A/N: This update is rahter short but I wanted to write something :) I feel like it's wrriten in a slightly different style than the other chapter but I hope you'll like it.

Note: Gintoki is contradicting himself a lot in this chapter. So whenever you think something doesn't really makes sense it's probably Gintoki contradicting what he was thinking earlier. Sorry if it's confusing.

Rating: T, at it's most.

Disclaimer: The last sentences at the end are based on the song; BigBang - Lies.


"I'm sorry... I'm too late, aren't I?" your soft voice is filled with regret, guilt, sadness. Stupid. Don't apologize. It's not your fault. It never was.

...

.. "But... I'm here now, you know." How did you even know in the first place? Why.. Why do you always know when to show up when I need you, even when I don't know it yet myself?

I feel you staring, worried eyes full of concern, inwardly cringing because of that look, that look I know a little too good. Why are you looking at me like that?...

"Mmm..." I can't find the right words. Now that you're really here I can't help but feel a little anxious. Without asking you seem to know. Know why I behave this way. Of course. It's been so long but it's not like time will change anything. It never does. Not something like this. Though sometimes I wish it did. Wish that everything would slowly fade from our memories, eventually disappearing... taking everything with it. Everything slowly fading away..

Soft noises from outside disturb our little bubble of silence, soft but giggly chattering interrupts my thoughts from getting too complicated. If only things would've been different. I don't know why I am like this suddenly. Even though I'm really happy you're here.

Stop looking at me with those eyes. Stop. I've seen that expression too many times... Don't you remember? Ahahaa, stupid of me. Of course you know. We both know. So... why?...

You still haven't said a thing after entering my room. Why not? You know it's safe, that there won't be a soul to hear what's only meant for us. Stupid. You know why. … Then why do you keep asking yourself?

I hate this. You know it too. But you also know that's just who I am. I don't even understand it myself yet you do. How do you do it? Years of training? Observation? Tell me. Because I don't know anymore, I'm about to lose my mind while you seem to understand everything. Tell me. Stop looking. Just... talk.

A soft sigh breaks the silence again, my heart unconsciously beating a little faster. Because I know I won't like what you're gonna say. And you know. Of course you know. You know better than I do. Don't you...?

"I... .. I think this is a good thing. Really" You say in a soft yet honest voice. Pain slowly finds it's way in my heart even though my mind tries to reject it. Tries to reject you. Your words. The feelings. But also the denial itself. "Please don't look like that. You know... .. it may seem impossible but you should. No, don't talk back, don't argue with me." you try smile, yet it doesn't reach your eyes.
"We both know what would happen, it's not your fault. Really. So, stop looking like that" Your voice trembles when you say that. Liar. Why do you tell me such sweet lies when you can't convince yourself? You know why. No. Stop it. Don't. It finished long ago remember. Don't go back there, it's been over since a long time.

Then why does your heart still hurts?... Why can't you look him proudly in the eyes, telling that you're all right? Why can't you? Everything has finished... right?

Without really knowing why I feel a burning tear slowly run down my cheeks. Soft footsteps can be heard. You have a pained look on your face while you raise your hand slowly, hesitantly moving. Please. Don't. … Please... continue. Your hand stops, too close -too far- but I feel it's warmth on my cheek.I finally look at you, seeing the hurt yet familiar look in the eyes. Worry. Hurt. Regret. Soft eyes. Caring.

I should've looked at them earlier. I wish I didn't. Another tear escapes, leaving a burning pain on my cheek.

Before I can make up my mind I feel your hand, too familiar, lightly touching my cheek. Soft fingers brushing my burning skin, painfully sweet. Don't do this. Please. I can't... ..

I don't know how much time passes. Tears keep flowing out as I tell him the things I couldn't earlier. Soft whisperers, countless apologizes. It's never enough. It will never be. And you know that. We both know the words aren't enough. That they'll never be.

Even though we know it too well, you keep comforting me, whispering everything is all right. That it isn't my fault. That you've moved on, that it's better this way. But it isn't. Not for you. I know. You know. You know that I know... Why do you keep denying it?... .. Of course I understand it, deep down I'll always... .. But I don't want to admit it. Because if I do, history will repeat itself again. And I promised to you and myself I wouldn't let it happen. Never again.

When the sun finally lights up the dark sky, the supposedly endless night finally ends. We both look at the sun, remembering those days. Those precious memories we sealed like they were dreams. A faraway memory, like a fairy tail about other people. Like they're not our memories. We both knew that it would be like this. But it doesn't make it less painful.

You take a step backwards. Slowly walking back, back to your own world. Please go. Leave. Don't turn around. Don't look at me. No, please, stop. Stay. No. Don't turn around.

You turn around. I wish you didn't. The sad smile you show breaks my heart again. Like you're telling me everything will be okay. Please. Don't look at me like that. You shouldn't. Don't tell me everything will be alright when I can see the tears in your eyes. Don't try to comfort me when you are also hurting.
I'm strong enough to take care of myself. I really am. So don't look at me like that...

But you know. You understand me better than I do. So you only look at me with those familiar eyes, -stop, please, don't...- as a lonely tear rolls down your cheek. And I just stand there, wanting to comfort you but I can't. I can't. I won't. You know why. Why? I don't know. I do. But it hurts too much to admit.

You always understood me better than I did myself. How do you do that? Not that it matters anymore, it's already too late. And you know it. So without answering my countless silent questions you only look at me, smiling a final smile, the hurt showing in your eyes as I whisper you goodbye. We both knew it wouldn't be a fairy tale. We knew. But we couldn't help ourselves. We ignored the warnings and went through with it while knowing better. We couldn't, we didn't want to give up. So naturally, we have to pay the price.

Yet you took everything upon yourself. Letting me off like that. Selfless bastard.
I wish you didn't. But it's too late for regret now. It's always been too late to change.

"I'm so sorry... but I -xx- you..."

"I'm so sorry, my words are all lies... but I needed you"

I'm so sorry, for realizing everything too late"

"I'm so sorry,

But I loved you."


A/N: I hope you liked it, it's a little confusing I admit but if you have any questions feel free to sent a message.