able to imagine Sougo giving someone a normal present. He doesn't reply but just looks at me with a slightly hurt look on his face. Shit, did I say something wrong?... I mean shit, it was just a joke you know!

He remains quiet as he keeps staring into my eyes, still with that strange hurt look in his eyes, almost as if he's trying to find an answer to a question I don't know... He scratches his throat softly and runs his hand through his hair, obviously nervous as he's trying to tell me something but is unable to do so.

After a long -and quite painful/awkward- pause he lets out a fake laugh "Ahha.. ahaha... that's... kinda harsh... you know? Come on Danna, don't hurt my feelings like that..." Even though he tried to hide it, it's obvious he's feeling rather uncomfortable, making me wonder what is going on. His scratches his throat before he continues, this time in his usual voice "Ne... Don't you remember? I told you, didn't I? It was just this morning..." His serious tone surprises me, did I really hurt his feelings? But wait. More importantly, what did he tell me this morning?...

~ "In fact... you know... you're one of the very few people I...

I... actually like, Danna"

~ "I mean... you know... I don't feel the urge to kill you when I see you..." ~

Okita's words are echoing in the back of my head, repeating the words I heard earlier this day. Wait...? Does that mean he wasn't joking about that? About the fact that he... well... he l-likes m- "So, umm... do you remember it, Danna?" Okita's question wakes me up from my thoughts, "You better do... because, you know, what I told you is kinda important to me" Okita asks almost shyly as I scratch the back of my head, trying to find the right words but I find myself unable to find them. I see him growing uneasy as I don't reply. I scratch my throat softly before I give him one of my genuine smiles and reply with a soft "Yeah... I do remember..."

As I reply I try to read his expression but he refuses to look me in the eyes, making it impossible for me to do so. Obviously embarrassed by his question he stubbornly keeps staring a the table with an uncomfortable expression on his face, fiddling with his fingers. I let out a soft sigh and cover my eyes with one hand, trying to think what to do now. It's not like I can make joke about it, right? But does that mean I have to stalk about it? What if he doesn't want to talk about it? What if he's just faking it all, just for fun?... What should I do?

Because I covered my eyes and I'm too occupied with thinking I don't notice what Okita does. He hesitantly moves his hand towards mine, almost stopping a few times while doing so. Too lost in thought I don't notice his shy action until his small, soft fingers softly meet mine, barely touching them... probably hesitant to make real contact yet they just press against mine...

I immediately wake up from my thoughts and confused by his action I just stare at him in surprise, only to see him looking away with a cute blush spreading on his cheeks. Wait. Did I just thought he looked cute?... No, no, no, this can't be real! Get a hold on yourself Gin-san! Should I move my hand? But, well, it's not that bad and who knows, maybe I'll really hurt his feelings if I do so...

He softly bites on his underlip as he tries really hard to keep looking way, obviously extremely embarrassed about what he just did. "Uhmm... err... umm... Okita? Um... Okita?" God, this is so awkward! Please let this be over, soon! I scratch my throat a few times before I'm able to talk again "What ummm, umm.. um.., what about the p-present you were talking about earlier...?" Wanting to break this awkward atmosphere desperately I try to change the subject, even if it's about the thing that brought me into this mess in the first place. Anything is fine with me, just disappear you awkward silence!

Okita finally looks at me and his expression seems to changes into a sad one for a moment, though it happened so fast I'm not sure if it wasn't just my imagination. Still, something seems to be going on in his head as he doesn't reply and just looks at me, questioningly. "Umm, what about the.. um.. present?" He seems to snap out of it as he quickly replies "O-oh yeah, umm, about that... well... I think it's something really... special. I think it's something you've been wanting for well.. quite a long time now..." He tries to smile but it's way too forced, looking at it almost hurts me, seeing him forcing himself like that. As I feel his hand slightly trembling I wonder if everything is all right, why is he forcing himself like this?

"Ahh... is that so?... Well then, would you tell me what it is?" I smile gently, happy that the awkward silence seems to be gone. I try to convince myself I have nothing to lose at this point but somehow I'm still a bit worried what it might be. Maybe some voodoo dolls? Or... umm... maybe it s a pack of Strawberry Milk? I haven't had one of those for quite a while now? That would be really nice... but on the other hand, why would Okita make such a big fuss about Strawberry Milk? I know it's god like liquor but still, it would be strange...

