Chapter 6

"That is when the first cracks appeared, I think. If what Ari had said was true, and usually what is said to someone you are about to kill is, then what did that make me? We had the same training, the same beliefs and the same father. We were both groomed to be assassins, he excelled past my own skills, and was considered a 'mole in Hamas'. That could have easily been me. Now that he was dead, I would be considered the top assassin and expected to replace him. Would I, too, slowly become a monster?"

"No. I refuse to believe you have such anger and hate in you," Catherine said.

"But you cannot be sure of that. I felt as responsible for the death of Kate Todd as Ari truly was. Everyone saw me as a substitute for Ari. I looked into her life, her history. She was a beautiful young woman, someone I would have liked to know. I heard stories about her and found myself becoming infatuated with her. The idea of her. She became my 'what if', you understand? What if we had met before all this transpired? Could I have prevented her death? Would she have befriended me? Loved me? It is crazy to even wonder such impossible things, but yet there they were, in my head. " Tears began to fall slowly down Ziva's cheeks.

Catherine quickly moved over to her and placed her arm around her. "Oh, honey. It's not unusual to wonder what things could have been like. We all do it. You felt you knew her simply because you had immersed yourself into her life. But you were not responsible for her death, or for any other action your brother committed."

Ziva shook her head, sadly. "I wish I could believe that, Catherine. Perhaps if at the time, there was someone I could have shared this with..."

"Well, you have me now." Catherine rubbed up and down Ziva's back slowly, trying to soothe the younger woman. "You spend too much time alone, Ziva. You should have let someone in years ago. I understand why you didn't, but wasn't there anyone in D.C. you could have confided in? Someone on the NCIS team?"

Ziva laughed bitterly. "Someone on the team? No, they all blamed me as much as I blamed myself. I thought perhaps Abbey, she is the forensic scientist, perhaps she and I could have a connection. But it became obvious to me that the relationship between her and Agent Todd was not like the others had. She made no secret about her dislike of me. I knew that every time she looked at me...every time, she saw Ari. She saw Kate, dead. I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. I saw it every time I looked in the mirror; Ari and the monster just beneath my skin."

As tears streamed down Ziva's cheeks, she placed her hands over her face.

Catherine pulled her into her arms. "Shhh, baby, don't cry." Catherine held her tightly and began to slowly rock her back and forth like she would a child.

At first, Ziva resisted the contact, then crumbled. She didn't know how she was supposed to react; no one had ever dared touch her or try to hold her without her permission. But it felt strangely good; comforting. She wrapped her arms around Catherine, in a desperate manner, burying her face into her chest, sobbing.

Catherine expected Ziva to pull away. She was surprised by her sudden reaction and vulnerability. "I have you, darling. Go ahead and cry, get it out. Get as much out as you can, I can take it." Catherine gently stroked Ziva's back and her hair, murmuring useless words of comfort. "No more tonight, ok? You don't have to tell me anymore right now. Okay, sweetie?"

Ziva nodded her head into Catherine, refusing to raise her head. She simply tightened her grip and cried.

Catherine continued to stroke her hair. Holding her tight, she placed small, tender kisses on her head, whispering to her between each one. The two woman stayed like that for over thirty minutes, neither wanting or willing to break that contact.

Ziva slowly began to compose herself, but kept her face pressed against Catherine. She raised her head slightly, and snuggled her face into Catherine's neck. Catherine assumed that Ziva was just adjusting, needing air after pressing her face so tightly against her chest. She gasped and jumped when she felt Ziva's soft lips against her throat. One light, airy touch, more of a whisper than anything else. Then another, a little firmer. Soon the kisses were no longer a whisper, nor ghostly, but real. "Catherine..." Ziva groaned deeply into Catherine's neck.

Catherine pulled back, slightly, and looked down, "Ziva...you don't have to..."

Ziva lifted her head and captured Catherine's tempting lips with her own. The unexpected sensation caused Catherine's body to arch and her to moan. Quickly the kiss deepened and became passionate as Catherine grasped Ziva's face, crushing her lips against the Israeli woman's with a desperate need. She was amazed at the feelings that this woman awakened in her; feelings she thought she had put away years ago. Not since Sara had left her had she desired anyone as much as she wanted Ziva.

Ziva pushed her backwards onto the couch, climbing on top of her as she went down. Catherine moaned as she felt a strong, firm thigh shoved between hers. Unconsciously she began to grab and pull at Ziva's body, needing to touch any part of her she could. Her mind floated away as her body took control. Ziva had begun to move her body, pressing her thigh harder against Catherine's sensitive center, causing her to throw her leg over Ziva's hips, pressing her in place.

As Ziva started to kiss her along her jaw and down her throat, Catherine's mind slammed back into her brain, sending out a panicky signal of "Stop!" Her eyes flew open, as if it was spoken aloud.

"I don't want to stop!" She screamed inside.

"You need to stop this!" her mind screamed back. "Think, damn it!"

The one thing Catherine didn't want to do, wasn't even sure she could do, was think. Gathering all her strength, she pulled Ziva's head up, forcing her to look into her eyes. "Ziva...Ziva. Wait."

Ziva didn't register the words right away; she simply smiled at Catherine and started to lower her head again. Catherine's firm grasp stopped her. Ziva looked at her, confusion flashing on her face.

"Wait? For what should I wait?"

Catherine moved her leg, releasing her hold on Ziva, and pushed forward so she could sit up. "Just...just wait, baby. I can't let you do this...not like this," Catherine panted.

"I do not understand. Let me do this? What do you mean, not like this?"

Catherine took a deep breath, trying to clear the lust from her brain. "Ziva, you wanted my help. This is not helping you."

Laughing, Ziva said, "But it will help tremendously."

"I'm serious, Ziva! This is not about me. Just give me a minute, okay?" Catherine took a deep breath, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. "I want to show you something. Will you let me do that?"

"Now? You must show me something now?"

Catherine nodded and stood up from the couch. "Yes, now." She reached her hand out to Ziva. "Do you think you can you try to trust me? If you think you can, then come with me."

Ziva stared at her for a moment, hesitating. Catherine's request was bigger than the redhead may realize. Coming to a decision, she took Catherine's hand and stood.

Catherine led her upstairs and into the master bathroom. She motioned for her to sit as she closed the door. She moved over to the bath, and turned on the water, letting it get to the right temperature before adding scented oils. She could feel Ziva's eyes on her and knew she wanted to ask what the hell was going on. To her credit, she held her tongue.

Catherine turned back to Ziva and knelt in front of her, taking both her hands into her own.

"Sweetie, I know how hard it is for you to give up control of any situation. But I'm asking you to give it up, just for a little while. You have been through hell. Not just these past few weeks, but for years. And if I'm understanding correctly, and I'm pretty sure I am, you don't allow anyone close enough to offer you simple kindness. Let me take care of you, just for tonight. Let me show you the value of comfort. "

"Catherine, this is not necessary. I do not need to be taken care of. Let me take you into the bedroom and make love to you," Ziva said, running her fingers down Catherine's cheek.

Catherine looked at her tenderly for a moment, "You mean offer me a biological release for my tension, don't you? Hell, I could offer you that same release a hundred times over. What I'm offering you, is comfort. You don't believe in it, I know, it's just a silly emotion. But it is real, and it's right here, if you're willing to take the chance."

The room filled with steam and the aroma of vanilla and jasmine, scents believed to have a calming effect and boost a sense of well-being. Catherine stood, pulling Ziva to her feet with her. She looked into her eyes and asked, "Are you?"

Ziva stared into beautiful blue eyes, searching for any sign of deceit or betrayal. Seeing nothing but what could only be described as love in Catherine's eyes, she nodded.

Catherine slowly began to unbutton Ziva's shirt, pushing it off her shoulders and placing it aside. She gently reached behind her and unhooked her bra, pausing for just a moment to appreciate the beauty of the skin that was being revealed. She undid the button on Ziva's pants, and together with her panties, pushed them over her hips. Ziva was already barefoot, so that was one obstacle she didn't need to concern herself with. Once she had Ziva naked, she led her over to the steaming bath and encouraged her to get in. Catherine continued to hold Ziva's hand as she slowly lowered herself into the hot water.

Once Ziva was settled, Catherine lowered the lights and spoke to her. "Just relax, baby. Breathe in the lovely scents and enjoy the heat on your body. I'll be back in just a moment."

Five minutes later, Catherine reentered the bathroom, wearing just a cream colored silk robe. She knelt down beside the tub, leaned over and gently kissed Ziva. "How does it feel, baby?"

"Mmmm..." Ziva sighed, reaching up to her. "Join me, Catherine." she whispered in a husky voice.

Catherine smiled and shook her head, "No, my love. This is all for you, so enjoy."

Reaching over Ziva's body, she picked up a soft cloth, wetting it from the tub. She poured liquid soap, in the same fragrance as the bath water, onto the cloth. Slowly and with great care, she began to wash Ziva's shoulders and down her arms. Leaning the brunette forward, she ran the soapy cloth over her back. One by one, she washed each shapely leg, beginning at the ankles and moving with agonizing slowness up to her thighs. Ziva tried, and failed, to hold in a low moan, making Catherine grin. After she had spent a considerable amount of time on her legs, Catherine moved the cloth up to wash Ziva's belly and then chest, spending equal amounts of time as she washed each breast, lovingly.