I'm so lost in my thoughts I only realize now that his fingers are still touching mine as I feel them trembling again. Okita slowly moves his hand a few times, almost covering my hand but pulls back every time... I know I should move my hand away from there, as it's obvious he's trying to, well... hold my hand... but something in me stops me from doing so... It doesn't feel too bad, having his soft fingers touch mine... Though holding hands is something different... I let out a sigh, there's no way I can pretend I didn't notice this, can I? I look at him, not really knowing what he expects me to do but seems to be lost in thought. His cheeks are now bright red, he seems so vulnerable now.. and with those red cheeks, how can I not think that he's looking kinda... cute?

I don't even think about it. I almost do it unconsciously... I slowly move my hand to his one, hesitantly covering his smaller, trembling one with mine. Giving a small squeeze as I feel his hand tense up under mine, trying to tell it's all right I let out a soft sigh. Just what the hell am I doing? I can feel a small blush spreading on my cheeks, I'm confused about this. I don't know why I did that, all I know is that it feels like the right thing to do... it's just that I tried to comfort him... Well it sure confuses me as hell... But... it doesn't feel wrong or anything... in fact... it feels strangely nice to hold his warm hand...

Okita, obviously surprised by my sudden action turns his head, looking at me in confusion. But this time it's my turn to blush and look away, god this is so awkward. I can't even explain why I did this. He seems to understand I don't really want to talk about and turns his gaze away. I quickly glance at him, seeing him with really red cheeks now but there's something else... his expression changed, it's almost like he's being torn between embarrassment and... happiness?

As both of us don't know what to say it's quiet but not in a bad way this time. Maybe it's because we're holding h-hands... or maybe because it feels a bit like the calm before a storm... After a while of just sitting, thinking about things, Okita finally breaks the silence "A-about your present... I... I've always known you had... you know... a thing for Hijikata-san... so I.. um, kind of made him your p-present..." I raise my eyebrows in surprise, I didn't expected him to say that, it's not like it's a complete lie but it's more complicated than th- wait, how does he knows about it, anyway? I mean I myself don't know for sure what those strange and confusing feelings exactly are... Damn, he's way too observing for his own good! But what does he mean, he made him my present?

"What do you mean, Sougo? You made him... into a present? Like you put him in a box with a ribbon on top of it?" I let out a soft chuckle as I try to guess what he means but I'm too confused. Okita lets out a soft laugh, an image of Hijikata wrapped like that is probably filling his mind "No, it's not like that... you should just go and see for yourself" His tone gets serious again "Go to the bath house in the center of Edo, you know the really popular one. There'll be a guard, denying people entry. To get in you just have to say your name and he'll let you pass" Okita explains softly in an embarrassed tone, his cheeks getting dark red again... Heee~... Ahww, he's so awkward, that little brat... but it's kinda cute you know. But... why would he go through the trouble of doing all this?

"I don't know what to say... I guess I should thank you?" I smile lazily as I finally reply after a long pause, not certain how I should respond to this. Okita just replies with a soft "yeah, um, no problem". I slowly let go of his hand, but seeing the sudden hurt expression on his face I regret what I did. I quickly turn myself in my chair so I'm facing him, noticing he tries to look away again. I slowly move my hand to his chin, ignore the confused sound he makes and gently lift his face, forcing him to look me in the eyes. As he finally does I softly thank him again while I give him one of my sweetest smiles. Okita gives a smile back, one so happy it lightens up his whole face, making even his eyes sparkle .

"Ne... Okita... … about something else" I swallow before I continue and see Okita tilting his head a little, wondering what I'm about to say "Well... I've been thinking about what you said... and are you... um.. really... serious?" This time it's my turn to look away as I stare at my knees. There's an awkward silence as Okita doesn't reply. Instead he gently lifts my face, forcing me to look at him this time, surprising me with the resolution that's being reflected in his eyes. He smiles sweetly before he finally answers "Yeah... I think I really do love you, danna".

Even thought I already knew it somewhere in the back of my head, I'm still a bit surprised by his confession... how am I supposed to react?... I look in his eyes again and this time I see an almost caressing expression, leaving no doubt about the integrity of his words. But if he likes me so much... it doesn't makes sense? Why would he do that if...? "But, if you like me... why would you try to get me together with Hijikata-san?." I ask hesitantly, not knowing if it's all right for me to ask something like this.

Okita doesn't reply but slowly stands up and walks towards me, trapping my gaze with his intense expression. When he stands before me he raises his hand and almost hesitantly touches my cheek with it, stroking it gently with his soft fingers. He gives a sad smile and I'm not sure what to do so I just let him be, not wanting to hurt his feelings by doing something wrong, waiting for when he's ready...

A soft voice, filled with sadness and gentleness fills the air around us "Baka... it's exactly because I like you that I... that I-" he lets out a soft gasp, making my chest ache a little. "Because I really, really like you..." a soft whisper, this time filled with sadness alone breaks the silence.

His fingers start to gently ruffle through my hair, making him smile as he feels the soft silver curls glide through them. Though he's smiling I can see he's hurt... I slowly stand up, making sure not to straddle him. I give him a gentle smile and open my arms for him, wanting to comfort him after seeing such an heart breaking smile. And before I can react I feel two soft, warm arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly in an almost possessive way. I let out a soft sigh while smiling and move my arms a little just above his back and head, is it all right to hug him back...? But when I notice how much he's trembling, shaking softly all over his body I start to rub his back without a second thought. With my other hand I ruffle gently through his hair while I softly whisper that everything will be all right.

"Danna no Baka" a whisper breaks the frail silence between us, the words almost inaudible as the soft whisper is muffled by my shirt... He hides his face in my neck, almost like he's hiding from everything around him that he doesn't want to see... I let hem be, wanting to grant him at least that comfort and when he keeps trembling against me I put my arm around his waist, pulling him closer towards me. He stiffens all over for a moment but almost immediately tightens his grip on me even more, clinging on to me like there won't be a tomorrow... I gently rub his back again while I whisper in a soft voice he doesn't have to tell me if he doesn't want to, earning a little protest from him.

"It's... it's exactly because I like you..."His sweet words are muffled by my shirt as he's still unable to lift his head and a soft gasp makes my heart ache before he continues "It's because... I-I like youso,so much... I want youto be happy... that's enough... just seeing you being happy.. … whether that is with... or w-without me..." A soft gasp fills the air as he clings even harder on to me "You're the only one I care about.. So please, for my sake too; be happy... ... It doesn't have to.. doesn't have to... be me" the soft voice breaks and I hear soft cry, muffled but filled with pain and sadness it almost break my heart. His gentle, selfless yet cruel words pierce right through my heart, just how sweet is this little brat? Deep deep down he's such a gentle kid... I hug him one last time, his trembling body tightly pressed against me, embracing him with both arms as I whisper ever so softly "Thank you... thank you for loving me so much. I'm sorry but you're worthy of someone who loves you too... I'm sorry, I can't answer your feelings... but I promise you'll be the first one I'll turn to... If..."

My heart almost breaks again when I feel him quiver even more, pretending to ignore the almost unbearable hot breath in my neck... pretending to ignore the hot tears that slowly leak into my shirt, leaving a burning trail of sadness behind... Pretending to not notice it, giving him the time to recover even the slightest bit... So I just hold him quietly, truly grateful to know that there's someone out there that loves me so much as this sweet kid here does...

So here I am, arms holding on to a shattered glass heart, holding onto a sweet kid whom I just hurt in the worst possible way...
Guilt runs through my mind while hot tears slowly burn into my shoulder as soft muffled cries fills the air around me, making me remember me that there are also such sad moments in life...


A/N: Thanks a lot for reading, I hope you liked it :) Well... this turned out to be quite different compared to the other 2 chapters xD

I didn't plan this Okita x Gin moment to be this long but it sort of happened... I kept re-writing it till the point of driving myself crazy so I decided to just upload it today :P I still have to think about how I'm gonna write the next chapter, one that connects smoothly on the end of this one... *sweat drop* Please give me some time to think about it :)

Also, sorry to all the Hijikata x Gin fans! But don't worry, Hijikata will be in the next chapter :) I'm also sorry if you wanted to read the rest of the smut, somehow I couldn't fit it in here, so maybe next chapter. Again, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a review or to PM me ^^