Ziva moaned again, feeling the heat of desire beginning to burn in her lower belly and quickly moving south. Her hips raised up by their own accord, seeking more contact. Her nipples hardened and rose from her breasts in obvious arousal. None of these signs were lost on Catherine, and she smiled with every reaction from the brunette's body.

The water had begun to cool slightly, so she finished rinsing off Ziva's body and beckoned her to stand. She took a large, fluffy towel from the rack and held it for Ziva, hesitating a moment to enjoy the view of water sluicing off of tan, toned skin.

Ziva stepped out of the tub and Catherine wrapped the warm towel around her. Once she was enclosed in the soft material, Catherine held her close to her, whispering in her ear, "Do you have any idea just how beautiful you are?" Such compliments were common to Ziva, but for some reason, she was pleased by it coming from Catherine, and lowered her head, blushing.

Catherine led her from the bathroom and into the bedroom. When she opened the door, Ziva was amazed to see dozens of candles burning around the room, the lights turned very low. In the background, soft music played. Ziva was strangely touched by the care and trouble that had gone into setting the right mood.

Moving Ziva to the bed, she told her to lay on her stomach. Once she was in position, she felt warm, slippery liquid being poured onto her back. She sighed deeply as she realized Catherine was massaging jasmine scented oil into her skin. As her strong hands worked the oil into Ziva's skin, Catherine hummed along with the music. The feeling was so good that Ziva had actually started to doze. She felt relaxed and calm for the first time in almost a month. When she was just moments from sleep, Catherine leaned in close and again whispered into her ear.

"Turn over for me, baby."

Groaning in disappointment at the loss of contact on her skin, Ziva rolled onto her back, eyes still closed. She moaned as she felt Catherine's hands begin to apply oil to her legs, working her way slowly and torturously up her body.

Once Catherine had fully rubbed in oil on Ziva's entire body, she straddled Ziva's hips. Ziva opened her eyes and looked up at her. The sensuous massage had done its job, and Ziva was aroused to a degree she had never experienced before. Seeing the beautiful older woman astride her was almost more than she could take. Catherine leaned forward slowly, blue eyes holding onto chocolate brown ones. She softly kissed Ziva, lightly brushing her tongue over her lips. Ziva shuddered at the touch and whimpered her need. She reached up, intending to pull the sash that held Catherine's robe closed. Catherine held her hands, pressing them tightly to her stomach, and shook her head. "Not yet."

Ziva whimpered again, "Catherine...please. I want to touch you, to feel your skin."

Catherine sat back up and began to run her hands from Ziva's shoulders to her belly, long sensuous strokes that inflamed the brunette even more. After a few strokes up and down her torso, Catherine straightened and while looking directly into Ziva's eyes, reached for the sash on her robe. With agonizing slowness, she pulled the material, loosening the knot a millimeter at a time, until the silky robe fell open, exposing her body to Ziva's eyes.

Ziva gasped at the erotic manner in which Catherine moved, and involuntarily bucked her hips against her. Catherine lifted her shoulders and hollowed her back, allowing the robe to slide silently from her body.

She discarded the robe, and rolled forward slowly up, then stretched herself fully until she was lying prone atop Ziva. Ziva made a mewling sound and brought her arms up to embrace her.

Catherine felt the muscles in Ziva's body tense as she prepared to roll over and capture the redhead under her. Using her knee, she parted Ziva's legs and quickly inserted two fingers into the younger woman's center. The sudden, unexpected invasion caused Ziva to cry out and grab Catherine tighter.

"Oh God, Catherine!" Ziva wailed.

Catherine kissed Ziva passionately while she slowly twisted her fingers inside of the brunette. When Ziva gasped at the feeling, Catherine thrust her tongue into Ziva's mouth. She began to move her fingers slowly in and out, mimicking the motions with her tongue. The slow motions were torture and Ziva was unable to keep her body still. She began to erratically thrust her hips, trying to simultaneously push Catherine farther in and speed her movements up.

Catherine broke the kiss and moved to Ziva's throat. She kissed her way down the long tan neck until she reached the wildly pulsating vein; latching onto that spot, she first lightly bit, then vigorously sucked.

Ziva's body arched into the feeling as she loudly called out Catherine's name. She began to wildly thrust and push against the redhead's fingers and hand. Catherine picked up her rhythm to match Ziva's movements, plunging her fingers in and out as Ziva cried out in Hebrew. Even though she had no idea what Ziva was saying, she completely understood her. She felt Ziva's inner muscles begin to tighten around her fingers.

She pressed her thumb against Ziva's clit, allowing the motion of her thrusts to create the friction the younger woman craved.

Ziva clutched Catherine's back, frantically scratching and groping for purchase. She bucked wildly under her lover and her hips rose off the bed.

"Catherine!" she shouted as the first wave took her. She lost all sense of where she was as her body began to climax.

Catherine didn't let up on her movements, and as the first orgasm rolled over Ziva, the second was right behind it. Catherine captured Ziva's mouth in a searing kiss, thrusting unrelentingly hard and fast into her body.

Ziva wasn't sure if she could take any more of this stimulation as she lashed about, out of control.

Catherine released her lips, and slowed her movements just enough to twist her fingers within Ziva. Just as Ziva released the breath she was unconsciously holding, her body preparing to come down from the last orgasm, Catherine thrust into her hard while flicking her thumb quickly across her swollen clit.

Ziva's eyes widened, then rolled back into her head. Her body bowed to an almost impossible degree as the third and most powerful orgasm hit her. Every muscle in her body went rigid. The veins in her throat and forehead bulged out with the effort. Her screams were deafening as she roared Catherine's name. Finally, her body no longer able to maintain its stiff posture, she collapsed back onto the mattress, heaving and sweating, uncontrolled tears running down her face.

Catherine had somehow managed to hold on during Ziva's violent climax, and after slowly removing her fingers and then her hand, she stretched once again prone on top of the gasping brunette.

She lay there, covering Ziva's body with her own, feeling the younger woman's rapidly beating heart against her own breasts. When she saw the tears, she slowly and gently licked them away, causing Ziva to shiver.

Catherine rolled off, pulling Ziva into her arms as she did so. She held the shaking, crying woman tightly and whispered to her softly.

"Can a monster feel that way, Ziva? That, my darling, is comfort. Can't you feel it running through your blood. That warm feeling that over whelms you? "

Ziva nodded, unable to speak or control the emotions that were running rampant through her.

Catherine kissed her softly, "Do you know what that is, baby? Those tears? It's all the fear and loneliness you stored inside of you for so many years, believing that you were unlovable."

Ziva finally turned her head and gazed into Catherine's eyes. All the pain and vulnerability were laid raw.

Catherine smiled at her, and kissed her again. "Ah, there is the real Ziva. Oh, she's so beautiful."

Reaching out to stroke her tan skin, Catherine softly said, " I love you, Ziva. Here, with me, you don't have to be the strong warrior. You can be yourself. You can allow yourself to feel."

Ziva kissed her with a desperate passion and looked into her eyes with something akin to awe. "Why do you show me such kindness, Catherine? I do not deserve that from you, after all I've done."

Catherine just smiled, "Because I'm your friend. And because I love you for who you are. Close your eyes, my love, and sleep. I'll be right here if you need me. I promise."

Ziva allowed her eyes to draw closed as she smiled at her lover.

Catherine awoke the next morning and was surprised to find the young Israeli still lying in her arms. She tightened her arm around her shoulders, and Ziva made a contented sigh, snuggling closer and burying her face into Catherine's neck.

Catherine really didn't want to wake her, knowing that sleep was a luxury that Ziva hadn't enjoyed in some time. She was content to just lie there a little longer and hold her. She placed a light kiss on the top of Ziva's head, and prepared to go back to sleep.

"Mmmm," Ziva sighed, kissing Catherine's neck. "Good morning, Catherine."

"Well, good morning to you too!" Catherine replied with a smile. "I thought you were still asleep"

Ziva lifted up on her elbow and kissed Catherine. "No, just enjoying the aftermath of my comfort lesson. I have nowhere to be, so why get up early if I can lie here in the arms of a beautiful woman?"

Catherine laughed, "Never let it be said you don't excel in charm."

Ziva laughed and after stealing another quick kiss, jumped out of the bed. "Need a shower, then food." As she reached the door of the bedroom, she turned back to Catherine, smiling at the look the redhead was giving her. "May I take you out to breakfast, Catherine? Or must you work today?"

Catherine was engrossed with watching the slim naked body as it moved from the bed to the door. She couldn't help but appreciate the effect that sexy, young body had on her.

"No work today. I could think of something much better to eat than breakfast," Catherine teased, practically leering at the brunette.

"Oh, I just bet you can!" Ziva laughed. "But right now, I wish for eggs, corn beef smash, pancakes and lots of coffee! So get your lazy butt out of that bed!"

"Oh, aren't we the feisty one this morning? You really don't think I'm gonna take that lying down, do you?" laughed Catherine, as she hopped out of the bed and chased Ziva to the bathroom.

"Oh and it's hash!"

"Whatever!" Ziva squealed as she raced down the hall.